Fortunate Journey Season 3
by ShaViva
Summary: A new enemy emerges in the Pegasus galaxy, bringing new challenges and new discoveries for Sabina and John as they both learn that the greatest battles are those that take place inside. Follows Season 3 from OC perspective. Established ShepOC relationship
1. This is Lucius Luvin

**Fortunate Journey Season 3**

Author: ShaViva

Rating: T

Content Warning: Adult themes, minor language, some violence here and there, a couple of instances that might be considered graphic.

Season: 3

Summary: A new enemy emerges in the Pegasus galaxy, bringing new challenges and new discoveries for Sabina and John as they both learn that the greatest battles are those that take place inside. OC 1st person perspective story, established ShepOC relationship.

Classifications: drama, Romance

Pairings: John Sheppard & Original Character

Spoilers for: Pretty much every episode in Season 3 is mentioned in some way. BIG huge honking spoilers (i.e. more than just a few lines of dialogue included) for Irresistible, Progeny, The Real World, Common Ground, The Return Pt1 & Pt2, Tao of Rodney, Submersion, and First Strike. Also HUGE spoilers for the beginning of Season 4 – Adrift and Lifeboat. Finally minor spoilers for SG1 Season 10 – The Pegasus Project.

Acknowledgements: I used Gateworld dot com transcripts to back up my own viewing as I worked through each episode. Anything else I reference will be acknowledged at the point it's used in the story.

Disclaimer: The Stargate characters, storylines, etc aren't mine – I took them for a test drive and decided I liked them so much that now we're moving in together. I am unfortunately not associated in any way with the creators, owners, or producers of Stargate or any of its media franchises. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, equipment, etc are the property of whoever owns them. The original characters and plot and anything else I made up are the property of me, the author. No copyright infringement is intended.

Copyright (c) 2008 ShaViva

**Authors note: Reviews and 'Mary Sues' **

I got a review at the end of Season 2 that suggested Sabina was a bit of a Mary Sue – to be honest I had no idea what that meant so I had to look it up! Wikipedia had a really good explanation plus a few sites an author can use to test to see if their original character is a Mary Sue. I did three tests and on one of them Sabina was borderline mainly because of the established relationship with Shep and because of the ATA and Wraith gene thing. Since I set the story up that way from day one I'm not gonna change it or switch her whole character just to make her less a Mary Sue. If you think she _is_ a Mary Sue that's okay – I'm not allowed to defend her or try to change your mind because apparently that will only make her more a Mary Sue! (Check out the tests yourself to see what I mean). I appreciated the comment because I want to improve my writing as I go along - the main change I made as a result of my research into Mary Sues was to make sure I didn't make things too easy for Sabina – so not _that_ much different from last time ; )

I like reviews – the ones that say you like the story, the ones with ideas or comments about what people might do next, AND the ones that say how I might improve. So if you have something to say that fits into any of these please leave me a review. I've been lucky having a loyal few reviewing as the stories have progressed and I really appreciate that and I think/hope it _has_ improved my writing.

Last general note on this season 3 story ... to be honest I don't think it's as good as the first two seasons. There are bits I think turned out well but the glue that binds it all together – the overarching stuff – is still causing me to cringe/frown/wonder/worry. It's very hard to do something plausible that's different from season 1 and 2 and extremely hard to develop (rather than just maintain) the Sab/Shep relationship without degenerating into fluff. I like fluff myself (no surprise there!) BUT since I've been trying to keep things as in character as I can the fluff starts to sit less and less comfortably as it gets further and further away from anything remotely like what we've seen in the show. I'm not gonna apologise for the fluff or any out of character moments as I post each chapter – consider this your warning – it's not a big part of the story but it is there ...

Okay – enough blah blah from me – on with the story.

**Chapter 1: **_**This**_** is Lucius Luvin**

"I feel like crap," I complained, watching from our bed as John got ready for his scouting mission. It had been a couple of days since we'd returned from our trip off world to celebrate John's birthday. Our little _adventure_ had resulted in John getting a terrible cold ... which he'd obligingly passed on to me of course.

"Just stay in bed today," John came over and sat down beside me, stroking my hair back from my face.

"Are you sure you should be going on a mission?" I croaked.

"I'm fine," John's claim lacked conviction when he followed up those words by coughing harshly.

"You _sound_ fine too," I said sarcastically. "Just promise me you'll take it easy ... no jumping into icy rivers or anything stupid like that."

"I promise," John said somewhat hoarsely. He leant down to kiss me goodbye before grabbing his jacket and heading out the door.

I felt terrible enough that I _did_ spend the rest of that day dosing in bed. John came back briefly and checked in with me before heading out again. Rodney was really pushing for their team to find a heap of abandoned space gates as quickly as possible so that he and Colonel Carter back at the SGC could complete their intergalactic gate bridge.

"Sabina?" I came to awareness when John put a hand on my shoulder and shook me gently.

"Hey, you're back!" I turned over and looked up at him sleepily. "Did you find any gates?"

"One," John replied. "Rodney was disappointed but until the Daedalus is fixed we can't do anything with any gates we find anyway."

"How's the cold?" I sat up and rubbed my eyes tiredly, trying to wake myself up a bit.

"It's not worse," John glossed over how bad I could tell he was feeling. "You?"

"I think I feel just a little bit better than this morning," I said in surprise. "Have you had dinner?"

"No," John admitted. While I got myself up and somewhat presentable John told me about the first planet they'd scouted that day, and how he'd met a guy called Lucius Luvin. "You should have seen Teyla's face when Lucius told her he loved a woman with spirit and a great body," John said with an evil grin.

"I can imagine," I replied. "Do you think he's really got anything Doctor Beckett will find useful?"

"Probably not," John shrugged. "Although Carson hasn't returned yet which is a little ... odd."

John and I had a casual dinner in the commissary before John was called away to talk to Doctor Weir. When he returned to our quarters an hour or so later I could tell that something wasn't right.

"What is it?" I asked in concern.

"Carson brought that ... _guy_ back to Atlantis," John said in irritation.

"That guy?" I raised an eyebrow.

"_Lucius_!" John grumbled. "Carson brought him through the gate without getting approval from Elizabeth first."

"That _is_ odd," I agreed. "What did Doctor Weir say?"

"She's giving him the benefit of the doubt at this stage," John replied. He glanced at me for a moment before continuing. "Look, it's probably nothing but ... while I'm gone tomorrow just stay well clear of Lucius, okay?"

"I can do that," I agreed.

"

John left early the next morning for another scouting mission, this time just with Rodney. Teyla and Ronon had been left behind to keep an eye on Lucius. I stuck to my agreement with John, spending the morning in my lab working with the latest Ancient artefact on Rodney's priority list.

"Doctor Weir wants to see us," I looked up to see Major Lorne standing in my doorway.

"What about?" I asked curiously, shutting my laptop and jumping up to follow the Major out the door.

"Don't know," Lorne admitted. "All I know is Weir's been meeting with the off world teams all morning."

We walked silently the rest of the way to Doctor Weir's office. When we got close enough I could see that she wasn't alone – a tall, chubby man wearing medieval garb that I could only assume was Lucius was sitting on the edge of her desk. Elizabeth was smiling up at him fondly as he talked animatedly, waving his hands around and grinning at her in return.

"Doctor Weir?" Lorne stopped just inside the doorway.

"Come in Major, Sabina," Doctor Weir greeted us more exuberantly that was her usual practice. "There's someone I'd like you to meet. _This_ is Lucius Luvin," she gestured towards him and said his name like we should be very impressed. "Lucius, this is Major Evan Lorne and Ms Sabina Scott."

"Major, it's a pleasure," Lucius approached Lorne first, invading his personal space as he reached out a hand to shake in greeting.

Before Lorne could even think up a reply, Lucius turned to me and eyed me with a distinctly lascivious look that made me very uncomfortable. I glanced at Doctor Weir, expecting some kind of protest from her but instead was shocked to find her looking on approvingly.

"Sabina," Lucius turned my name into a verbal caress, holding out his hand expectantly. When I just looked at him without expression he shrugged and smiled. "Give it time," he said, "you'll grow to like me ... everybody does."

"Elizabeth tells me you pilot one of those flying ships just like Colonel Sheppard," Lucius turned his attention back to Lorne.

"That's right," Lorne agreed, casting a frown Doctor Weir's way. I too was puzzled about why Doctor Weir would have shared such critical information with someone she'd only just met. The whole situation was beginning to freak me out, and as the conversation between Lorne and Lucius continued my feeling that something was definitely wrong only got worse. I'd expected Evan to just blow this guy off as an annoying nuisance but instead it was clear he was beginning to fall under Lucius's spell. After only five minutes of conversation the Major was wearing the same infatuated and indulgent look that Doctor Weir had been sporting since we'd first arrived at her office.

Lucius turned his attention back to me and I realised I was his next target. I had no idea what was going on but somehow this man was winning over everyone he talked to. The one thing I was sure of was that I didn't want to be the next member of his fan club.

"I'd like to stay and chat," I prevaricated, edging closer to the door, "but I left a critical experiment running in my lab that I need to get back to."

"I'm sure it can wait," Doctor Weir said, casting a glance at the two Marines stationed by the door. They stepped in to fill the only opening I'd had for escape. My heart raced with nervousness as Lucius slowly approached me.

"You know," Lucius smiled in a manner he probably thought was seductive rather than faintly repulsive. "You're tall for a woman. I find that very ... arousing."

"I just bet you do," I replied sarcastically. My brain was churning over at a rapid rate as I tried to work out what the hell was going on and what I should do about it.

"Lucius has _six_ wives," Doctor Weir shared that piece of disturbing news like the guy should get some kind of award.

"Aren't you a busy boy," I quipped, glancing from Doctor Weir back to Major Lorne and realising that no help was going to be coming from either quarter.

"You're funny," Lucius said almost childishly. "That's great!" He turned to Major Lorne and asked "Isn't that great?"

"It sure is," Lorne replied happily. I almost shuddered at the disturbing sight of my team leader behaving in such a ... sickeningly agreeable manner.

"You know," Lucius drew my attention back to him. He'd gotten up into my personal space and reached out to grab one of my hands. I let him get away with that familiarity as I waited to see what he'd say. "I'm always on the lookout for wife number seven."

Before I could reply a sneeze overtook me and I turned away, holding up a hand in mock apology.

"Did you catch Colonel Sheppard's cold?" Lorne asked in concern. Lucius turned to look at me suspiciously, paying too much attention to something that should have just been a throwaway comment.

"No," I replied, thinking quickly. Lucius didn't know me and so would hopefully assume that my croaky voice was normal for me – if I could come up with a way to explain the rest of my symptoms. "I'm allergic to ... dust ... that artefact Rodney gave me was really ... dusty," I lied somewhat lamely.

"That's too bad," Lucius said with concern. "You know I have a potion that could clear that right up for you."

Lucius looked at me expectantly and I realised that given how long he'd been talking to me he was expecting me to begin behaving in a similarly enamoured fashion as everyone else in the room. I didn't really understand why I hadn't been overcome but I wasn't about to start complaining. Realising that the only way I was getting out of that room was to convince them that I had been won over I decided in that instant that I should just play along until I could work out what to do.

"You're so clever," I smiled up at Lucius with an adoring expression. "Tell me more."

"

Later that night I made my way to the commissary along with everyone else Lucius had 'influenced'. We gathered around him as though in worship – present was a large number of Atlantis personal, including everyone who should have been on duty at that time. Sitting practically at his feet were Doctor Weir, Teyla and Ronon. I stood to one side, standing behind Teyla's chair. Everyone was listening enthralled as Lucius told a story involving swords and a beast. I watched with what I hoped was a convincing smile as everyone laughed when Lucius completed his punch line, making a lewd remark about not lacking for 'female companionship'.

The relief I felt when I finally caught sight of John and Rodney just returned from their scouting mission was enormous. Not wanting to give myself away I watched as they looked into the room with expressions of confusion and disbelief. When John made eye contact with me I forced myself to give an airy wave before turning back avidly to gaze fondly at Lucius. Out of the corner of my eye I saw John and Rodney exchange a worried glance before they turned and walked rapidly away.

I hung around in the commissary listening to story after sickening story about Lucius' exploits before I finally judged it safe to plead work commitments and leave the room. I had been hoping to meet up with John so we could work out what to do but it seemed that Lucius still had some suspicion about me. Two Marines detached from the group at a glance from Lucius and followed me out the door. Tamping down the frustration I felt I realised that the only place I could go was back to my lab. At that point I could only assume that Lucius was unaware of my relationship with John – a view that would change if I gave my Marine escort a reason to report that I'd gone back to our shared quarters. Hopefully they'd report that I was working and Lucius would think nothing more of it.

In the end I curled up on the couch in my lab, hoping that John would understand my subterfuge once the whole thing had been sorted out.

**Authors Note:**

For anyone wondering ... no you didn't miss the story of John's birthday trip ... I have a plan in mind but I haven't written it yet as it didn't fit to be the beginning of the Season 3 story ... I might do something with that idea when this is done.


	2. You had me convinced

**Chapter 2: You had me convinced**

The next morning I found myself once again amidst a worshipful horde of Atlantis personal, all gathered to share breakfast with the great Lucius. Major Lorne practically insisted I sit with him and I tiredly forced myself to keep playing my part. My cold hadn't gotten any better overnight, especially after sleeping in a chilly lab. My nose was blocked and my throat scratchy and I was finding it harder than yesterday to keep up the charade of devotion towards Lucius. I groaned internally when I spotted John striding somewhat angrily over to my table.

"Sabina," John greeted me pointedly. "Where the _hell_ were you last night?"

Glancing quickly in Lucius' direction I was dismayed to see him paying John a great deal of attention. "I ah ..." I tried to think up something suitably adoring, "I was down in the lab planning ... ah planning my ... _wedding_ to Lucius," I said happily. "Did you know he said I had a good chance of being his _seventh_ wife?" I asked, trying to convey I thought that to be a huge honour.

John looked at me with dawning horror, swallowing hard when I just continued to smile up at him vapidly. I tried with my eyes to send him some kind of signal that things were not as they seemed but he didn't appear to be picking it up.

"_Did you forget that you live with_ –" John began angrily.

"Lucius has a number of valuable potions," I interrupted hurriedly. "_And_ he's explored many of the worlds in this galaxy. You should talk to him about what he knows."

"I'm certainly going to talk to him about something," John muttered, frowning at me in frustration. Before he could say any more Lucius finished his breakfast, prompting all of his followers to declare that they too were finished. I jumped up with the masses and hurried to Lucius's side, completely ignoring John's continued presence. I didn't glance at him on the way out because I didn't want to see the hurt and angry look I was sure would be in his eyes.

My act seemed to finally convince Lucius though ... he gazed adoringly at me and declared that if I played my cards right I _would_ be his seventh wife. When I laughed giddily in glee he smiled benevolently at me before being drawn away by Doctor Beckett and Doctor Zelenka. This time I was able to head down the corridor without the inconvenience of a Marine escort. I went through the motions of going back to work just in case Lucius still had someone watching me. After an hour or so I decided it would be safe to make contact with John and Rodney. Hopefully they'd have some kind of plan for what to do about the situation we were now in.

As I approached Rodney's lab I overheard a part of their conversation.

"I can't believe he even got to Sabina," John complained to Rodney somewhat bitterly.

"And well you shouldn't," I said from the doorway as I walked in hurriedly. I glanced behind me to make sure no one was following me before approaching John and throwing my arms around him.

"_I'm sorry_," I said, pressing my face into his shirt. "Everyone was behaving very strangely – I had no choice but to play along."

John hesitated for a few moments before giving in and hugging me back. "You had me convinced," he admitted reluctantly.

"I'm sorry," I apologised again. "Doctor Weir called Major Lorne and I into her office ... Lucius got all up close and personal with the Major and after five minutes Evan started acting ... weird. Lucius tried to do the same with me but I didn't feel any different. There was no way I was getting out of there without convincing them I was similarly affected though."

"We think it has something to do with this," Rodney held up an empty vial. "Security footage from his room showed him drinking from it."

"What's the plan?" I asked, looking hopefully from Rodney back to John.

"I'm trying to break down the contents of whatever was in the liquid," Rodney said. "If we can prove it does have something to do with this maybe we can devise some kind of antidote."

"I'm heading up to the Gate room to try and talk some sense into Elizabeth," John added.

"What about me?" I looked pleadingly at John, suspecting he was going to ask me to keep playing along.

"Can you ...?" John trailed off when he saw my pained expression.

"_John_," I complained plaintively. "I know you said I had you convinced but I don't think I can keep this up for another day. Lucius was practically groping me this morning not to mention the fact that he continually talks about his sexual encounters with his _six_ wives. I don't even want to think about what that pervert's been doing with Teyla and Elizabeth. The whole thing is making me sick!"

"Look, just try to avoid him as much as possible," John urged. "Hopefully it won't be for much longer."

"Fine," I said ungraciously. "But if he gropes me I'm not going to be held responsible for my actions."

"Understood," John replied, hugging me again before reluctantly letting me go.

"Just be careful," I told John as he headed for the door. "He's got all the major players eating out of his hand ... I think it would be dangerous to antagonise him openly."

"I'll be careful," John promised before heading off down the corridor.

I turned back to Rodney and asked "can I help?"

Rodney looked tempted to accept but we both knew it'd draw attention if we openly worked together on something. Reluctantly I made my way down to my lab, hoping that Lucius would be too busy to come looking for me.

"

I met up with John and Rodney again a few hours later in Rodney's lab. John was visibly irritated and frustrated after his conversation with Doctor Weir and the others.

"Elizabeth wants to send a team to check out a Gate at a suspected Wraith outpost," John said heatedly.

"What, is she nuts?" Rodney protested.

"_Everybody's_ nuts, Rodney," John reminded him grimly. "Haven't you noticed?"

"Right," Rodney muttered, turning back to his analysis.

"You need to figure out why without drawing too much attention," John urged.

"I am working on it, but there's not enough of the liquid to work with," Rodney complained. "I need more."

"I'll go back to Lucius' village," John decided. "I'm sure he keeps a stash there. I'll just grab some."

"What, you're leaving us here _alone_?" Rodney asked, horrified.

"Can I come with you?" I asked at the same time.

"You said you need the liquid," John told Rodney, ignoring for the moment my question.

"Yeah, but the place is turning into a nuthouse!" Rodney pointed out in his whiney complaining voice.

"Can I come with you?" I asked again.

"I'd really like to say yes," John replied, putting a hand on my shoulder, "but Lucius will know immediately if you volunteer to willingly leave his side. He'll apprehend us the second we step back through the gate."

"You're right," I reluctantly agreed, resting my head dejectedly on my hand.

"Just keep away from the nuts," John instructed both of us. "And Rodney - you've gotta disable the DHD as soon as I'm gone to prevent anybody from dialling out, OK?"

Rodney sighed in resignation as John left the lab, coughing audibly from half way down the corridor.

"What are _you_ gonna do to avoid the nuts?" Rodney asked miserably.

"I'm not," I told him. "If I hang around right in their midst then hopefully I won't draw any notice."

"I wish I could do that," Rodney muttered enviously.

"

Things went wrong only minutes after John departed when Rodney was cornered by Ronon and Lucius. I thought frantically for something I could do to help him but nothing came to mind and a few minutes later Rodney became Lucius' newest fan.

All my hopes now rested on John and whatever plan he could come up with. He returned from Lucius' home planet and I could tell from my position within the adoring horde that John was less than impressed to find that Rodney had succumbed in his absence. Lucius held court in the commissary while everyone waited to see the outcome of Teyla, Ronon and Carson's impromptu mission through the Stargate to the reportedly Wraith infested planet, a fact that had John grinding his teeth in suppressed anger.

I took the opportunity to retire back to my lab for a break from all that vapid smiling – I was actually convinced that my facial muscles had been strained by my efforts to make sure Lucius didn't suspect me. A short time later when the Stargate activation alarm sounded I hurried to the Control Room and positioned myself looking down on the Gateroom. John was already involved in a tense conversation by the time I got close enough to hear what was going on.

"You sent them to get an herb?" John was asking Lucius in disbelief.

"We wanted to go," Teyla reassured him with a smile. John returned the smile but where Teyla's was full of happiness, his was full of the fury he was struggling to contain.

"OK," John declared angrily. "I've just about had enough." He walked towards Teyla and Doctor Beckett but before he could get very far Ronon ripped out his blaster and aimed in straight at John.

"Don't touch it," Ronon instructed in his no nonsense voice.

Luckily Elizabeth was there and she gestured for Ronon to lower his weapon before turning to reason with John. "What on Earth is wrong with you, John?" she said in a tone of diplomatic concern. "We were just helping a friend, and there's nothing wrong with that."

"I think there's something wrong with him," Lucius said quietly to Rodney.

"You know what?" John said, finally realising that confronting everyone like that had not been his best idea. "I'm just tired. It's this damned cold." He turned to Lucius and added with as much of a smile as I think he could manage "I apologise."

"Maybe you should get some rest," Doctor Weir suggested, drawing a sweet smile from Lucius.

"You're probably right. I just need a good night's sleep," John agreed, backing slowly out of the group and glancing around uneasily. Turning he walked slowly from the Gateroom while everyone stood frozen in place watching him go.

Waiting only a few minutes I headed after John, hoping that no one would notice my departure.

"John?" I called, entering our quarters in the hopes he'd be there.

"Out here," John called from the balcony.

"That wasn't exactly smart," I admonished him. "Lucius himself doesn't seem like the violent type but he's got every Marine in this place under his influence!"

"_I know_," John acknowledged. "When I realised he'd risked Teyla, Ronon and Carson's lives for a _herb_ I just ...," John broke off and ran an agitated hand through his hair.

"We need to come up with a plan now that Rodney's one of them," I stated. "Neither of us have the skills to work out how to counteract the Lucius effect."

"I've got an idea," John admitted. "I kidnap Carson and take him over to the mainland. Hopefully with a little time away from Lucius the effect will wear off enough for Carson to be able to work something out."

"Doctor Weir will send teams out after you," I said worriedly.

"I know," John agreed. "I'm gonna have to let myself get captured hopefully _after_ Carson is himself again ... once they bring us back to Atlantis you'll have to give Carson time to come up with a cure. When he's done that I'll need you to get me out of the brig so I can take Lucius away – give Carson time to inoculate everyone."

"How are you gonna get Lucius alone?" I asked. "He's got someone around practically every minute of the day."

"I haven't worked that bit out yet," John admitted.

"The ATA gene inoculation," I said excitedly. "Lucius is fascinated with the Jumpers – he wants to fly one more than anything. Carson could pretend to give him the inoculation with a Jumper flight as the test to see if it 'worked'. You could grab him then!"

"That would work," John agreed with a grin. "Okay, let's do this!"

"

John's plan went like clockwork. He kidnapped Carson and they were gone a few hours before Ronon, Teyla and Rodney found them. I made a point of welcoming Carson home as a fellow Lucius worshipper and felt relief when he nodded faintly to let me know he was himself again. He retired to the infirmary while John was carried unconscious to the brig. It was very hard for me to watch John being taken away without being able to express any concern. My heart jumped when I looked back and discovered that Lucius was watching me intently. I smiled sweetly at him, walking over and taking his arm fondly.

"Are you still interested in the Puddle Jumpers?" I asked enticingly.

"I really am," Lucius appeared to be distracted from whatever he was thinking moments before.

"That's good," I smiled like I had a really good secret, "'cause I have the best idea!"

I led Lucius away as I explained how, now that Doctor Beckett was back, he could give Lucius the ATA gene therapy ... with Lucius' luck he'd surely be one of the 47 percent of people it worked on. Lucius was very excited and allowed himself to be scheduled for a morning trip to the infirmary.

I almost gave myself away before I could get myself clear for the night. I was still struggling with John's cold and had the worst coughing fit as I walked Lucius out of the Gateroom, Rodney and Doctor Weir following behind.

"I don't believe that's an allergy," Lucius said thoughtfully.

"She's probably got Sheppard's cold," Rodney jumped in, eager to please. I glared at him reproachfully and he looked at me in surprise. "What?" he demanded innocently.

"So you and the Colonel are _close_?" Lucius narrowed his eyes at me as if trying to see through my smiling facade.

"We _were_," I admitted freely. "But that was before I met _you_ Lucius. Really there's no comparison. Colonel Sheppard's so ... moody and ... _angry_ – not like you. I'm still hoping to be your seventh wife!"

"So you say," Lucius preened in spite of his continuing suspicions.

"Look," I offered reasonably. "If you don't believe me ask Doctor Beckett – he'll be able to confirm my allergy."

"I just might do that," Lucius agreed, clearly having no doubts about Carson's loyalty.

The next morning I arrived in the infirmary and watched as Doctor Beckett greeted Lucius like a long lost friend, giving a very credible performance of still being under his spell. As he distracted Lucius with medical talk he motioned for me to disappear for my part in the grand plan - releasing John.

The good thing about most of the Atlantis personnel being under the influence of Lucius' addictive personality was that most of them were being very lax about doing their jobs. It was an easy mission for me to visit the armoury and grab myself a Wraith stunner. Hiding it in my jacket I proceeded down to the brig, giving the Marines a smile as I approached.

"I just wanted to spit in the face of the man who dared to betray Lucius," I told them. When they looked at each other in confusion I took the opportunity to quickly stun the pair of them.

"_About time_!" John complained, shifting impatiently as he waited for me to open the cell.

"Hey," I protested. "You're lucky I got here at all – Lucius got suspicious because of this damn cold you gave me!"

"That cold saved you from becoming a member of the 'I love Lucius' fan club," John drawled, stepping out of the cell and grabbing my arm to pull me up next to him. "Lucius came down here for a visit a little while ago gloating about how people like 'helping' him – that slimy bastard deserves to have us dump him back on his planet for whatever punishment those people feel like dishing out."

"You won't get any argument from me," I replied.

I accompanied John to the Jumper Bay, hiding with him in one of the other Jumpers until Carson and Lucius appeared and settled themselves in Jumper One. John ran out and quickly disarmed Lucius. Once he'd successfully cleared the Bay doors I accompanied Doctor Beckett and assisted him in inoculating everyone with the neutraliser for the pheromone.

Of course they were all sheepish at their behaviour which unfortunately for them everyone clearly remembered. Once John returned and his team escorted Lucius back to his planet things finally settled back to normal. John took delight in continually pointing out that only the two of us hadn't succumbed to the Lucius effect.

"You guys were just lucky you had a cold," Rodney tried to cut off another round of teasing at lunch a few days later. "Otherwise you would have been just as affected as the rest of us."

"Who would have thought there'd be an upside to the common cold?" John smiled across at me conspiratorially.

"You still haven't told us how you managed to catch a cold in the first place," Rodney remarked. "Weren't you on the Pegasus equivalent of planet Riviera?"

"That's a story all in itself," John replied smugly, wincing when I kicked him under the table.

"Yes John," I said warningly. "A story we'll save for _another time_."

"See now, you gotta tell me after that!" Rodney complained, never one to handle an apparent mystery.

"No we don't Rodney," I said firmly. "Isn't that right John?"

"Sorry Rodney," John put on an apologetic look. "I'd really like to tell you but ... Sabina can make my life miserable in ways you don't want to imagine ..." he trailed off suggestively.

"Oh – too much information!" Rodney looked faintly sick. "Fine – don't tell me."

John and I smiled at each other, watching as Rodney gathered up his tray and practically stomped away from the table.

"It was almost worth the cold to get Rodney so riled up," John commented. I laughed, glad to finally be able to put the whole Lucius thing behind us.

**Authors Note:**

Thanks for the reviews guys ... welcome back to Sabina's world! Settle in for a long ride 'cause this is gonna take a while!


	3. At least they're not draining our souls

**Chapter 3: At least they're not draining our souls to power their oppression of an entire galaxy**

"Hey, guess what?" John walked into the sparring room ten minutes late for our practice session with an excited bounce in his step.

"You're late," I told him, waiting for the explanation.

"Doctor Weir just finished the weekly check in with Earth," John replied, starting his warm up exercises. "She wanted to let me know straight away that the Odyssey is bringing SG1 to Atlantis – they'll be here inside of three weeks."

"Daniel's finally getting to come to Atlantis?" I smiled, knowing how many times he'd already tried. "What's the big occasion?"

"Daniel needs to search the Ancient database for reference to two planets in the Milky Way," John explained. "They're hoping one of them is the location of an Ancient weapon that'll help in the fight against the Ori. Elizabeth also said something about a plan to shut out the Ori Supergate."

"I know we've got our own enemies here in Pegasus," I commented, "but I'm glad to be here rather than back on Earth. Sure, the Wraith want us for food but at least they're not draining our souls to power their oppression of an entire galaxy."

"Never thought I'd be grateful to the Wraith for anything," John joked. "Doctor Weir's gonna do some preliminary searching for Daniel – she could probably use your help."

"Cool," I smiled, excited at the chance to help Daniel with something. "Okay – enough delaying – let's spar."

"

I'd been hoping to meet the other members of SG1 but they landed and proceeded straight to a closed meeting with Doctor Weir, John and Rodney as soon as the Odyssey arrived. I was in the control room with Doctor Zelenka when they came out, each clearly with a defined purpose. I had to laugh when I realised John was giving Colonel Mitchell tips on dealing with Rodney.

"And listen, if McKay gives you a hard time just ..." John broke off, shaping his right hand like a gun and gesturing appropriately.

"Shoot him," Colonel Mitchell finished the sentence. John nodded in agreement.

"Also he's mortally allergic to citrus," John added, pulling a small lemon from the inside pocket of his jacket as he walked towards the stairs leading down to the Gateroom. "I keep one with me at all times ... just a comfort to know ..." John threw the lemon to Colonel Mitchell, "it's there."

"That's good intel, thanks," Mitchell replied, looking at the lemon quizzically.

"Yeah," John smiled, clapped Mitchell on the shoulder, threw a half wave in my direction and then headed off down the stairs. My amusement grew when I saw that Rodney had caught the tail end of that exchange. He approached Mitchell, laughing as he said "that's a ... that's a good one." He gestured in the direction John had headed and added "we're actually ... we're quite close."

"Have you packed your bags?" Mitchell asked pointedly.

"Mmm?" Rodney paused, "Oh right," he added before hurrying off.

Mitchell and Colonel Carter smiled at each other before also heading off to be beamed straight back to the Odyssey. John had said SG1 were coming here for a mission but in fact it was really two missions. Colonel Carter with the help of Rodney was attempting to dial in from the Pegasus galaxy a connection to the Ori Supergate back in the Milky Way. They'd found a black hole in Pegasus and would position another Stargate there so that when the connection was made the wormhole would be powered indefinitely through the distortion created by the black hole.

Since they couldn't dial the Supergate directly they were attempting to dial a Milky Way gate they'd placed near the Supergate. Once the connection had been made they would set off a charge at their end, forcing the wormhole connection to jump from the Milky Way gate at the other end to the next nearest gate – the Supergate. It was going to take exactly the right amount of charge set off at exactly the right distance from the Pegasus gate to make it work - hence the need for Rodney to go along on the mission. If they couldn't succeed then the Ori would be free to send more Ori ships to the Milky Way which was a scary thought since so far they'd had little success in destroying any of them.

The second part of the mission was Daniel's. He and Vala Mal Doran remained behind to search the Atlantis database for two planets supposedly located in the Milky Way – Castiana and Sahal. One of them was believed to be the location of an Ancient weapon designed by Merlin to defeat Ascended beings. Doctor Weir and I had already searched the database extensively, using as many variations of both words as we could come up with, without success.

Daniel and Vala disappeared into the hologram room straight from their farewell with their teammates. It was literally hours later before they finally reappeared. Figuring my prior acquaintance with Daniel should give me at least the right to stop him and say hello I stood in the doorway of the control room and waited for them to pass.

"Daniel," I greeted him softly.

"_Sabina_," Daniel replied. He had that distracted and faintly troubled look I'd sometimes seen on Rodney's face when he had solved a puzzle but wasn't sure he liked the solution.

"I take it you found what you needed?" I looked from him to his companion and back again.

"In a manner of speaking," Daniel replied, tensing when an elbow in the side reminded him he wasn't alone. "Vala, this is Sabina Scott. Sabina, this is Vala Mal Doran."

"I've heard all about you," Vala said excitedly in a voice that was exotically accented. "You're the one attached to the yummy Colonel Sheppard!"

"_Vala_!" Daniel protested, sending me an apologetic look.

"It's all right," I said cheerfully, delighted at Vala's refreshing lack of regard for social etiquette. "Yes I am ah ... going out with Colonel Sheppard," I grinned mischievously, "and yes he is pretty yummy."

"I knew it!" Vala laughed, linking an arm through mine. "Tell me more."

"Well I never kiss and tell," I said, letting her draw me down the corridor, "but I can fill you in on lots of other juicy Atlantis gossip." I glanced over my shoulder as Daniel trailed behind with a resigned look on his face that suggested this sort of thing happened all too often.

"Oooh," Vala almost squealed. "Please do ... and then after perhaps you can show us the sights. Daniel _insisted_ on going straight to the hologram room - I've been here the whole day and I've seen practically nothing!"

It was a brief interlude for the two of them as I showed them what I considered to be the main highlights of Atlantis – the Jumper Bay, the view off the East Pier, the view from the top of the central tower, and of course the Ancient library. Daniel's eyes glazed over in awe at the sight of thousands of Ancient books, an enthusiasm dimmed only slightly when he discovered that only someone with the ATA gene could look at any of them. John and I had discovered that fact when we'd tried to show Elizabeth one of the books and found that the system wouldn't let her hands past the force field that protected the books in the viewing chamber.

"What about ... artefacts?" Vala looked at me with a faintly avaricious look. "Where do you keep those?"

"I have some Ancient devices we're still trying to work out in my lab," I told her. "We don't really have one spot where we keep things – most of what we find is interesting labs or sections of the Ancient database we didn't know were there."

"Show me this lab then," Vala almost commanded, looking a little disappointed at my response. I obliged her request and spent another half an hour explaining what we thought some of the devices might be.

"No souvenirs," Vala whispered too loudly to Daniel. Daniel frowned at her but I knew exactly what she meant.

"The Ancients didn't seem to go in for that sort of thing," I told her, adding in a joking tone "no gift shop, no tourist information centre, nothing commercial at all really."

"We go on these trips and it's nothing but disappointment," Vala complained, slapping at Daniel's shoulder like it was his fault. I almost laughed at the long suffering look he threw my way.

I ended the tour in the commissary so Daniel and Vala could get some dinner before the Odyssey arrived to take them home. Vala was immediately drawn into conversation with Ronon and Teyla and I sat back watching in amazement.

"She's ... unique," I told Daniel softly, "and I mean that as a compliment."

"Vala's certainly that," Daniel agreed. "Not to mention annoying and covetous and ..."

"She likes you," I teased. When Daniel got that pained look again I raised an eyebrow at him in surprise. "You like her too!"

"Do not," Daniel muttered.

"You do!" I persisted. "Don't bother denying it again because I have an eye for these things."

"An eye for what things?" I glanced up in surprise as John appeared at our table.

"Hey!" I made room so John could pull up a chair next to me. "I was just telling Daniel that I'm good at noticing things," I explained, purposely not going into details. Both John and Daniel raised a disbelieving eyebrow to that but neither called me up on it.

"Colonel Sheppard," Vala noticed immediately that John had arrived. I cringed internally, wondering what inappropriate thing she might be intending to say. "We've just spent a lovely afternoon with your girlfriend ... did you know there are no souvenirs here whatsoever?"

"Ah," John rubbed a hand behind his neck, looking at me for help. I wasn't sure if he was more uncomfortable with being attributed a 'girlfriend' which for some reason sounded far too juvenile for either of us, or with the idea of Atlantis having anything as cheap as souvenirs.

"Vala really likes souvenirs," I offered helpfully, trying not to smirk as his expression told me that clearly hadn't helped.

"Doctor Weir filled me in on your progress," John chose to ignore Vala's question entirely, directing his comment at Daniel. "Do you think we've been talking to this Ganos Lal the whole time we've been here?"

"No," Daniel replied. "It's more likely this is the first time she's appeared – especially since Doctor Weir and Sabina searched the database prior to our arrival and found nothing about Castiana or Sahal."

"But now she's been ... _recalled_ by the rest of the ascended Ancients?" John questioned.

"Yes," Daniel said sadly. "I urged her to help us – she was about to tell us something about Merlin's weapon but the others stopped her. I can't say for sure what punishment they'll impose ... they've been both uniquely cruel and varied in the past so there's really no way to tell."

"Yeah," John shot a glance at me before continuing. "We came across an Ascended Ancient over a year ago who'd interfered with a planet of humans here and been made to protect them - _and only them- _from then on."

"Yes, well that does sound like the Ascendeds," Daniel admitted, quickly realising how much a punishment that actually was in the Pegasus galaxy where every human lived in fear of being culled by the Wraith.

"What I don't understand," Vala said, breaking into the conversation, "is how they allowed this Morgan Le Fey to speak to us through the hologram program and tell us _exactly_ what we needed to know and not call it interference, but when we asked her to narrow it down for us she got stopped before she could."

"Non interference with lowers, what they call less evolved species, is their driving belief," Daniel explained to all of us. "It seems that an Ascended who walks the line on that is okay until they do something that's seen as taking it too far."

"Perhaps it's not about the act itself but what they foresee as the result of that act," I suggested. "In that context something that seems harmless _could_ lead to far reaching consequences that wouldn't have happened without that act. That's assuming of course that the Ascended Ancients _are_ as 'all knowing' as they like to make out."

"Interesting perspective," Daniel said in surprise, looking at me intently.

"See I told you," I smiled smugly. "I notice things." I glanced from him to Vala and back again with an expectant look.

"Ah, I better check in with Doctor Weir, see when the Odyssey's due back," Daniel stood up. "Vala – time to go," he said firmly.

"But I was having a lovely conversation with Ronon here," Vala complained. Daniel sighed impatiently before grabbing her arm and urging her up from the table.

"Say goodbye Vala," Daniel told her.

"Goodbye," Vala called out. "Sabina – it was lovely to meet you. Thanks for the tour and look after that yummy man."

I flushed bright red as Teyla and Ronon burst into laughter. Shooting a quick look at John didn't lessen my embarrassment – his face had taken on a slightly reddish hue too and he was looking at me with a raised eyebrow just waiting for my explanation. Daniel didn't even bother with the apology this time, calling out his goodbyes before pulling Vala along behind him as he hurried out the door.

"Why are _you_ blushing?" Ronon asked me. "Sheppard's red enough for the both of you."

"Vala said something similar when we met and I ah ... _may_ have encouraged her by agreeing with that description," I mumbled, looking down at the table in embarrassment.

"I am sure Colonel Sheppard will see that as a compliment," Teyla said graciously.

"I'm sure _he_ can make up his mind for himself," John reminded us to stop talking about him like he wasn't there. "Why don't we move on to something _important_ ... like what we're watching for movie night tomorrow?"

Everyone let the change of topic pass without comment. Less than an hour later Daniel and Vala had been beamed back to the Odyssey and we went back to business as usual.

**Authors Note:**

The concurrent timing of Atlantis Season 3 versus SG1 Season 10 isn't exactly clear so the positioning of this episode within the whole series might be a little off. It's pretty clear that it is definitely before McKay and Mrs Miller because they still have their ZPM and there's no mention of replicators so I decided just before Sateda made sense. As to why I put it in? Just couldn't resist the temptation of Vala and Sabina together!

The reference to the Ancient library comes from my story 'Christmas Cheer Sabina Style' - sharing the discovery of it and giving Sabina access was Shep's Xmas gift to her.

Thanks to all my reviewers ... happy to see you back!


	4. Where's the rest of the team?

**Chapter 4: Where's the rest of the team?**

The Atlantis gossip machine was extremely effective. It took only a few minutes for anything that happened in the Gateroom to make its way through to even the lowliest expedition member. When I heard that Rodney had returned alone with an arrow in the backside I rushed straight to the infirmary to find out what was happening. Doctor Weir was just finishing a conversation with Carson. When she noticed me standing just inside the doorway she moved across to me straight away.

"Where's the rest of the team?" I cut straight to the chase.

"We don't know at this stage," Doctor Weir admitted. "Rodney thought they were right behind him when he went through the gate. Carson's got him on pretty heavy pain medication - we'll have to wait to find out anything else."

"Okay," I nodded slowly. "Will you be sending a team through?"

"We'll send through a MALP first and assess the situation," Doctor Weir prevaricated. I wanted to question her further but I could tell there was nothing more she could give me right then so I let it go.

Doctor Weir left to return to the Control Room and I hung around so I could talk with Rodney as soon as he was able. I was still there when Doctor Weir radioed that the gate had activated and that John's IDC had been received.

John was talking with Major Lorne when I ran in. The rest of my team were already there, handing out equipment in preparation for accompanying John and Teyla somewhere.

"Still back there," he said to Lorne, which explained the continued absence of Ronon. He turned to Elizabeth, taking the vest held out to him by Lieutenant Brown. "Did McKay get through OK?"

"Yeah, he's gonna be fine," Doctor Weir reassured him. "What happened?"

"Ronon bargained for our freedom," Teyla said intently.

"By sticking a knife to his own throat," John added harshly. "We're going back." He motioned for Major Lorne and the rest of my team to gear up and get ready to proceed with him and Teyla.

"I'm coming too," I announced, drawing John's attention to me for the first time.

"No you're not," John said firmly. "This is a simple military strike - there's no need for you to be there."

"Ronon is my friend too," I said harshly, glaring at John as he continued his preparations. "Plus I'm a member of Major Lorne's team!"

"Not today," John returned in a tone that let me know there was no point saying anything else. "We don't have time for me to argue about this right now ... they activated a Wraith homing device before they let us go."

Elizabeth looked up to the Control Room and called out "Dial the Gate." I stood by mutely; hardly aware of the concerned and curious looks Major Lorne and the others were giving me.

"It took us fifteen minutes to get to the Gate," John informed the others.

"The place could be crawling with Wraith by now," Teyla warned. Preparations complete they turned almost as one and looked towards the kawoosh of the wormhole opening.

"Let's go get him," Major Lorne said confidently.

They proceeded through the gate without delay - none of them pausing to even give me a second glance. I stood staring at the empty Stargate for a few moments before noticing that Doctor Weir was still beside me, looking at me with concern.

"Sabina?" she said softly.

"I guess he told me," I laughed harshly. Without another word I turned and walked from the Gateroom.

I let the Atlantis grapevine fill me in on progress in finding Ronon. John and the others returned only an hour or so after they'd left, still without Ronon. The Wraith had returned to that planet in their absence and wiped out the entire settlement. Of Ronon there was no trace. I kept deliberately out of the way as Rodney worked on Ronon's original transmitter and tracked him back to Sateda.

For the first time since we'd decided to live together I saw the disadvantages of the arrangement. I wasn't ready to talk to John and yet I didn't want to make things more important than they really were by choosing to stay somewhere else that night just to avoid him. In the end I feigned sleep when John finally showed up ... I knew that he knew I was awake but he let me get away with the pretence, curling up to sleep beside me as always. When I awoke the next morning he was already gone, presumably to arrange the mission to retrieve Ronon from his home planet.

"Sabina," John stood just inside my lab door an hour later, looking at me as though he still expecting me to erupt into anger.

"You're going to get Ronon?" I asked in a reasonable voice.

"Yeah," John approached me slowly, looking surprised that I wasn't actively displaying signs of still being mad with him over what had happened in the Gateroom the day before.

"Is there any point in me asking to come with you?" I questioned sadly.

"Do you know what we found on that planet?" John put a hand on my shoulder to draw my gaze to his. "Destruction and dead bodies - the Wraith culled most of them so the only ones we saw were the few they sucked the life out of or blasted and left to smoulder."

I winced at his graphic description but held firm to my resolve. "I've been responsible for the death of more Wraith than practically anyone else," I pointed out, unable to keep the harsh tone from my voice. "I think I've proven that I can handle it!"

"_From a distance!_" John protested. "You haven't been confronted with the horror the Wraith can inflict up close and if it's all the same to you I'd like to keep it that way!"

"I heard that Rodney and Carson are going with you," I said abruptly. "They get to go - is that because they're men or because they're not sleeping with you?"

"For Gods Sake!" John turned away from me and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "Carson's coming because we need to remove the new transmitter before we can bring Ronon home. Rodney's coming just in case we lose the signal and need him to find it again."

"So I can't go because I'd be useless on this mission," I said simply. "Thanks for clarifying that."

"You're _not_ useless!" John turned back to me and pulled me up from my chair in an effort to get through to me. "I can't believe we're even having this conversation."

"You need to get prepared," I cut him off, knowing there was no point in trying to bring John around.

"We'll talk about this later," John pulled me into his arms and hugged me - I _was_ angry but not petty enough to not return his hug.

"Tell Ronon that I wanted to be there," I requested softly, taking a step back from him. "And be careful."

"I will," John promised. He squeezed my shoulder again before turning and silently leaving the room.

I sat for a time, thinking over what had happened in the Gateroom the day before and what I wanted to do about it. After a few minutes of introspection I went off in search of Major Lorne.

"

"Why am I on your team?" I asked Lorne abruptly. I'd found him working out in the gym and had the good fortune to discover that for the moment he was there alone.

"I'm not sure I understand the question," Lorne admitted, continuing to lift weights at a steady pace.

"Is it just because I'm John's ... whatever ...," I asked bitterly, "and you're the one who got stuck accommodating me?"

"Of course not," Lorne denied, putting the weights back on the bracket and sitting up to face me. "Where's this coming from?"

"I'm not a real member of your team," I pointed out. "Sure – most of the missions I'm there but if there's any chance of trouble I get left behind!"

"You're not a trained military team member," Lorne said reasonably.

"There are other civilians who are permanent members of off world teams," I discounted that excuse. "I've completed all the basic training requirements, I'm as fit as anyone else on the team and I can hold my own in a fight," I said hotly. "How does that not make me qualified to be a full member of your team?"

"Look, I'm not denying you've got skills," Lorne tried to placate me, "but in a military situation we need to utilise tested resources ahead of civilians."

"Test me then!" I challenged. "If I pass I get to be a full member of your team."

"And if you don't pass?" Lorne asked quietly.

"Well," I took a deep breath before committing myself fully. "If I don't then I guess I don't belong on an off world team."

"Sabina," Lorne tried to reason with me. "This isn't necessary ... do you really want to risk losing something you worked so hard to earn?"

"I want to be treated like everyone else," I looked down at the floor so I wouldn't have to see the sympathy in his eyes. "Did you know that Daniel Jackson got to go on _all_ of SG1's missions? In the beginning he didn't even want to _hold_ a gun let alone shoot one!"

"Colonel Sheppard values your skills," Major Lorne stood and put a hand on my shoulder to draw my eyes to his, letting me know he was well aware of where all this was coming from.

"He does," I agreed. "But he's still putting restrictions on what I can and can't do - I need to prove to him that he doesn't have to do that anymore." I looked at Lorne openly, willing him to see how important this was to me.

"Okay," Lorne agreed reluctantly. "I'll give you a week to prepare yourself, and then I'll test you myself."

"Thank you," I smiled my gratitude. "For now, can we keep this to ourselves?"

"If the Colonel asks about it I'll have to tell him," he pointed out. I nodded reluctantly. Major Lorne patted my shoulder lightly before turning and leaving me with my troubled thoughts.

"

After a tense wait of many hours we finally got the news that the Daedalus was on its way back with Ronon on board. I waited until Carson had settled him in the infirmary and the others had left to debrief Doctor Weir before visiting him.

"Ronon?" I said softly, standing hesitantly by his bedside. I was dismayed to see the injuries he'd sustained while away - his visible air of strength was diminished somewhat by his ordeal but he still dwarfed the ridiculously small infirmary bed with his physical presence.

"Hey," Ronon cracked an eye open before rousing himself when he saw that it was me.

"I'm sorry," I sat down in the chair beside his bed and looked at him apologetically.

"About what?" Ronon asked me with a puzzled frown.

"I wanted to ... help bring you home," I told him softly, "but ... ah ... they wouldn't let me go on the mission." I hesitated to blame John even though we both knew the decision would have been his.

"Doesn't matter," Ronon reassured me. "It was enough with just the rest of the team and Beckett there."

"Would _you_ be happy with that?" I asked curiously.

"Probably not," Ronon said simply. "What are you gonna do about it?"

"I don't know," I admitted, "but I've gotta do something."

Ronon winced as he shifted in the bed and I reached out to help him, feeling guilty that I'd offloaded my frustrations when I should have been showing my concern for him.

"How are you - do you need anything?" I asked solicitously.

"I'm good," Ronon replied. "It was difficult being back on Sateda ... lots of ... memories."

"Do you want to talk about her?" I offered hesitantly, knowing he'd be thinking about Melena.

"I'm not ready for that," Ronon replied simply. "But when I am ... yeah I'd like to talk about her."

"I'll look forward to it," I put a hand on Ronon's arm and smiled fondly. "I'm glad you're okay."

"Me too," Ronon agreed with a rueful smile. Before I could respond I noticed Ronon's gaze drawn to a spot behind me.

"Sheppard," Ronon greeted. I stood and turned to look at John.

"Hey buddy," John walked to the bedside and looked at Ronon with a relieved smile at seeing him doing so well.

"I'll uh ... leave you two to catch up," I mumbled, stepping around John and heading for the door. I didn't miss him instinctively almost reach out to stop me before he let me make my escape.

I knew the time for talking was fast approaching - it was late in the evening and I'd taken up residence on the chair John had installed on our balcony when he finally caught up with me.

"Sabina?" I heard him call from the main sleeping area.

"Out here," I called back.

"Hey," John walked onto the balcony and positioned himself to lean against the railing directly obstructing my view. "It's a bit cold out here."

"It's nice," I disagreed just for the sake of it. "Ronon settled for the night?"

"Yeah," John crossed his arms over his chest and looked at me intently. "Are we gonna talk now?"

"Is there any point?" I asked wearily.

"I don't know - is there?" John returned.

"You humiliated me yesterday," I told him without anger. "You might not have meant to but in the end that's how I felt."

"I'm sorry for that," John looked at me with an intense expression. "But I'm not sorry I kept you away from that planet or from Sateda for that matter!"

"It's not your job to protect me from the harsh realities of living here," I said earnestly. "I thought we'd agreed that you were going to allow me a little more freedom ... after the whole human Wraith incident."

"And I thought we'd agreed to accept the good and bad of each other," John countered. "Wanting to protect the people close to me is part of who I am ... I wouldn't change that even if I could."

"I get that," I replied, "which is why I stopped being angry hours ago. But it's important to me to feel like I'm part of something ... I can't do that if I'm forever being excluded from things."

"I ah," John rubbed a tired hand over his face before coming over and sitting down next to me. "I didn't think of it like that."

"I know," I nudged my shoulder against his companionably.

"Look, I'll try to consider the whole team thing," John offered, "but I can't promise that something like this isn't gonna happen again."

Realising that for the moment I'd have to be happy with that, I kept to myself my plan to prove through Major Lorne that I should be a full member of a team. And I acknowledged to myself that even if I did manage to convince Lorne it didn't mean that John would start behaving any differently.

"Tired?" I asked as John tried to suppress a yawn.

"Yeah," John admitted. "I did take out fifteen Wraith you know."

"Fifteen huh?" I looked at him in amusement. "I think you might need to check your maths on that because from the numbers I heard something doesn't add up."

"All lies," John glanced at me to see if I was buying his story. My grin must have been infectious because moments later we were both laughing.

"Come on Colonel Exaggeration," I stood and pulled him to his feet beside me. "I think it's bedtime for both of us."

Still grumbling about disrespectful team mates, John let me lead his tired self off to bed.


	5. Not looking forward to this one?

**Chapter 5: Not looking forward to this one?**

The next day I broached the subject of Major Lorne's tests with Teyla during our morning workout. I was starting to feel that Teyla genuinely enjoyed my company and considered me a friend and I was hopeful she'd want to help - without feeling the need to fill John in.

"What do I need to do to pass a competency test devised by Major Lorne?" I asked her casually.

"Why would Major Lorne be testing you?" Teyla looked over at me in confusion.

"Because I asked him to," I admitted. Teyla raised an eyebrow at my answer and I caved, explaining everything that had happened between John and I the day Ronon was captured.

"Colonel Sheppard _does_ value your skills," Teyla protested. "You do not have to prove yourself to him."

"Would you be happy if John excluded you from some missions?" I looked at her curiously. "If he only asked you to go on the ones where you were trading for supplies or visiting worlds where your contacts live?"

"I suppose not," Teyla admitted.

"He treats you as an equal, he trusts you," I said quietly. "You're a part of his team. I just want the same thing from Major Lorne."

"Major Lorne is in a difficult position," Teyla tried to help me see reason. "He is your team leader but at the same time he is under the Colonel's command. It is a difficult position to be in ... do not make the mistake of putting the Major in the middle between you and Colonel Sheppard."

"Why do you think Doctor Weir picked Lorne's team for me to be on?" I asked curiously.

"Because she knew the Major would be able to balance Colonel Sheppard's need to protect with your need to be an active part of an off world team,' Teyla stated confidently. That's what I admired most about her ... everything she did or said was done with the utmost confidence in herself.

"I know it was John's decision not to let me go with you to help Ronon," I stated. "But Major Lorne didn't offer any kind of protest. If I can convince him that I have the skills then maybe next time he will."

"Are you sure this is wise?" Teyla asked in concern.

"No," I admitted. "But it's the only thing I can think of so it'll have to do."

"All right," Teyla agreed. "I will help you prepare for this test."

"Thank you," I smiled gratefully.

Over the next few days whenever time permitted Teyla put me through my paces. We covered weapons, general fitness, mission protocols and strategy, anything she could think of from her vast experience, including her time on John's team, that might help me. The biggest challenge for me was when Teyla insisted I learn sparring moves without the aid of my fighting sticks. I'd become too dependent on them she said ... in the field I might not be able to acquire an appropriate facsimile which would cripple my ability to look after myself. I soaked it all up eagerly, and went to bed each night exhausted. I still hadn't told John what I was doing and I could see him frowning at me in concern as I fell into bed each night practically asleep before my head hit the pillow.

After witnessing the fourth night of that same behaviour he'd obviously lost patience waiting for me to volunteer what was going on.

"Sabina!" he stopped me just before I was about to head out for another run by myself the next morning.

"Yeah?" I turned reluctantly and looked at him. He was standing only a few steps away and the expression on his face told me he wasn't going to be put off easily.

"What are you doing?" John asked, meaning more than just where was I going.

"I'm just trying to make sure I'm as fit as I can be," I replied innocently.

"Why?" John persisted, taking a few steps towards me as he looked at me intently. I looked away rather than risk giving him any ammunition in figuring out for himself what I was up to.

"Aren't you the one always telling me I should keep up with my training?" I deflected the question back at him.

"If it was as simple as that then you wouldn't be pushing yourself so hard," John put a hand to my face and drew my gaze back to his. "What gives?"

"Can I tell you in a couple of days?" I asked pleadingly.

"Am I gonna like the explanation?" John questioned before making a decision.

"Probably not," I admitted. Before he could say anything else I hurriedly added "I'm not doing anything stupid or dangerous ... and Teyla is keeping an eye on me ... can you just trust that?"

"Teyla's helping you?" John raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"_Yes_," I looked at him with a warning in my eyes, "and don't you go questioning her about it!"

"You aren't going to tell me anything more are you?" John turned away with a frustrated scowl.

"Look - I will if you really insist," I offered. "I'm just asking you ... _not to_."

John sighed before turning back to me. "Two days huh?" When I nodded he sighed again. "I guess I can put up with the mystery for that long."

"Thanks," I hugged him quickly before moving away. "Gotta go," I said, rushing out the door before he could change his mind.

"

Major Lorne had informed me that he'd set aside a number of one hour sessions over two days to conduct my tests. My heart beat nervously the next morning when I turned up in the firing range for the first challenge.

"The first thing I expect from my team members," Lorne said seriously, "is a ninety percent accuracy rating with the RCP90 and the 9mm."

Gesturing to the table where the weapons awaited my preparation and loading he ordered me to begin. Competently loading the P90 first I turned to the target and fired off short bursts on his mark, taking out the targets as he indicated them. Major Lorne switched the target boards before I could see how well I'd done, ordering me to move on to the 9mm. We went through the same process and before I knew it the test was complete.

"How'd I do?" I asked curiously.

"Shooting accurately has never been your problem," Lorne told me in a roundabout way that I'd passed. He held out my boards and I smiled at the perfect circles I'd made in the middle of the small target on the chest of my 'enemies'. I'd even hit all the head shots which was as good as any practice I'd ever completed.

"Nice," I said proudly. "Thanks for doing shooting first," I said, knowing he'd tried in a small way to help me get through this by picking the one thing he knew I'd be confident about.

"Don't thank me yet," Lorne cautioned. "I'm not going easy on you ... tomorrow we're going off world so you can take on the same physical challenge all the new Marines have to do."

I swallowed nervously, hoping that everything I'd done to prepare would see me through that. My heart lurched as his words hit me fully.

"Did you have to get permission from Colonel Sheppard for that?" I asked sickly.

"Doctor Weir gave me permission to conduct training exercises at the usual back up Alpha site," Lorne replied.

"Oh," I sighed in relief. "Okay ... what's next for today?"

"I'm glad you asked," Lorne smiled evilly. "Get geared up ... we're going for a run."

Lorne was true to his word - he pushed me almost to the limit of my endurance as he ran us in a circuit where John and I usually ran. I pushed myself hard, endeavouring to not only keep up but to give the impression that I still had more in reserve. Finally Lorne called a halt, walking us in a cool down until our breathing had returned to normal. He held up a hand for us to stop, slumping down against the wall and motioning for me to sit down too.

"You give Colonel Sheppard a run for his money don't you?" Lorne looked over at me. I have to say I was secretly delighted to see he'd pushed himself pretty hard to test me.

"Haven't beaten him yet," I admitted, "but I like to think it's only a matter of time."

"I'm sure you're right," Lorne laughed. "In any case, the fact that you ran me into the ground means you've passed this one too."

"Cool!" I smiled gleefully. "What's next?"

"A rest!" Lorne declared. "Go get cleaned up and meet me in the conference room after lunch."

"Do you need any help?" I asked solicitously, jumping easily to my feet and holding a hand down to him.

"Get out of here," Lorne waved me away.

"

When I walked into the conference room and discovered that it was set up for some kind of theory test I groaned aloud.

"Not looking forward to this one?" Major Lorne said from directly behind me.

"Of course I am," I denied my lack of enthusiasm. "Let's get to it."

"Okay," Lorne moved around me and sat down, gesturing for me to sit across from him.

Over the next hour he gave me a range of mission scenarios, questioning me mercilessly about what I would do, what the protocols were, making me explain why one approach was better than another. I answered as best I could, glad Teyla had spent so much time going over similar material during our preparation. My answers were a blend of Teyla wisdom, Ronon bravado and Sheppard logic with a bit of McKay intelligence thrown in for good measure. I amazed even myself with the breadth and depth of what I'd picked up from them during my time on Atlantis. Even so, when Lorne finally called the verbal marathon to a close I was unsure of how well I'd done. For some of the scenarios he'd questioned and requestioned repeatedly making me nervous that he was looking for some kind of answer that I just wasn't giving. Taking a depth breath I looked across at him nervously, surprised to find him gazing at me intently.

"You've been like a sponge the whole time you've been here haven't you?" Lorne asked. I frowned as I tried to work out what he meant by that, smiling suddenly when I realised that I'd actually surprised him for a change.

"Hard not to pick up _something_ with the talent we've got around here," I said easily. "Plus Teyla grilled me pretty hard over the last few days about the same sort of stuff."

"Well, apart from a slight leaning towards the hero complex side of the scale, I'm satisfied to pass you for this one too." Lorne said simply.

"I _don't_ have a hero complex thing!" I protested.

"You kinda do," Lorne disagreed. "But since you've been fraternising with the biggest hero complex we've got on base for over a year it'd be a little unfair to hold that against you," he teased.

"I'll tell John you said that," I warned, smiling when Lorne shrugged like he knew I'd do no such thing.

"Don't go anywhere," Lorne said when I made a move to exit the room. "I've got one last test lined up for today."

"Oh ... okay," I agreed, following hesitantly along behind him as he led the way across the Gateroom and up the stairs to the Jumper Bay. "You're testing me in the Puddle Jumpers?" I asked incredulously.

"Have you got a problem with that?" Lorne looked at me sternly.

"No Sir," I snapped back, even though I _had_ been thinking it was unfair to test me on something not every team member could even do.

"All right then, take us up and head over to the mainland," Lorne instructed, seating himself in the co-pilots seat of Jumper Three.

I ran through the pre flight checks, including confirming our approval to head out with the Control Room, before powering up the main systems and taking the Jumper up through the roof and out into the mid afternoon sun. Setting a heading that would take us over the Athosian settlement I settled back to enjoy the flight.

Of course Lorne didn't make it easy, getting me to explain how I'd worked out my course to the mainland and how I would lock on to Atlantis' signal on the return journey. In fact he had me explaining pretty much what every instrument and display in the Jumper was before he seemed satisfied that I wasn't just blindly exploiting my ATA gene to get the Jumper to do what I wanted.

"Colonel Sheppard taught you how to fly the Puddle Jumpers?" he asked curiously.

"Yeah, including everything I ever wanted to know about the theory of flight," I smiled across at the Major, "plus a whole bunch of things I _didn't_ want to know."

"Well you certainly know your stuff," Lorne admitted.

"Hey - it helps when your instructor is super hot," I said cheekily, laughing when Lorne grimaced in distaste.

"_Way_ too much information," he complained. "Take us back to Atlantis now ... and I'd suggest you get a good night of sleep because we head out at 0600 hours tomorrow morning."


	6. Man you should see him take the wall!

**Chapter 6: Man you should see _him_ take the wall!**

I snuck out of bed at 5:30am the next morning, hoping to get clear without waking John.

"Where you goin?" I groaned when John's muffled voice issued from his pillow.

"Early morning training with Major Lorne," I said, sitting on the bed beside him and running a hand through his hair. "Go back to sleep."

"Be careful," John muttered, just sleepy enough not to make the connection since he had to know of Lorne's request for _off world_ clearance.

"I will," I replied, hoping that whatever Lorne had planned wouldn't leave any ... visible injuries I'd have to explain away.

"Ready?" Lorne met me at the Gate.

"As I'll ever be," I replied, stepping confidently through the wormhole, and out onto M5R-877, one of three Alpha site back up planets. Lorne had roped in the other members of our team and I waved a greeting as Lieutenants Brown and Parker nodded pleasantly from their positions guarding the Gate and DHD.

We walked silently for a few minutes before coming out into a small clearing that was regularly used for Marine training. I gulped as I got a good look at the course that had been set up there. It had everything you'd expect from an obstacle course – spiky, smoky, muddy, watery, low, high, scary and dangerous were just a few words that floated through my head as I looked at each individual obstacle.

"The Marines all have to complete this course in less than seven minutes," Lorne informed me. "You get one walk through to familiarise yourself and then two attempts to meet that time."

"_Seven_ minutes?" I asked weakly, looking on with dismay at the size of the course.

"That's right," Lorne looked at me impassively. "Ready to do your walk through?"

"Yes," I tried to put confidence into my voice as I followed the Major across the field. He explained the obstacles to me so I'd know the order and requirements for each and then let me walk through the circuit on my own. My inner nerves calmed as I followed the obstacles around ... I'd have no trouble with the crawling, hurdling, zigzagging, or running - being tall would be a definite advantage there. It was the wall that gave me pause. I spent more time considering my strategy there than at any of the other obstacles, trying to visualise in my head how I was going to get over it unaided. There was no time limit on my walk through so I made sure I'd planned out my approach for every aspect of the course before I informed Lorne that I was ready to get on with it.

"On my mark," Lorne yelled, holding up the stop watch. "Go!"

I took off in a sprint to the first set of crawls, throwing myself down and quickly manoeuvring under the low netting. Jumping up I ran on to the wooden posts sticking up at varying heights – hopping with easy balance from one to the next I cleared the obstacle and sprinted straight into the zigzag section, swaying my way through before dropping down for the next crawl, this time under spiky wire. I flinched but kept going when one of the spikes ripped a hole in the back of my shirt, digging deep into my shoulder blade. Wriggling through as quickly as I could I sprinted on to the rope. Pulling myself up the rope by hand and using my feet to assist I shimmied up and onto the platform. Grabbing the flying fox without hesitation I launched myself off to get maximum speed, fully committing myself to the downward trip. I let go of the bar when I was still a few inches from the ground, landing in a run that I continued on to the next obstacle.

The wall. I'd decided the key was speed, getting a good run up to leap high enough to reach the handholds near the top. That was partly why I'd leapt from the flying fox early, hoping to use some of the speed from that to give me the edge I needed. I hit the mark I'd decided on as fast as I thought I could conceivably go, leaping up and reaching high with both hands. I found purchase with the hand holds and held on tight as my feet hit the wall. I walked myself up until I could shift handholds to the top of the wall. Grabbing on I swung my legs up and over, letting gravity take me to the ground. Almost there ... I sprinted to the next obstacle, obscured by smoke. Getting low I took the section a little bit slower, avoiding the potholes and other hidden traps – once out I sped straight for the water trap, long jump launching myself as far out as I could go and then taking the splash. I pushed my body the rest of the way through and came out on the other side. Panting harshly I stumbled in my sodden boots towards the last obstacle, a set of low hurdles. Running as fast as I dared I kept to a step leap rhythm and cleared every one. Taking the final flat section at a sprint only slightly slower than when I'd begun I launched myself over the finish line.

Putting hands on my thighs I bent forward, sucking in air greedily, before walking around in a circle to cool down. My heart was pounding loudly in my ears and I wasn't really paying attention to my surroundings as I reviewed my performance mentally, trying to decide where I might have gone faster. I looked up in startled surprise when I heard clapping just off to my right.

Lieutenants Brown and Parker had left their posts by the gate and borne witness to my efforts. They and Major Lorne approached me slowly as I looked on in confusion.

"I made it?" I said, still a bit breathless.

"You _nailed_ it," Brown corrected. "That flight on the flying fox? That was awesome. I don't think I've seen anyone take that run so fast."

"Yeah well I needed the speed to clear the wall," I excused my apparent heroics.

"Five minutes 11 seconds," Lorne looked from the stop watch to my pleased expression. "New course record for a female."

"Really? Wow!" I said, hardly able to believe I'd done so well. "Who holds the male record?" I asked curiously.

"Ronon," the three of them said in unison. "Man you should see _him_ take the wall!"

"

We all stepped through the gate a short time later, laughing together as we walked across the Gateroom. I was muddy and sweaty and dog tired but energised by the camaraderie I was finally sharing with my team. Not that any of them had ever been excluding or impolite ... they'd each treated me with respect and courtesy. To them I was 'the boss's wife' so to speak and that created distance ... with my success on the course they'd begun to see me as more than just an attachment to Colonel Sheppard. They'd begun to relax that polite and distant facade and treat me like one of the guys. It was great.

I looked up at the Control Room once we'd handed off our weapons, grimacing slightly when I realised John was up there, looking down on the Gateroom with an unreadable expression.

"Sabina?" Major Lorne drew my attention back to him. "You need to get your back tended to ... if Doctor Beckett clears you, meet me in the sparring room at 2pm for your last test."

I nodded distractedly, having forgotten the injury I'd sustained early in the course. Shifting my shoulders I winced as the spot where dried blood had fused my shirt to my back, pulling uncomfortably. I looked up at the Control Room again but John wasn't there.

Doctor Beckett treated my injury – two stitches and a heavy duty bandage to protect the wound were enough for him to agree to clear me. I could have delayed things, given myself time to recover fully but I just wanted the whole thing to be over. I'd enjoyed testing myself but the whole keeping it from John thing was beginning to bother me.

I showered, lingering under the hot water to soothe my aching muscles, going over in my head the various ways I could explain my motives when I talked with John later. At the designated time I made my way resolutely to the sparring room, sure that Major Lorne was going to pull out all the stops for the final test.

"Let's warm up," the Major instructed when I arrived. I completed my moves in silence, feeling almost detached from the proceedings. Realising that inattention would lead to failure I mentally shook myself and actively put to the back of my mind all the things I couldn't fix for the moment.

"Ready," Lorne looked at me expectantly.

I nodded, moving into the centre of the room to face him. Without warning he attacked, swinging a fist straight at my face. I blocked as Teyla had been training me, glad she'd helped me work out how to transition my skills with sticks to combat without weapons. Lorne was a challenging opponent. In height I had a slight advantage but he definitely had more muscle strength, a fact I fully appreciated when he landed a hit to my shoulder. We traded blows and blocks, moving around each other looking for an opening. The Major feigned to the left, moving behind me when I fell for it to wrap an arm around my upper shoulders. I used the fact that we were near one of the support pillars to my advantage, backing up rapidly and slamming us both into the pillar. Lorne's hold loosened just enough for me to slip clear and reset myself in the middle of the room. He grinned and I realised that he was actually enjoying this. Men! The sparring match continued for what felt like a long time as we traded kicks and hits without either one of us gaining superiority. In the end it was a small mistake that cost me the match ... I spun too low trying to avoid a well aimed kick and stumbled just enough for Lorne to see the opening. He pinned me to the ground in a classic hold, ensuring that I couldn't move.

"You win," I conceded, breathing hard as I looked up at him. Lorne jumped up immediately and went to the benches to grab his towel. Believing that I'd blown it with the last test I still looked at him without emotion as I grabbed my own towel. "Are you done?"

"What did you have in mind?" Lorne looked at me curiously.

"Well, you've clearly shown that I've still got a lot to learn about unarmed combat," I admitted freely. "How about you let me show you what I can do with armed combat?" I smiled wickedly. "My choice of weapons, of course."

"You're on," Major Lorne agreed. We took a few minutes to recover before returning to the centre of the room, this time with fighting sticks in hand.

I felt my spirit lift at the familiar weight and feel of my sticks ... after two years of practice and training with Teyla and with John they felt like an extension of my hands. I swung them in a fluid pattern as I waited for Lorne to take his position.

"You have trained with these, right?" I asked, pretty sure I'd heard something about him training with Teyla since he'd arrived with the first group of new Atlantis personnel.

"I'll give you a run for your money," he promised, swinging his own sticks in a confident manner.

"Okay then, let's do this," I smiled innocently before moving swiftly into a rapid series of attacking moves. Lorne blocked each but had to retreat to keep clear. We ended the first skirmish with sticks locked before pushing away from each other and resetting. Lorne took the offensive this time, alternating high and low blows in an effort to put me offside. I recognised a few classic Teyla moves in there and countered them easily with a few Teyla moves of my own. My lighter weight was an advantage because I could maintain my speedy attacks and move rapidly without tiring myself. Lorne had the greater strength but this time couldn't really put it to effect because my practiced skills allowed me to block anything that would have crippled me. I made a bit of a hypocrite of myself when I realised I was grinning at my enjoyment of the match. We'd been sparring for about ten minutes when the doors opened to reveal Colonel John Sheppard on the other side.

"Oh crap," I muttered, trying not to let his presence distract an opening from me. By unspoken mutual agreement the Major and I halted our match momentarily.

"Sir?" Major Lorne queried John's arrival.

"Carry on Major," John waved a hand vaguely in my direction as he took a seat on the bench.

I looked at Lorne with a raised eyebrow before shrugging and nodding for him to continue. Knowing that John was there was enough to motivate me to take the battle to a new level. I increased the speed and complexity of my attacks, throwing in a few Ronon manoeuvres I'd learned only recently that Lorne wouldn't be familiar with. When I landed a heavy blow to his shoulder I waited expressionlessly as he shook his arm before making himself ready to continue. My aggression was driving him back – rather than end the match I let him reset to the middle each time I landed a blow or locked sticks with him. I had him on the run but Lorne kept coming back for more.

I could feel real anger rising within me the longer the match went on ... anger at John for forcing me to take such a drastic course and anger at Major Lorne for not defending my position on his team even though I knew he was bound by the chain of command. Rather than let my anger bring me down I used it to fuel my attacks. Deciding enough was enough I lured Lorne into a series of attacks that ended with him pressed face down on the floor, my stick across his throat. Jumping up as soon as he'd conceded I stalked across the room and threw my gear angrily into my bag. Ignoring both men I turned to leave the room, pausing only when I got to the threshold, back still turned towards the room.

"Thanks for the match," I acknowledged grudgingly, before continuing on my way.

"The pleasure was all yours," Major Lorne called after me.

I don't know what John said to Major Lorne, nor what the Major said in return to explain the scene John had walked in on. I felt numb once the adrenalin had worn off – stumbling off to our quarters I took my second shower of the day before falling face down on the bed to sleep.

I came back to awareness a few hours later, frowning as I registered that I was no longer alone. John was propped up on his side, reading his book.

"Hey," I greeted him sleepily, forgetting for a moment that I was still mad at him.

"That was some display you put on," John closed his book with a purposeful snap.

"Ah ... yeah ... about that," I stammered, forgetting all my carefully rehearsed lines.

"I'll save you the trouble," John cut me off sternly. "With your return from M5R-877 this morning and the Puddle Jumper flight yesterday I already worked out what you've been up to."

"You did?" I asked weakly, struggling up in the bed to sit beside him.

"Major Lorne was testing you for his team," John stated simple. I glanced at him, frowning when I realised he didn't seem that bothered.

"You're not ... mad?" I asked reluctantly.

"I was," John admitted. "But then I did a bit of digging, spoke to Lorne and to Teyla," he smiled when I groaned at that. "You surprised Lorne," John said, "and if I'm honest you surprised me a little bit too – and I know better than anyone what you're capable of."

"Doesn't matter does it?" I mumbled. "I didn't pass the last test so it all counts for nothing."

"You passed the last test," John countered. "It was never about winning a sparring match, it was about showing that you know how to fight. Besides, with the fighting sticks you totally kicked Lorne's arse."

"I was angry at him," I admitted. "And you."

"I know," John said easily. "You've been angry since Sateda ... maybe I should have talked to you about it more than we did."

"Wouldn't have helped," I glanced at him before looking down at my hands. "I decided on this course the same day Ronon went missing – nothing you'd have said would have swayed me."

"I get that you were angry with me," John reached out and put a hand over mine, "but why with Lorne?"

"I know Lorne has to follow the chain of command," I said, "but I wanted him to stick up for me ... do _something_ to show everyone that he actually wanted me on his team, rather than having me forced on him because I'm 'the bosses' girlfriend."

"He never saw you that way," John protested. "Maybe before the last couple of days he didn't fully appreciate your skills and maybe it's a good thing you came up with a way to show him ... he won't underestimate you in the future."

"Did it make a difference to you?" I looked at John, waiting until he was looking at me in return. "Did I prove to you that I can handle myself just as well as any other off world team member?"

"You beat my time on the obstacle course," John replied, smiling when I looked at him in confusion. "Only by a second but still ... if you can do that then I guess you _have_ earned a full spot on Lorne's team."

"Really?" I looked at him in disbelief.

"Yeah," John replied, looking not entirely comfortable with his agreement.

"No more leaving me out of missions?" I persisted.

"I may have to work hard to curb my protective instincts," John said reluctantly, "but yeah ... consider yourself assigned permanently to team Lorne."

"Thank you," I launched myself at John, hugging and kissing him ecstatically.

**Authors Note:**

Daniel and Rodney are permanent on teams regardless of the type of mission their team is going on and sometimes I've seen Rodney lining up with his gun and thought what the hell is he doing there? Rather than just put Sabina into every mission in the same manner I decided to make her work at it and earn her spot. Team Lorne gets a bit more active in season 3 and I didn't want anyone to be thinking "what's Sabina doing there?"!!


	7. There is something odd about them

**Chapter 7: There is something ... odd about them**

"I suppose you'll be going back to M5R-877 at the first opportunity," Rodney suggested somewhat smugly to John. It was pretty quiet in the commissary given team Sheppard had come in late from their last mission. I'd decided to wait and have dinner with them ... getting the gossip straight from the source was more satisfying (not to mention more accurate) than picking it up from the Atlantis grapevine. I glanced across at John, curious to see how he'd react to that comment.

"And why would I do that McKay?" John raised an eyebrow expectantly.

"Because ... ah didn't Sabina beat your obstacle course time?" Rodney sounded a little less confident at bringing up the topic now.

"How did you find out about that?" I broke in, feeling annoyed and somewhat angry at the idea that someone on my team had leaked the information.

"New times are always listed on the noticeboard," Teyla said simply, gesturing across the room.

"Oh," I said in surprise, feeling even more uncomfortable now I knew that everyone was aware of the time I'd set.

"No wonder you never know about the latest rules and regs," John shook his head at me. "You _are_ supposed to read the notices regularly you know."

"I've read them," I insisted, honestly compelling me to add "once or twice. I don't need to read them anyway because you always tell me the stuff I really need to know - sometimes even _before_ I find out the hard way."

"Your performance on the obstacle course was very impressive," Teyla brought the conversation back to its starting point, looking across at me almost proudly.

"Yeah, well it's one of those things where being tall is an advantage," I excused modestly, having already thanked Teyla for the help I was convinced had made the difference between passing and failure.

"Being tall doesn't explain beating Sheppard," Ronon grinned across at John who's expression was unreadable.

"Hey - I'm not _that_ competitive!" John said dismissively, trying to head off more digs at his performance. "You beat me all the time big guy."

"Yeah, and you keep coming back to try again," Ronon reminded him.

"It was only a _second_," I pointed out reasonably. "Hardly a convincing victory!"

"One second is still winning," Rodney said insistently, grinning when John rolled his eyes in frustration.

"True," I smiled at John smugly for the first time. "I guess I _should_ enjoy it while I can ... since it's taken over two years for me to finally beat you at something."

"I'm gonna have to go back and set a new time," John looked at me with mock apology, "otherwise these guys will be on at me all the time. Plus you know what the military is like ... I'll never hear the end of it."

"I completely understand," I pretended to fall for his story for a few seconds before the humour in the situation overcame me and I burst into laughter. "Just remember," I warned when the laughter died down, "I can always go back and set a new time too!"

"

"Sabina, can you report to my office immediately?" Doctor Weir's voice issued from my radio. It was a few weeks after the whole testing thing and I'd gone back to dividing my time between team Lorne missions and Ancient research primarily driven by which device Rodney wanted to work out first.

"I'll be there in five minutes," I acknowledged, quickly shutting down the experiment I'd been running.

"We've found an advanced society of what we think are Ancients," Doctor Weir informed me when I arrived. "They've invited us to visit. You're our resident expert on the Ancients so you should come along."

"Okay," I agreed readily. I grabbed the gear Doctor Weir held out to me and quickly got myself ready for the trip through the Stargate. I noticed that Doctor Weir was also kitted out for gate travel and could only assume that she intended to go on the mission as well.

As we made our way down the Gateroom stairs I noticed that all of team Sheppard were already in attendance. Rodney turned when he heard our approach and looked on in surprise as we joined them.

"You coming too?" he asked, looking from me back to Doctor Weir with a questioning look.

"These people could very well be Ancients Rodney," Doctor Weir explained. "Sabina knows more about that than the rest of us so I thought it prudent to include her in the mission."

"And you?" Rodney continued.

"Well, Ancients or not, they're obviously an advanced society, and I would like to establish diplomatic relations with them immediately," Doctor Weir said firmly.

I glanced quickly at John to see how he'd taken the addition of two people to his usual mission line up ... on the surface he appeared comfortable with Doctor Weir's decision, a view confirmed by his easy agreement.

"Well, you're the boss," he drawled to Doctor Weir. "Let's go."

We stepped through the Stargate and an instant later stepped out again – back into the very Gateroom we'd just left.

"What happened?" Doctor Weir looked around in confusion.

"Did we make a U-turn?" John turned to glance questioningly at Rodney who held the Ancient scanner.

"No," Rodney denied, glancing down at his data screen. "This is the place. We're here."

The sound of the gate shutting down drew my attention back in that direction. Instead of the window that I would have seen back on Atlantis there was a long corridor leading off somewhere into the distance. A few of the inhabitants of this look alike Atlantis were standing fixedly looking back at us in surprise.

"Ah ... guys?" I called the attention of everyone else to the sight I beheld.

"So ... not exactly like our Gateroom," John stated, gazing down the corridor with a wide eyed expression.

Some of the people tentatively walked closer to us, gazing at us with expressions both apprehensive and curious.

"Hello," Doctor Weir said gently. "We're the people who sent the machine to you earlier. We come in friendship."

"I am Niam," replied a tall male with blonde hair and blue eyes. "Welcome to Asuras."

We all smiled in greeting as Doctor Weir introduced each of us in turn. Niam seemed delighted to be meeting us and keen to speak with us further.

"I would like to find out more about your people," he said almost shyly. "But first I must take you to meet with our governing council. Will you follow me?"

Doctor Weir agreed and Niam led us down the long corridor stretching out from the Gateroom. The windows were opaque, making it difficult for us to see what lay outside that corridor. I walked along side Elizabeth, eager to hear anything from the first Ancient I'd ever met.

"Our destination is not much further," Niam said, looking over his shoulder at John and Rodney who were trailing a few steps behind us, complaining about the walk. He turned back to Elizabeth and added "the High Council is eager to meet you."

"How long have your people lived here?" Doctor Weir asked curiously.

"We built this city, thousands of years ago," Niam said with a faint smile.

"What, you actually built it?" Rodney said in disbelief. "You didn't just find it this way?"

"No," Niam denied simply.

"Is this the only planet your people are located on?" I asked, trying to find out if they'd migrated from Atlantis without actually admitting that we'd just come from there.

"Yes," Niam agreed.

"And you've had no trouble with the Wraith?" Teyla asked incredulously.

"No," Niam answered as though it were of no great importance that a whole planet of advanced humans had avoided being culled or destroyed by the Wraith.

"Any particular reason?" Rodney asked curiously.

"The Wraith do not concern us," Niam said piously.

"Ah, see?" Rodney turned to John and commented. "He didn't answer my question." He turned back to Niam and had another go. "I'm sorry. You didn't actually answer my question."

Before Niam could respond further we reached a window that _wasn't_ opaque and stopped to inspect the view.

"Oh ... my," Doctor Weir said, almost speechless with wonder. Not surprising since we were looking at a vast array of structures spanning out from the traditional shape that was Atlantis. There were literally hundreds of towers as well as walkways similar to the one we were on connecting various parts of the city. It was an enormous metropolis far outstripping our home ... frankly the site filled me more with trepidation than amazement as the contradiction of so many being of no interest to the Wraith struck me.

"How many people live here?" Ronon was the first to recover from the shock of what we'd discovered.

"Millions," Niam responded lightly, as though the Pegasus galaxy were full of such civilisations.

"Well, the ... the power requirements for a city this size must be enormous. Well, plus shielding from the Wraith -- we're talking, what, three Zero Point Modules, maybe four?" Rodney tore himself away from the view to question Niam excitedly. When Niam looked at him with a distinct lack of comprehension Rodney tried to explain further. "Uh, sorry. ZedPMs ... a device that taps vast amounts of power from vacuum energy."

"Oh, yes. We have many of those," Niam smiled at Rodney's excitement.

"Exactly how many is many?" John queried.

"_Exactly_ doesn't matter," Rodney interrupted before Niam could answer. "_Many_ is plenty."

"Truthfully, I do not know the exact number," Niam admitted. "More than enough to suit our needs."

"I assume that you, um, built them yourselves?" Rodney asked hopefully.

"Yes," Niam agreed.

"Yes." Rodney looked at John with a happy grin.

"Easy, Rodney, you're slobbering," John teased.

"Please," Niam urged us to keep moving. "The Council is waiting."

Niam turned and continued to lead us down the corridor. While Rodney ran after him eagerly, the rest of us paused to consider the knowledge we'd just uncovered.

"Well, we have our answer," Teyla announced.

"To what question?" Ronon replied.

"Whether or not they're Ancients," Doctor Weir clarified Teyla's comment.

"In which case, I've got a bone to pick with them," John said, turning and heading off after Niam and Rodney.

I resumed walking alongside Doctor Weir, wondering whether I should express my concerns which seemed so at odds with what everyone else was feeling.

"I don't think we can assume anything at this stage," I finally offered. "Just because they know how to construct a ZPM doesn't make them Ancients."

"What would it take to convince you?" Doctor Weir looked at me curiously.

"Oh I don't know," I said semi sarcastically. "Maybe if an ascended Ancient did their glowy act and arrived here right now to greet these people like long lost brothers ... _then_ I'd feel more confident."

"Well, in the absence of 'glowy' Ancients," Doctor Weir said with a smile, "we'll have to rely on our own powers of deduction."

"I can do that," I quipped, increasing my pace to match Doctor Weir as she hurried to catch up with Niam.

We arrived in the council chamber, a surprisingly small room seating nine Asurans at a three sided table that dominated the room. Others stood around the edges clearly acting as guards for the council members. Seated at the middle table and obviously in charge was an older man with a stern and unwelcoming expression. Niam introduced him as Oberoth, leader of the Asurans.

I kept my own council as I listened to the conversation that unfolded. Despite Niam's evident enthusiasm at our arrival, Oberoth and the rest of the council were less than impressed to find themselves playing host to us. Oberoth showed no remorse as he talked emotionlessly of the fall of their supposed brother Ancients to the Wraith 10,000 years ago. He also showed no inclination to explain their position on the Wraith in general, saying nothing more than a vague statement about their plan to exterminate the Wraith when the time was right.

The conversation was more interesting because of all the things that were left unexplained than by the things that were actually said. We still had no idea why such a large population of Ancients were on the planet and free from Wraith cullings, nor why the Asurans had broken away from the Atlantis Ancients so long ago. Most importantly of all we had made no progress in understanding why the Asurans had stood apart from the rest of the galaxy for so long, nor why they seemed disinclined to provide any form of assistance to a galaxy of humans who could really use their help.

By far the most interesting discovery of the day was what we found out from Niam _after_ we were dismissed from Oberoth's presence. Doctor Weir mentioned her curiosity about why the Asurans hadn't ascended like the rest of the Ancients we knew of. Niam's level of interest in us notched up immediately the word ascension was mentioned. His reaction and his responses to Elizabeth's questions were just more arrows stabbing at my confidence that we'd found a planet full of Ancients.

The quarters Niam led us to were pleasant and familiar looking. It was a relief to finally be free of Asuran ears. I stood over by the window with John, looking out over the ocean and the view of flickering lights many times more expansive than we would have seen back on Atlantis.

"It must have been quite a serious falling-out for the Ancients to eliminate any reference to them in the entire database," Doctor Weir commented.

"Unless they're lying," Teyla countered. I was relieved to realise that I wasn't the only one who felt there was something not quite right about this whole situation. I remained at the window as John turned and walked over to join the others.

"There is something ... odd about them," I said quietly, frowning at the evidence before me of the sheer number of Asurans living on the planet.

"Might it not be possible that these people merely discovered this city, as you discovered Atlantis?" Teyla suggested.

"Wouldn't surprise me," John said. "They don't seem very ... Ancienty to me."

"_Ancienty_?" Rodney questioned John with a grimace.

"Yes," John confirmed grimly. "That's the word I was looking for."

"You think they could be deceiving us?" Doctor Weir asked Teyla.

"Teyla's right," John pointed out. "They could've found the city the way it was and moved in years ago."

"I feel they are hiding something," Teyla said simply. Given her knack for sniffing out trouble, her words were met with confident belief by the rest of us.

"Other than their plan to defeat the Wraith, you mean?" Elizabeth quipped.

"There's no plan," Ronon stated as though speaking a proven fact.

"No ... I don't think so either," Doctor Weir said in support.

"Why would they say they had a plan if they don't have a plan?" Rodney asked, clearly unwilling to give up yet on the implied hope the Asurans provided us.

"And how come they've remained free from Wraith culling ... from Wraith contact of any sort?" I asked seriously. "There are millions of people living here – the Wraith should be stopping by every week for a full on banquet ... or have tried to wipe their whole civilisation from existence."

"They figured out a way to hide from the rest of the galaxy - including the Wraith - and they're happy to go on with their lives, just minding their own business," John explained.

"Something's definitely not right," I agreed. "These people are not who they're presenting themselves to be."

"Then, whoever they are ..." Ronon began ominously.

"I think that is what we need to find out," Doctor Weir replied. "I'm going to request a private audience with Oberoth, try to convince him to offer us help."

"He won't listen," I said, turning away from the window and walking over to stand beside John. "He wants to see us out of here sooner rather than later – it would be a mistake to tell them anything more about us than they already know."

"Negotiations are about meeting somewhere in the middle," Doctor Weir told me. "Oberoth isn't likely to give us anything unless I can convince him we have something to offer in return. Their level of technology, their resources ... it's too good an opportunity to pass up without trying."

I nodded at Elizabeth's words, unable to shake the bad feeling I had about her meeting with Oberoth.

**Authors Note:**

This is the first episode based chapter for FJS3 where I couldn't avoid putting in a fair bit of dialogue from the show ... I've made a habit of changing that as little as possible which I'm sticking to for Season 3, so apologies if this felt a little like a regurgitation of 'Progeny' - the next part of the episode has much more of the original stuff.

I'm responding to reviews personally (now that I 've worked out how to do it :D) rather than thanking people in the story chapters but I just wanted to acknowledge that the idea for Shep getting teased about Sabina beating his obstacle course time came from **chevron7** - thanks!

And finally, re update frequency, is once a day too much? This is a _long_ story and individually the chapters themselves are all pretty long - I don't want to overwhelm people with too much material to keep up with.


	8. You’re not worrying about the Asurans?

**Authors Note: **

WARNING - This chapter contains a moment or two of what could be considered by some as bordering on graphic violence ... depending on just how good your mental imagery is.

**Chapter 8: You're not still worrying about the Asurans?**

The bad feeling I'd had about Elizabeth's private meeting with Oberoth panned out when she returned a short time later, informing us that it was time for us to leave. Niam again arrived to escort us to the Gateroom. We were almost there when a group of Asuran guards ran towards us with their weapons raised. John, Teyla and Ronon replied instantly by raising their weapons in return. We were held in a standoff situation until Oberoth walked in and came to a standstill in front of Doctor Weir. He stared at her for a moment before looking pointedly at our raised weapons.

"Lower your weapons," he ordered, expecting immediate capitulation.

"How much lower would you like 'em?" John returned sarcastically. I realised I was seeing 'John Sheppard - wise guy captive' for the first time and began to understand what a pain that would be for anyone daring to take him prisoner.

"Do you really wish to challenge us?" Oberoth looked at John menacingly. The guard standing directly behind John poked his weapon into John's back, letting him know that we were surrounded _and_ outnumbered.

John grimaced, realising there was nothing he could do for the moment. "Huh. Maybe the floor," he said, reluctantly bending down to put his P90 on the floor. Seeing this, Ronon and Teyla did the same.

"Now, I thought you didn't want us here, Oberoth," Doctor Weir said with a puzzled frown.

"I don't," Oberoth agreed. "But you possess information that I simply must have."

I groaned inwardly, realising that Elizabeth must have said _something_ in her meeting that Oberoth had found unexpectedly interesting. The guards surrounding us ushered us through the corridors until we arrived at a place that was unfortunately familiar, to me at least. The brig. Motioning us forward, the guards waited until we were all standing in the one cell before they activated the force field, effectively sealing us in and cutting off any means of escape.

"I never thought I'd find myself back in one of these," I said softly to John. He smiled at my attempted humour, both of us recalling my first week on Atlantis and how I'd forced him to put me in the brig by not telling him who I was.

"These trade negotiations can be real murder," he quipped, turning away from where he'd been looking out of the cell.

Rodney had settled himself into a corner and closed his eyes, appearing resigned to waiting for someone to come back for us. Teyla and Doctor Weir stood together, watching as Ronon tried to put a hand through the gap in the corner of the cell. The shield flashed blue and Ronon jumped back at the electrical shock he'd sustained.

"We need to find a way out of here," he said angrily.

"Rodney?" Elizabeth tried to rouse him.

"Hmm?" Rodney muttered with little interest.

"Well, this cell is similar to ours. Is there something in the design that could offer a possible escape?" she asked.

"Are you serious?" Rodney looked at her incredulously. "It's a jail cell!"

"I might be able to do something," I offered hesitantly.

"What, tap into the systems?" John looked at me hopefully.

"Maybe," I replied. I closed my eyes and tried to connect to the Asuran systems like I could back on Atlantis. I hadn't really experimented with other systems besides the sensors but I still felt it worth a try. My hesitant expression turned to one of dawning discovery as I realised that I _could_ in fact access the Asuran systems, and with much more ease than I was used to.

"I'm in," I reported softly. "What should I do?"

"Turn off the force field and open the door," John instructed. When I complied and the door slid open John put a hand on my shoulder and said "Nice! Can you block us all off the sensors?"

"I'll try," I mumbled, reaching for that familiar system and spreading a blanket over our entire group. "Done," I said, opening my eyes to find the others all looking at me in amazement. "What?" I asked reluctantly.

"Um ..." Rodney spoke for everyone, "you don't usually find it so easy to ... ah ... do what you just did."

"I know," I agreed readily. "The Asurans have their systems much more heavily linked than they are in Atlantis. They must be pretty lazy with their ATA genes too because they've altered the systems to make them much easier to operate."

"We need our weapons," Ronon said.

"They're in a room one level up from here," I reported. "We should be able to get there without being detected."

"Let's go," John ordered us all to exit the brig and follow him and Ronon out into the corridor, Teyla bringing up the rear. With my whispered instructions we made our way silently to the room I'd seen on the city schematics. John and Ronon went in and came out a few moments later, handing off weapons to Teyla and me. "Which way to the Jumper Bay?" John looked at me questioningly.

"There," I turned and pointed back the way we'd come. Moving cautiously we made our way towards the Jumper Bay and our only means of escape. When I passed an outside window I noticed the darkness and realised that the night time hour was the reason why we'd met little resistance on our trek through Asuras. There were two guards stationed outside the Bay doors but Ronon stunned them so rapidly that they were unable to sound any kind of alarm.

"Come on," John ran towards the nearest Jumper, throwing himself in the pilots chair and motioning for me to take the co pilot position. He started up the systems as Rodney altered the Jumper to prevent it from communicating with the Control Room. Within minutes the Bay roof door was open and we were being lowered into position in front of an open wormhole leading back to Atlantis. Guards appeared in the Gateroom and on the Control Room balcony but their shots had little impact as John drove us through the gate, sending an IDC seconds before we entered the event horizon.

"We made it," Rodney said incredulously, looking out the front view screen at the welcome sight of familiar Atlantis staff staring in confusion at our unexpected return in a Puddle Jumper when we'd set out on foot.

"Thanks to Sabina," John pointed out, making me squirm in embarrassment. It wasn't that John didn't give out praise when it was due, but it wasn't his normal practice to do it so publicly and in such a way as to discount the efforts of the rest of the team.

"We all helped," I replied. Before anything more could be said I vacated my seat and hurried out of the Jumper, following Elizabeth to the Conference Room for our debrief.

"

It was a relief to finally lay my head down on my pillow an hour later. The debrief had been unsatisfying both because more potentially strong allies had turned out to be insane _and_ because we had no idea of the Asurans capability to retaliate against our escape. John had gone off with Rodney to search the Atlantis database for any further mention of the Asurans. By the time he got back to our quarters I must have been asleep because I didn't register his presence in bed.

That was until the very early hours of the morning when I awoke suddenly to see him looming above me.

"John?" I queried sleepily.

"This isn't right," John said in a voice of dawning worry.

"What's not right?" John's behaviour succeeded in bringing me to full wakefulness. I thought quickly and brought the lights on to dim so I could see his expression.

"Being back here, escaping so easily," John muttered, staring at me fixedly.

"The Asurans haven't had visitors for thousands of years," I pointed out. "They probably aren't used to anyone defying their will."

"Maybe that's it," John flopped back onto the bed, gazing up at the ceiling as he rubbed a tired hand over his face.

"You look tired still," I said. "Get some more sleep ... you'll feel better in the morning."

"You're right," John thought the lights off and pulled me into him in the darkness. His breathing quickly returned to a steady rhythm and I let myself relax in the knowledge that he was back to sleep.

The next morning John and I went to the commissary for breakfast. John was unusually quiet and I left him in silence to finish eating before I called him up on it.

"What's wrong?" I asked. "You're not still worrying about the Asurans?"

"This isn't real," John looked at me with a vacant expression. "None of this is real."

"Don't be silly," I replied. "Of course this is real ... if it wasn't I wouldn't be able to do this," I reached over and pinched his hand lightly.

"It's not and I can prove it," John said firmly, jumping up and leaping over the table towards me. I froze in dumbfounded amazement as he pulled me up into his arms and kissed me passionately. Before I could even think of protesting at his very public display he'd lifted me up onto the commissary table and positioned himself to stand intimately against me. I have no idea how far he would have taken things because we were interrupted before I could find out.

"_Colonel Sheppard!_" Doctor Weir's shocked voice came from behind me.

"_WHAT?_" John broke our kiss to turn and glare at Elizabeth.

"What's gotten into you?" Doctor Weir demanded, looking towards me for an explanation of John's out of character behaviour.

"He said this wasn't real," I told her, holding on to John as he tried to break away from me. "Do you think the Asurans could have done something to him?"

"Doctor Beckett will know," Doctor Weir replied almost casually. "Take him down there now."

I pulled out of John's embrace and put an arm around him to guide him from the commissary, aware of the shocked faces watching our departure. "Don't worry," I told him, "Carson will know what's wrong – he'll fix this."

"He can't," John said simply. When Ronon got up to escort us John spun away from me suddenly, attacking Ronon in vicious anger. Even more surprising than that was the fact that he bested Ronon with apparent ease. Marines ran down the corridor towards us and I hurriedly dragged John away, hoping to avoid more violence.

John let me lead him all the way to the infirmary with no further protest. The list of unusual behaviours I was compiling was growing by the second. Dishing out unnecessary public praise. Practically groping me publicly. Being disrespectful with Doctor Weir. Beating Ronon so convincingly. Not protesting at an unplanned visit to the infirmary. I didn't say it, but deep inside I was beginning to worry that there was something seriously wrong with John.

"What's this?" Carson greeted us worriedly. I explained John's recent behaviour and Carson quickly moved into doctor mode, setting John up for a series of tests. The waiting was painful but finally Carson returned to give us the verdict.

"He's perfectly fine," Carson reported happily. "Couldn't find a thing wrong with him."

"There _must_ be something," I muttered, watching as John seemed to drift off in his own little world. "_Look at him!_"

"I am lass," Carson replied. "And I can't see anything to worry about."

"See," John turned suddenly and speared me with an intent look. "Would the real Carson be that lax?"

Looking from John back to the smiling face of Doctor Beckett I felt my insides clench horribly at the realisation that perhaps John wasn't completely off base. Carson _was_ behaving strangely! And Doctor Weir hadn't exactly behaved as I would have expected given what she'd walked in on at the commissary.

"What are you saying?" I almost whispered. "That everyone here is ... not who they're supposed to be?"

"No," John got off the infirmary bed and took my shoulders into his hands. Pulling me close he said grimly "I'm _saying_ that nothing about this ... reality is real. You're not even really here!"

"_No_," I pulled away in denial. "That can't be ... John, just listen to yourself for a moment – listen to what you're saying!"

"I'm not real either," John looked at me sadly. "I can prove that too." Before I could stop him he pulled the knife he carried at the back of his belt out and slashed it across his right wrist. I watched in horror as blood quickly pooled and began dripping to the floor.

"_Carson_!" I yelled, turning towards him expecting that he'd already be moving to treat John's wound. Instead he was gazing at the flowing blood like it was the most mesmerising thing he'd ever seen. Realising I'd get no help from him I ran and grabbed a bandage from a nearby tray, rushing back to press down hard on John's wrist.

"Don't worry," John said weakly, sinking down onto the bed again. "The real me is ... safe ... in a manner of speaking. You just need to wake up and you'll see him."

"John," I pleaded, watching as he closed his eyes wearily and submitted passively to my medical ministrations. Seeing that, Carson finally sprang into action and began to treat John properly. Within minutes he had sutured the wound and applied a proper bandage. I sat beside John's bed, brain ticking over madly as I tried to work out what was going on.

John began to stir just as I came to the sickening realisation that he was in fact right. None of this was real ... in fact I was pretty sure that I myself was just as unreal as everything else. Was I trapped in some kind of dream? I stood up and backed slowly away from John's bed, struggling to wake myself up.

"That's it," John coached me. 'Fight this ... you can do it."

I held eye contact as John rose from the bed and came to stand in front of me. The space behind him seemed to pulse and shimmer before three Asurans pushed themselves through. I just stood there, rooted to the spot as one of them grabbed the knife John had abandoned on his bedside table. Before I could even think to protest the Asuran grabbed John's hair from behind, pulled his head back and sliced the blade cleanly across his throat, pushing him callously away. John instinctively clasped a hand across the wound as he slumped to his knees, tipping sideways slowly and falling to the ground.

"_NO!_" I screamed, throwing myself to my knees at John's side. A sickening gurgling sound came from his mouth as he tried unsuccessfully to speak to me. "Oh God ... don't do this John, please don't leave me ..." I began to cry as blood pooled on the floor around his head. John kept his eyes firmly fixed on mine, trying to convey something in his last moments. My tears flowed even harder as I watched the light slowly fade from his eyes. Weeping uncontrollably I pulled him into my lap, rocking us both as if to convince myself that everything would be okay.

I was still crying when my head exploded with intense pain. Forcing my eyes open I stared in disbelief at the Asuran removing his hand from my forehead. My gaze darted quickly from side to side and I registered that I was still in the Asuran Brig and that I wasn't alone in being stretched out on the floor from an Asuran hand just removed the forehead. I cringed as John yelled in agony but the knowledge that somehow he was still alive didn't penetrate my conscious mind. What I'd left still seemed more real than where I was. The Asurans stood up and waited for one of us to gain back a little control. I watched blankly as John seemed to pull himself together enough to look around him. Oberoth was standing in front of him, looking impassively at John's expression of confusion.

"What the hell just happened?" John demanded weakly.

Instead of answering, Oberoth turned and walked away, avoiding the bodies of the other four inhabitants of our little cell. Five other Asurans fell in behind him as he swept from the room. John propped himself up on one elbow and stared at Oberoth's departing back.

"Who the hell are you people?" he called after them.

"They're not people," Rodney said with dawning horror. "They're machines ... they're Replicators."

I didn't know what that was, but it sounded pretty bad. I curled up on the floor, shaking in reaction to what I'd seen, silent tears still running down my face. I flinched as John crawled his way over to me and laid a hand on my shoulder.

"Sabina?" John asked hesitantly. "You okay?"

I gazed at him intently, scanning every inch of his face looking for something that would convince me this was real - that he was really there and perfectly healthy.

Before I could say anything a rumbling sound began issuing from all around us. John struggled to his feet, reaching down a hand to help me up. We looked around in apprehension as the cell bars themselves seemed to shake and groan.

"What's happening?" Doctor Weir asked of the room in general.

"I don't know," Rodney muttered, "but I can guarantee that it won't be good."


	9. Why? What did you see?

**Chapter 9: Why? What did you see?**

The shaking of the city ceased and when nothing further happened we all tried to find somewhere comfortable to rest and recover from our ordeal.

"My head is killing me," Doctor Weir admitted weakly, leaning her head back against one of the columns running down the middle of each cell wall.

John was sitting next to me in one corner of the cell, one arm around me in concern as I continued to shudder periodically at memories that seemed too real to contemplate.

"How'd we get back here?" John looked around at the others.

"What do you mean, 'back here'?" Teyla asked with a confused frown.

"Well, we broke out and got to the Jumper, gated back to Atlantis," John said hesitantly. When everyone looked at him in puzzlement, John added "At least I _thought_ we did."

"That is not what I remember," Teyla said, shaking her head gingerly.

"The only thing I remember was being in a dark room, fighting hand to hand for hours," Ronon said from his position in the opposite corner.

Rodney had been pacing back and forth in agitation, clearly troubled by what he'd seen. "Well, they obviously created different scenarios for each of us during the mind probe - no doubt looking to gather information from our responses," he said sickly.

"I _thought_ our escape seemed too easy," John admitted, putting a hand to his head with a frown.

"At least _you_ escaped," Rodney muttered.

"What'd they do to you?" John looked up at Rodney in concern.

"Uh, torture," Rodney admitted uncomfortably, "in ways too hideous and, um ... intimate to recount."

"Like what?" Ronon asked curiously.

"I said _too hideous to recount_," Rodney pointed out sarcastically.

"Did uh ..." I spoke for the first time since the Asurans had left the cell. "Did any of you see anything that made you doubt it was real?"

"No," John admitted, looking around at the others and getting a similar response from them. "Why? What did you see?"

"We escaped just like you said, made it back to Atlantis in a Puddle Jumper," I began, looking down at my hands. "Then uh ... you," I shot a look at John before looking down again, "the you in my reality started telling me it wasn't real ... you acted ... completely out of character to try and prove it to me." I trailed off, not wanting to relive how my experience had ended but knowing he would want to know.

"Then what happened?" John asked softly.

"Three Asurans appeared behind you," I almost whispered, "and ah ... one of them ... slit your throat with your own knife ... I was screaming and then ... I was back here."

"_God_," John muttered in shock, tightening his arm around me in reaction. "Sabina ..."

"It was so ... real," I watched as a tear dropped onto my hand, "but at the same time you were telling me it wasn't."

"Well, subconsciously at least, something about what they showed you must have made you suspicious," Rodney said thoughtfully. I nodded and swiped a hand discretely across my eyes to wipe away my tears.

"I just had a horrible thought," Doctor Weir said suddenly.

"What if it is still happening?" Teyla said what we were all thinking.

"Yes," Doctor Weir admitted.

"There's gotta be a way to know for sure," Rodney complained. He walked over to John, and after hesitating for a moment poked him hard on the side of the head. John frowned and then slapped Rodney's leg sharply.

"Doesn't really prove anything," Rodney turned away dispiritedly.

"It's real, Doctor McKay," Niam's voice came from the corridor leading into the Brig. He walked in, accompanied by three guards. We all stood and steeled ourselves for the next ordeal.

"Your minds are no longer being probed," Niam reassured us.

"It's good to know it was just our minds," John quipped sarcastically.

"Oh, please don't make me sick," Rodney grimaced.

"Please, come with me," Niam said, gesturing for us to follow him from the Brig.

I was happy to get out of there but inside I still felt unsettled in a way I couldn't begin to explain. While I was now one hundred percent sure that this was real, my experience with the mind probe had left some kind of lingering effect behind.

Niam led us through the city to one of the external balconies. The sight that greeted us was disturbing on a different level - we were in space - the rumbling we'd heard in our cell was the star drive activating. Niam told us that we were heading for Atlantis with the sole purpose of destroying it because of their feud with the Ancients.

When Niam offered to show Doctor Weir their history, she agreed, doing the whole mind probe thing with Niam willingly. When she came back to herself and Niam had settled us in some guest quarters Doctor Weir told us what she had seen. The Ancients had created the Asurans, initially as nanites designed specifically to be a weapon against the Wraith. They'd programmed an intense aggression into the nanite base code and pursued their research until the Asurans had begun multiplying and taking on enough complexity to become the version we saw before us now. When it became clear that the Asurans would not be the weapon the Ancients had hoped for they'd blasted the Asuran planet in an attempt to wipe their creation from existence.

"Obviously the Ancients didn't do a thorough enough job wiping them out," John pointed out.

"No," Doctor Weir agreed. "A few of the nanites managed to survive."

"Which is all they needed to begin replicating again," Rodney added sickly.

"Replicating?" Teyla frowned in confusion at the unfamiliar term.

"This is bad," Rodney said in his doom and gloom voice. "They're very similar to an artificial intelligence that SG-1 encountered several years ago that evolved from a tiny block-Replicator into human form. They may even be related somehow."

"I read those reports," John said in surprise. "Stargate Command could barely defeat the human-form Replicators."

"Which is why I said _this is bad_," Rodney said sarcastically.

"The difference here is they're emulating the Ancients," Doctor Weir pointed out. "They've even built themselves a version of Atlantis."

"And then some," Ronon commented.

"Why would they do this?" Teyla asked, looking at Doctor Weir for her opinion.

"I think they look at the Ancients like parents who betrayed them, and now they see humans as the favoured siblings who receive all the parents' love. They've been seeking revenge ever since." Doctor Weir explained.

"Just what we need," John complained. "More bad guys."

"Which means we've probably just identified the race that created the nanovirus that nearly killed me a couple of years ago," Rodney commented.

"It almost killed a lot of people," John looked at Rodney pointedly.

"Yeah," Rodney agreed unrepentantly.

"But you found that nanite virus on Atlantis," I said in confusion. "How could the Asurans have created it here but it turned up light years away?"

"It's a good bet the Asurans were trying to affect the Ancients somehow," Rodney replied.

"Yeah but the virus was ineffective on people with the ATA gene," I persisted. "Why would they bother creating a virus that couldn't kill the very people they were trying to get back at?"

"I don't know," Rodney said in irritation. "I'm sure they had some reason though ... which hopefully we don't have cause to find out any time soon!"

"Were you not able to defeat that nanovirus with an electromagnetic pulse?" Teyla asked.

"That was different," Rodney explained. "Those were individual nanites, easy to disrupt with a simple EM pulse. These ... these things have evolved way beyond that, with interdependent organic constituents of a far greater complexity."

Our conversation was interrupted by the arrival of one of Niam's female companions. She walked to Doctor Weir and looked down at her with some concern. "Are you feeling better?" she asked quietly.

"Yes," Doctor Weir replied with a slight smile.

"Follow me," the Asuran female looked at us all. Not waiting for our agreement she turned and walked out of the room. There was nothing else for us to do but get up and follow her.

Niam and another Asuran female were waiting for us in one of the conference rooms. I sat beside John and listened incredulously as Niam revealed that a small number of Asurans held ascension as the ultimate goal in proving they were equal to their creators. Niam believed that the aggression programmed into them was holding them back from attaining that goal, something they were bound from changing when the Ancients programmed in failsafes to prevent them from altering their own base code. He offered us a deal ... in exchange for Rodney making the necessary changes to their base code Niam and the others would stop Oberoth from destroying Atlantis _and_ provide us with assistance in fighting the Wraith.

"Perhaps you can assist Doctor McKay?" Niam turned to me once the deal had been struck.

"Me?" I asked with a frown.

"Our probe showed that you are unusually observant for one of your race,' Niam said simply. "Doctor McKay's work may proceed faster if you can assist him in looking for the relevant parts of our base code."

"Ah ..." I looked across at John with a raised eyebrow. When he nodded silently I turned back to Niam. "I'll do what I can," I agreed reluctantly.

Niam took Rodney and me to an isolated lab so that he could give Rodney access to their base code. Rodney immediately began scrolling through screens and screens of frankly incomprehensible chemical sequence code. To me anyway. It took me only seconds to work out that there was no way I'd be of any assistance. Stepping away from the console I walked over to where Niam was standing guard.

"So what's the real reason you wanted me separated from the others?" I asked him casually.

"You are not like the rest of your people," Niam looked at me with a puzzled frown. "We have periodically gathered information from across the galaxy, probing many humans. After repeated probes your race _can_ build up some resistance but we have never had anyone know at the first probe that what we showed them was not real."

"Well you must have made a mistake somewhere," I told him, "because there's nothing different about me."

"Perhaps if you would allow me to conduct another probe," Niam looked at me hopefully.

"I don't think so!" I took a step back from him in protest. "What I saw last time is still freaking me out. There's no way I'd sign up for another round voluntarily."

"I am sorry for what the others did to you," Niam apologised. "Even if they had been aware before they began of the special connection between you and Colonel Sheppard they would still have proceeded in the same fashion."

"I'm confused," I turned to look intently at Niam. "You say that you're inherently aggressive and yet _you_ seem quite reasonable to me, gentle even. How is that possible?"

"As a collective we _are_ aggressive," Niam told me. "Oberoth allows a certain level of individual freedom, so long as we take care to not step outside of the bounds he has set for us. He is ... _amused_ by my goal of ascension and so he lets me be."

"What happens if you _do_ overstep the bounds?" I asked curiously.

"Oberoth will reprogram us," Niam admitted. "Outwardly I would appear unaffected but this body would house an entirely different awareness than it does now ... I would cease to exist as you know me."

"And yet you're risking everything to help us," I commented. "Is ascension really that important?"

"The Ancients created us as a weapon and then callously destroyed us when we were not what they had hoped for," Niam said with more emotion than I'd previously heard from him. "The only way we can prove them wrong about us is to ascend - to become one with them on the same plane of existence."

I nodded without commenting further, realising that although his methods were much different from Oberoth's, in the end he was just as driven by the need for retribution against the Ancients.

"I can show you more about our history, how we have evolved since the Ancients abandoned this planet believing us destroyed," Niam offered.

Glancing across at Rodney, I realised that he was still some time away from completing his work, despite the impatience I'd heard in John's voice when he'd checked in earlier.

"I _am_ interested," I turned back to Niam expectantly.

"This way," Niam said, taking my hand to draw me out of the lab and across the hall to another room. It was a hologram room similar to the one back on Atlantis. Once inside he released me and I rubbed my hand surreptitiously down the side of my pants. Niam didn't have the ATA gene - which kind of made sense since he was a machine and presumably didn't have _genes_ as we knew them. If I'd just touched him at the very beginning I would have been able to work that out and possibly saved us all a lot of trouble. Why hadn't I thought of that?!

"Step up onto the dais," Niam instructed me. "Regus will tell you anything you wish to know."

I did as he instructed, surprised when the dais activated as soon as I put one foot on the sensor tiles. "You made your technology to recognise the Ancient gene?" I asked in surprise.

"We wished to fashion a city surpassing Atlantis itself in greatness," Niam excused. "All of our knowledge has it's basis in the Ancient technology ... we were unable to move away from this despite there being no Ancients present to make use of what we built."

I stepped up fully and waited for the appearance of the usual glowing figure dressed in white. "I am Regus ... please state your information requirements."

"Tell me about the evolution of the Asurans," I began.


	10. Are you sure this is real?

**Chapter 10: Are you sure this is real?**

Niam eventually left me to check on Rodney. Once he'd gone I stopped Regus mid sentence and replaced my previous request with what I really wanted to find out about.

"Tell me about the nanovirus the Asurans created," I requested. I listened intently as Regus told me about the origin and purpose of that project as well as how it had ended up back on Atlantis. Pulling my data pad from my pocket I quickly connected it to the hologram control console and copied over the information Regus had given me verbally. The conclusions that could be drawn from what I'd found cast doubt on a lot of what Oberoth had told us – no real surprise there. I resolved that as soon as possible I'd have to fill in the others on what I'd learned.

I was exploring Asuran history again by the time Niam returned to tell me that Rodney had succeeded and was already back in the guest quarters with the others.

"It's about time!" John pulled me into the room as soon as Niam escorted me to the door. Teyla and Doctor Weir looked up from their seats when my arrival interrupted their conversation - Ronon had clearly been pacing impatiently and he continued without pause.

"Thank you for showing me your history," I turned to Niam in gratitude.

"You are most welcome Sabina," Niam bowed slightly before turning and leaving us.

"What was that all about?" John drew me over to the couch and waited for me to sit down tiredly before taking a seat beside me.

"It was a ruse - saying Rodney needed my help," I said simply. "Niam took me to the hologram room when I called him up on it."

"Why did he want to talk to you alone?" John asked with a frown.

"I still don't know," I admitted. "He said something about me being different and wanting to probe me again to find out how. When I refused he offered to let me learn more about their history."

"Different?" John glanced at me worriedly.

"That's what he said," I said airily, like the very thought wasn't worrying me. "But only because he said it wasn't the usual thing for someone to know the probe wasn't real the first time like I did. It's probably just because of all the work I've done with mind control - with the Wraith technology and also with the TED."

"That makes sense," John nodded, letting the subject drop. He quickly filled me in on what had happened in my absence, including Rodney's plan to destroy the city with an overloading ZPM.

"What about Niam?" I asked quickly.

"We'll offer him the chance to come with us if he wants," Doctor Weir reassured me.

"That's good," I agreed. "Because I truly believe Niam is different from the others, even without the changes to his base code ... Oberoth keeps him around because it amuses him to ridicule Niam's beliefs."

"Yeah - nice fellow that Oberoth," John quipped.

During the whole conversation Rodney had been in a world of his own, using his data pad to set up the glitch he'd discovered to freeze all the Replicators.

"Okay, I'm almost ready to set this thing off," Rodney announced.

John got up impatiently and went to peer over Rodney's right shoulder. "Are you sure this'll work?" he asked.

"Please," Rodney said in that 'I am the great McKay and all my plans work' voice. "Of course it will work."

"Why's it taking so long?" John persisted.

"Why do you always have to ...?," Rodney looked up at John in irritation. "Look, I need to properly calibrate the frequencies. I wanna make sure that when I freeze them, I freeze them all, OK?"

"_All_ would be good," John agreed, still leaning over Rodney's shoulder.

"OK, will you just let me finish?" Rodney requested, glancing over at me as if silently asking me to control John somehow.

"_John_," I said in a serious tone. "Stop bothering Rodney."

"Thank you," Rodney said, as John straightened up and took a step away from him. Rodney turned back to the data pad. I shook my head as John immediately zeroed in on Rodney again, this time leaning over his other shoulder to peer at the small screen.

"Okay," Rodney began, "here we go in five, four, three, two, one."

John and Rodney got up and cautiously peeked out as the door opened.

"Hey, it worked!" Rodney exclaimed.

"Interesting," John said, looking at our two frozen Asuran guards. He grabbed a weapon from one while Ronon helped himself to the other.

"OK. We should move to the ZPM Room," John announced, motioning for us to start moving.

Ronon stopped suddenly and aimed his weapon down the corridor. Turning we all saw Niam walking down the steps, moving gingerly around his immobilised colleagues.

"Why isn't he frozen?" John demanded to Rodney.

"His code's changed," Rodney said it like it should have been obvious to the rest of us. "Until he's distributed it to the others in the next merge, he'll be different than the rest of them."

"What happened?" Niam asked in confusion. Doctor Weir explained and Niam nodded, content to follow along with the plan.

The feeling of motion altered subtlety, causing all of us to pause.

"What was that?" Teyla asked in concern.

"I think we just dropped out of hyperspace," John looked around as if to reassure himself that the frozen Asurans had not been affected by that.

"We need to move," Ronon urged impatiently. He led the way as we hurried down the corridor towards the ZPM Room.

We hurried through the corridors to the ZPM room and waited impatiently as Rodney rigged the overload complaining the whole time about not being able to take at least one ZPM with us. Once done we headed for the Jumper Bay, stopping along the way to collect our weapons. John and I had both made the same journey in our heads ... I don't know about him but it was freaking me out to be familiar with a place I'd never actually been. Things started to go pear shaped when we came across Oberoth. Believing him frozen Rodney couldn't resist getting up close and personal for a bit of taunting ... an action he regretted when Oberoth grabbed him around the neck. A few well placed bullets later and we were once again running hectically through the corridors, with Ronon and John shooting strategically behind us. John stopped at a door and peered cautiously around the corner.

"OK, start the overload," he told Rodney.

"What?" Rodney demanded. "No-no-no-no. Not yet. We need to be in a Jumper or clear of the city, or ..."

"The Jumper Bay's not far. We're almost there," John said.

"No-no, you don't understand," Rodney protested. "Look, I didn't want them to be able to stop it. As soon as I trigger the overload, there'll be practically zero lag time before it blows."

"Practically?" John demanded.

"OK, fine, so like a few seconds for it to build up power, but not nearly enough ..." Rodney said.

"How many seconds?" John asked heatedly.

"I don't know," Rodney agitatedly peered around as Ronon checked the corridor we'd just run down.

"Well, five, ten?" John kept at Rodney.

"Again with the arbitrary numbers!" Rodney said irritably.

"We need to move," Ronon told John.

"Okay," John acknowledged. "Start the overload. _Now!_" he growled at Rodney.

Not waiting to see whether Rodney obeyed, John took off running again, followed closely by Teyla, Elizabeth and Niam. I held back waiting for Rodney to catch up and Ronon brought up the rear.

"This way!" John urged us all past him in the right direction. A familiar sounding alarm began ringing out all around us.

"Is that what I think it is?" I looked at Rodney in concern.

"If you think it's the sound of the city about to blow, then yes!" Rodney yelled, rushing past me. "_Move!_"

We kept running as John and Ronon covered our backs. Finally we reached the Jumper Bay and raced to the nearest Jumper.

"Get the roof open, Rodney, or this is gonna be a short trip," John ordered grimly.

"Don't wait for me!" Rodney protested, pressing buttons on the co-pilots console. The rest of us huddled in the back section as John activated the controls.

"I'm just saying, if we can't get out of the Jumper Bay ..." John's voice trailed off.

"It doesn't matter. The overload's happening now. We're about to explode." Rodney reported weakly.

"Is the roof open?" John demanded.

"Yes. Go." Rodney urged impatiently.

The city had already started to explode around us and the jumper shot out the roof and headed away at full speed. The flames roared out behind us as if trying to drag us back within their grasp.

"Come on," John urged, finally breaking us clear of the massive explosion that completely obliterated the Asuran city ship. He sighed in relief as Rodney peered out the front view screen, watching the bright light of the explosion fading behind us. They both turned to face the inside of the Puddle Jumper. Ronon and Teyla had taken their customary seats behind the pilot and co-pilot chairs. Doctor Weir, Niam and I were all standing just in front of the bulkhead doors.

"Nice work ... all of you," Doctor Weir congratulated us. "Thank you," she said gratefully, turning to look at Niam. At first Niam smiled in response but then his smile faded and he stared distractedly at the floor, angling his head as though listening to something only he could hear.

"What's wrong?" I asked, watching as a look of dawning horror came over him.

"Something is happening," Niam said reluctantly. "The others on my planet ... they know what I've done. I'm being re-set."

"Rodney, do something!" Doctor Weir ordered.

"It's too late. They're ..." Niam said before Rodney could do more than pull out his data pad.

Niam stood in front of Elizabeth for a moment as though fighting with himself ... losing the battle he reached out and grabbed her around the throat with both hands. Being the closest I immediately reached for one of his arms to try and pull him away. Niam glanced sideways at me with a frown, releasing the hold of one hand to fasten it harshly around my wrist to hold me off. Ronon and Teyla had jumped into the fray and were attempting to pull Niam's arm away from Elizabeth's throat while I clawed at his fingers, trying to release the grip he was tightening almost beyond my power to endure. All of this had only taken seconds - in that time John jumped up from the front section and charged at Niam, somehow getting him to release his grip on Elizabeth and me as he fell to the floor in the rear compartment. Ronon drew his blaster and aimed it at Niam, ready to fire in the second it took for John to punch the button to close the bulkhead door.

"That's not gonna hold him," Rodney warned sickly.

John looked around, thought for a second and then raced for the controls, slapping a button hard. We all heard the sound of the rear hatch blowing out, taking Niam out into space with it.

Doctor Weir sat down in relief, still coughing as she put a hand to her throat. Teyla moved to tend to her, as the rest of us looked on in concern. I glanced discretely down at my wrist, pulling my sleeve down over the harsh red mark Niam had left on me. Rodney sat down in the co-pilot's seat, putting a hand on Elizabeth's arm.

"I'm so sorry. I had ... I didn't ..." he muttered numbly.

"You okay?" John turned from the pilot's seat to look at Doctor Weir.

"Yeah," Doctor Weir said breathlessly, still holding a hand to her throat.

"Sabina?" John looked next at me.

"I'm fine,' I said lightly, glossing over the pain in my wrist and the faintly weird sensation that was travelling up my arm.

"

"Are you sure this is real?" I asked John hesitantly later that night as we finally settled into bed together.

"_Yes_," John smoothed a hand down my hair. "But I can't prove it to you."

"I know you can't," I said sadly.

"This will _feel_ real," John promised, leaning down to kiss me gently. Everything he did as we shared ourselves was gentle; as though he were afraid I would break if he pushed me too hard. When the release came it brought with it a storm of tears I was powerless to tamp down.

"Shh," John comforted me, pulling me in close and rubbing circles on my back.

"_I saw you die_," I said tearfully. "I close my eyes and I can see the knife slicing you." I put a shaky hand over his neck, caressing a line from one side to the other. "God John ... I swear my heart stopped beating ... everything clenched inside me ... it was the worst feeling I've ever had." I put my hands over my face as more tears escaped.

"Now you know how I felt when I arrived in that room the day you activated the Wraith weapon," John said simply, pulling my hands down and wiping the tears away. "Except in that case it _was_ real ... what _you_ saw was just a tool forced on you by a bunch of insane machines." I folded myself back into his side and put my head down on his chest, trying to put the images to the back of my mind. He was right - they _weren't_ real and I shouldn't be making them so by focusing too much on them.

"They'll be building a new city," I said after a few minutes of silence.

"Probably already started," John agreed. "They know where we are ... what we are. There's nothing we can do except count on ourselves to be able to beat them again if they do come back."

"It just never ends does it?" I frowned at my troubling thoughts. "We start to get a handle on one enemy and then an even scarier one makes an appearance."

"Yeah, they didn't put that in the brochure did they?" John quipped. I laughed before another thought struck me.

"He's still up there and he'd be conscious of everything wouldn't he?" I glanced at John with a tormented expression.

"Yeah," John admitted. "And we had no choice but to leave him there."

"He's not the Niam we knew anymore," I told John. After a pause I added "I liked him."

"So did I," John admitted.

"Maybe there's hope for the Asurans then," I said tiredly.

"Maybe," John's tone said he thought it very unlikely but he was willing to humour me.

"Thanks for warning me about the visions not being real ... and for not being dead," I acknowledged simply.

"Well technically it wasn't me," John pointed out, "but I'll take credit for it just the same."

"I thought you might," I smiled, feeling easier within myself for the first time since we'd gotten back. We drifted into silence and from there into sleep.

**Authors Note:**

Apologies for the mix of dialogue from the show and new stuff from me ... the section of the whole 'how much time' segment I put in probably wasn't necessary but I really liked how they did that throughout the show. Next up ... The Real World.


	11. I want to see John RIGHT NOW!

**Chapter 11: I want to see John RIGHT NOW!**

It's amazing how it can seem that things are back to normal right until the second when it all goes horribly wrong. The day after our real return from Asuras Doctor Weir and I were meeting to discuss research priorities. I could tell that Elizabeth was distracted which wasn't like her.

"Doctor Weir?" I looked across at her in concern when I saw her reaching a hand up to her neck. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Doctor Weir looked up with a reassuring smile. "It's silly but I can still feel his hand around my throat."

"I know what you mean," I replied. "I could have sworn Niam's hand was holding my wrist at least twice this morning ... I don't blame you for wanting to check that it's not!"

"We're the walking wounded at the moment, aren't we?" Doctor Weir said with a laugh, gesturing to her neck and then my wrist where dark bruises were clearly evident.

"It was an ... interesting mission," I glanced at her quickly before looking away again. "Do you ... ah does it bother you ... what we did to Niam?"

"Of course," Doctor Weir acknowledged. "But you and I both know there was no other choice once the Asurans reprogrammed him."

"Yeah ... but now we have another enemy," I complained, "and really the Wraith are more than enough to be going on with!"

Doctor Weir laughed before a strange vacant expression came over her face. Without any warning she slumped down on her desk unconscious.

"Medical emergency in Doctor Weir's office," I called out over my radio as I leapt around the desk and put a hand to Elizabeth's neck. Thank God ... her pulse was strong and even. "Elizabeth ...," I waited before trying again but Doctor Weir was completely unresponsive.

"What happened?" Doctor Beckett came running in a minute or so later.

"I have no idea," I told him in frustration. "We were talking, then she got this vacant look and then she just keeled over."

"Well don't worry lass," Doctor Beckett reassured me. "We'll get to the bottom of this."

I stood off to the side as Doctor Beckett and his staff lifted Doctor Weir onto a gurney and wheeled her out of the office. Propping myself on the edge of her desk I put a tired hand over my eyes.

"You okay?" I looked up to see John standing in the doorway.

"_I am_," I told him wearily. "I wish I could say the same for Doctor Weir."

"Beckett will work out what's wrong," John told me.

"I know ... I just can't shake the really bad feeling I have about this." I admitted, looking up as John walked towards me.

"Come on," he said, holding out a hand. "Let's go down to the infirmary and see what's happening."

"

"Ah Colonel, Sabina," Doctor Beckett greeted us soberly. Just from that alone I knew things were about to take a turn for the worst.

"What have you got Doc?" John asked.

"We did a scan and I think I know what the problem is," Carson drew us over to a screen and pushed a couple of buttons. The display changed to show a human skeleton that was probably Elizabeth's ... the worrying thing was the series of tiny red dots all centred in Elizabeth's brain.

"What the hell are those?" John demanded in a worried tone.

"Nanites," Doctor Beckett said grimly. "Similar to the nanovirus we quarantined for a couple of years ago but obviously designed to do something quite different."

"What are we doing about this?" John asked, watching grimly as the red dots multiplied before our very eyes.

"Rodney's searching the database for more information about nanites," Doctor Beckett replied, "but to be honest at this stage I don't know _what_ we can do. The location of the nanites makes it difficult to get a sample ... if they migrate to other areas of Elizabeth's body then we might be able to make some progress on that."

"The Asurans!" I slapped a hand to my forehead, remembering that I hadn't told the others what I'd found out about the origins of the original nanovirus.

"What?" John turned to me with a raised eyebrow.

"Get Rodney to meet us in the conference room," I said. Not waiting for a reply I ran out the room, heading for our quarters where I'd left my data pad the day before.

"

A few minutes later I ran up to the conference room, relieved to see Rodney, Carson and John already waiting. Plugging the data pad into the display screen I tapped a few keys and brought up a diagram of one of the Asuran nanites.

"Where'd you get that?" Rodney asked curiously, sitting forward and squinting at the screen.

"Hologram room back on Asuras," I replied distractedly. "This probably isn't one of the nanites affecting Doctor Weir but maybe you could still get something that will help work out what to do. There's other stuff in here about nanite virus design."

"Niam _gave_ you this?" John asked in disbelief.

"Not exactly," I admitted, moving over to sit down next to him. "He gave me access to their hologram - Regus - once he'd left to check on Rodney I asked Regus to tell me about the nanovirus found here on Atlantis."

"And what did you find out?" John looked at me curiously.

"Enough to know the Asurans were lying about their history with the Ancients," I said. "We'd supposed that the Asurans created the virus after the Ancient's tried to wipe them out but that's not true. They were working on it before the Ancients even realised their experiment had gone so wrong."

"Why would they do that?" Rodney asked.

"Because the Asurans knew the Ancients were going to abandon them as a project," I replied. "They were angry but they couldn't retaliate because of the failsafe in their base code that made it impossible for them to harm the Ancients. So they came up with a back door way of trying to change that ... this virus." I turned to look at Rodney. "You and Doctor Beckett thought the nanovirus had been designed to kill humans but when you think about it that doesn't make sense ... if you're going to design a nanovirus why make it one that causes a brain aneurysm over the visual cortex - isn't that an extremely exotic way to kill someone?"

"So you think it wasn't designed for humans?" Doctor Beckett questioned.

"The Ancients here obviously came across the nanovirus and they researched it and documented it's affect but they didn't design a cure?" I pointed out. "Why put all that time into it only to stop like that?"

"You think the Asurans designed the nanovirus to do something to the Ancients?" Rodney's face bore that look of discovery he often got. "And that the Ancients worked it out before the plan could succeed?"

"I'm guessing a little bit here," I admitted. "History is written by the victor so obviously the Asurans glossed over the details of the plan that made them look like the evil machines they are. The nanovirus incident is only in their records because they saw that project as the driving reason why the Ancients decided to wipe them out completely."

"How does that explain Elizabeth?" John asked.

"Okay, guessing again here but my suspicion is that every Asuran is like a walking nanite delivery system ... they _are_ nanites ... connected in incredibly complex formations but nanites just the same. They have the capability to infect anyone with a nanovirus at any time - just by touching them. We know that's true because how else did Elizabeth get infected? I think the Ancients realised how dangerous that made them ... more than just the inherent aggression and the lack of success at making the Asurans a weapon against the Wraith I think the nanovirus angle was the driving reason the Ancients saw no other option but to completely destroy the Asurans."

"All of us touched an Asuran at some point," Rodney said sickly, putting a hand to his neck where Oberoth had grabbed him. He turned to Doctor Beckett with a horrified look. "We could all be infected!"

Before Carson could respond I jumped in. "I think the nanites are only passed on by a conscious effort on the part of the deliverer. Besides, if we were infected surely we'd all know it by now," I reassured him, "assuming the incubation time is the same for everyone. I guess Doctor Beckett _should_ scan us all just to make sure. The nanites in Doctor Weir _could_ also be just as infectious as the ones we've had prior experience with."

"I'll get Elizabeth in an isolation tent and make sure only staff in hazmat suits treat her," Carson said, jumping up and hurrying out the door to make that happen.

"I'll take the data you have and start looking for a weakness in the nanites themselves," Rodney announced. I nodded as he unplugged my data pad and almost ran out of the room to begin.

"Are you sure you're okay?" John asked, reaching out to run a finger over the dark bruise on my arm. "Niam grabbed you there at the end too."

"He did ... and my arm felt a bit ... odd for a few hours afterwards," I admitted. "I'll get Doctor Beckett to check me out later but I -" I broke off as a sharp pain lanced across my vision.

"Sabina?" John got up and squatted down in front of my chair. I rubbed a hand across my eyes, blinking rapidly.

"Ah crap! That ... _machine_ ... did infect me!" I tried to focus on John's concerned face but he faded out of view and I succumbed to the darkness.

"

I woke some time later to a familiar sight ... I was in the infirmary, looking up at the ceiling. I could hear the beeps of machines in operation and muted voices discussing patient care in the background. Expecting to see John at my bedside, I couldn't suppress the disappointment when I turned my head carefully and realised I was alone.

"Doctor Beckett?" I called out. I waited a few moments before calling a bit louder "Carson?"

"I'm here lass," Carson walked in from his office. "How're you feeling?"

"Confused," I admitted. "What happened with the nanites?"

"Nanites?" Doctor Beckett frowned in confusion. "What nanites?"

"The ones that infected Doctor Weir and me," I replied, frowning when Carson looked back at me with a blank expression. "Isn't that why I'm here?"

"You don't remember what happened?" Doctor Beckett got a pained and sympathetic look on his face when I shook my head slowly.

"Where's John?" I asked, starting to feel the panic rising inside. "I need to talk to John."

"Let me get Teyla," Doctor Beckett ignored my request, making a radio call for Teyla to come to the infirmary immediately.

"Why do I need Teyla," I demanded, starting to get angry at being kept in the dark. "_Where is Colonel Sheppard?_"

"Just calm down lass," Doctor Beckett put a hand on my shoulder, turning with relief when Teyla ran into the room.

"You are awake," Teyla greeted me with a gentle smile.

"Yeah, and Carson won't tell me where John is!" I complained, looking at her hopefully. Carson stood off to one side as Teyla sat down beside me.

"The Asurans attacked us," Teyla told me, her eyes tormented. "Colonel Sheppard was," she swallowed convulsively before continuing resolutely, "injured. Ronon managed to take down the Asurans but it was too late ... the Colonel did not survive."

"_What?!_" I looked at her angrily. "That's not true ... why would you tell me something like that?"

"Sabina," Teyla put a comforting hand on my shoulder but I shook her off angrily.

"No," I insisted, scrambling up the bed away from her. "John is fine ... _tell me where he is!_"

"I am sorry," Teyla's eyes glistened with unshed tears. "You were right here ... surely you remember what happened."

"I remember a _vision_ the Asurans gave me," I denied. "It wasn't real ... none of it was real!"

"Sometimes the human brain behaves strangely when faced with a traumatic experience," Doctor Beckett stepped closer to my bed. "It was a terrible thing you had to witness Sabina ... I'm not surprised your mind is trying to shield you from the reality."

"IT WASN'T REAL!" I yelled, jumping off the bed and turning to face them. "I want to see John RIGHT NOW!"

Teyla moved towards me, holding out a hand as if she could stop the anxiety and panic that were making me pant harshly. I could feel myself getting faint with lack of oxygen as I started to hyperventilate. Looking wildly around the room I couldn't see anything I could do to make this whole horrible thing just disappear. I looked down in confusion when I felt a faint prick at my arm - looking back up I saw Carson's concerned face and the syringe he'd just finished injecting me with. My legs were too weak to hold me up and I slumped to the floor, laying my head down on the cold tiles numbly. Within seconds the sedative carried me back to the darkness.

"

"_Sabina ... you have ... wake ... now,_" John's voice penetrated my consciousness. "_Sabina?_"

Struggling painfully I cracked open my eyes ... my vision blurred as I glanced around expecting John to be there ... but he wasn't. Closing my eyes I let the darkness take me again.

"

"_Wake up!_"

My eyes snapped open at the command that seemed to come from the centre of my head. Glancing around I realised I was still in the infirmary. Shying away from memories I didn't want to contemplate I slumped back and rubbed a tired hand over my eyes. My impression of time passed suggested I'd been out for hours and yet I still felt incredibly tired. Frowning in confusion I looked up at the sound of footsteps approaching, my hopes dashed when Teyla appeared from around the corner.

"Sabina," she said softly, coming forward and putting a comforting hand on my arm.

"I want to see John," I said firmly, looking her calmly in the eye.

"I am sorry," Teyla looked at me sympathetically. "You must accept the truth that Colonel Sheppard is gone."

"I know," I looked down at my hands so I wouldn't have to see her expression. "I still want to see him."

"I will ask Doctor Beckett," Teyla turned and left my side.

I drifted for a time, waiting for her to reappear. When she did Doctor Beckett was in attendance.

"I'm not sure this is a good idea lass," Carson protested my request. "The colonel's injury isn't pretty - are you sure you want that image in your head?"

"How can it be any worse than the movie I've got playing in my head right now?" I asked bitterly.

"All right," Carson agreed reluctantly. Motioning for Teyla to help me up he placed a robe around my shoulders before insisting that I sit in a wheel chair. When I protested that there was nothing wrong with me he told me that until the sedative he'd given me had completely worn off he didn't want me walking around the base.

The journey to the morgue was silent and morose. Lost in my own thoughts I was startled when Carson pushed the doors open ahead of us as Teyla wheeled me in.

The room was cold ... too bright ... and heavy with the scent of chemicals and the indefinable presence of death. The figure covered in a white sheet dominated the centre of the room ... concentrating on keeping my breathing slow and even I nodded firmly when Carson asked if I was ready. He slowly pulled the sheet back to reveal the face I'd hoped against hope that I wouldn't see. My eyes swam with tears as I looked silently at John's lifeless face, frowning at how it could look like him but at the same time be so far removed from every image I held in my head. When I reached out a shaky hand and hesitantly touched his hair my confusion grew ... it was John's hair but it didn't feel right - was it possible for hair to _feel_ lifeless?

"We'll just ... give you a moment," Doctor Beckett said softly, urging Teyla to leave me alone for whatever private things I might want to say to John before I had to let him go.

"I'm sorry," I croaked, not sure what I was apologising for. Because I couldn't save him? Because I had nothing profound to say in farewell? Resting my forehead on the sheet beside him I closed my eyes and tried to bring a happy memory of us to the forefront of my mind.

The brush of a hand over my hair was a whisper of movement I barely felt. Snapping back up I looked at John but he was as motionless as he'd been since I'd arrived.

"_Sabina ... you're almost there ... you need to come back to me ..._" John's voice hung in the air, issuing from every corner at once.

"_ARG!_" I screamed at the sudden intense pain in my head. Stumbling up from John's side I wrapped my arms around my head, turning from side to side looking for something, anything. "John?"

The intensity of the pain increased to the point where I struggled to maintain my grasp on consciousness. Lying on the cold tiles again I looked up at John's body ... imagining as my vision faded completely that his eyes were open, pleading with me to do ... something.


	12. How come that didn't happen with me?

**Chapter 12: How come that didn't happen with me?**

"Sabina ... that's it ... come back to me ..."

"John?" I whispered, afraid to open my eyes for fear he wouldn't be there.

"I'm here," John said firmly. "Open your eyes now."

Cracking one eye open I squinted at the figure sitting by my bed. When I registered that it _did_ look like John I snapped both eyes fully open and stared numbly at the face I'd seen only moments before stretched out lifeless in the Atlantis morgue.

"_You're alive!_" I exclaimed, sitting up and attempting to throw myself from the bed into his arms.

"I've been here the whole time," John reassured me, pulling me the rest of the way to him and wrapping me in a strong hug.

"Oh God," I pressed myself as close as I could get, breathing in his scent and running my hands over his chest to reassure myself that he was in fact alive. "I thought ... " I broke off, pressing my face into his neck and squeezing him really, really tight. John sat silently, letting me hold on as long as I needed before finally I pulled back and looked at him. I reached out a shaky hand and ran it through his hair, smiling in delight when it felt just like it should.

"Okay now?" John asked seriously.

"_Better than_," I countered, letting him resettle me back in the bed but claiming a firm hold on his arm when he went to move away. "What happened?"

"You collapsed on the conference room floor," John said simply. "Doctor Beckett scanned you and discovered nanites leading from your wrist up your arm and into your brain."

"Just like Doctor Weir?" I asked, looking around the infirmary for the first time. "Where _is_ Elizabeth?"

"She's still in danger," John admitted. "Carson's got her in an isolation tent across the hall."

"But not me?" I frowned in confusion.

"The nanites were behaving differently in your system than in Elizabeth's," John told me. "Carson can tell you more later but he was pretty confident you wouldn't be able to pass the nanites on to anyone else."

"Oh," I frowned again. "How long?"

"Three hours," John reached out a hand and stroked my hair. "Your brain activity suggested you were ... dreaming ... obviously about me being dead. What happened?"

"Only three hours," I muttered. "God it felt like much longer! It was just like that vision I had on Asuras, only it started where that one left off. Teyla and Carson were telling me you were dead but I wouldn't believe them until I'd seen the proof for myself. I was sitting in the morgue beside your lifeless body but I could hear you calling me ... even feel you stroking my hair. There was this intense pain in my head and the next thing I knew I was waking up here." I glossed over the intensity of the experience, sure that John would be able to fill in the blanks without me giving him a graphic description.

"I'm sorry," John leaned down to hug me again.

"Not your fault," I replied. "Those Asurans sure know where to cut the deepest, don't they?"

"Yeah," John nodded. "Look, I'll go get Doctor Beckett, see if he can explain this."

"_Don't_," I grabbed at John's arm frantically. "If you leave you might -" I broke off, looking away as tears welled up in my eyes.

"Not come back?" John questioned. When I looked back at him and nodded wordlessly, John put a hand over mine and squeezed firmly, before tapping at his earpiece to establish a radio connection.

"Doc this is Sheppard. Sabina's awake." He nodded when Carson said he was on the way, maintaining eye contact with me the whole time.

"Thank you," I smiled tearfully.

We waited in silence for the few minutes it took for Doctor Beckett to arrive. John filled him in on everything I'd told him while I listened, thoughts still whirling in my head.

"How's Doctor Weir doing?" I asked once John had finished.

"It's not going well," Carson admitted reluctantly. "The nanites have insinuated themselves so completely within her systems that we can't risk any radical treatment without risking Elizabeth as well."

"How come that didn't happen with me?" I looked at Carson expectantly.

"At first they tried," Carson said. "It looks like Niam was right when he said you were different from the rest of us. It took longer for the nanites to spread than in Elizabeth." Carson looked at me in concern before continuing. "You'll be pleased to know I can now tell you what that blood protein we couldn't identify is for. I watched in happen myself ... your immune system detected the foreign nanites immediately, triggering the proteins to multiply. When they'd reached sufficient numbers they surrounded each nanite and completely obliterated it. There's no trace of the nanites anywhere in your system."

"Couldn't you ... give Elizabeth some of the proteins?" I asked, completely ignoring the chilled feeling I'd gotten at his explanation. I already had the ATA gene and the Wraith gene - I mean seriously, what were the chances I had some other weird blood thing as well? And what had the Ancients been thinking, messing around with their biology like that? Assuming it actually was the Ancients who were responsible for this latest revelation ... scary panicky thoughts - don't go there Sabina!

"Unfortunately not," Carson denied that solution as a possibility. "I tried in a Petri dish but Elizabeth's blood attacked the proteins before they could destroy the nanites. Blood is a delicate balance ... we all have a combination of antigens and proteins and in general they don't mix very well."

"How much time do we have?" I looked at John, noting from his expression that things were a lot more serious even than Carson had let on.

"I don't know,' Carson admitted. "Outside the body Elizabeth's immune system did what it's supposed to - it attacked the nanites as foreign and destroyed them. Inside the body there's practically no immune response at all."

"Why would that be?" John asked.

"Maybe the nanites are doing to her what they tried to do to me," I suggested numbly. "Maybe they're showing her ... _something_ ... making her believe something that's affecting her physical body too."

"Aye, that would make sense," Doctor Beckett agreed.

"I want to see her," I pushed up and swung my legs over the bed, clinging to the edge when I discovered my legs were weaker than I'd expected.

"You're not going anywhere lass," Doctor Beckett protested.

"I can rest just as easily over there as I can here," I looked at John, pleading with my eyes for him to understand. He looked at me silently for a few moments before nodding imperceptibly.

"Let her do this," John urged Doctor Beckett to relent.

Grumbling the whole time Carson got me installed in a wheel chair and John wheeled me across the hall to Doctor Weir's bedside. Rodney, Teyla and Ronon were all standing vigil beside Elizabeth and greeted my return to consciousness with a relief dimmed by the fact that Elizabeth was still in danger.

Looking through the plastic at Elizabeth lying so still I thought about what I'd experienced and what Doctor Beckett had told me. Surely there was some way to use those things to help Elizabeth.

I was still thinking about that when Carson and Rodney returned a short time later, brimming with the excitement that clearly advertised they had an idea. It sounded like a good one too - Carson would plant a Wraith 'tumour' somewhere to lure the nanites away from Elizabeth's brain, taking advantage of the fact that their original purpose had been to fight the Wraith. Once enough of them had been diverted Rodney would hit Elizabeth with the EM Pulse directed straight through the scanning machine, hopefully wiping them all out.

"That's brilliant," I smiled at Carson, relieved to see that purposeful look back on his face.

"Let's just hope it works lass," Carson replied, turning to look at John for the final go ahead.

"Okay. Let's do it," John agreed solemnly.

Rodney and Carson headed off to prepare the necessary tools to implement the plan. The Wraith tumour was planted in Doctor Weir's leg and we all waited impatiently for the nanites to begin their attack on it. It seemed that everything was going according to plan – the nanites shifted from their key positions and concentrated on the Wraith material. When enough of them had moved away from Elizabeth's brain Rodney activated the EM pulse. My hopes surged when the nanites appeared to be defeated, only to plummet again when the nanites reappeared, more rapidly and more aggressively than before.

"A significant number of nanites have migrated into the arteries that supply blood flow to the higher functions of her brain," Doctor Beckett said, gesturing towards the screen showing the scan of Elizabeth's body with red dots travelling everywhere.

"They're telling us they can kill her if they want to," Ronon stated grimly.

"Nurse, switch over to one hundred percent oxygen, stat, and start her on norepinephrine, five mics per minute," Carson ordered, turning to us to explain. "Reducing blood flow to those parts of her brain will put her into a state of cerebral hypoxia."

"What will that do?" Teyla asked in concern.

"Render her essentially brain dead, which makes no sense," Rodney complained.

"Unless she's fighting it now," John said thoughtfully. I nodded, thinking back to my own experience as the others all looked at him in confusion. "It's the only thing that makes sense. The Replicators see us as organic machines. They're trying to take control of the machine they're in."

"You mean replace Elizabeth's consciousness?" Doctor Beckett suggested.

"Maybe when we zapped her with the EMP, we killed enough of them to even out the odds - gave her a fighting chance to stop them," John suggested.

"Uh, reality check," Rodney protested sarcastically. "There are microscopic robots in her brain. How does she fight that?"

"Her mind is active Rodney," John reminded him. "What if this was the only way they could get to her? What if they were trying to force her to give up?"

"A battle of wills," Teyla stated.

"Exactly," John looked at Doctor Beckett expectantly.

"But ..." Rodney frowned.

"The nanites created visions in _my_ head," I admitted. "It wasn't exactly a battle because the nanites never gained full control but I was certainly aware of ... a _version_ of reality the whole time I was unconscious. There was a time when I _did_ believe what they were showing me."

"So, what, we can't do anything?" Rodney demanded impatiently.

"I can increase the oxygen levels in her blood, give her a little more time, but, yes - she's on her own." Doctor Beckett said simply.

"No. She's not," John contradicted. He turned and walked over to the isolation tent. "You're not alone, Elizabeth," he said loudly. "We're right here with you. You have to fight this."

For the next half an hour we all sat mesmerized in front of the screen showing Elizabeth's full body scan. Even with my limited medical experience I could tell that the nanites were multiplying at an expanding rate.

"They've begun to spread faster," Doctor Beckett said sadly. "We're losing her."

John got up and I knew he was about to do something stupid. I pushed myself up and grabbed his arm, pulling him around to face me.

"Let me go in there," I told him. "_I can help her_," I looked at John intently, sure that if anyone was going to believe me it would be him.

"What, are you crazy? She could reinfect you!" Rodney said, talking in his 'why is everybody too stupid to see things the way I do' voice.

"That's the whole idea ... the nanites _won't_ harm me," I directed my comments mostly to John. "I could try to make contact with her wherever it is they've got her ... help her to fight. It might not work but it's worth a shot."

"Do it," John turned away, shaking his head when Rodney made to protest again.

Motioning the others back I pulled aside the isolation tent opening and stepped inside. Not sure exactly how to accomplish what I wanted I pulled a chair up next to Elizabeth's bed and then put both my hands on her arm, squeezing resolutely.

"Elizabeth," I said firmly. "You have to fight this ... don't believe what they show you because it's not real."

I watched as Elizabeth frowned, pain evident on her face. Looking back through the plastic at John I was heartened by him motioning for me to keep trying.

"_Elizabeth_!" I almost yelled. "Don't let the machines do this to you ... _fight them_!"

Elizabeth gave the appearance of struggling even harder – a grimace of distress on her face and pupils moving rapidly beneath her eyelids. I maintained my firm hold on her arm, waiting intently to see if the nanites would retaliate against me. When my hands began tingling I closed my eyes and tried to think myself into Elizabeth's reality.

I opened my eyes and found myself in a deserted hall back at the SGC. I sprinted down the corridor, heading towards the Gateroom.

"Sabina," John's voice had me slamming the breaks on. I turned and watched as he strode towards me.

"You guys really need to learn a bit of originality," I taunted. "You've already done this and it didn't work."

"What makes you think you can help Doctor Weir?" John asked condescendingly. "You - a stowaway with no skills. You don't belong here."

"Maybe not," I raised an eyebrow mockingly, "but I've got skill enough to resist your tricks."

"Not skill," John retorted. "An accident of genetics at best ... your _contaminated_ blood is the only thing that makes you special ... if you want to call it that. The more I learn about you the more ... repulsed I am."

I tried not to let the words affect me because I _knew_ the real John didn't think like that. Trouble was, there was a part of me that _did_ think like that, a part that had been given a louder voice by Carson's revelation about the blood protein. I kept my face blank as John continued to speak.

"You're okay to pass the time with now but in the long term?" John sneered as he looked me up and down with distaste evident on his face. "I can do much better than you."

"Desperate are we?" I asked lightly. "You wouldn't be stooping so low unless you were worried that I _can_ help Elizabeth."

In theory it had seemed like a good idea to try to help Elizabeth by taking on the nanites inside whatever reality they'd created for her. In practise it was a whole different thing - the entity in front of me looked _exactly_ like John and I found it difficult to bring myself to do what was necessary to get past him. 'He's not John,' I thought, repeating that mantra over and over as I advanced towards him.

Moving more rapidly that I ever could have in the real world I charged, slamming him back into the wall, following quickly with a series of punches to the gut.

"You cannot help her," John taunted in between grunts of pain. "In fact, you cannot help yourself ... it was foolish for you to return to us."

Ignoring that, I grabbed his arm and flipped him, flinching despite my belief that this wasn't real when his body hit the ground hard. Not waiting to see what he'd try next I turned and sprinted on down the corridor. Coming out at a t-junction I looked left and found Elizabeth standing there in hospital garb. To my right stood a US Air force officer I recognised as General O'Neill.

"Elizabeth!" I drew her attention to me.

"Sabina!" Elizabeth smiled with clear relief.

"You've been infected by nanites," I said quickly. "They're trying to take control of your mind and body. Don't let them do it."

"How ...?" Elizabeth trailed off, looking back towards the General before looking hopefully at me.

"You have to fight the nanites ... it all comes down to you," I told her sternly.

"Elizabeth," O'Neill drew her attention away from me. Behind him two Marines with guns stood ready to apprehend her. When Elizabeth turned back to face him O'Neill said "You have to come with us. I'm sorry."

"Don't do it," I said heatedly. "You _know_ which way you have to go."

Elizabeth turned back to me again ... I watched as a horrified look appeared on her face. Realising the nanites had placed more Marines behind me I turned and ruthlessly disabled them, again using my belief that this wasn't real to do so much more easily than I could have in reality. Turning back to Elizabeth I saw that finally she was beginning to believe that she could win.

"Run." I said quietly. "Do it now."

Elizabeth took off down the corridor, heading straight for the General and his two Marines. Barely pausing she careened past them and turned in the direction of the Gateroom. The Marines tried to stop me but I dispatched them as easily as the others before running after her. I arrived in the Gateroom moments later, skidding to a stop at the sight before me.

The Stargate contained an active wormhole ... Elizabeth had clearly intended to step through but an unfamiliar man was standing in front of it blocking her way.

"Elizabeth, listen to me," the man said in an 'I'm just trying to help you' tone.

"You see that?" Elizabeth pointed towards the event horizon. "_That's_ the Stargate, and yes, leaving is exactly what I plan to do."

"I won't let you go," the man stood firmly, blocking her path.

"You can't stop me." Elizabeth took a small step forward. The man's form pulsed and transformed and in his place stood Niam.

"On the contrary. I already have," Niam said in a faintly evil tone that was nothing like the Niam we had known. "Where are your friends now?"

"Don't listen to him Elizabeth," I announced my presence, stepping up onto the ramp and walking slowly towards them. "He's not real either ... all of this is taking place inside your mind ... _you_ are in control."

"_My_ nanites are in control!" Niam contradicted me, smiling in amusement. "You can't possibly get past me. So you see ... you've lost."

Elizabeth glanced back at me and I nodded. Steeling herself, Elizabeth took a deep breath and then walked forward, straight through Niam. He disintegrated into a shimmer of silvery crystals that fell in a heap on the floor. Elizabeth paused before stepping into the event horizon. I followed her a moment later.

When I opened my eyes I was greeted with a familiar scene. I was back in my infirmary bed ... glancing to my left I was relieved to see Elizabeth ensconced in the next bed, sitting patiently while Doctor Beckett took some readings. I felt the touch of a hand on mine, drawing my attention to the right.

I smiled happily at the sight of John sitting at my bedside.

"Hey," he said. "You're awake."

"So it would seem," I replied, turning my hand so that I could grasp his firmly. "It worked?"

"Elizabeth's nanites are all dormant," John confirmed. "So yeah, it worked."

"I was worried for a bit there," I admitted reluctantly. "I was counting on the nanites not being able to project more than one reality at once to get me into Elizabeth's. It was only after I'd already committed myself that I wondered whether that was actually going to be true."

"You took a big risk," John said seriously, "one I might not have let you take if I'd known that."

"Sorry," I said meekly. "If it's any consolation it wasn't as bad as last time."

"No new visions of me dying or anything?" John looked at me questioningly.

"Nope," I said simply, not wanting to admit how the nanites had used him to try and stop me.

"Are you okay ... with everything that happened today?" I felt John fingers squeeze mine as he asked that difficult question.

"I spent the day in bed," I said firmly. "Had some really horrible nightmares ... that I never want to experience again ... but it wasn't real, right?"

"It wasn't real," John agreed.

"Then I'm okay," I reassured him as well as myself, knowing that it would take a while before I forgot the horror of what I'd seen.

**Authors Note:**

I went slightly off episode for the first three hours of Doctor Weir's five hour ordeal ... you can assume that everything in the episode happened EXCEPT John wasn't there because he was with Sabina instead. Hope people didn't mind that I replaced Shep with Sabina in Doctor Weir's nanite reality at the end. I had my reasons ;D

Next up is Common Ground ...


	13. Hope is the refuge of the unintelligent

**Chapter 13: Hope is the refuge of the unintelligent**

"We're heading out," John's voice drew my attention to the doorway of the lab.

"Hmm?" I mumbled, not paying attention until John crossed the room, pulling me out of my chair and into his arms.

"What's got you so distracted?" he asked curiously, looking over my shoulder at my laptop screen.

"Just following up on what I got off that Asuran hologram," I dismissed lightly. "You heading out?"

"Yeah, we're following up on that Genii transmission we got yesterday," John reminded me. "I'll see you later."

"Okay," I said, pulling him down for a quick kiss goodbye. "Be careful."

"I'm _always_ careful," John drawled with a smile. Squeezing me one last time he stepped back, turned and strolled casually out of the room.

It was the kind of 'see you after the mission' scene we'd each enacted more times than I could count. I had no sense that this time was different ... if I had I would have made what I'd said or done a hell of a lot more profound than it was.

By the time I was apprised of the situation – that John had been essentially kidnapped - a strike force had accompanied the rest of team Sheppard back through the Stargate. I ran down to the Gateroom, pacing impatiently as I waited for the team to return. The incoming wormhole alarm sounded and Doctor Weir ran down the steps to join me.

"Anything?" she asked as Teyla, Ronon and Rodney stepped through the gate.

"There was no sign of Colonel Sheppard or our attackers," Teyla reported emotionlessly.

"And they covered their tracks well," Ronon added in frustration.

"Why would someone want to kidnap John?" I looked from Teyla to Rodney in confusion.

"I don't know ... but there's a good chance he was transported off world," Rodney offered, "so I gathered the last fifty or so Gate addresses that were dialled."

"That should be helpful," Doctor Weir agreed. "But since the transmission which summoned us to the planet was sent using a code we gave to the Genii that will be our starting point."

"What are you gonna do," Rodney demanded incredulously, "ask the Genii if one of them took Sheppard?"

"Yes, I am." Doctor Weir said matter-of-factly.

Behind her the Stargate began an incoming dialling sequence. Rodney looked at Elizabeth and pointed to the Gate.

"So this ...?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yes, it is," Doctor Weir confirmed.

"Incoming wormhole," the technician reported from the Control Room. I watched as the kawhoosh roared out before settling back into the event horizon. "We're receiving the new identification code."

"Security teams, stand by. Lower the shield," Doctor Weir ordered.

The shield lowered and a few moments later Ladon Radim came through, followed by three Genii guards. I couldn't help but feel both anger and apprehension at the site of the new leader of the Genii. The last time we'd had contact Ladon had used John as an integral part of his plan to overthrow the leadership of Commander Cowen.

"Welcome, Ladon," Elizabeth said, one leader to another.

Doctor Weir might have been welcoming but she was the only one. Ladon was confronted by an angry Ronon and an annoyed Rodney, each blaming the Genii for John's disappearance. Doctor Weir controlled the conversation as best she could while at the same time sending the clear message to the Genii leader that we _would_ take action if it turned out he had had something to do with it.

I tried to be as calm as possible but when it became obvious that Doctor Weir was going to continue her conversation with Ladon in her office privately I had to speak up.

"Doctor Weir, can I ...?" my voice trailed off as she turned back to look at me.

"For the moment I think it best if Ladon and I discuss this together," Doctor Weir said sympathetically. "I'll make sure you're kept informed of any progress."

"Okay," I nodded, knowing that was probably the best I could have hoped for. They turned to continue up the stairs to Elizabeth's office and I didn't miss the puzzled look Ladon gave me.

"If this results in a rescue mission," I turned to address Ronon, "I'm going too."

"If it were up to me, you would," Ronon replied. I nodded, knowing that in the end it would be up to Doctor Weir. It was annoying that Major Lorne was on M5R 877 training some new arrivals – if he'd been there I was sure he would have ensured I'd be a part of the team that went to rescue John.

Of course before there could be a rescue mission we'd need somewhere to send the mission to ... and at the moment that seemed to rely solely on Ladon Radim. I kept close by in case anything happened, back to pacing around the Gateroom impatiently.

Doctor Weir and Ladon had been up in her office only a short time when the incoming wormhole alarm sounded again. I ran up the steps to the Control Room, almost colliding with them as they headed in from the other direction.

"Identification code?" Doctor Weir asked Rodney.

"None, but we're receiving an analogue video signal," Rodney replied.

"Bring it up," Doctor Weir ordered.

My insides clenched when I recognised the face of Acastus Kolya, former military leader of the Genii and henchman of Commander Cowen. This was bad ... this was very, very bad.

"Doctor Weir, if you're receiving this, please respond," Kolya stood in the centre of the screens view ... behind him were two guards.

Everyone in the Control Room was almost frozen in shock, except for Ronon who'd arrived in Atlantis after the infamous storm incident.

"Who the hell is he?" Ronon demanded.

"Acastus Kolya," Teyla said with a distasteful look. "A Genii military leader who once tried to seize Atlantis. Ladon was a member of his strike team."

"I do know you're there, Doctor," Kolya spoke again. "The existence of Atlantis is no secret among the Genii. It would be pointless not to answer."

"Open a channel," Doctor Weir requested. She waited until the technician confirmed that Kolya would now be able to hear her. "This is Doctor Weir," she replied.

"Oh, good. I wanted to be certain you were there to see this," Kolya said, stepping aside to reveal the space behind him.

Oh God ... he had John shackled and sitting on a chair in the middle of the room, white scarf tied around his mouth. I stepped forward intending to speak but stopped when Ronon put a warning hand on my shoulder. When I looked up at him in query he shook his head, his eyes telling me now would not be the time to let John know that I was there. Reluctantly I nodded back, letting him know that I understood.

"What have you done to him?" Rodney demanded somewhat aggressively.

"Nothing whatsoever, Doctor McKay," Kolya said reassuringly.

"OK, let me rephrase that: what are you planning to do?" Rodney asked sarcastically.

"It's quite simple," Kolya revealed. "I'd like to make a trade."

"Before we continue this conversation another second, I want to speak with Sheppard," Doctor Weir said harshly.

"Be my guest," Kolya waved a hand behind him as if reminding us that John could hear everything we were saying.

"We'll rephrase that, too: we would like him to be able to speak to us," Rodney clarified.

"Very well," Kolya grinned at the camera before nodding to one of the guards. John's gag was pulled down and before any of us could think to say anything John had launched into an obviously prepared speech.

"On my command authority, whatever he asks, don't do it, even ..." John ordered, interrupted by the guard replacing his gag before he could finish that statement. That was so typically John and yet I felt angry that he'd put everything ahead of his own safety. It would have been nice if he'd said 'get me out of here any way you can' but that was never gonna happen.

Kolya laughed and turned back to the camera. "Well, as you can see, he's his usual charming self," he said mockingly.

"Explain your terms, Kolya," Doctor Weir demanded.

"I have heard the familiar voices of yourself and Doctor McKay, but there is one person I know is there who has yet to speak," Kolya looked into the camera as if he could see through it to the Control Room. "Ladon Radim is with you, is he not?"

"Why would Ladon be here?" Doctor Weir prevaricated.

"Well, to preserve his precious alliance with you, Doctor, so that the Genii might remain in the favour of Atlantis," Kolya explained. "My sources have already confirmed this, so there's no point in denying the fact. Turn him over to me, and Colonel Sheppard will be released immediately."

"I'll need time to consider your offer," Doctor Weir said.

"Allow me to help expedite your decision," Kolya said, giving nothing away.

He turned away from the camera and it panned across the room to show the door opening. Two Genii guards appeared, dragging in a figure I could barely comprehend – he was _Wraith_. This one was male with long, dishevelled hair and a stumbling gate that suggested he was weak enough to have trouble even walking across the room.

"Oh my God," Doctor Weir exclaimed.

"_Ronon_," I whispered despairingly, not sure what I was asking of him.

"Be quiet," Ronon whispered back.

I watched in disbelief as the Genii guards led the Wraith over to John ... the camera was close enough that I could see the moment when John realised what was probably about to happen.

"Sheppard could have left you to rot down in that hole when we last met, Kolya," Rodney said bitterly. "He does not deserve this."

"Let's be clear, Doctor McKay. No-one does." Kolya spoke like he was discussing the weather rather than the torture of a human being.

"Don't do this," Doctor Weir pleaded harshly.

Kolya gave no response, committed to his course of action. The Genii guards unshackled the Wraith's right hand and took off something strapped to its lower arm that was obviously designed to prevent him from feeding.

"Don't do it," Elizabeth pleaded again.

"The choice is yours, Doctor Weir," Kolya said in a reasonable tone. "Do we have an arrangement?"

One of the guards pulled John's jacket open. I turned to Elizabeth and saw her anger and horror as well as her resolution - she would not be stopping this. Turning back to the screen I watched John steel himself, giving no indication that he wanted Doctor Weir to do anything to save him.

"Very well," Kolya said almost sadly after a significant pause. He turned and nodded to the guards. Ronon put a firm hand on my shoulder when the Wraith was released. I put a hand over my mouth to stop myself from crying out, my sight frozen on the screen as the Wraith looked at John, snarled and then slammed its hand onto John's chest.

"_No_," I murmured despairingly, feeling my knees weaken as John's face contorted in agony. The Wraith howled as it fed ... a horrible echoing sound I felt to the depths of my soul. I'd heard a Wraith feeding described but no words could adequately convey the horror of watching the life being sucked out of someone. I felt Ronon standing behind me, frustration pulsing off him at having to watch a sworn enemy feeding on his friend.

"Stop! Stop!" Doctor Weir yelled.

"Enough," Kolya ordered his guards to finish the feeding. One of them jolted the Wraith with a shock stick as two others ripped him away from John and hurried him out of the room. I watched sickly as John gasped for breath, feeding wound clearly evident on his chest. He looked up at Kolya, weakly defiant, his face lined with the years the Wraith had stolen and the pain he'd endured. Kolya stood silent for a moment before turning back to the camera.

"You just crossed a line, Kolya," Doctor Weir said hoarsely.

"We've found that a minimum of three hours between feeding sessions is crucial to ensure the body has sufficient time to recover from the trauma. That's the time you have to decide. Three hours." Kolya announced impassively. The video cut off abruptly, leaving a screen of grey static behind.

"Excuse me," I muttered, clamping a hand firmly over my mouth and leaving no one in doubt as to what I was about to do. Pushing past Ronon I ran to the nearest bathroom and proceeded to lose anything I'd put in my stomach for the day ... when that didn't seem enough I continued to retch emptily until Doctor Beckett found me a few minutes later.

"I'm sorry lass," Carson said softly, helping me off the floor and to the basin. He watched silently as I splashed water on my face and tried to regain my composure.

"Can he survive that?" my voice rasped sorely.

"We still know so little about the feeding process," Carson admitted. "All I can tell you is that each time he's fed upon, his chances of survival diminish severely."

I nodded, not surprised by what he'd said. I'd gotten into the habit of believing that there was always hope, no matter how bad a situation might seem on the surface. This time I found hope a difficult commodity to come by ... I had _seen_ John age before my eyes ... years had been taken from him that could never be returned. Glancing at Doctor Beckett with an anguished look I pleaded for some kind of guidance. "What should I do? I don't know what to do!"

"There's nothing you can do," Carson said, "except be strong and pray we can find him before its too late."

"

"_What are you doing_?" Rodney's incredulous voice echoed within the confines of the lab an hour later.

"I need to finish reading the rest of the stuff you gave me on the nanite virus," I said, maintaining my focus on the screen in front of me.

"Sheppard has less than _two hours_ before the Wraith feeds again," Rodney said like he had to remind me of that fact.

"I know Rodney," I replied, "and if there was something I could do for him then I'd be doing it!"

"I just thought ...," Rodney began in confusion, "... I was expecting you to be more bothered by this."

"What if it was a trick – like when Kolya told John he'd shot Elizabeth but he hadn't?" I asked, looking down so I wouldn't have to see Rodney's expression.

"What are you, the Queen of Denial?!" Rodney asked sarcastically. "There was no trick ... this is as real as it gets!"

"There has to be hope," I looked away when Rodney scoffed. "What else have I got?"

"Hope is the refuge of the unintelligent," Rodney retorted. "You want something else ... come up to the Control Room and help me look through the addresses I got off the Gate. Maybe you'll see something I'm missing."

Putting a suddenly shaky hand to my forehead I blinked rapidly as tears welled up from that place in my heart that had been numb since I'd watched the Wraith rape the life from John's body.

"Don't," Rodney backed away, looking very uncomfortable with being in the presence of a crying woman. "Look I didn't come down here to make you cry ..." he broke off with a pained expression before stepping closer again and awkwardly patting my shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"_No_," I said tearfully. "I was distracted this morning ... barely even paid attention when John left for the mission. Why did I do that?"

"You couldn't have known something like this would happen," Rodney pointed out. "None of us could have predicted Kolya would go to such lengths to get what he wants."

"I hate this Rodney," I said angrily. "Being helpless ... and dependent on someone we can't really trust to point us in the right direction."

"That's why you should come up to the Control Room and help out," Rodney reiterated.

It was a struggle to pull all the emotions back inside but somehow I managed it, wiping the tears from my face defiantly. "Okay," I said, trying to sound confident. "Let's go."

**Authors Note:**

I decided to keep all the dialogue for each feeding as is, adding in only Sabina's reactions to what she sees and hears ... it's great dialogue – better than anything I could write!!


	14. If it saved his life? Hell yes!

**Chapter 14: If it saved his life? Hell yes!**

I worked closely with Rodney as we cross referenced Ladon's list with our own, focusing everything I had on the task so I wouldn't have to think about how John was doing. Teyla and Ronon stayed close by, offering comments on any of the addresses they recognised ... I was grateful for their presence, and not just because their intimidating facades kept much of the curiosity and concern away. Every now and then snippets of the last feeding would pop into my head - the tormented expression on John's face; that horrible Wraith howl - and I'd have to work hard to push them aside.

Even worse though was the growing anger I felt inside that had me snapping whenever someone did get close enough to ask me if I was okay. I didn't get that - who the hell cared whether _I_ was okay? John was the one being tortured!

I'd never known anger as I was feeling it then, complex and multifaceted. There was the obvious anger I felt towards the Wraith for daring to feed on John. That paled against the hate filled anger I felt towards Kolya, the director and producer of the drama we found ourselves trapped in. The anger that surprised me the most was the bit I was feeling towards John himself ... it wasn't his fault and yet I couldn't help the small part of me that was angry he'd gotten himself into another near death situation. He'd taken negotiation off the table leaving rescue as our only avenue - didn't he realise how hard that would be on me? Selfish I know but in the whole scheme of things nowhere near the ugliest emotion I'd had that day.

"Perhaps it would be wise for you to remain behind should we find the right address," Teyla suggested softly. She'd been watching me since I'd turned up with Rodney and I knew she was worried about me.

"No," I said heatedly. "John's ... injured – he needs me to be there."

"Can you control your emotions and be strong for him no matter the circumstances we find him in?" Teyla persisted.

"I don't know," I admitted reluctantly, "but I'll try."

"It may be dangerous and John would not thank us if you were to be hurt during any attempts to rescue him," I frowned over that one, realising that Teyla had a point.

"It's Doctor Weir's call," Ronon reminded me. "It won't matter what any of us say if she doesn't agree."

"She won't," Rodney spoke up on the topic for the first time, glancing at me apologetically. "She'll tell you you're too close and that your vested interest could jeopardise a successful outcome. I'm not saying I agree with that necessarily but ..."

"All of you care about John too," I pointed out. "Doesn't that mean you all have a vested interest in the outcome as well?"

"Not like you," Ronon said simply. "Sheppard's our friend sure, but ... he's your future." Tears welled in my eyes as the truth of that hit me. I had no idea what shape the future would take but I couldn't imagine John not being in it.

"You don't play fair," I complained, swallowing down my tears before they could take hold. "I know what you're trying to say but I still have to ask," I said insistently. "You have no idea how hard it is to wait around while everyone else is out there _doing_."

"Well get your arguments ready," Rodney stood up jubilantly. "I've got something."

x

"Doctor Weir!" Rodney ran up the stairs to the Control Room to report our progress. I followed at a slower pace, careful to keep a distance between myself and Ladon as I walked past him. "We've got a match! We went through the database. Between our list and Ladon's, there's only one potential location that makes any sense." Rodney looked at Elizabeth expectantly.

"Go," Doctor Weir said with a smile.

"Right," Rodney replied, turning and heading straight back down the stairs.

"I really need to go on the mission," I said, looking at Elizabeth hopefully.

"I don't think that's wise," Doctor Weir denied my request. "You're too close to this."

"I won't do anything to risk the success of the mission," I persisted. "Please let me do this."

"I'm sorry Sabina,' Doctor Weir said regretfully. "There's too much at stake and you're too emotionally tied to the outcome. I won't risk John's safe return. I know you care about that above all else so I know you'll listen to reason and let this one go."

Nice way to play the guilt _and_ responsibility cards! She'd completely cut off any other arguments I could have used and forced me to give in without a fight. Almost growling in frustration I turned without a word, bumping into Ladon who'd been standing behind me.

"Are you and Colonel Sheppard –," he began to ask with a look of concerned curiosity.

"_Back off!_" I said heatedly, pushing past him and continuing down to the Gateroom to see the others off.

The next hour was the epitome in frustration as I did little more than haunt the Gateroom, scowling at anyone who tried to speak to me. When the team dialled in to report that John had never been at the warehouse I felt my head filling with the anger that consumed me.

I ran up the Control Room stairs with the sole intention of blasting Ladon with that anger. He and Doctor Weir were across the hall in her office ... I made to move in that direction but was thwarted by the announcement of an unscheduled off world activation.

Elizabeth and Ladon walked in from her office as the technician reported that it was another video feed. Did I want to be there for this? Glancing from side to side at the number of people present it was a tossup but in the end I couldn't leave ... John wouldn't if our positions had been reversed.

I walked over and stood behind Doctor Weir in front of the display screen, feeling the most intense wave of hatred I'd ever experienced when Kolya's face appeared on screen.

"Doctor Weir. As promised," Kolya greeted us.

"Where's Sheppard?" Doctor Weir demanded.

"I'm pleased to see you're wasting no time. So neither will I," Kolya responded. He walked across the room we'd seen previously and the camera followed him until we could see John in the same position as before. Apart from some wrinkling around the eyes and a bit more grey in his hair, John didn't look much different than usual. I felt some relief when I realised he must have recovered somewhat during the three hours since the first feeding.

One of the guards untied the contraption from around the Wraiths arm – the Wraith snarled as though impatient to begin the feed. I almost whimpered at the sight of the dread on John's face – this time he _knew _what to expect. The fact that he showed those emotions so clearly said more than anything else how truly horrific the Wraith feeding experience must be.

"Will you turn Ladon Radim over to me in exchange for Colonel Sheppard?" Kolya asked.

Doctor Weir didn't respond, looking mutely at the screen and the sight of John shaking his head.

"Doctor Weir?" Kolya demanded a response.

"No," Doctor Weir said harshly. It was no comfort to me to see John nodding approvingly at our unwillingness to give in to Kolya's demands. I didn't want him to be stoic - I wanted him to _want_ us to trade for him even though I knew how wrong that would be - damn it!

"I can only conclude you doubt my sincerity," Kolya turned back to the guards and nodded his head.

The Wraith was released. It seemed that for a moment he hesitated before slamming his hand down on John's chest. John's face contorted in agony just like before as the Wraith howled in pleasure at the feeding.

I looked down at the floor, unable to watch John's torture, the Wraith's hunger being satiated, or most disturbing of all Kolya's apparent enjoyment of what he was putting John through. I couldn't avoid the sounds though, their discordant notes echoing in my head and making my stomach clench nervously. I felt weak and shaky, desperate for it to end but at the same time equally desperate not to have to find out just how many years John had lost this time.

"Enough," Kolya ordered.

I looked back at the screen reluctantly, feeling the shock like a physical pain when I saw John's condition. His hair was almost completely grey and his face was wrinkled and weary. He looked twenty years older than he had when he'd kissed me goodbye that morning.

"Three hours," Kolya said.

The transmission cut off, leaving me staring blankly at the static left behind.

"YOU!" I turned abruptly and slammed my hands into Ladon's chest, pushing him forcefully against the wall. "_This is your fault ... you worthless piece of –_"

"Sabina!" Doctor Weir's voice cut through my fury.

"_What?_" I turned to her in disbelief. "Do you honestly believe that this ... this ... _person_ is worth the life of John Sheppard? Because if you do you're not the leader I thought you were."

"That's enough!" Doctor Weir's voice rang with the power of her command. "I understand that you're angry but this is not the way to deal with it. Colonel Sheppard _ordered_ us not to concede to Kolya's demands – would you have me go against that?"

"If it saved his life? Hell yes!" I said without hesitation. When Doctor Weir raised a disbelieving eyebrow at me I sighed, feeling myself deflate. Reluctantly I took my hands away from Ladon and stepped back. "Okay – _No_ – but that doesn't mean I have to like it!"

"There's still time to save John," Doctor Weir urged me to retain some hope. "Let's not give up just yet."

"I haven't," I denied. "I'm sorry I let my anger get the better of me ... I just ... I need to do something to help him!"

"Let's revisit those Gate addresses," Doctor Weir suggested. I nodded, hesitating before bringing up something I knew she'd struggle with.

"When ... ," that wasn't right so I started again. "_If_ the time comes, can I speak to John next time?"

"It's too risky," Doctor Weir frowned at my request.

"Kolya won't know who I am so where's the risk?" I looked at her pleadingly. "You have to give me something. I can't let John die alone on some nameless planet ...," my voice shook with emotion and I stopped to regain control before continuing, "... when at the very least I can let him know how much he's loved."

"All right," Doctor Weir agreed reluctantly. "If the time comes."

x

The three hours we had to come up with something new passed in the blink of an eye. Ronon, Teyla and Rodney returned from their failed mission and we revisited the list of planets Rodney had taken from the DHD. Nothing jumped out at us and Ladon couldn't provide any additional intelligence to narrow down the search. Before I was ready I found myself back in the Control Room with the others, anxiously waiting for my next sight of John while at the same time dreading confirmation that his condition was beyond repair.

"He still has years ahead of him, Doctor Weir," Kolya said. "My offer stands."

"So does my answer," Doctor Weir replied in a resolute voice.

"Then you're effectively ending his life," Kolya tried to guilt Elizabeth into reconsidering.

"I'm not gonna go there," Doctor Weir shook her head at the implication.

"Is Ladon there?" Kolya asked curiously.

"I am," Ladon spoke for the first time, confirming what Kolya had always suspected.

"I can't help but wonder what you've told them so they'd choose you over one of their own," Kolya said conversationally.

"That I betrayed you," Ladon returned frankly. "That I took for myself what you believed to be yours."

"The truth? I must say I'm surprised," Kolya admitted.

"If you release him, you may return to our people with my promise of amnesty," Ladon offered.

"Please, Ladon, I trained you better than that," Kolya accused with a smile. "There are things that cannot be undone."

"That's not true. You can end this," Doctor Weir's tone was harsh but somehow also pleading.

"Strange, Doctor, I was just about to say the same thing," Kolya returned with a bit more heat than he'd previously shown.

The camera had only been showing Kolya and one of the guards behind him but now in panned back and we all saw John strapped into the chair. The Wraith was dragged into position next to him, feeding hand already outstretched in readiness for what was to come.

"Take your fill," Kolya told the Wraith. Instantly the Wraith slammed its hand down onto John's chest.

"John!" I cried out, hoping that he could hear me. "We're still coming for you – no matter what!" The Wraith roared as it fed, already well past the few seconds it had been given the previous times. "I ah ... I love you ... always," my voice shook with unshed tears, "even if you come back here an old man – so don't give up."

The feeding seemed to go on far longer than I could hope John to survive. Ronon had already retreated in fury but I held on, determined to see this through to the end - sure that it really _was_ the end for John this time. I felt my first glimmer of hope when the Wraith broke off the feed before Kolya gave the order.

"Who told you to stop?" Kolya demanded.

"He is near death," the Wraith replied without aggression. "Shall I finish him?"

Kolya looked at John dispassionately. I slumped down in the nearest chair at the sight ... John's hair was entirely grey now and his face was sunken and discoloured ... he looked like the old man I'd tried to joke about. Teyla put a comforting hand on my shoulder when the tears I'd been holding in finally got the better of me. I put my head down on my arms, trying to muffle my sobbing on the off chance that John might hear.

"Get it out of here," Kolya ordered. There was a short pause and then Kolya's voice again "now its two hours," before the transmission ended.

x

I couldn't bear to be surrounded by people, with their sympathetic looks and their behaviour that said louder than words they thought John was already dead. I didn't need to hear Doctor Beckett's lack of hope explanation about how the feeding process worked, nor Doctor Weir's excuses as she sent Ladon Radim back through the Stargate to interrogate his traitors. I didn't want to see Ronon's angry frustration, Teyla's stoic sadness, or Rodney's visible distress. And I especially didn't need to hear the sound of the clock ticking each second of those two hours away while I was helpless to do anything. So I ran ... following the same route I'd travelled with John nearly every day for more than two years. I ran until I couldn't run anymore. Sinking to the ground I let the despair overtake me, graphic imagines of the Wraith feeding on John intermingled with images of his virtual death at the hands of the Asurans playing in an endless loop inside my head. Pressing my forehead to the floor I moaned at the voices and images that just wouldn't shut up.

"Sabina?" Ronon's voice coming through my radio cleared my head instantaneously.

"There's news?" I asked hoarsely.

"Get down to the Gateroom as fast as you can," Ronon advised before signing off.

x

"I'm going on this mission," I told Doctor Weir firmly. "I'll fly the Jumper if you need a reason to justify it."

"I'll leave it to you to explain to John why you had to go," Doctor Weir replied, squeezing my arm in comfort. I couldn't help but wonder at the contradiction from last time – suddenly now that we were pretty sure John was dead it was all right for me to risk myself? It wasn't the first time Doctor Weir had done a turnaround on mission personnel and I wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

"Thank you," I said, hoping she'd know I was thanking her both for not making me argue for my spot as well as for still having hope despite what we'd seen on the last transmission.

I flew the Jumper through the Gate to the coordinates Ladon had finally gotten for us. Team Sheppard, Doctor Beckett and a team of four marines were in attendance as well – thankfully none of them questioned my inclusion on the mission.

Milliseconds later we emerged to a Stargate surrounded by Genii troops – I cloaked the jumper and headed away, waiting for Rodney to scan for John's subcutaneous transmitter.

"The facility is straight ahead," Teyla gestured through the front view screen.

"We're detecting life signs on the surface, miles from the bunker," Rodney announced a second later.

"How many?" Ronon demanded.

"When it first came up, it was eight, then four. I don't get it - now it's just the two." Rodney reported in confusion.

"What about John?" I glanced at Rodney briefly before returning my attention to piloting the Jumper.

"One of them is definitely Sheppard. His subcutaneous transmitter's still broadcasting." Rodney replied. I didn't know whether to be happy about that or not because the transmitter couldn't tell us John's condition, just that he was alive.

"Could the other one be Kolya?" Teyla questioned.

"Let's hope so," Ronon replied. "Land a hundred metres to the south of their position."

We made our way cautiously towards John's location. We were still some distance away when the sounds of John's screams echoed through the forest. Not waiting for the order I burst into a sprint, following closely behind Ronon as he crashed through the trees ahead of me.

The two life signs Rodney had detected turned out to be John and the Wraith who'd fed upon him. Ronon emerged into the clearing while the Wraith was crouched over John and wrenched him away, blaster pointed squarely in his face.

"Wait!" John ordered Ronon. He got up slowly from the ground, turning to face us. I staggered slightly as John came fully into view ... he looked the same as he had before this ordeal began! I watched, speechless, as he walked up to Ronon.

"Leave him," he said. When everyone with weapons continued to point them at the Wraith John added "That's an order!"

"You're okay," I whispered. I felt my knees give out and I sat down abruptly on the ground right where I stood, staring up at him in mute disbelief. John walked towards me - for once he didn't seem at all surprised to see me. Without a word he reached down and drew me up and into his side. I clung to him tightly, eyes moving rapidly from feature to feature as I confirmed for myself that on the outside at least he really was back to his young self.

"I don't understand," Doctor Beckett stared at John in confusion. "We all saw what he did to you."

"He just undid it," John replied. "Lower your weapons."

"How is this possible?" Teyla asked in confused amazement.

"Don't ask me," John retorted.

"The gift of life is reserved only for our most devout worshippers ... and our brothers," the Wraith explained. I flinched when the Wraith spoke ... memories of the sounds he'd made while feeding on John too fresh for me to be comfortable so near to the source.

"Well, I guess there's a lot about the Wraith we don't know," John replied, looking intently at the Wraith.

"Sheppard gave me back my life," the Wraith told us. "I merely repaid the debt."

"What about Kolya?" Ronon asked.

John let me go to pat down his jacket pockets, looking for something. Not finding it he turned and ran back to where he'd been lying, scanning the ground intently. He picked up a radio and activated it.

"Kolya, this is Sheppard ... Kolya? ... I figured you'd run," John said in a low threatening voice. "Next time, I kill you on sight, you hear me?"

When John didn't get a response he threw the radio away in disgust. Turning back to Ronon he said "let's get off this rock."

"What about him?" Ronon gestured to the Wraith.

"We had a deal, right?" John said, looking at the Wraith with an unreadable expression.

"I did not truly expect you to honour it," the Wraith replied with a chuckle.

John paused, clearly thinking about what to do. Ronon offered him his blaster ... looking down at it for a moment John finally took it, walking past Ronon and firing into the Wraith's chest without apparent hesitation. The Wraith dropped to the ground without a sound. Ronon took the blaster back from John and glanced at the setting.

"You didn't kill him," Ronon almost accused.

"No, I didn't," John replied, comfortable with his decision. Despite the anger I felt towards the Wraith for what he'd done to John I also had to feel a measure of gratitude too. The Wraith had been used as a tool by Kolya just as surely as John himself had - directing my anger at him seemed pointless now. Ultimately it was Kolya who's orchestrated this whole ordeal ... and it was Kolya who should be made to answer for that.

"Get him in the Jumper," John motioned to the team of Marines. "We're gonna drop him off somewhere."

The Marines bent to pick up the Wraith. Returning to John's side I smiled, almost dizzy with relief as it began to sink in that he really was all right. John put an arm around me again before turning to face the others.

"Thanks for showing up!" he said with a faintly sarcastic tone. I didn't blame him though ... it wasn't the first time he'd had to rescue himself only to have us arrive just after like the punch line of a bad joke.

Rodney spluttered in protest as John led me past the group, heading back to where I'd parked the Jumper. He was quiet during the process of flying the Jumper back through the Stargate, locating a nearby planet with the possibility of Wraith traffic, and travelling there to drop our Wraith captive off. Once there John insisted on waiting until the Wraith had regained consciousness. I watched from inside the cloaked jumper as the Wraith stirred, filled with admiration for John's strength of character, his integrity and his determination to honour a deal no-one would have expected him to.

"Ah, Sheppard," the Wraith looked intently up at John as it put a hand to its chest where John had stunned it. "I thought you ..."

"There's a lot you don't know about humans," John replied.

"Ah, I see," the Wraith got up and looked around him, realising that John had lived up to his end of the bargain. "Next time we meet ...," he trailed off.

"All bets are off," John confirmed.

The sound of a low flying dart drew their attention towards the sky ... while the Wraith continued to look upwards, John stepped back inside the rear compartment, effectively disappearing. We watched as the Wraith turned back to where he'd stood and then John silently motioned for me to take the Jumper up and back to Atlantis.

x

"You know how I said, after the Asurans did the whole virtual reality murder thing, that that was the worst feeling I would ever have?" my voice sounded harsh in the silence of our quarters.

We'd been lying in the darkness for a while, my head pillowed on John's chest as he held me close. Neither of us was sleeping but neither of us wanted to admit it. I'd stuck to John's side like a barnacle since we'd returned to Atlantis, through his examination in the infirmary _and_ his debriefing with Doctor Weir and the rest of his team. So I knew the full scope of the terrible ordeal he'd been through that went beyond even what we'd been forced to witness. He wasn't showing it on the outside but he must have been feeling some of it on the inside.

"Yeah," John murmured, running an absent hand through my hair.

"You didn't have to go to such lengths to prove me wrong," John laughed, sounding normal enough to reassure me he was doing okay.

"Thanks for sticking around," John said after a few more moments of silence.

"When?" I frowned in confusion, wondering if he meant since we'd been back or something else.

"During the last feeding," John clarified, his voice steady despite the seriousness of what he was remembering.

"_You heard_?" I asked in amazement.

"Every word," John confirmed, "including the bit about still wanting me even if I came back an old man."

"That was supposed to be a joke," I tried to excuse my comment. "I was _trying_ to lighten the moment – John Sheppard style."

"You mean you won't want to be with me when I'm an old man?" John quipped.

"That depends," I teased, realising that John had had enough of talking and thinking about the serious stuff for one day. "Are you gonna be as hot as you are now?"

"Won't matter," John replied – I could feel him smile into my hair. "Your eyesight will have gotten all blurry but if you squint the right way you'll be able to convince yourself I am."

"Oh that's nice," I pinched his arm lightly. "What about you ... are you gonna be squinting to make me look better than your tired old eyes can process?"

"You're beautiful now," John's tone put a level of seriousness back into the conversation, "and you'll be beautiful when you're eighty."

"But not when I'm eighty five?" I joked.

"Stop fishing for compliments," John ordered mock sternly. I laughed, content to let things be. I wasn't naive enough to think we could put it away so easily - there'd be after effects and a lot of talking before we got to that stage. When all was said and done though, any day that ended with the two of us together was a good day.

**Authors Note:**

Why didn't the Ancients develop Caller ID? Would have been very helpful in this episode!

All joking aside this was a very powerful episode and also one of my favourites so I found it very hard to do it justice ... these past two chapters are my best attempt but it's pretty ordinary really. I mean, how would someone truly behave if they had to watch the most important person in their life literally have the life sucked right out of them? I _tried_ to answer that question in these chapters ...

Sorry this turned into such an epic chapter - I felt it would lose something if I split it into two. Also thanks to chevron7 for the idea to have the rest of team Sheppard surround and support Sabina during the tough stuff - I'm not sure I actually did that in the end but it was my original inspiration for adding the first scene :D


	15. Switch off the projector

**Chapter 15: Switch off the projector**

"How's Colonel Sheppard?" Major Lorne asked. We were on another mission to secure supplies from friends of Teyla's and had a long walk ahead of us to get to the village. The Major had been updated on what had happened with John's kidnapping as soon as he'd returned from M5R-877. It had been a couple of weeks since then and although Lorne had been obvious in his concern for my wellbeing this was the first time he'd actually started a conversation about the incident.

"You know John," I said lightly. "Long on being stoic, short on talking about his feelings."

"But he _did_ talk to you about what happened with Kolya," Lorne persisted, "the bits you didn't see on camera that is?"

"Yeah – the night he got back," I kept my eyes on the ground so Major Lorne wouldn't see that I wasn't exactly 'handling' all the issues that well myself. "After that I think he'd had enough of all the tough stuff."

"What about you?" Lorne was far too perceptive for his own good.

"I wasn't the one who got the life sucked out of me by a Wraith," I pointed out.

"No but you had to watch someone you love having the life sucked out of them," Lorne returned bluntly, making me wince at the images that brought far too easily to the forefront of my mind.

"When I close my eyes I see it," I admitted softly, "playing like a movie in my head. I don't know how to switch it off."

"You been sleeping?" I glanced over and just caught the faint look of concern on the Major's face.

"Enough," I smiled wickedly, before adding, "plus John's pretty good at short circuiting my brain ..." I trailed off suggestively.

"If you're trying to embarrass me out of pursuing this it won't work," Lorne's smile made the dimples appear in his cheeks but didn't disguise the fact that he _was_ embarrassed.

"Sorry," I said, not very apologetically. "You've got things in your past you'd rather forget haven't you?" When Lorne nodded without saying more I continued. "How did you get them to the point you could just live with them?"

"The emotions I had invested in those things weren't the same as yours," Major Lorne replied after thinking for a few moments. "Not that I didn't care about the people involved ... I thought through the situation, tried to see if there was another way I could have gone ... realised there was nothing that would have changed the outcome. That and a few drinks with the guys was enough for me to put it away."

"I _have_ thought about it," I said in frustration. "In fact I've spent hours thinking about it. I know there was nothing I could have done ... I just get so _angry_ every time I think of Kolya and how much I'd like to ..."

"Talk to Heightmeyer," Lorne made that sound almost like an order.

"That won't help," I shook my head determinedly. "I'm not comfortable with the whole talking about my feelings thing – that goes for the day to day stuff so there's no way I'm gonna be talking to Kate about something this hard."

"Well find someone you _are_ comfortable talking to," Lorne said in frustration.

"You volunteering?" I looked over at him curiously.

"If you want," Lorne looked a bit uncomfortable with that, even though he was the one who'd brought it up.

"Just tell me how you deal with the anger," I let him off the hook somewhat, "and I think the rest will just get easier in time."

"I usually shoot something," Lorne admitted reluctantly. "That or lifting weights usually does the trick." He thought for a minute. "How about a picture of Kolya on your punching bag?"

"You jest but that's actually not a bad idea," I laughed, not bothered that pretty much everyone knew by now that the punching bag was my preferred method for releasing frustration.

"Just don't let anyone _see_ you punching a picture of Kolya," Lorne advised helpfully.

"Good tip," I looked across at him gratefully. "Thanks Major," I hoped he'd know I was thanking him for more than just the anger management suggestion.

"Any time," Lorne smiled across at me. "Now pick up the pace ... we want to get to this village _before_ nightfall."

"

If I was having trouble dealing with the fall-out from the latest run in with Kolya it concerned me even more to understand how John was handling things. He'd done the mandatory session with Dr Heightmeyer only days after the event and refused to do any more sessions on a voluntary basis. On the surface he seemed okay but I didn't want to just assume that and so I watched him closely, looking for signs that he either was or wasn't fine.

Of course I had intimate knowledge of how John usually handled difficult situations. I'd seen him put on the easy going facade for everyone while at the same time haunting his favourite thinking spots for hours on end in solitude. I'd learned to just let him be, to give him time to consider all the angles, work out what he'd do differently, and then put it away in that place where all the horrible things he'd seen and been forced to do were kept. John wasn't usually prone to nightmares, but sometimes after a particularly difficult time he's suffer from troubling dreams, waking me with his restless movements and mumbled speech. I'd offer him the comfort of my presence without pressuring him to talk about it until he was ready. Things that had happened before our time together were usually just glossed over, but John did tell me what was troubling him for the events I'd been there for.

It took a few weeks before he got to that stage with the Kolya incident. I'd left him his time and space to think about what had happened, and comforted him when troubling dreams haunted him at night.

"You know what bothers me most?" John asked. We lay in the darkness together – both of us awake after disturbing thoughts of Kolya and the Wraith had invaded our dreams.

"What?" I asked softly.

"That Kolya got away again," he admitted. "If it wasn't for that I think I'd have put this whole thing away by now."

"Why does that bother you?" I was surprised he hadn't said his weird almost alliance with the Wraith.

"Because I know he's not going away," John said grimly. "He'll turn up again and next time we might not be so lucky in escaping without losing anyone. He's reckless and devious and very desperate to get what he thinks is rightfully his."

"So the whole 'Wraith friendship' thing doesn't bother you?" I asked curiously.

"I'm not sure I understand what it means in the context of our fight against the Wraith," John replied, "but I can justify it because maybe that Wraith was unique _because_ he'd been held a prisoner for so long. Just because I don't understand him doesn't mean I don't have a handle on the collective Wraith as an enemy."

"Have the dreams gotten better?" I looked at him in concern, my expression begging him not to just gloss over things as was his usual practice.

"Yeah - not as many and not as ... intense," John's agreement made something relax inside me I hadn't been aware of holding tense. "What about you?"

"Me?" I asked in surprise. "I'm not the one who was kidnapped."

"I've seen a lot of crappy stuff happen in the past," John said softly, running a gentle hand through my hair. "I've had a lot of crappy stuff happen to me too. And _always_, the ones that were the hardest for me to put away were the ones that happened to one of my men or a civilian I was supposed to be protecting." I'd tensed at his words but otherwise gave no reaction to what he was trying to tell me. "In my world it's tougher watching someone you care about or feel responsible for getting whipped than it is to endure the whipping yourself. You might not have had as much experience with that but I suspect you're finding out things in your world aren't any different."

"It bothers me," I admitted simply. "I close my eyes and I can play each Wraith feeding in my head with full colour and sound. I thought you were as good as dead ... you know how that feels inside."

"I do which is why I'm concerned about you," John agreed. "Maybe _you_ should talk to Dr Heightmeyer."

"I don't think there's anything she could do to switch off the projector John," I protested. "It's just a time thing – I know it'll all fade and be replaced with other, more pleasant images. I can handle it until that happens."

"Okay," John agreed reluctantly. "Let's try and get some sleep – we've both got missions in the morning."

Listening to his breathing slow and deepen into sleep I lay awake thinking. Maybe I should have told him about my anger issues with Kolya. Given that he was struggling with Kolya issues of his own I just didn't want to burden him anymore. I was handling it and I had to trust that in time the anger _would_ fade along with the after images of the Wraith feedings.

**Authors Note:**

Just a short little look at what happens between missions. These characters suffer terrible things on a regular basis and just keep coming back for more with no visible effects ... I find myself wondering at times how someone could really handle all that so easily - I guess it wouldn't make good TV for characters to go off the rails because of one too many encounters with the Wraith!


	16. Did you ask him about your alternate?

**Chapter 16: Did you ask him about your alternate self?**

"Where's Rodney going?" I asked curiously, watching from the Control Room as Rodney stepped through the open wormhole alone.

"Back to Earth," John said, "to see his sister."

"I didn't know he even had a sister!" I looked at John in surprise.

"Yeah, well I guess he doesn't talk about his family much," John excused. It was a pretty common trait on Atlantis actually ... especially with those of us who'd been here since the first mission.

"So you're a man down for the next month?" I asked curiously.

"Yeah," John looked over at me with a smile, "and before you ask, no you can't take Rodney's place – you were the one who fought so hard to get a permanent spot on Major Lorne's team so now you're stuck there."

"Harsh ... but fair," I shrugged, knowing Lorne probably wouldn't have been impressed either - not that I'd _really_ been thinking to switch teams.

"So why did Rodney leave without letting us all know?" I brought the conversation back to where it had started.

"He didn't know he was going until this morning," John admitted. "A request for help came in from Colonel Carter."

"Well Rodney being away should let me finally catch up on the things he keeps throwing at me," I said, thinking of the backlog of work I had waiting that only ever seemed to get bigger.

"There is that," John agreed in amusement. "I'll catch you later." Nodding absently, I pondered Rodney and his sister, determined that when he returned I'd ask him about her.

x

"Rodney's bringing his sister back here," John told me a few days later. "Something about using a theoretical physics paper she wrote to create some kind of bridge between universes ... I switched off after that so I can't tell you more."

"You _do_ like your lazy Sheppard act don't you," I shook my head when he just grinned back at me. "Well whatever it is, it'll be nice to meet Rodney's family."

"If you say so," John replied. "Personally, I can't wait to ask her about McKay as a child – there's sure to be some ammunition there for the next time he does his 'I'm always right' act."

No major catastrophes occurred the entire three weeks that Rodney was away ... which was kind of a shame really since it didn't give the rest of us the chance to show that we actually _could_ function in a crisis without the presence of the great McKay.

Doctor Zelenka was apprehensively excited the day the Daedalus returned, mainly because he'd been left to make the necessary alterations to the containment chamber before Rodney got back. All the simulations gave the expected results so practically the moment Rodney and his sister set foot on Atlantis they were off to the lab to try the first power up.

"Hey," John's voice drew my attention to the doorway of my lab hours later. I stood quickly when I realised John wasn't alone – standing beside him was an attractive blonde woman with familiar blue eyes. "Sabina, this is Mrs Jeanie Miller. Jeanie – this is Sabina Scott."

"It's really nice to meet you Mrs Miller," I held out a hand in greeting.

"Oh Jeanie, please," she invited, turning to look curiously at the various devices strewn around the room. "You work with my brother?"

"Sometimes," I said easily. "It must be exciting to see where he's been hiding the past two years?"

"Exciting, and ah ... scary," Jeanie admitted.

"I can see the resemblance between you and Rodney," I offered, "especially the eyes."

"You mean _Meredith_," John said with an amused grin.

"Huh?" I looked at him with a confused frown.

"_Meredith_ Rodney McKay," John said with relish. "That's his name."

"I can see why he'd want to go by Rodney then," I shook my head at how much delight John was getting out of that. "I suppose you're planning on teasing him about it first chance you get?"

"Me?" John put a hand on his heart and an innocent expression on his face.

"That innocent act doesn't work on me," I glanced across at Jeanie and saw that she was amused by our antics.

"Look, I've been showing Jeanie around," John said casually, "thought you might like to join us all for some dinner."

"I'll just finish up here and meet you in the commissary," I offered, smiling as Jeanie waved before following John out the door.

x

"Mer comes home from school one day insisting that Dad buy him a pair of plain boxers," I overheard the tail end of a story Jeanie was telling John, Ronon and Teyla. "Turns out the school bullies made him wear his underwear on his head while eating his lunch – he was wearing his 'I love Batman' boxers and had been ridiculed even more for _that_ than for the whole underwear as a hat thing."

I frowned as everyone at the table burst into delighted laughter. I stood beside John's chair, putting a hand on his shoulder so he'd know I'd arrived and asked "What's so funny?"

"Oh Jeanie was just telling us about Rodney's childhood," John admitted, still grinning.

"I heard," I said with a straight face. "Didn't sound that funny to me but since I don't have any siblings maybe I'm just missing it."

"It's not really a sibling thing," John pulled me into the seat next to him, "it's more of a Rodney thing." When I just looked at him pointedly he sighed before continuing "McKay is always so superior ... I know it's petty but it is kinda nice hearing that he wasn't always that way."

"And I suppose you're gonna make sure he knows you've been talking about him?" I glanced around at the others, all sitting like children with their hands caught in the cookie jar.

"Hell yeah," Ronon replied complacently. Everyone looked at each other and then burst into laughter again. That was when I spotted Rodney heading our way. Jeanie waved at him as he walked up.

"_What is this_?" Rodney demanded, looking mostly at Jeanie.

"Hey, Meredith!" John greeted him enthusiastically.

"Oh, wonderful," Rodney replied, looking resigned to the teasing he knew was coming.

"John here was kind enough to show me around, offer me a warm meal, and introduce me to some of your friends," Jeanie explained.

"What have you told them?" Rodney asked irritably.

"We weren't talking about you," John said with a straight face.

"Oh, you weren't?" Rodney's face looked hopeful that perhaps he might have avoided something unpleasant that he'd been expecting.

"Uh, no. We were discussing many things," Teyla said easily.

"Now, when the issue of bedwetting happened to come up, Jeanie may have mentioned something about your childhood," John said, waiting eagerly for Rodney's reaction.

"That is not true!" Rodney protested.

"Relax," Ronon looked at Rodney almost sympathetically. "We all have embarrassing childhood stories."

"Of course we do," John agreed companionably.

"There was one time the school bullies made me eat lunch with my underwear on my head," Ronon said, like he was sharing a secret about himself.

"Oh!" Rodney exclaimed in hopeful surprise.

"Oh, wait, that was you," Ronon joked, making John, Teyla and Jeanie crack up laughing.

"Oh, hardy har-har," Rodney snarked. "And this is revenge for what, exactly?"

"You don't even know, do you?" Jeanie commented in amused sadness.

Before anything more could be added Doctor Weir's voice over the intercom interrupted. "Colonel Sheppard and Doctor McKay to the Isolation Room immediately."

"Isolation Room?" Rodney said in a puzzled voice. Gesturing to John and Jeanie he said "Come on."

John put a hand to my shoulder before getting up and following the others out the door.

"Is that normal behaviour for siblings?" I looked at Teyla and Ronon curiously. "To tease each other like that?"

"I would not know," Teyla replied graciously. "I believe Doctor McKay and his sister have been estranged for some time ... perhaps that explains the tension between them more than the fact that they are siblings."

"McKay does come over a little condescending," Ronon pointed out. "A little payback might do him good."

"I bet neither of you have ever been teased about anything have you?" I looked at each of them and received a reluctant nod of agreement in reply. "It's not nice ... Rodney would have been teased mercilessly as a kid just because he was smart. I can only imagine how much worse it would be coming from someone who's supposed to love him."

"You are right," Teyla agreed. "It would not be nice."

"Spoil sport," Ronon muttered under his breath.

x

It was late by the time John finally made it to our quarters for the evening. I was very curious to find out what had happened and never in a million years would I have guessed how far into the bizarre we had actually travelled. Everyone involved had thought the chance of us sending the dangerous exotic particles (a by-product of trying to extract vacuum energy from subspace) to an occupied universe were astronomically small but that was in fact what we'd done. And the only reason we knew that we'd done it was because that other universe had beamed someone over to tell us. As if having one Rodney McKay wasn't enough, it appeared that now we were stuck with two.

"It was freaking me out," John admitted, "watching Rodney talking to himself."

"Were they different?" I asked curiously.

"The alternate Rodney – who calls himself Rod by the way – had better dress sense," John quipped. When I raised an eyebrow at the apparent shallowness of that remark John laughed. "He was wearing my jacket – the black leather one."

"Well I bet he didn't look as hot in it as you do," I said in mock reassurance. "What else?"

"I don't know," John replied. "Maybe Rod was a little more ... relaxed?"

"Did you ask him about your alternate self?" I looked over a John curiously.

"Ah ... no," John looked a little uncomfortable with the idea. "Rod mentioned that the idea to beam him into the matter stream came from my alternative self which was kinda interesting but ..." John broke off and looked at me curiously. "Would you want to know about your alternate self?"

"Since you only told me about all this a few minutes ago I haven't had time to think about it," I prevaricated. "In any case it's only one in an infinite number of alternate me's so I'm not sure if there would be any point."

"I'm hitting some golf balls with Rod before breakfast tomorrow morning," John said complacently. "Maybe I'll ask him about the alternate Sabina then."

"You go right ahead," I replied. "Just don't tell me if you find out anything I wouldn't want to hear."

x

"Sabina!" I looked up from the line up for breakfast to the table where team Sheppard usually sat. John was sitting there with the team and Jeanie Miller. It was only as I got closer that I realised it was Rod, and not our Rodney, who occupied one of the chairs.

"Hey," John got up to make room for me to sit with him, kissing me lightly in greeting since he'd left before I'd woken up that morning. "You haven't met Rod yet."

I turned to look at the alternate Rodney with some curiosity. Apart from a slightly messier hair style (kind of reminiscent of John's actually except it was much shorter) and the different uniform he looked much the same.

"You don't need any introduction," Rod greeted me with a friendly and open smile. "Your alternate self would be glad to see you had the good sense to hook up with this guy in this reality too," he gestured vaguely towards John.

"I guess," I replied a bit uneasily. I glanced at John just in time to catch him shaking his head at Rod. When he caught me watching him he pasted an innocent look on his face that made me instantly suspicious.

"Okay _what_?" I looked at John pointedly. "And don't tell me 'nothing' because I can see that it's something."

"I thought you weren't sure you wanted to know anything about your alternate self," John tried to put me off. "Trust me when I say you probably don't want to talk about this here."

"So this is something I wouldn't want to hear?" I frowned down at my breakfast, wondering if something had happened to me in the other reality.

"I wouldn't say that," John replied uncomfortably. He looked across at Rod with an almost pleading look.

"I was just telling John it was a shame you guys couldn't have waited like a week to power up the containment chamber," Rod told me. "Because then I would have been there for your wedding."

**Authors Note:**

It's kinda nice to have something light hearted to write for - all that drama and angst was getting a bit tiring! This was a cool episode too ... in fact as I was working through each episode I realised how great many of the season 3 episodes were. High hopes for season 4 ... only about 40 days to go now till I can start watching it :D


	17. These alternate realities are different

**Chapter 17: So these alternate realities really are a lot different then?**

The cereal I'd been about to swallow went down the wrong way, causing me to cough painfully. John smacked me a bit harder on the back than I think he needed to at my reaction. Once I'd regained the use of my windpipe I picked up my drink like nothing had happened, carefully keeping my gaze away from John.

"Our wedding huh?" I tried to feign a casual interest. "I wonder whose idea that was."

"Oh definitely yours," Rod replied, missing the signals that said although I was pretending to be interested I completely wasn't. "My Sheppard isn't shy about telling people he's smart but when it comes to matters of the heart he's a bit dense. In fact you told me that if you'd waited around for John to make the first move you'd have died of old age first."

"He's not that different in this reality," Ronon teased, grinning while Teyla nodded with a laugh.

"_Hey_ – I don't go around telling people I'm smart!" John denied. His face had such an insulted and uncomfortable look that I couldn't help but laugh along with Ronon and Teyla.

"So these alternate realities really are a lot different then?" I asked curiously, once the laughter had died down.

"It seems so," Rod replied. "In fact it'd be interesting to try and trace back where our paths diverged."

Rod mentioned a few things in his life that were much different from Rodney's – like being an active part of the Athosian community as well as being more heavily involved in the physical aspects of military life. It was hard to tell though what events had caused such a divergence in their lives – perhaps because it was something that had happened many years in the past that had shaped their obviously different personalities.

"It sounds like you and Jeanie are much closer where you're from," I said. "How did you manage that being so far away?"

"Being able to gate back to Earth pretty much whenever I wanted," Rod offered, "plus Jeanie made me a part of her family when she asked me to be a godparent to her children."

"And you probably never questioned my decision to drop out and get married," Jeanie added with a hint of the anger she obviously still felt about that.

"No," Rod agreed. "I was looking forward to becoming an Uncle – didn't want to risk you cutting me out of the loop."

"Wait," John held up a hand in disbelief. "Are you telling me you actually like children?"

"What's not to like?" Rod questioned, looking from John back to Jeanie with a puzzled expression.

"Let's just say that our Rodney is not exactly fond of the little people," John offered, causing the rest of us to chuckle fondly – Rodney's dislike of children was well known on Atlantis.

"Tell Rod about that planet where no one was older than twenty five," Teyla suggested.

"M7G-677?" Rod queried. "We went to that planet too – those kids were great!"

"Not to Rodney," John admitted. "He literally had that one little girl, Cleya, hanging off a leg. She had the biggest crush on him - you should have seen him trying to walk ignoring Cleya and pretending she weren't there. That is until he lost his balance and went arse over armpit into the dirt. Cleya thought it was the best game – she was giggling madly, not put off at all by the trademark Rodney scowl."

"You never told me that," I accused lightly, smiling in amusement as even those at adjacent tables laughed at the thought of Rodney taking a fall with a child attached to his leg.

"It wasn't Rodney's finest hour," John pointed out. "And he wasn't keen for anyone to find out what a child magnet he was. Or that he'd used his own personal stash of chocolate to bribe her to go away."

John's comments caused the laughter to escalate as each of us imagined Rodney using chocolate as a shield between him and a little girl with a crush.

"What the hell is this?" I looked up to see Rodney standing in front of the table with an annoyed expression.

"Hey, sleepyhead!" John greeted him, still grinning.

"Yeah. Hi," Rodney responded grumpily.

"I had a breakfast date with Jeanie," Rod said, still laughing. "I guess it kind of ballooned into a group affair. Look, sit down. We're tracing back our lives, trying to find the little differences between our pasts."

"Rod is an honorary member of the Athosian Council," Teyla offered with a smile.

"And is godfather to his niece and nephews," Jeanie added smugly.

"Yes, well, how wonderful for him," Rodney said sarcastically. I kept quiet, suddenly realising how difficult it would be to be confronted with a seemingly more popular and easy going version of 'yourself'.

"Well, it's easier for me," Rod excused the differences. "Our Earth has a ZedPM too, so it makes the back and forth a lot simpler."

"Doctors McKay, please report to the containment chamber," Doctor Zelenka called over the main communications system. "Doctors McKay."

"Excuse me," both McKay's got up simultaneously. Jeanie got up as well when Rodney motioned to her.

"Hey, Rod, are we still on to spar later?" Ronon asked.

"Absolutely," Rod replied. They did a fist hitting finger wiggling thing at each other which was frankly a bit disturbing. The guy had been here like ten minutes and already he was golfing with John and sparring with Ronon? What was with that?

I watched as the three of them walked off, Rodney scowling, Rod still chuckling and Jeanie looking at her alternate brother with clear admiration.

"I too must take my leave," Teyla announced, getting up with her tray in hand. Ronon, seeing the pointed look she was giving him, got up as well. John and I acknowledged their leaving, silence descending at the table once they were gone.

"I guess I should ..." I broke off, glancing at John before looking away again. "This is ... awkward."

"Why?" John's tone was curious.

"I don't know," I admitted. "Aren't you the least bit uncomfortable hearing things about people who are us but at the same time so clearly _not_ us?"

"Because they're getting married?" my eyes shot up to Johns and were caught in his intent expression.

"That and the fact that you're apparently some Mensa geek and I'm the bossy one forcing you to marry me," I replied with a bit of heat.

"Didn't sound like anyone was _forcing_ anyone," John said with an easy tone that gave nothing away about _his_ opinion. Glancing at his watch he frowned in frustration. "I'm gonna be late ... we'll have to talk about this later." He got up, running a hand down my hair in farewell before heading towards the exit.

"Yeah ... _much_ later," I muttered under my breath. Resolving to put the disturbing conversation from my mind, I headed down to my lab. I'd been trying since the nanovirus incident to find more information but had so far been unsuccessful. It wasn't high on the list of priorities except for my own personal worry and confusion. I was still troubled at having the Wraith and ATA genes as well as this "anti nanite" protein. I really wanted to find something to tell me why the ancients had messed around with not only their own DNA but also their blood - after a few weeks of searching I was coming to the conclusion that I wasn't going to find anything in the main database. Realising I'd have to provide some kind of summary to Doctor Weir I settled in to write a report.

It was the greatest irony that the experiment Rodney and his sister had been running to create more power ended up draining our only ZPM instead. They'd had no choice, given the plan the alternate reality had been going to implement which would have rendered our universe out of existence instantaneously. It seemed that once again the dream of creating vast amounts of power in the form of vacuum energy was off the drawing board.

x

"How's Rodney doing?" I asked John later that evening.

"Kicking himself he depleted the ZPM and worried Elizabeth is gonna fire him," John replied.

"She wouldn't do that ... would she?" I asked worriedly.

"Course not," John said easily. "Although it will do him good to think so for a while – he might not be so keen to risk it all on extravagant plans in the future."

"What about Jeanie?" I asked curiously. "Will she be heading straight back?"

"The Daedalus leaves tomorrow," John replied, frowning at something. When I looked at him curiously he added "there's some tension between her and Rodney ... Rod being here really brought it out in the open. Rodney thinks she hates him because he made no effort to speak to her for the last four years."

"Didn't Rodney record a message before the Wraith attacked the first time?" I asked curiously.

"He did," John said thoughtfully. "I wonder ...," John broke off, jumping up. "I'll be back in a while ... don't go anywhere!"

I laughed as John ran from the room, sure he planned to show Jeanie the message Rodney had recorded, assuming he's said something meant for her. I just hoped it would start to mend the rift because it seemed a shame to have a family but not be close to them.

"Mission accomplished," John said when he returned, pleased smirk firmly in place.

"Did Rodney get mad when he realised you'd shown Jeanie the message," I asked.

"Didn't tell him," John admitted. "He knows I said something though ... I just hope he's smart enough to not send his sister home without saying he's sorry."

We sat in silence for a time, each lost in our own thoughts.

"Were you really as taken with Rod as you seemed?" I finally broke the silence to ask.

"At first the idea of a Rodney who was polite and didn't remind me every five seconds how smart he is _was_ attractive," John admitted. "But then it got a little _creepy_ ... at least with Rodney you know exactly where you stand."

"True," I agreed. "I couldn't see the attraction myself ... but then he didn't spend any time trying to suck up to me like the rest of you!"

"Well if your alternate self really is like you then he would have known there'd be no point," John pointed out. "Speaking of which, do you want to hear now what else Rod said about the alternate you?"

"Do I?" I looked over at John intently. "They're not us ... and after meeting Rod I'm not sure they're even the seeds of us."

"What do you mean?" John frowned, throwing himself on the bed and crossing his arms under his head.

"Well think about it – are the seeds of Rod really lurking somewhere within our Rodney just waiting for the right set of circumstances to come out?" I put the question back to him.

"I can't see Rodney ever being that relaxed or easy within himself," John admitted, "which is kind of sad really."

"Well, the same could be true for us." I pointed out logically.

John looked at me intently, obviously mulling something over in his head. "Rod gave me something to show you," John admitted, reaching under his pillow and pulling out a plain envelope. "It's a few photos that he brought with him when he knew he was being transferred over."

"Oh," I looked at him in surprise. "Of the alternate us?"

"Yeah," John said, waiting for my reaction. "Do you want to see them?"

"Maybe another time," I turned away and went to stand by the window. The view of the city sparkled with the lights of everyone going about their evening business. It was calm and the sea was a low accompaniment to the noises of the city shifting and settling.

"It scares you, finding out this can go much further than where we are right now," John got up and stood behind me, close but not touching.

"I don't know why," I admitted. "Because I like where we are right now, I suppose."

"So do I," John agreed, putting his hands down on my shoulders and leaning his chin on my hair.

"Things don't always have to change do they?" I asked almost plaintively. "I mean, if it's not broken, why fix it?"

"It's the nature of all things to change and evolve and grow," John said philosophically. "In fact if you look at history, civilisations that abandoned the quest for knowledge were doomed to failure."

"Yeah but trying to grow too quickly is just as bad," I countered, turning around to face him. "There'd be plenty of businesses who tried to expand too rapidly and ended up a failure because they spread themselves too thin."

"I agree," John smiled down at me. "And I'm not looking to change anything right now ... just to allow for the possibility sometime in the future. Kinda like that old Chinese proverb – 'be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still'."

"How come you can't do your dumb soldier act with me?" I grumbled somewhat petulantly.

"You might be uncomfortable with what I'm saying," John pointed out, "but I'd rather that then you worrying because I was preoccupied over what Rod shared about the alternate us."

"I suppose," I leant my forehead against his chest. "Are there any surprises in these photos?"

"Depends on how you look at it," John said cryptically. "I'll put them in the wall safe - when you're ready you can look at them and answer that question for yourself."

"You know, it was a surprise to find out about the whole wedding thing," I said, "but it would have been a worse one if Rod had said we weren't together. Like the fact that there's at least one other reality out there with the two of us as a couple means this isn't just some random occurrence – like it's meant to be."

"There's nothing random about this," John responded with words and with the intent kiss he bestowed upon me. Breaking off to look down at me he added "Enough talking ... let's go to bed."

"Works for me," I smiled as John lifted me off the floor and walked us both over to the bed. "You don't have to go all macho on me to prove you're not a geek you know," I teased with a laugh.

"You're gonna pay for that," John growled, making me laugh even more.

x

The next morning we all gathered in front of the Stargate to say goodbye to Jeanie. It only took seconds to realise that Rodney _had_ taken the opening John had given him and made some progress in re-establishing his relationship with his sister.

"I like your sister," I told him softly, watching as she turned to each of the others in turn.

"Mmm," Rodney gave a small grin. "I suppose you liked Rod too."

"Not really," I admitted. When Rodney raised an eyebrow at me in surprise I added "I know he's supposed to be a version of you but he was too ... polished ... I couldn't tell what he really thought about anything."

"Oh," Rodney said, looking almost pleased. Jeanie arrived in front of us, interrupting our little conversation. I wished her a safe journey home and then watched with curious pleasure as Rodney stepped up and gave her a warm hug.

The bright lights of the Asgard beam lit up the Gateroom, taking Jeanie with them as they disappeared. With little conversation we all turned and went back to our usual business.

**Authors Note:**

"A study of history shows that civilizations that abandon the quest for knowledge are doomed to disintegration" Bernard Lovell (British astronomer). "Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still" Chinese proverb, anonymous. The usual source - thinkexist dot com

There've been quite a few fanfics where Shep got or already was married and I found myself wondering if that was in character. (Don't worry - I have no immediate plans to marry them off or anything!). I think, given the fact that he has been married before, inherently Shep _is_ the marrying kind. Maybe his faith in the whole idea was shaken by a failed marriage but I don't think that would mean he'd never consider it ever again. Just my opinion though – feel free to disagree! It was my musing about this idea that led me to put those little scenes in this chapter ;D


	18. There was a situation but

**Chapter 18: There **_**was**_** a situation but it's fully under control**

One day about a month after Rodney's sister had returned to Earth I headed out on a routine trading mission with team Lorne. Teyla had received some information to suggest there might have been an Ancient outpost on the outskirts of the village so I was especially keen to take a look.

The mission turned out to be as routine as predicted. The outpost was nothing more than another set of Ancient columns and stones not dissimilar to hundreds of others scattered throughout the Pegasus galaxy. Interesting but nothing of significant tactical value. We headed back through the gate as scheduled, stepping out moments later in Atlantis to the unusual sight of Doctor Weir waiting for us at the bottom of the Gateroom stairs.

"Doctor Weir," I greeted her, handing off my weapon to one of the Marines stationed in the Gateroom.

"Sabina, Major Lorne," Doctor Weir said, looking more at me than at Lorne. He acknowledged her unspoken request and joined the rest of the team heading for the infirmary.

"Okay, that look has me a little worried," I said. "What's John done this time?"

"There _was_ a situation but it's fully under control," Doctor Weir reassured me. "Come up to my office when you get done in the infirmary and I'll fill you in."

"So John's okay?" I asked, hesitating to leave until she'd confirmed it.

"He's fine," Doctor Weir replied.

"And Rodney and the others?" I persisted.

"They're injured, but it's nothing serious," Doctor Weir said patiently before motioning for me to go do the usual post mission stuff.

Half an hour later I was changed and checked and seated across from Doctor Weir in her office.

"So the device was making them hallucinate?" I asked, hardly believing what Doctor Weir had told me.

John's team had gone to M1B-129 with Doctor Beckett and another team of Marines to follow up on Major Leonard's team who were late for a check in. Apparently there was some kind of Wraith experiment on the planet to do with enhancing the Wraith ability to make their targets see things that weren't there. The Genii had stumbled across the device and decided to ramp it up to full power. They'd starting killing each other but when they tried to turn off the machine they couldn't – even after shooting the crap out of it. Major Leonard had been affected so badly that he'd taken out his whole team before killing himself with a grenade. Everyone except Teyla were affected by the machine too, such that John and Ronon almost succeeded in killing each other before Teyla finally managed to trick John into pulling the main power cable and killing the machine. Luckily as soon as the device was shut off the hallucinations disappeared immediately.

"That's right," Doctor Weir confirmed. "I can't tell you much more than that as they were all a little sketchy on the details. The Daedalus will be there by nightfall and will have them back here an hour or so after that."

"Okay," I stood, wondering what it was John had seen and if he'd be willing to admit it to me. "Thanks Doctor Weir."

"You know, you _can_ call me Elizabeth," Doctor Weir invited.

"You're the leader of this expedition," I pointed out the obvious. "When it's an off duty thing or we're in a nanite induced reality together I'll call you Elizabeth. Otherwise it's only appropriate for me to call you by your full title."

"Fair enough," Doctor Weir smiled at my poort attempt at humour. "Make sure you get John to tell you what happened on that planet."

"I'll try," I said, heading out the door. "But you know how stubborn he is!"

x

As promised, by mid evening team Sheppard, Doctor Beckett and the only surviving member of the second Marine team were beamed back to Atlantis from the Daedalus. Waiting in the Gateroom for them to beam down I saw immediately that John was seriously bothered by what had happened on the planet. He greeted me as usual, patiently giving me the few seconds it took to do a visual and see for myself that he wasn't injured. In fact, he and Doctor Beckett seemed to be the only ones who _weren't_ injured. Medical staff was on hand to assist in transferring everyone and within a few minutes Doctor Beckett had them all checked out and installed in the infirmary.

I stood with John as he kind of hovered between the beds where Ronon, Teyla and Rodney were all being treated.

"I still can't believe you shot me," Rodney complained.

"How many times do I have to say I'm sorry Rodney?" John asked in a voice that told me he'd already heard that comment more times than he could handle.

"I don't know," Rodney said sarcastically. 'Just keep going and I'll let you know when you're there."

"Is he going to be okay?" I asked Doctor Beckett.

"Aye lass," Carson replied. "In fact they're all going to be up and about in no time."

"So _you_ shot Rodney," I turned back to John with a questioning look. "Who shot Teyla and Ronon?"

"Major Leonard shot Teyla," John admitted, glancing at me quickly before looking away.

"And Sheppard shot me," Ronon said with an amused look, like the very idea delighted him.

"This is going to be an interesting story isn't it?" I looked at each of them in turn. "I'm glad you're okay," I turned and put a hand on John's arm, "and really sorry to hear about Leonard and the others."

"We'll chalk this one up to the Genii as well," John said in a grim voice, like he was keeping a tally of all the wrongs he owed the Genii for. "Can I get out of here?" he asked Carson hopefully.

"You mean you're not gonna stick around?" Rodney asked, insulted.

"You can keep each other company Rodney," John pointed out.

"Oh that's just great," Rodney muttered. "First he shoots us and then he abandons us in the infirmary –"

"That's enough Rodney," Teyla's voice held a steely reprimand that shut Rodney up mid sentence. "Go Colonel," she said graciously. "We will be fine."

"Thanks Teyla," John replied gratefully, grabbing my hand and quickly leading me from the room.

I followed John in silence as he walked at an unusually brisk pace from the infirmary to our quarters. Once the door had closed behind us he let out a relieved sigh, sitting on the bed and putting his head in his hands tiredly.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" I asked hesitantly, sitting beside him and putting a hand on his arm.

"Carson had it right when he said it was the most unsettling thing he'd ever experienced," John replied. "It was as if a switch got tripped in my head. I was in the forest finding a spot for Teyla to rest and then I was in Afghanistan trying to save Captain Holland."

"The mission that got you sent to Antarctica?" I asked in surprise. John had mentioned it briefly but never the full details.

"That'd be the one," John replied. He was silent for a moment before the words seemed to come to him. He explained how he'd decided to take the helicopter in to rescue Holland when it looked like the powers that be weren't going to authorise anything in time. John's own helicopter tail rotor took a lucky hit and he went down as well. He managed to find Holland who was badly wounded - even though John tried to walk them both out of there, the mission ended with him as a POW and Holland dead from injuries sustained in the original crash.

"You felt like you were living it all again?" my question drew John's eyes to mine for the first time since he'd started speaking.

"Hell yeah," John admitted. "I _was_ there ... it's only luck and Ronon's skill that I didn't kill him and Rodney. Rodney's complaining that I shot him – he hasn't worked out yet how close I came to killing him."

"Well don't let him make you feel too guilty," I said. "He was under the influence of the machine too – if he hadn't succumbed he'd have switched it off long before you got to the stage of shooting at anyone."

"Maybe," John replied, unwilling to let himself off the hook that easily.

"And Teyla wasn't affected?" I looked at him curiously.

"Wraith gene," John said by way of explanation. "Wouldn't do to have their little experiment affect them too."

"So I probably would have been fine," I speculated. "I wish I'd been there – maybe I could have helped you somehow."

"I'm glad you _weren't_ there," John replied firmly. "I had Teyla cast as Holland, because of her injury. I hate to think what role I'd have cast you in."

"Well, like you said," I remarked, "this is another one to put against the slate for the Genii. I really hate those guys."

"Yeah, me too," John rubbed a tired hand across his eyes.

"Come on," I said, standing and holding out a hand to help him up. "Let's get you cleaned up."

I knew it had been a bad day when John let me help him with even the basics ... he was tired and it wasn't just a physical thing. It upset me to know that John had relived such a difficult event that hadn't ended well. Long after John had fallen asleep that night I lay awake thinking about another close call ... and about how the mind could sometimes be the greatest enemy of all.

**Authors Note:**

Apologies up front for any errors in Sheps background story ... I don't know if that mission _was_ the one that he got the black mark for. I was a little confused given the snippets presented in this and other episodes and I had to make a decision for this chapter - it seemed likely that the one mission Shep would call forth under the effects of the machine would be the black mark mission. I know there's an episode in S4 that reveals more of Sheps background that will probably show other errors I've already made ... let's just call it authors perogative for now - I can always go back and change it later ;D

Next up is my multi-chapter story arc for 'The Return' ...


	19. Just wait until you meet them

**Chapter 19: Just wait until you meet them before you form an opinion.**

"Are you sure there's no way I can come with you instead?" I asked the question hopefully, watching as John checked the Puddle Jumper systems to make sure he could access the necessary macros and that the upload program was functioning. Once the Daedalus left John would be on his own in preparing for the test of the new gate system.

"Isn't it enough that you're going on the Daedalus?" John asked irritably, swivelling around from the control panel to look up at me. I knew he was annoyed that it'd take a week and a half for us to get to the midway station – time that he'd be stuck on Atlantis alone twiddling his thumbs waiting for the test to begin.

"Come on – first trip through the intergalactic gate bridge?" I pointed out excitedly. "Who wouldn't want to be a part of that?"

"Well the SGC only authorised one person for this part of the mission," John smiled slightly as my face fell. "That would be me."

"Fine," I replied grumpily. "Just don't let them convince you to stay too long back on Earth."

"It'll be a quick trip in and out," John promised, glancing down at his watch. "You better get to the Daedalus – aren't they beaming you up in five minutes?"

"Yeah," I replied, standing in front of him with an expectant look.

"What?" John asked innocently.

"Don't I at least get a kiss goodbye?" I looked at him pointedly. John laughed, pulling me into his lap and kissing me affectionately.

"Have a safe trip," John said seriously a few moments later. "Don't let Rodney run you ragged."

"I won't," I replied, stepping back reluctantly. "I'll see you in three weeks." John turned back to the console while I stood there, contemplating how long three weeks actually was and wondering if it was too late for me to change my mind.

"You okay?" John glanced over his shoulder at me with a puzzled frown when he realised I hadn't left.

"Good luck," I said solemnly, leaning down to wrap my arms around him from behind.

"Piece of cake," John replied, putting his arms over mine and squeezing confidently.

Letting him go reluctantly I hurried off to the Gateroom for the beam up of the last remaining personnel who were going on the Daedalus. Rodney had been up there for hours already, making sure all systems were in the green.

The Daedalus made the trip to the midway space station without incident. We exited hyperspace in the void between galaxies to the site of the midway station framework floating unfinished in space. At each end resided a Stargate, one from the Pegasus galaxy and one from the Milky Way. I stood on the Bridge, feeling equal parts excitement and nervousness as the time for the test approached. Even though I wouldn't get to actually see John I was still as excited as if I were.

"All systems seem to be ... ," Rodney spoke while looking at his data pad. He paused to look at something on one of the Bridge consoles, finishing his sentence with a puzzled "huh?".

"What?" Colonel Caldwell demanded.

"Oh, there's a ... odd echo on the proximity sensors," Rodney replied distractedly, still looking at the same console. "Won't affect the test but, uh ... yeah, we're ready to go."

The test began, after a few seconds we saw the Pegasus midway gate activate moments before John's Jumper burst through.

"We have a contact," Rodney reported.

"Colonel Sheppard, right on time. What's your status?" Colonel Caldwell asked.

"Felt a little weird, but everything seems to be in one piece," I smiled at hearing John's voice and at his usual irreverence for the task at hand. "Ready to proceed to next phase. Uploading macro and initiating dialling sequence." The Milky Way Stargate kawhooshed, establishing the first link from the midway station.

"Oh, no-no-no-no, this is weird," Rodney muttered.

"Shall I tell him to stand down?" Caldwell looked at Rodney expectantly.

"No-no-no, it's nothing to do with the test," Rodney replied, still clearly distracted. "It's just our sensors aren't working properly."

"Daedalus, ready to proceed," John reported, waiting for confirmation to complete the test.

"Do I clear him?" Caldwell leaned around in his chair to stare pointedly at Rodney.

"Mmm. Mmm, yeah-yeah-yeah, I'm sure he's fine," Rodney replied, hardly paying attention as he tapped away at his data pad. Finally noticing the lack of response to that Rodney looked up to see Caldwell staring at him. "Uh, he's good to go, yes. Go ahead."

"Colonel Sheppard, you have a go," Caldwell gave the all clear.

John's Puddle Jumper shot through the wormhole and disappeared.

"Jumper is away," Rodney confirmed.

"Colonel, we're receiving a data burst. Jumper Three has arrived at Stargate Command," Captain Kleinman reported a few minutes later.

"Mission accomplished," Caldwell announced.

"Yes, of course it worked," Rodney said condescendingly. "I'm already onto the next problem."

"Which is?" Caldwell asked irritably.

"Well, the sensors are having a hard time determining what it is, probably due to the Doppler effect," Rodney admitted.

"What _what_ is?" Caldwell looked impatiently at Rodney, waiting for him to get to the point.

"I'm detecting a foreign object travelling at point nine nine nine the speed of light ... and it's coming this way," Rodney reported.

x

It was about an hour later when Jumper Three came back through the Milky Way Stargate, slamming to a halt inside the midway station structure.

"We have a contact, sir," Captain Kleinman reported. "Its Colonel Sheppard back from Earth." The military way of stating the obvious had always amused me, especially this time. I mean who _else_ was it gonna be?

"Colonel Sheppard, welcome back to the middle of nowhere," Caldwell greeted him.

"Thank you, Colonel. I've got a take-out pizza for everyone back at Atlantis. With your permission, I'd like to upload the macro and dial out before it gets cold," I smiled at that, sure that only John would have thought to bring a bit of Earth back to everyone waiting on Atlantis.

"Negative," Caldwell denied John's request. "We're putting that leg of the trip on hold for now. Seems like we're expecting company."

Even though the object Rodney was tracking could turn out to be bad I couldn't help feeling pleased he'd found it because I got to see John a whole week and a half ahead of schedule. Knowing he'd be called into meetings as soon as he reported on board I went to the F302 Bay to meet him.

"Hey," I called, smiling in welcome as John exited the Jumper and walked purposefully towards me.

"Hey yourself,' John replied, not stopping until we were toe to toe. The hug he gave me said everything that was needed – that he'd missed me and was glad to see me. I held on just as tight, trying to convey the same message. After a few moments John sighed before releasing me.

"So what's with this object Rodney found?" John asked curiously, keeping his arm around me and steering us towards the exit.

"Hopefully nothing bad because then I'll have to start feeling guilty for being so happy about it," I replied, pleased when that comment earned a laugh from John.

x

John _was_ called to a meeting as soon as he checked in with Colonel Caldwell. I wasn't invited and I didn't make an issue of it because I was lucky the Colonel had agreed to let me travel on the Daedalus in the first place - seeing as I had no real role in the Gatebridge test. The meeting broke up and Rodney hurried onto the Bridge with a clear purpose, followed closely by John and Colonel Caldwell.

"What's happening?" I asked Rodney quietly.

"We're gonna overtake the object using the hyperdrive and then use the sublight engines to get as close to their speed as we can," Rodney replied, tapping away at his data pad. "When they pass us hopefully we'll have enough time to get sensor readings, find out who or what they are."

The Bridge hummed with activity as Rodney gave the coordinates for the hyperdrive jump. We burst out into space and sublight engines were engaged. We'd almost maxed them to full capacity before the object appeared, flashed by us in a blur of distorted motion, and disappeared again.

"Interesting," Rodney muttered, looking intently at the ever present data tablet.

"What?" Caldwell demanded impatiently.

"If these readings are correct -- and to be perfectly fair, they may not be ...," Rodney over explained.

"Rodney," John said in his 'just get to the point' tone.

"It's an Ancient warship. It's possibly Aurora class." Rodney announced simply.

"Who's flying it?" Caldwell asked.

"I ... would imagine _Ancients_," Rodney replied in a voice that said he thought that would have been obvious.

"But there hasn't been any of them around for over ten thousand years," Caldwell protested.

"Relativity?!" Rodney said with an impatient sigh. "Look, remember, for them only a handful of years have passed."

"Would they know how much real time that equates to?" I asked curiously.

"They'd have a rough idea," Rodney replied. "Plus they'd have scanned us when we made that pass which would give them a few clues too."

"Don't those ships have hyperdrives?" John asked with a confused frown.

"Well, maybe their hyperdrive was damaged in a battle with the Wraith," Rodney suggested. "It happened to us all the time. Maybe it conked out on the way and they were forced to continue at as close to light speed as possible. That would explain how they got a million light years away from Pegasus without having to leave a million years ago."

"You know the subspace drive specs better than I do, Doctor, but I'm not sure an Aurora class ship has the power to do what you're suggesting," Caldwell looked towards Rodney, waiting for some kind of reaction.

"Well, maybe they have a ZedPM," Rodney suggested, indicating that Caldwell was probably right about their ships power.

"That would be worth finding out," John said, visibly more interested in where this was going.

"OK, we need to send them a message before they get out of range and we have to jump ahead," Rodney said purposefully. "Uh, something like, you know, 'We are humans from Earth currently occupying Atlantis, uh, yada, yada, yada' ..."

"Why don't we just ask 'em to slow down?" John looked over at Rodney with a quizzical expression.

There was a beep and then Captain Kleinman reported "Colonel Caldwell. The unidentified vessel is slowing down."

"Maybe they heard me," John suggested uncomfortably.

"No, they saw us," Rodney replied, looking at John in amazement. "They're not just slowing down -- they're slamming on the brakes something like twenty-seven gees."

"So now what?" Caldwell looked to Rodney for some kind of explanation.

Before Rodney could respond bright light flashed in front of the view screen, shimmering to form the hologram of a blonde woman in clothing similar to what we'd seen in the files from the Aurora.

"Unknown vessel, I'm Captain Helia of the Lantean warship Tria. Our ship has suffered damage. We've scanned your vessel and determined that it is capable of hyperspace travel. We've begun deceleration manoeuvres. Will you render assistance in the form of hyperspace transport?"

"Well, yes! Yes, of course we will," Rodney exclaimed with a dazed smile.

The hologram rippled and resettled but gave no response.

"I don't think she can hear you," John told Rodney, bringing a disappointed look to Rodney's face. I didn't blame him – it would have been cool being the first to speak to an actual Ancient.

"Open a channel," Caldwell told Captain Kleinman. "This is Colonel Steven Caldwell of the Earth ship Daedalus. It would be an honour to render assistance in any way we possibly can."

That _did_ garner a response – a pleased smile – before the holographic image disappeared.

"We're gonna meet Ancients!" Rodney said excitedly. "I mean, flesh and blood Ancients who know what everything is and how everything works! I mean, I don't even know what to ask first!"

"Well, it's gonna be a couple of hours before we can match velocities for transport," Caldwell reminded him.

"That should give you enough time to write out that list!" John told Rodney, smiling when Rodney nodded excitedly.

"Right, right!" Rodney hurried off presumably to do just that.

John looked visibly excited too, something I didn't see too often. Usually his facade of military imperturbability was more firmly held. That alone gave me the sense of the magnitude of what had just occurred. For myself I couldn't help but feel apprehensive. Everything we'd learned about the Ancients through experience with their city and their technology didn't inspire me with confidence that they'd see us as equals.

"Is this a good thing?" I asked John quietly.

"Why wouldn't it be?" John asked, looking at me in surprise. "I thought you of all people would be glad for the chance to talk to a real Ancient."

"Yeah well, after the last time we thought we'd found Ancients and ended up with Replicator hands in our heads instead I'm not so easy to please." I replied sarcastically.

"Just wait until you meet them before you form an opinion," John counselled. I nodded reluctantly, knowing he was right.

"Can we even fit a hundred Ancients on the Daedalus?" I wondered aloud. "It'll take over a week to get back to Atlantis."

"It'll be tight but Rodney will work something out," John replied. "You might as well head up to your quarters for some rest ... I have to start organising for the beam over."

Nodding reluctantly I watched as John hurried off in the same direction as Rodney. Walking slowly back to my quarters I pondered on my own mood. Was I so jaded by the Pegasus galaxy that even something as miraculous as actual Ancient survivors couldn't make me excited about our future? I spent the remainder of the two hours needed to match velocities working out what I might say when introduced to the Ancients in person. I needn't have bothered though because when they beamed aboard they were escorted straight to the section of the ship John had seen vacated for them. There was a brief meeting between leaders when John was introduced to the key players before the Ancients pleaded tiredness and retired for the night.

The only spot of good news in the huge reorganisation of the ship was that everyone was sharing quarters so no one raised an eyebrow when John allocated himself to share mine.

"Do I get to meet some of these Ancients?" I asked John later that night. "Before we get to Atlantis I mean?"

"I don't know," John replied, pacing in the small space available. "They were gracious about our helping them but ..." he trailed off with a troubled look.

"Not quite what you expected?" I asked, reaching up and pulling him down to sit beside me.

"Not really," John admitted, "although I'd definitely describe then as Ancienty so that's a positive."

"Well if there _is_ a chance while they're on the ship I wouldn't mind meeting one of them," I reiterated hopefully. "Just to satisfy my curiosity about what 'Ancienty' looks like."

"I'll see what I can do," John promised with a smile. "So you missed me?"

"Usually I'd do the whole 'did you go somewhere?' thing," I said, nudging my shoulder companionably against his, "but after a week and a half with pretty much just Rodney to talk to I'm just gonna go with _hell yes_!"

"Well that level of honesty definitely deserves a reward," I could hear the pleased tone in John's voice.

"What did you have in mind?" I glanced at him with feigned confusion. Barely a second later I found myself stretched out on the bed with John looming above me. "Not bad," I complimented teasingly. "What else you got?"

Our reunion proceeded as you'd imagine before once again I found myself lying in the dark unable to sleep for the thoughts running through my head. I'd been worried about the Puddle Jumper test, because despite Rodney's assurances that it was a piece of cake John _had_ been doing something for the first time with all the associated risks. My relief that it had gone well was being dampened by my anxiety over the presence of the Ancients on board ... please just once let something be as good as it seemed!

**Authors Note:**

A bit of a slow start for The Return (with lots of show dialogue too - sorry) to set the scene ... there's more 'action' in the following chapters. Also I chose to assume the pizza reference was a real one and not just a joke ...


	20. I know what this place means to you

**Chapter 20: I know what this place means to you.**

I did get the chance to meet Captain Helia the following day, along with a number of the senior staff stationed on the Daedalus. The Ancient Captain walked down the line of us like the Queen walking a receiving line at a royal function, with Colonel Caldwell walking beside her making the introductions.

"This is Sabina Scott," Caldwell said when it was my turn. "She's one of the members of the expedition residing in Atlantis."

"Sabina," Helia greeted me in a voice with a strange inflection I hadn't heard before. "How long have you lived in Atlantis?"

"Almost two and a half years," I replied simply, "since the first day of the expedition."

"And how do you find the city?" Helia looked at me with a kind of removed curiosity.

"Beautiful and baffling," I replied as honestly as I could.

"Baffling how?" Helia questioned, ignoring the Colonels clear desire to keep her moving down the line.

"Baffling as in lacking explanation ... motivation ... justification," I offered, "maybe all three." I could see Caldwell frowning in disapproval at my response, an expression that turned to surprise when Helia laughed in delight.

"Yes I can see why you would think so," she replied. "It's a pleasure to meet you," she held out a hand for me to shake ... I just barely contained the flinching instinct I got at the surge I felt from her, the biggest I'd ever experienced. Of course that made sense since she'd be brimming with ATA genes so I should have expected it. What I didn't expect was her sudden keen interest as she looked at me as though she'd like nothing better than to get a microscope on to me. "You have some of our genetic material?" she asked in amazement.

"Ah ... yes," I replied in confusion. "So does Colonel Sheppard. Is that a surprise?"

"I am pleased that our brothers and sisters were able to pass some of themselves down to their descendants," Helia said simply.

I nodded, wondering if there was more to it than that. I was glad that I hadn't mentioned Rodney as an ATA gene carrier. She didn't seem the type to be impressed that we could give the gene to almost half the population without any real connection to the Ancients. Realising I'd taken up more time than any of the other introductions I stepped back and allowed Helia to continue on her way. Rubbing my hand discretely down the side of my pants I couldn't shake the slight tingling I could still feel.

John was just as puzzled by Helia's reaction to me as I'd been. Since we couldn't call her up on it we decided there was no point in worrying about it unless it became an issue in the future.

x

"You ready to beam down?" John asked.

"I am so ready you have _no_ idea," I replied intently. Having the Ancients on the ship had been uncomfortable because they were clearly not interested in fraternising with any of us. If we hadn't been responsible for their rescue and return to Atlantis I don't think they'd have wanted to talk to us at all. Their very manner concerned me deeply but John just told me not to worry and that it was probably just that they'd been confined on that ship together for so long. Since the leading members of their crew, especially Captain Helia, _had_ been friendly enough, there wasn't really anything I could point to that supported my feelings.

Despite my misgivings it was kind of exciting to be a part of the group beaming down with the first Ancients to return to Atlantis in 10,000 years. I stood with John, Rodney, Captain Helia and several of her senior staff ready to be beamed home. The bright lights engulfed me and when my vision cleared I was greeted with the sight of Elizabeth and the other half of team Sheppard waiting to welcome us.

"Doctor Weir, Ronon, Teyla," John stepped forward to make the introductions, "this is Helia, captain of the Ancient ship Tria."

"It's an honour to meet you," Doctor Weir said sincerely.

"Thank you," Helia said with a smile. "And from what I'm told, you've done a remarkable job preserving our city."

"We did what we could with what we had," Doctor Weir said self depreciatingly.

"I need to speak to the leader of your people," Helia said with a suddenly serious expression.

"I'm in charge of the Atlantis expedition," Doctor Weir replied with equal seriousness.

"You misunderstand me, Doctor Weir," Helia's tone was just shy of condescending. "I need to talk to the one who can speak for all the people of Earth."

"That can certainly be arranged, but may I ask why?" Doctor Weir asked curiously.

I watched in amazement as a console arose from the floor directly in front of Doctor Weir. Ronon's blaster was in his hand before I could blink – he took aim but the console didn't appear on the surface to be anything harmful.

"What is that?" Rodney asked in confusion. "How come I've never seen that?"

Helia had been silent during our reaction – now she walked confidently to the console and placed her palm down on it. The result was instantaneous – every screen I could see from my position went blank.

"Excuse me, what's going on?" Doctor Weir demanded.

"Thank you for all that you've done, Doctor Weir, but your guardianship of this city is no longer necessary. The city is now under my control." Helia said in an ominous tone.

"What the hell does that mean?" John asked angrily.

"We have returned to a home we thought we would never see again," Helia intoned. "We appreciate your help in making our return possible but ... there is much healing my people must do. We cannot progress in this endeavour while others occupy our home. Perhaps in the future there will be a place for both our peoples on Atlantis."

"But," Rodney spoke up for the first time, "you can teach us so much about your technology, help us to understand some of the things we've only been guessing at up till now."

"Perhaps in the future Dr McKay," Helia reiterated. "For now we would appreciate speaking with your leaders about reclaiming our home."

"Oh ... no wonder you were so ... so ... elusive on the Daedalus," Rodney said in a sick enlightened voice. "This is what you intended the whole time isn't it?"

"Rodney," Doctor Weir reprimanded.

"We rescued them!" Rodney turned to her pleadingly.

"I know," Doctor Weir replied, putting a hand on his arm. "For now I think it best we contact the SGC and get General O'Neill to come and talk to Captain Helia personally."

"We don't have the power, remember?" Rodney pointed out the obvious.

"_We_ will power the city," Helia broke in, motioning for one of her staff to go and take care of it.

"They have a ZedPM," Rodney told Elizabeth sadly. You knew it was a bad day when the prospect of a ZPM didn't have Rodney jumping in excitement.

There was no point in talking with Captain Helia further ... John and Rodney retired to Doctor Weir's office to discuss the situation. I stayed close to Ronon and Teyla, eager to share my impressions of the Ancients and get their take on what it might mean.

x

"What's gonna happen now?" I asked John once I'd seated myself at the team Sheppard table for dinner. The mood in the commissary was subdued, which made me angry because the return of the Ancients should have been a cause for celebration.

"General O'Neill and Richard Woolsey will be using the intergalactic gate bridge to get a ride in tomorrow morning," John told everyone. "They'll try to negotiate some kind of agreement to let us stay in the city."

"They're not gonna go for that," I muttered half under my breath. John frowned at my lack of optimism but he didn't disagree with what I'd said.

"My people believe the return of the Ancients signals a turn in the tide of the war against the Wraith," Teyla offered solemnly.

"There're only a hundred of them," Rodney said sarcastically. "Unless it's a very small tide I don't think they're gonna make much impact."

"There's that McKay confidence we know and love," John drawled mockingly.

"Oh like you're not thinking the same thing!" Rodney protested. When John said nothing to deny that Rodney grinned triumphantly. "See – you agree!"

"I just think they'd be stupid not to take our help when it's offered so willingly," John admitted.

"Whatever," Ronon's voice rumbled deeply. "They'll be a target once the Wraith hear there are Ancients back on Atlantis."

"Not to mention the Asurans," I reminded everyone of their deep seated hatred for the Lanteans.

"Let's not assume anything until General O'Neill has spoken to Captain Helia," John requested, glancing at each of us and waiting to get our reluctant nods in return.

"So how was the trip?" Ronon asked John, changing the subject.

"The gate ride was a little strange," John replied. "Only took half an hour to get to Earth though so the intergalactic gate bridge is a complete success."

"And I'm sure the Ancients will be very happy to use it if they ever want to visit Earth," Rodney said snidely.

"Rodney," John said warningly.

"I'm just saying," Rodney complained, "I wouldn't have put so much effort into the bridge if I knew we weren't gonna get to use it ourselves."

"_McKay_," John glared at Rodney until he looked away mutely. "What's been happening here?" John turned back to Teyla and Ronon expectantly.

x

I tried not to let John see how worried I was about the likely outcome of General O'Neill's talks with Captain Helia. We went through our usual nightly routine before settling down to sleep. I listened to the sounds of John breathing beside me as I stared up at the ceiling, wondering if this would be one of the last nights I'd been doing that here.

Things happened very quickly once the talking began ... I say talking but apparently it was mostly listening on our side. The news spread like wildfire throughout the city within seconds ... the Ancients wanted us out of Atlantis and General O'Neill had agreed that we _would_ be - within 48 hours.

My emotions swayed between upset and angry as I tried to process what that meant for John and I. When anger seemed to be winning out I took myself to the gym to do what I always did – beat the crap out of the punching bag until I felt better or ran out of steam. I was still half heartedly hitting the bag when John found me.

"Feel better?" he asked casually, leaning against the door frame with a hand in one pocket.

"No," I replied, turning away from him to grab my towel, "but I don't think even this is gonna improve my mood today so there's no point in continuing."

"You wanna talk about it?" John offered, stepping fully into the room.

"Do you?" I put the question back on him somewhat belligerently.

"Do you think I'm not angry that things have turned out this way?" John walked to me and took both my shoulders into his hands to bring me around to face him. "_I am_ – because I don't want to leave here and I know you don't either. I _know_ what this place means to you."

"Don't go there," I almost begged, feeling the scales tip on the side of tearful emotions. I wasn't ready to think about leaving the only place I'd ever felt like I belonged. Dropping my forehead onto John's chest I was helpless to stop the tears once he'd let them free. John rubbed a comforting hand over my back as he let me cry in silence.

"This isn't helping," I pulled away, swiping my hands across my face impatiently. "We have no choice so I just have to accept what it means for us."

"The SGC will find places for everyone," John tried to reassure me, watching in concern as I started pacing in agitation.

"Will they?" I said sarcastically. "For you probably ... but I'm pretty sure they won't have a place for someone with Wraith DNA and no real qualifications."

"Sabina," John reprimanded softly. "Look - I don't know what's gonna happen now," he admitted, pulling me back into his arms. "What I do know is that I'll be there with you ... I'll ah ... I'll look after you." John looked down at me, obviously wondering if I was going to make an issue of that last part. I was feeling unstable enough that rather than be insulted he thought I needed looking after I was grateful because deep down I was worried I _did_.

"I know you will," I held on to him tightly for a few more moments before stepping back. "So I guess I should start packing?"

"Yeah," John said sadly. "Start with your lab ... we can do the rest this evening."

"Okay," I took a deep breath and steeled myself for the day ahead. "Let's get it done."

x

Teyla and Ronon stopped by our quarters later that night. John still had some things scattered around the room but I had managed to pack most of my stuff earlier in the afternoon.

"Hey," John greeted them, clearly glad of the interruption. "You guys all packed up?"

"I really don't have that much stuff," Ronon admitted with a shrug.

"And most of my belongings are already with my people," Teyla added.

"How's that going, by the way?" John asked Teyla. "Are the Ancients allowing the Athosians to stay on the mainland?"

"They have found a suitable planet for us to relocate to - one with our own Stargate," Teyla offered ruefully.

"How'd that go down?" John looked at Teyla expectantly.

"It was not the homecoming of the Ancestors my people envisioned," Teyla said simply.

"I'm sorry," I looked at Teyla sympathetically. "Things haven't gone the way any of us would have hoped."

Silence descended as we all thought things that were hard to put into words. John threw a few more things into boxes, looking at others as if wondering what to do with them.

"You guys want any of this stuff?" John gestured around the room awkwardly. "Johnny Cash poster? Skateboard? Sudoku books?"

"Why would they want Johnny Cash," I teased. "They don't even know who he is!"

Teyla smiled over at Ronon in amusement as he casually picked up a Sudoku book, flicking through it idly before throwing it back down. John looked at the two of them awkwardly before going over and sitting on the bed.

"You know you guys are welcome to come back with us, right?" he glanced from one to the other looking for a reaction.

"My place is with my people," Teyla said gently.

"And I can't leave this galaxy until every last Wraith is dead," Ronon added with a half smile.

"Well, I just had to say it out loud," John replied disappointedly.

"You too should know that we would be honoured if you both decided to stay with us," Teyla looked from John to me intently.

"Yeah, well, I think the Air Force has other plans for me," John replied, getting up and throwing a few more items in one of the packing boxes.

"I'd stay if it wasn't for that," I offered quietly. John looked over at me in surprise.

"You would?" he asked incredulously. "Even knowing you couldn't go back to Earth."

"Only if you were here too," I admitted freely. "Don't worry – I understand why we can't do that."

"Oh," John looked almost uncomfortable with that. He looked around and realised that there was nothing left for him to pack. "Well ... this sucks," he said eloquently.

"Yeah," Ronon agreed.

"I'm not, I'm not ... I'm not good at ... goodbyes," John stumbled through that one.

"What he means to say is that we'll miss you both," I told them, shaking my head as John nodded an agreement.

"Our paths will cross again," Teyla promised. "Of that I am sure."

"Well, before our paths uncross, would you give us a hand with these boxes? I'll throw in pizza and some beer and ..." John looked at them winningly.

"Popcorn?" Teyla asked hopefully.

"And popcorn!" John and I chorused together.

Teyla laughed, even more so when Ronon wrapped his arms around John's waist in a bear hug, lifting him clear off the floor.

"Oh, my God!" John groaned. Ronon swung him around and dumped him back down. He looked over at me and then wordlessly opened his arms for a proper hug.

"I hate this," I whispered miserably.

"You'll be fine," Ronon squeezed me tight before letting me go and looking over at John. "Now where's this pizza?"

While John spent the remainder of the evening checking in with everyone to make sure they'd be ready to head out at 0800 the next morning, I wandered through the halls, meandering from place to place remembering all the remarkable things that had happened there. It hardly seemed real that I wouldn't be living there anymore ... I wasn't looking forward to the time when it _did_ seem real.

Doctor Weir, Carson, Rodney, John and I were the last the step through the gate. Teyla and Ronon were there for the final farewells which were almost too emotional for me to handle without crying. I was determined the Ancients wouldn't see any of us cry though, so I held it all together as best I could. When it was time I took John's hand and walked with him through the gate ... I didn't look back.


	21. Because I need to move on

**Chapter 21: Because I **_**need**_** to move on.**

Going home to Earth to live felt a lot different to going back for a visit, and for me not in a good way. Everything moved pretty fast once we'd arrived. They'd given us guest quarters until something more permanent could be arranged which I saw as a positive. At least I didn't have to adjust to living in an actual house with John on top of everything else that was going on.

Assignments for everyone also proceeded with seeming haste. Within a week John and Major Lorne had been assigned their own SG teams, Doctor Beckett had taken up a surgery position in the infirmary and Rodney had been shipped off to Area 51 to head up his own lab. Only Doctor Weir seemed to have disappeared off the radar as far as jobs related to the SGC went.

As for myself, I'd been offered a job of sorts at the SGC but had yet to take it up. Instead of retaining my position as a member of team Lorne, General Landry had suggested that perhaps I might like to assist Doctor Jackson with his work researching the Ancients. He wasn't condescending in any way but I felt that I was being condescended to. I had been so surprised by the turn of events that I hadn't even tried to argue for my old position, and had to watch a research scientist being assigned to my team instead.

"This sucks," I told John the night before he was due to head out on his first SGC mission. "I _earned_ a spot on Major Lorne's team and instead of ... of honouring that they offer me a _cubby hole_ to putter around with stuff that can only loosely be described as Ancient!"

"I talked to General Landry," John reminded me. "He made his position clear – that he won't put you in a military position on a team because you're not military. The General didn't discount you getting a research position on one of the teams – just that the positions are decided on merit and there aren't any places available at the moment."

"Merit," I said somewhat bitterly. "Translation – there are a million candidates more qualified than me."

"I'm sorry," John said softly, watching me pace around the room from his position sitting on the bed. When I lapped too close, he grabbed my hand and pulled me down beside him. "Couldn't you start out with the job they've offered you – build a little credibility here and see where that leads?"

"I don't know," I fell backwards on the bed and put an arm over my face to block the light. "That cubby hole isn't going anywhere so there's no hurry is there?"

"So you're on a kind of holiday then," John dropped down beside me, turning to look at me.

"Yeah that's it – a holiday," I smiled at the description before turning serious again. "So what do I do while you're off on this two day mission?"

"I arranged for a car," John admitted. "I thought you might like to get out of the mountain for a while."

"Sounds good," I tried to put on a happy mood, not wanting him to go off the next day worried about me.

"And you'll think about the job – actually think about it and not just pretend you are?" John leaned over and looked at me intently.

"I'll think about the job," I agreed reluctantly, happy I'd done so when I saw the relief reflected in John's eyes. I knew he was worried about me, worried about how to make his promise to look after me into reality but I didn't know what to do to reassure him. For the moment I let him distract me further with kisses and movement and intimacy, glad of the chance to turn my mind off for a while.

x

"Major Lorne?" I called, catching sight of him further down the corridor.

"Hey Sabina," Lorne slowed but didn't completely stop to let me catch up.

"Sorry I haven't caught up with you since we've been back," I said hurriedly, walking with him to the mess hall.

"That's okay," Lorne replied in a reasonable tone. "I've been running some drills with the team so I've been pretty busy too."

"That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about," I said, watching him grab items from the server and then following him to a table. I sat down and waited for him to react.

"I didn't get a say in team placements," the Major looked up at me with his usual open expression.

"Did you even try to keep the team together?" I asked with a bit of heat in my voice.

"General Landry was looking for a different team mix," Lorne replied, keeping an even tone of voice. "The challenges here are a lot different than in the Pegasus galaxy."

"So you agree with General Landry that I don't belong on an SG team?" I looked at him in disbelief. "I thought I'd convinced you that I had what it took."

"You know _nothing_ about the Ori," Major Lorne said with a bit more heat, carefully not answering my question.

"And Doctor Cooper does?" I looked at him in disbelief.

"Yes he does," Lorne said patiently. "The General asked me about each of my team members and I gave him a fair assessment of your skills."

"So it doesn't matter that Doctor Cooper is useless with anything defensive and you'll have to watch him like a hawk to make sure he doesn't hurt himself?" I asked bitingly.

"That's a bit harsh," Major Lorne rebuked me. "Landry wanted a team with both military and research skills."

"I _have_ research skills!" I looked at him in frustration. "Sure I don't know about the Ori yet – I didn't know about the Wraith either but I still managed to work out a lot of useful stuff."

"You did," Lorne rubbed a hand over his forehead like I was giving him a headache. "I don't know what to tell you Sabina."

"Did you at least _try_ to argue for me?" I asked wearily, standing up and looking down at him sadly. "No wait, don't answer that ... I don't really want to know."

"They did offer you a job didn't they?" Major Lorne was almost pleading with me to understand now. I knew he wouldn't have had any real say in things and that it was unfair to blame him ... but my frustration had to go _somewhere_.

"If you call assisting someone who's hardy ever here a job, then yeah," I said sarcastically. "I get it okay – I'm not military so all the work I did to pass your tests on Atlantis doesn't count. I'm not a Doctor of whatever so the Ancient translations don't count. A heap of people have the ATA gene which is a heap too many because there's nothing Ancient to activate here so that doesn't count either."

"You've got useful skills Sabina," Lorne tried to convince me. "Just give the people here a chance to get to know you!"

"I don't think they're interested," I waved a hand to dismiss his argument. "You know what, forget it - I don't even care anymore!"

"You _do_ care – that's the problem," Lorne protested.

"Yeah – but clearly it's _my_ problem," I shook my head in disappointment. "I'd say 'see you around' but we both know that's not likely, so ... be careful out there." Before Lorne could protest any further I turned and walked quickly from the room.

x

"I found a place," I told John about a week later. I still hadn't accepted the SGC job offer and had been spending my days learning about the area, driving around for hours on days when John was on a mission.

"A place?" John frowned at me in confusion.

"I want to leave the mountain," I told him, "not just for the day – to live."

"Ah," John was clearly unsure how to handle this. "So you haven't taken the job here and now you want to cut all ties with the SGC?"

"Well obviously not all ties since I'm hoping you're gonna move off base with me," I looked away, suddenly nervous about the whole conversation. "Assuming you consider living on Earth in a house together the same as living in the five star room on Atlantis," I paused for a few seconds waiting for John to say something, "which maybe you don't."

"I'm happy to live wherever you want," John replied in a tone that made it clear he thought I was being just a tad silly. "I'm just not sure why you _want_ to live off base."

"These quarters are only temporary," I reminded him. "Eventually I'll have to move on - even if they assign you permanent quarters on base – why wait?"

"Why hurry?" John countered.

"Because I _need_ to move on," I said heatedly. "There's nothing here for me except you – instead of pretending otherwise I need to find something useful to do!"

"So you're ready to give up on ever getting back to Atlantis?" John asked the difficult question.

"I'm ready to face reality," I swallowed hard. "Even if the Ancients allow some people to move back to the city sometime in the future I won't be among them. I have barely enough credence to get any kind of position at the SGC – I'd be at the bottom of a very long list."

"What about your ATA gene?" John reminded me.

"You mean the gene that almost half of us can now acquire?" I discounted that as my claim to fame.

"Acquire but not use as proficiently as you do," John replied. "And the Ancient translations?"

"I think the lack of real consideration for my skills is a clear message about the importance of that," I looked at him sadly. "Look, I'm not asking you to prop up my ego or do anything to change something we both know can't be changed."

"You're selling yourself short," John said angrily.

"_I'm not_," I denied. "Can we just get back to my original question? Can I make arrangements for us to move into the place I found?"

"Sure – fine," John replied, looking at me in frustration.

"At least money won't be an issue," I tried to joke. "Apparently they've been paying me a salary for over a year – we're flush!"

"Of course they have," John said seriously. "You're a full member of the Atlantis Expedition." He moved towards me, putting a hand on my arm to draw my gaze back to his. "Are you sure you wanna do this?"

"I'll be okay," I tried to reassure him. "I just need time to find ... something that seems worthwhile to do."

"Have you told General Landry you're not taking the job?" John asked curiously.

"Not yet," I admitted. "It's been over two weeks so I think he'd have already worked that one out for himself."

"All right, do what you have to do," John replied, hugging me tightly. I leant against him, knowing that life was about to change again but not knowing how to make it all stop. Rather than be a victim to that it was time for me to take control.

x

John continued to go on missions with a team that had already changed a couple of times. He wouldn't admit it but John was struggling to come to terms with the natural changes to his role too. I took as much delight as I could generate in the process of setting up our new home, hardly believing I'd gone from being glad it was one less issue I had to deal with to devoting my every waking hour to it. By the time the four week mark being back on Earth was approaching we were settled in and trying to pretend it all felt perfectly normal, trusting that eventually the pretence would be a reality.

Of course I couldn't forget completely the life I'd left behind. I came home from another long drive one afternoon when John was off world to a strange message from the SGC.

"Ms Scott, this is General Landry. I'd appreciate it if you could return my call at your earliest convenience."

Worried something had happened to John I placed a call to the number Doctor Beckett had given me before I'd left the SGC for the last time. The switchboard patched me through and a second later I was talking with Carson.

"Is everything all right with John?" I asked quickly.

"As far as I know lass," Carson replied. "Why do you ask?"

"I had a message from General Landry," I told him. "John's off world so I just thought maybe ..."

"John's team isn't due to report in for a few hours yet," Carson reminded me. "I'm sure he's fine."

"Okay, thanks Carson," I said in relief. "I wonder what the General wanted."

"Why don't you call him back and find out?" Carson said with amused impatience.

"I guess I could do that," I admitted. "You're still coming for dinner when John gets back?"

"Wouldn't miss it" Carson promised.

I ended the call, still frowning over what General Landry might have wanted to speak to me about. It was petty and probably a bit silly but I decided I wouldn't call him back until I could talk to John first.

When I heard a vehicle pull up the following evening I thought it was John returning. Rushing to the door I stopped short at the sight of an official looking car I didn't recognise idling in the driveway. When I saw the passenger getting out I groaned in disbelief.

"Oh great," I said aloud, glancing at the clock and realising it could be another hour before John arrived. Putting on a gracious face I slowly opened the door when an insistent knock sounded.

"Ms Scott," General Landry greeted me pleasantly. "Are you going to invite me in?"

"John's not due back for another hour or so," I said, hoping that maybe the General was there to see him.

"I'm not here to see Colonel Sheppard," the General looked at me pointedly. Reluctantly stepping aside I turned wordlessly and led him into the lounge area. "You've done a nice job on the place," he commented easily.

"I'm sure you're not here to comment on my homemaking skills either," I took a seat across from the one he'd chosen and looked at him expectantly.

"No," Landry agreed. "We've had a request from Atlantis and since we're trying to build a rapport with the Ancients I agreed that we'd do our best to meet it. I'm sorry to stop by unannounced but when you didn't return my call you left me no choice."

"Yes, well my earliest convenience was going to be some time after John got back," I admitted freely. "I'm assuming since you're here that the Ancient's request had something to do with me?"

"Yes," Landry seemed perfectly comfortable with that so I wasn't expecting his next statement. "They'd like you to return to Atlantis to assist them restore the Dakara weapon to active use."

"What do they need me for?" I asked in surprise.

"The weapon on Atlantis needs both the ATA and Wraith genes doesn't it?" Landry waited for me to nod before continuing. "It turns out that none of the surviving Ancients have the Wraith gene. Apparently merging Ancient and Wraith DNA as they did 10,000 years ago is a long and complex process. Captain Helia doesn't believe the effort is worthwhile unless they can first establish that the weapon _can_ be repaired. That's where you come in."

"And this is a request," I checked my understanding. "I can say no?"

"You could," Landry agreed, "but I'm hoping you won't."

"Just me?" I looked at him hopefully.

"At this stage they're only authorising one person for this," Landry almost smiled when my shoulders slumped in disappointment.

"And how long would I be there – if I did say yes?" I asked curiously.

"Captain Helia promised two weeks – no more," Landry replied, making me feel uncomfortable that he'd known up front I wouldn't want to be away from John for too long. "So what's it gonna be?"

"I'm trying to move on from Atlantis," I told General Landry earnestly. "From Wraith DNA and ATA genes and all of that. The Ancients kicked us out with barely a 'thanks for saving our city' – they weren't worried about their 'rapport' with us. If I go back there, even for such a short time, it'll be a big step backward from everything I'm trying to do here. I'm sorry but I don't think I can go."

"I'd ask you to take a bit more time," Landry requested, "talk it over with Colonel Sheppard, before you make your final decision."

"I can do that," I agreed, "but I don't think I'm going to change my mind."

"I hope you're not making this decision based on any ... ill feeling you might have towards the SGC," the General persisted.

"Now why would I have ill feeling?" I asked with a slight edge to my voice. "Because I was replaced on my team by someone I could wipe the floor with and not even break a sweat? Or because none of my skills were recognised because I'm not military, nor someone with a million letters after my name? Why would I be angry about that?!"

"I'm sorry if you feel you've been treated unfairly," General Landry said sincerely.

"You mean you're sorry I feel that way now that you want something from me," I got up and turned my back on him, looking out the window with the hope I'd see John's car pulling up so he could stop me from putting my foot in my mouth any further.

"Perhaps I should go, give you time to think about all the implications of this request," General Landry replied, making it clear that he wasn't offended by my attitude.

"I'll try," I turned back to Landry, hoping he'd see that I was trying to be objective. I watched as General Landry gave a firm nod before turning and seeing himself out.


	22. See you in two weeks

**Chapter 22: See you in two weeks.**

I waited until John and I were settled in bed later that night before telling him what had happened.

"So let me get this straight," John leaned up on one arm to look at me incredulously. "You were given the chance to return to Atlantis and you said _no_?"

"I was given the chance to be used by the Ancients like some kind of machine," I corrected angrily, sitting up and crossing my arms over my chest. "And asked by the man who couldn't see any use for my skills until somebody else wanted them!"

"You have an opportunity here," John pointed out. "They've given you leverage because now _they_ want something."

"So?" I looked at him in confusion.

"So use that," John said insistently. "Work out what you want in exchange."

"That would be part of the problem," I told him miserably. "I _don't know_ what I want anymore!"

"That's not true," John wouldn't let me off the hook. "Do you want to go back to Atlantis?"

"Well yeah – but not just for two weeks and I don't think they're gonna agree to forever," I admitted. "Plus I don't want to go back there without you and General Landry was clear that they're only authorising me to go."

"What about at the SGC?" John persisted.

"Is there any chance I could be on your team?" I looked at him hopefully even though I knew what the answer would be. When he just looked at me sternly I relented. "Okay - what do you think the chances are they'll assign me to another SG team?"

"That's a tough one," John admitted reluctantly. "You _are _very capable Sabina, but most of what you've built up over the past two years is very specific to the Pegasus galaxy." When I turned away mutinously John grabbed my shoulders and pulled me back to face him. "Don't turn away because you don't like what I'm saying! Look at it from General Landry's perspective. You have flight skills but only Puddle Jumpers and Wraith darts - not a lot of those in the Milky Way. You can kick arse with the fighting sticks but the Ori and the Goa'uld don't fight that way - they'd shoot you down before you could get close enough. Your technological skills are impressive too but again it's all Ancient and Wraith technology and there just isn't a call for that here. Hell even the mission strategies we use in Pegasus wouldn't work against our enemies here!"

As John continued talking I felt as though he were stripping away my illusions about myself and my place on Earth ... and the worst of it was that I couldn't lie to myself any more - he was completely right. "So what do you think I should ask for then?" I looked at him miserably, feeling more lost than the first day I'd arrived on Atlantis.

"You want to be on an offworld team here right?" John paused for my nod before continuing. "Then ask General Landry for the chance to train for that."

"But I still won't be military," I pointed out. "Do you really think they'd be interested?"

"Yes," John replied confidently. "Of course you're gonna have to go on this mission first, show the SGC that you're a team player."

"I _knew_ you would say that," I complained. "I hate this!"

"You'll be fine," John put an arm around me companionably, allowing me to sulk for a bit before summing things up. "So if General Landry agrees to give you a shot at an SG team position in the future, you'd be happy to go to Atlantis as requested?"

"I wouldn't say happy to," I replied, leaning my head against his chest. "But I'll do it, so long as it really is just for two weeks."

"Good - I'll take you into the SGC tomorrow and you can present your request to General Landry," John closed off the conversation, slouching back into bed and pulling me along with him.

I lay awake long into the night, worrying about going back to the SGC the next day as well as about the feeling deep inside that said this was a really, really bad idea.

x

Although General Landry seemed amused more than insulted by my bargaining for something before agreeing to meet the Ancient's request, he _did_ agree to my request. Things moved fast after that - only a few hours later I found myself ready to board the Puddle Jumper the Ancients had sent for the half hour ride through the intergalactic gate bridge back to Atlantis.

"Be careful," John told me, "and pay attention to what General O'Neill tells you."

"I can't believe I'm voluntarily subjecting myself to Richard Woolsey," I muttered, "_and _General O'Neill who I last saw trying to deceive Elizabeth inside her nanite reality." I suddenly felt very nervous at the prospect of having to handle all of that without John's calming presence.

"You'll be fine," John reassured me. "You can trust the General."

"I hope they're not expecting me to pretend I like the Ancients," I told John worriedly, "because I'm not sure if I'm that good an actress."

"Just do what you're there for," John said with an amused grin, "and don't worry about the rest. You ready to go?"

"No," I said, throwing myself into his arms and not caring about the various SGC personnel who were nearby to witness it. "I'm missing you already and I haven't even left yet!"

"I'll be here for the weekly check in," John reminded me that General Landry had promised that particular carrot to sweeten the deal. "If you need to, you can come back at any time."

"I know," I replied, pulling him down and kissing him with enough feeling he'd have no doubts that I loved him. He kissed me back just as fervently before reluctantly letting me go.

"See you in two weeks," John said with a confident smile.

"See you in two weeks," I replied sadly, turning and making my way into the Puddle Jumper. The rear hatch closed and my Ancient pilot flew us into position in front of the gate. Half an hour later we emerged in the Gateroom on Atlantis.

My Ancient pilot silently escorted me from the Jumper Bay to the main conference room. I was disconcerted to find it already full of people waiting for me - Captain Helia plus two other Ancients I vaguely recognised but hadn't met, along with Richard Woolsey and the man I knew as General O'Neill, even though I hadn't personally met him previously either.

"Ms Scott," General O'Neill greeted me. "Welcome back to Atlantis," he held out a hand to me in greeting. I took it without thinking, starting just slightly at that familiar jolt, stronger than I was used to but not as much of a blast as I'd gotten the first time I'd shaken hands with John. I'd forgotten that O'Neill had the ATA gene too and wondered what Captain Helia had made of that.

"Thank you General," I replied, pulling my hand away quickly and looking around at the other occupants of the room. "Please call me Sabina."

"Thank you for agreeing to come here on such short notice," Richard Woolsey imposed himself on the conversation. One look at his face and I knew he liked me as little now as he had the first time he'd come to Atlantis. When he held out a hand in greeting I hesitated, not sure I wanted to get that friendly with him. Glancing from him to General O'Neill, whose expression told me it'd be a good idea to play along, I reluctantly shook Woolsey's hand.

"General Landry made me an offer I couldn't refuse," I quipped, looking back to O'Neill expectantly to see what was going to happen next.

"You remember Captain Helia," the General gestured towards her.

"I hope your journey back was not too difficult," Helia said graciously. When I nodded wordlessly she turned to her companions. "This is Caritas, my second in command," she indicated a dark haired woman of a similar height to herself. Caritas held out her hand and I sighed inwardly as I shook it quickly, bracing myself for the super jolt of an actual Ancient. I'd barely recovered from that one when Helia continued "and this is Ricus, my weapons expert." I completed that hand shake just as quickly, making a note to tell General O'Neill that I wasn't available for any more hand shaking in the future.

"You'll be working with Ricus to assess the Wraith dispersal weapon," Woolsey drew my attention back to him.

"Why is there so much urgency to get the weapon operational?" I looked at Captain Helia curiously.

"We are eager to continue the work of our brothers and sisters," Helia replied. "Our people battled against the Wraith for hundreds of years ... the dispersal weapon was our last hope for defeating all the Wraith simultaneously."

"You mean apart from project imperium and let's not forget your greatest plan – self replicating nanites?" I raised an eyebrow at her, waiting for a reaction.

"As a race we did not believe in relying solely on one project to achieve our aims," Helia said vaguely, frowning at the depth of knowledge I had about their other failed attempts to defeat the Wraith.

"I'm sure our hosts don't need to hear a history of their efforts against the Wraith from you Ms Scott," Woolsey broke in before I could add anything else. Looking over at General O'Neill I was heartened to see the almost approving smirk on his face. Perhaps I did have a supporter here on Atlantis after all.

"So when do we get started?" I ignored Woolsey's reprimand, smiling innocently at Helia.

"If you will accompany me now," Ricus spoke up, "I would be interested in hearing how you activated the weapon the first time." Glancing at General O'Neill, I waited for a nod of agreement to that plan before getting up and following Ricus from the room.

We walked to the Wraith weapons room in silence; me because I couldn't think of anything to say and Ricus probably because he thought talking to me in the social context was beneath him. I glanced over at him as we walked, noting with delight that I was at least as tall as he was. He wore the standard Ancient uniform, and looked the image of what I'd expect from a weapons expert – fit in a slightly muscled way, blonde hair kept short and neat, blue eyes serious in a stern looking face.

"So you guys never activated the weapon?" I asked curiously once we'd arrived. Ricus looked on with interest as I ran my hand over the door plate.

"The weapon was still in the pretest phase when the Tria was sent on its last mission," Ricus said simply, stepping into the room and straight to the wall beside the device. I watched with interest as he accessed a console I didn't even know was there, calling up system and power status.

"Can you tell if it's broken?" I cringed internally, hoping he wasn't going to say I'd burned it out beyond repair.

"Some conduits have been compromised," Ricus reported emotionlessly, "and the power relay system needs improvement. I won't be able to assess whether the weapon can do what we intend until after those changes have been made."

"So it's not broken?" I cut to the chase.

"No," Ricus replied. Had that been a slight smile I'd seen on his otherwise serious face?

"Well, that's a relief," I smiled across at him, "because you have no idea how much teasing I had to endure over that."

x

"How do you put up with that guy?" I stormed into Doctor Weir's office angrily three days later. I still called it Elizabeth's office even though General O'Neill was the one currently occupying it.

"I assume you're talking about Woolsey?" O'Neill looked at me quizzically.

"_Yes_," I confirmed in a heated tone. "He hovers around constantly reminding me that the IOA want me out of here as soon as possible. It hasn't even been a week but I swear if I have to hear him tell me one more time that I'm only here because of my Wraith gene – said with a sneer mind you – I'm gonna have to hit him."

"And that will convince the IOA to trust you how?" the General asked. When I shrugged impatiently he continued. "It's only for another week and a half – I'm sure you can manage to contain your ... impulses around Woolsey for that long."

"Helia said two weeks but they don't seem in that much of a hurry to me," I said in all seriousness. "Ricus has been working on those power relay system changes but they don't really need me for that. He hasn't even gotten to the bit where they decide if the weapon will do what they want. I've spent more time talking to Caritas about my background and what a 'miracle' it is that the Wraith and ATA gene connection they created made it through 10,000 years than I have working on the weapon."

"They do seem fond of talking," O'Neill said with a long suffering expression. He struck me as a man of action so I wasn't surprised he was impatient with the pace of the proceedings. I knew that he and Woolsey spent many hours each day talking about an alliance between Atlantis and Earth and about what involvement we might eventually have in the city. "Listen, it's nearly time for the weekly check in with the SGC. I assume you want to stick around for that?" he said with a knowing look.

"There might be people I could catch up with," I replied casually, ignoring the smirk he threw my way.

I followed the General into the control room and waited impatiently as he ordered the Ancient stationed at Chuck's old spot to dial Earth. I stood with O'Neill in front of the view screen as the wormhole kawhooshed – static filled the screen for a few seconds before being replaced with the sight of General Landry. I couldn't help the huge grin that appeared on my face when I saw John standing just behind him.

"General!" O'Neill greeted them.

"General," Landry replied.

"Colonel Sheppard, how's your new team?" O'Neill asked casually.

"Still a work in progress Sir," John replied, looking at me and asking "how goes things at your end?"

"I've got an almost fatal case of impatience," I replied when O'Neill nudged me to take that one, "but apart from that it's all good." I smiled when John chuckled at that, knowing he'd understand exactly how I was feeling.

"Any progress on the Wraith weapon?" Landry asked me.

"They've repaired the conduits I ah ... melted," I reported. "Ricus is currently working on the improvements to the power relay system which he says will be complete in a few days."

"So you'll be finished on time?" John asked hopefully.

"Assuming Ricus is good on his word and the tests go well, yeah," I trailed off, happy to just look at John. Since he seemed just as happy to look at me the conversation dwindled to silence.

"Anything else to report?" Landry asked O'Neill, both of them obviously amused at our behaviour.

"Talks between us and Captain Helia are moving ... slowly," O'Neill replied. "At this rate sometime in the next century we should come to an agreement about Earth involvement on Atlantis."

"Patience Jack," Landry said with a chuckle.

"You and I both know that patience isn't my strong suit," O'Neill admitted easily. "Think we've given these two enough time to stare at each other?"

I laughed when John's face actually got a little red at that comment. I'd gotten to know General O'Neill enough in the past few days to appreciate his teasing sense of humour and general unwillingness to openly take anything too seriously.

"I don't know - Colonel?" General Landry glanced at John expectantly.

"We appreciate the chance to ah ... catch up," John admitted, "thank you Sir."

"Okay, check in same time next week?" General Landry asked O'Neill.

"Same time next week," O'Neill confirmed. "Atlantis out," I waved at John as the wormhole disconnected. Sighing at the static now filling the screen, I turned away reluctantly.

"I wouldn't worry," the General said to me softly. "You'll be back on Earth before you know it."

"Thank you Sir," I replied.

"You don't have to Sir me," O'Neill reminded me, "in fact you don't even have to 'General' me. Call me Jack."

"I might just do that," I said with a cheeky grin, "just to see the look on Woolsey's face at the familiarity."

General O'Neill chuckled, shaking his head as he returned to his office.

x

In general, working with the Ancients was frustrating but also as illuminating as Rodney would have hoped. Some things they clearly wanted to remain incomprehensible to us, but others they were happy to explain. They seemed to have some kind of code that said if we'd already made some progress in the right direction ourselves then it was okay to take us further, but if we'd shown no understanding whatsoever then they weren't going to put us on the right path. A good example of that was the Wraith dispersal weapon – Ricus was happy to use my Wraith gene to test things but seemed reluctant to explain anything to me about how the weapon worked. That meant I had no idea what he was doing to the weapon to make it work properly, or if indeed it was as much a given as he was making out that it even _would_ work.

I tried to follow up on subjects I thought Elizabeth and the others would want to know first, usually resulting in long conversations with Caritas, whom I'd begun to consider a friend amongst all the Ancients I'd been introduced to.

"You wear the vinculum?" Caritas asked in a surprised tone, a couple of days after my first Earth check in.

"The what?" I looked at her in confusion.

"Your necklace," Caritas gestured to the pendant John had given me for my birthday. I usually carried it somewhere on my person and since leaving him behind on Earth I'd been wearing it every day. Usually it was tucked out of sight under my t-shirt and I realised I'd forgotten to do that before leaving my room that morning. "We call it the vinculum. Did you find it in that form?"

"Ah ... no – I got the individual pieces as a gift," I admitted, feeling a little uncomfortable at the personal turn in the conversation.

"Then you and Colonel Sheppard are joined," Caritas said it like a statement of fact and not a question.

"How'd you know it was the Colonel who gave me this?" I frowned in confusion, pretty sure I'd never mentioned anything about my relationships back on Earth.

"It requires two people with what you call the Ancient gene to perform the perficio vincula ritual," Caritas explained. "Captain Helia was most interested in those of you who had the gene – from what she has told me only yourself and the Colonel possess the gene in sufficient purity to achieve something of that nature."

"You said joined - what did you mean by that?" I flushed slightly at the 'aren't they sweet' expression on her face.

"Colonel Sheppard didn't explain the meaning behind the joining of the seven pieces into one?" Caritas asked in surprise.

"He told me that the tangram was a kind of courtship ritual amongst your people and that once activated the pieces could never be separated again," I told her, wondering what else there could be to the puzzle.

"That _is _true," Caritas agreed, "but there was more to the ritual than just the creation of the pendant. The pieces represent the different parts of each of us that together make up the whole. It is easy to coexist having things in common. In forming a successful joining two people must also merge their differences to make them work in concert. Couples who performed the perficio vincula were testing the strength of that merging and therefore the likely success of their connection. If the pieces did not join permanently then it indicated that the couple were either ill matched or not ready to be joined as one."

"So because John and I were able to form a single shape it means we're well matched?" I asked, thinking that was actually kind of nice.

"More than that," Caritas offered, watching me closely. "It means that you have faced your differences and worked through them together. As far as my people are concerned, the completed vinculum represents that you and Colonel Sheppard are ... I believe you would call it ... married."

"_What_?" I looked at her in shock.

"You do not wish to be married to Colonel Sheppard?" Caritas asked in confusion.

"No!" I reacted instantly, thought for a second and corrected "Yes!" thought again and finally settled on "I don't know!" Taking a moment to calm myself I added "I'm not ready for anything like that yet!"

"The completed vinculum says differently," Caritas intoned wisely.

"Yeah, well the vinculum is wrong," I muttered grumpily, not overly consoled that we were talking about 10,000 year old custom and not something of current relevance.

"In the thousands of years that my people employed the ritual it was never found to be in error," Caritas persisted.

"Did you ever ..." I broke off, wondering if that was too personal a question to be asking.

"... participate in the perficio vincula ritual?" Caritas finished. When I nodded, she smiled sadly. "I did ... we had only a few years together before the war separated us. Tomas' ship was destroyed in a Wraith battle a few days before the Tria headed out for the last time."

"I'm sorry," I said softly, regretting bringing up what was clearly a difficult subject.

"Don't be," Caritas looked at me fondly. "It is only in remembering that we truly honour those we have lost."

"I never thought that many of you would have left loved ones behind," I admitted.

"It is a comfort to see something of our people in their distant descendants," Caritas smiled, before bringing the subject back to where it began. "Colonel Sheppard must have had _some_ knowledge of the purpose behind the pendant to be able to set up the pieces with a key phrase."

"And I'll be talking to him about that just as soon as I see him," I replied in a tone that said John had better have a very good explanation.

Caritas smiled in understanding, wisely dropping the subject. I couldn't believe that John would have known the full meaning behind the tangram and not told me about it ... I had to put it out of my mind though because there was no way I was going to ask him about _that_ during the weekly check in. General O'Neill was already too amused by my obvious discomfort at being separated from John and I didn't want to give him any more ammunition for teasing me.

**Authors Note:**

The pendant bit comes from my story 'Birthday Surprises Sheppard Style". Don't worry if you haven't read that - the minor references here tell you all you need to know. The last chapter of that story has the ceremony they did so you could just read that if you were particularly curious.

Sorry if this chapter felt like a bit of a patchwork of different themes strung together ... one big chapter is better than three little ones isn't it?!


	23. How long until it gets here?

**Chapter 23: How long until it gets here?**

I'd noticed only a couple of days into my stay that communications on Atlantis with real Ancients in attendance defied description. General announcements, either city or section wide, were done over the intercom system we'd made use of ourselves. Person to person communications were a mystery to me because they didn't seem to be running a radio system like we'd had. I noticed it particularly when I was down in the Wraith weapon room with Ricus. He'd look up intently, pause, and then announce that he had to report to someone or other and hurry out.

Finally I couldn't stand the mystery anymore and decided to question Caritas about it, even though it wasn't on my list of priority topics.

"Can you tell me how your communications system works?" I asked after another session where most of the talk was about the things we'd done while on Atlantis.

"We use the city systems to relay messages direct to the recipients mind," Caritas revealed easily. "If you open yourself to Atlantis there are many things you could accomplish."

"Oh," I replied in surprise. "I've tapped into the sensor systems to do things like hide life sign signals – I kind of stumbled on that by accident. I experimented a bit on other stuff without success and just assumed the sensors were the only things I could affect like that. I never thought of doing something with communications."

"Direct communication only works between those who have the activation gene and it takes practice to be able to correctly identify an individual within the system," Caritas cautioned. "Perhaps you could try sending a brief message to General O'Neill since his signal should stand out amongst my people."

"I'll try," I agreed hesitantly. Caritas guided me through the process of looking through the communications system – since it was very similar to what I'd been doing for some time with the sensor system it wasn't that difficult to make the adjustment. After a few minutes of searching I was able to distinguish a specific 'signal' that felt different from the rest. Hoping it was in fact General O'Neill I sent a simple message. "_Apologies for the interruption General – Caritas and I are just doing a test of the communications system – can you confirm that you got this message?_"

"Were you successful?" Caritas looked at me expectantly.

"We'll find out in a moment," I replied, waiting to see whether the General would contact me. My radio beeped a second later.

"Sabina?" General O'Neill's voice came through loud and clear. "Either you just sent a message straight into my head or I've been here too long and I'm starting to imagine things."

"The former," I smiled at my early success. "Apologies for the lack of warning General."

"O-kay," General O'Neill said in a faintly disturbed tone. "Ah – you won't be doing that again in the future will you?"

"Of course not," I glanced at Caritas, surprised to see an amused look on her face. Or maybe not – General O'Neill had an easy way about him that seemed very popular with the Ancients.

"Good," O'Neill replied. "While I've got you, can you come up to my office? There's a situation I need to fill you in on."

"Okay," I replied, looking across at Caritas curiously. Nothing in her expression gave away whether she knew what was going on or not.

x

"Long range sensors have detected an Asuran Replicator ship heading for Atlantis," General O'Neill told me once I'd sat down across from him.

"How long until it gets here?" I asked with a sinking feeling.

"It'll be here inside a week," O'Neill replied. He had such a great game face that I really couldn't tell how bad the situation was.

"What's the plan?" I frowned worriedly, hoping the Ancients would have something that could defeat the Asurans.

"Helia's been somewhat ... vague on the details," O'Neill admitted. "They seem confident the Asurans will turn back once they realise the city is under Lantean control again."

"Well, I've met the Asurans and I can tell you they hate the Ancients," I looked at O'Neill intently. "They were motivated to come here and destroy this city when it was just us living here – when they realise real Ancients are in control it will only motivate them more."

"Helia said it would be impossible for them to attack," the General said.

"Of course," I smacked my forehead lightly as it occurred to me. "The directive in their base code – the Ancients made sure their creations couldn't turn against them."

"So we _are_ safe then?" General O'Neill looked confused now.

"I don't know," I admitted. "If they're allowed inside the city then it won't be safe for us non Ancients to remain here."

"Okay, so no evacuating until _after_ the Replicators get invited for dinner," the General quipped.

"Sounds like a plan," I agreed, trying to take something from the fact that he seemed completely calm about the whole thing.

x

Now that the subject of the Replicators had come up I felt justified in bringing up the subject of the nanite virus. Caritas was fond of strolling along the East pier in the hour before sunset so I made my way there to walk with her.

"Good evening Sabina," Caritas looked at me with a welcoming smile.

"Looks like it's gonna be a nice one tonight," I gestured towards the horizon where pinks and oranges swirled in the late afternoon sky. We stood silently for a time before I brought up my reason for seeking her out. "General O'Neill told me about the Replicators approaching the city."

"They will not harm us," Caritas said complacently.

"I wish I could just believe that," I replied, "but I've run into them a lot more recently than you have ... they have a deep seated hatred for your race."

"We should not have pursued the nanite project," Caritas shook her head sadly. "It is unfortunate that we could not resolve the problems inherent in their programming."

"I wanted to ask you about their nanovirus," I said hopefully.

"Perhaps you can tell me what you already know," Caritas countered. Realising she wasn't going to offer anything unless I could demonstrate I was already partially on the way to understanding it by myself I paused to collect my thoughts.

"So far what I've worked out is that the Replicators created the nanovirus as some kind of weapon against their creators – it looked like it was intended to kill humans but that was just the hook to get you interested in looking for a cure," I watched her carefully, looking for some kind of reaction but her face remained impassive. "They were angry that you were going to abandon them as a project but they couldn't retaliate in any obvious way because of the failsafe in their programming that makes it impossible for them to harm you. So they came up with a back door way to try and change that ... I'm guessing that somehow the virus was designed so that rewriting it to make it ineffective and introducing the new version into the population would spread it back to the Replicators and allow them to make other changes to their own programming."

"We researched the nanovirus extensively when it began to affect our people," Caritas admitted. "Even though it didn't cause death, the disturbed vision and hallucinations _were_ unsettling. As well, any contact between us and the humans on our trading planets resulted in infection and death."

"We found the lab where you did that research," I told her. "It was pretty obvious that you knew everything about the nanovirus so the lack of a cure was puzzling – unless creating the cure was exactly what the Replicators had intended. From what we found I can only conclude that you worked it out _before_ reprogramming the nanites, meaning that the Replicator plan failed."

"Yes," Caritas said simply. "In conducting tests on the nanites we discovered the possible side effect from reprogramming. Our scientists determined that the nanite virus contained a portion of their elemental base code within it. The only way to cure the virus was to rewrite the nanite programming – including the part that was base code. The resulting nanite, if assimilated back into the Replicators, would merge with the other nanites. In essence the new Replicator would have rewritten base code within it – opening the door for further rewrites to take place," Caritas paused with an almost unhappy sigh. "It was difficult to believe that our creations had that level of malicious deviousness within them ... discovering it to be true was what convinced their remaining supporters that the project had to be stopped."

"I'm guessing here but I think the Replicators made themselves the delivery system, carrying the nanovirus within them. By conscious effort they could pass it on to anyone they touched. And not only that - the nanovirus we found here wasn't the only version of nanites they could transfer. We know that's true because they passed nanites, _not_ the nanovirus, directly to Doctor Weir when we came across them recently. That made them very dangerous ... more than just the aggression and the failure as a weapon against the Wraith _that_ was the reason you decided to terminate the project so conclusively."

"There is some truth in your words," Caritas admitted. I couldn't help the inner amusement I felt when I realised she wasn't going to confirm or deny anything specific in what I'd offered. "What more do you wish to know?"

"When Doctor Weir was infected with Niam's nanites I was also infected," I watched as her face went still in surprise. "Unlike Doctor Weir though, Doctor Beckett discovered that in my system a specific blood protein multiplied and attacked the nanites as soon as my immune system detected them. I want to know how that's possible."

"Of _course_," Caritas nodded understandingly. When I raised an eyebrow waiting for her to enlighten me, she smiled. "The Wraith telepathic expansion project was being undertaken at the same time we were winding down the nanite project. One of our Wraith gene carriers became infected with the nanovirus and the affects were much more extreme than for anyone else. The part of the brain affected by the nanovirus was closely linked with the part employed to connect to the Wraith neural interface. The victim was driven mad with intense visions and audible hallucinations. To protect that project our scientists devised the blood protein link to the Wraith gene so that, should the nanovirus break out in the future, the relatively few Wraith gene carriers would be protected. The intention was for that protection to be maintained in subsequent generations - I am heartened to realise this has been proven in you."

"Can the blood protein be altered so that it can protect everyone, not just me?" I asked hopefully.

"To be honest I don't know," Caritas admitted. "Our scientists were reluctant even to create the blood protein link because they were worried _any_ attempts to neutralise the nanovirus would result in exactly what the Replicators had intended. They only did as much as was absolutely necessary to ensure our final plan to defeat the Wraith would survive."

"So you left all the humans in this galaxy vulnerable to a nanovirus you could have easily cured?" I asked incredulously.

"I don't expect you to understand our motivations," Caritas stated firmly. "We had reached a level of desperation that eventually saw us abandon this entire galaxy."

"Yeah, well now we have Replicators on our doorstep," I looked at her with a shake of the head. "Having a defence against their nanites would have come in handy right about now."

"Our people have a very different way of looking at things," Caritas said curiously. "It will be interesting to see how an agreement between our races works in practice."

"I know," I said with a smile. "Look, thanks for filling me in on the protein thing ... I appreciate it."

"You are welcome Sabina," Caritas put a friendly hand on my shoulder and I didn't even mind the jolt. Feeling that familiar sensation reminded me there was something else I'd been meaning to ask her.

"When I shook hands with Captain Helia back on the Daedalus," I began slowly, "she knew I had the ATA gene. How?"

"What you call the Ancient gene is just part of the genetic material that makes us who we are," Caritas replied. "The gene that allows activation of our technology is sometimes coupled with other genes that allow a deeper connection to Atlantis, or in Helia's case the ability to determine whether others have some of our genetic material."

"But not everyone can do that?" I persisted curiously.

"At any one time Atlantis was home to people with a range of complementary skills," Caritas smiled at my obvious interest in the topic. "Some you know of – the power to heal, move objects mentally, see events that haven't taken place yet. Some were not so obvious as they did not come into play on a regular basis."

"Like what?" I felt the anticipation of being close to finally understanding something about myself that had always troubled me.

"Telepathy without Atlantis as the intermediary," Caritas offered, "also one we saw only rarely was the ability to harness the power of other ancients to enhance and expand the use of ancient technology beyond what even the strongest individual was capable of." She paused, looking at me curiously. "Is there a particular skill you're interested in?"

"What are the chances that someone would have more that one of those ... skills?" I asked weakly, feeling that all too familiar wash of panic rising up within me.

"It depends on which branch of our people you are descended from," Caritas replied. "Genetics dictated that gene skills would be passed down through families – if parents had different gene skills there was a good chance their children would carry the potential for all of them. If both had the same gene skill, the children would too - that is why we all had what you call the ATA gene."

"How come the gene skills are so rare now – aren't we direct descendants?" I looked across at Caritas to see her watching me intently.

"Over the course of 10,000 years, procreation between descendants and those who were not descendants diluted the gene skills, to the point that it is no longer as certain that a child will carry any of the gene skills of either parent," she said lightly.

"So ah ... if I were to have children they probably wouldn't have the ATA gene?" I asked almost hopefully.

"You are very strong in the ATA gene," Caritas replied. "The chance for passing that on is greater than for someone with a weaker gene. If you and Colonel Sheppard were to produce offspring it is almost certain that the child _would_ possess the ATA gene as well since Colonel Sheppard's gene is just as strong as yours."

"Oh," I frowned, thinking about the ramifications of that. "What about the Wraith gene – would I pass that on too?"

"Your gene skills are linked with the Wraith gene and the blood protein," Caritas offered. "I cannot say for sure but I believe this would mean that your children _would_ most likely possess these traits as well."

"And any of the other gene skills I might have," I finished, feeling sick inside at what Caritas had revealed.

"Yes," Caritas agreed simply. "Do you possess other gene skills besides the ability to use our technology?"

"Possibly," I admitted. "I get a sort of electric jolt when I touch someone with the ATA gene – with you guys it's more like an electric tidal wave so I can tell not just whether someone has the gene but how strong it is." I hesitated before going further. "I ah ... might also have just a bit of that other one you were talking about – the tapping into someone's genes one."

"You have been able to merge with another and access the Atlantis systems?" Caritas looked very interested now.

"I'm not sure but there have been a couple of times where something happened that maybe could have been due to that," I told her uncertainly. "The first time it happened was when I was searching for the Wraith dispersal weapon – I was having trouble getting the systems to help me. I got ah ... angry and Colonel Sheppard put his hand on my shoulder. I felt a huge wave of power flow from him through me into the system and Atlantis showed me a map with the room clearly marked. As soon as John removed his hand from my shoulder the map disappeared. I never actively tried to do something like that again so I don't know if it was just a coincidence."

"That sounds like a manifestation of that particular gene skill," Caritas said almost excitedly. "We could test you to determine if you do possess the genes that determine that skill ... the fact that you have the detection gene lends more weight to the possibility because those with the merging gene always had the detection gene too – presumably to allow them to quickly determine whether an individual was able to provide the power required to make a merge of genes possible."

"Can you give me the reference materials so Carson can test me when I get back to Earth?" I asked hesitantly. I liked Caritas but that didn't mean I was keen to have some Ancient performing medical tests on me. It wasn't like those genes were going anywhere so there was no rush to do the tests right there and then.

"Of course," Caritas agreed easily. "I understand that you are eager to complete your work on the dispersal weapon in order to return quickly to Earth."

"Thanks," I replied gratefully. We sat in companionable silence, a quiet time marred somewhat by the impending arrival of the Replicators. I had so many worries swirling around in my head I felt almost dizzy ... in the end none of them could be resolved until I'd completed my task and returned to Earth so I did my best to push them to the back of my mind.


	24. I'm fine, thanks for asking!

**Chapter 24: I'm fine, thanks for asking!**

At the next scheduled check-in General O'Neill reported the situation to the SGC, including the fact that the Ancients themselves seemed less than concerned. I could see that John was bothered by that as much as the fact that nothing had been said about any of us returning to Earth before the replicators arrived.

Things in the city went on as usual for the next few days, almost as if the Replicators _weren't _on their way. Work on the Wraith weapon had slowed to a crawl, taking me past my two week deadline, leaving me wondering if it was even the real reason Captain Helia had wanted me to return to Atlantis. I spent every waking moment down there unsuccessfully trying to hurry things along.

That's where I was when the Asuran ship arrived – so far down in the city we barely felt the tremors of the first shots getting around the shields. I only knew something was off when Ricus got a strange 'I'm communicating in my head with my colleagues' look on his face, before rushing from the room while telling me to stay where I was.

Since I was relatively safe for the moment I decided to stay there and wait to hear something. I could have tried mental communication with the General but it was only one way which seemed kinda useless at that point. I had my radio but was too nervous to initiate contact - what if I did and gave away the General's position to the Replicators? It took an hour of impatient pacing before my radio finally beeped.

"Sabina, what's your position?" General O'Neill almost whispered.

"Ah ... still in the Wraith weapons room," I replied just as quietly.

"Is anyone there with you?" O'Neill continued.

"Ricus ran out of here over an hour ago General," I reported, "so it's just me. What's going on?"

"The Replicators attacked the city," O'Neill said grimly. "Apparently they found a way to override that directive in their base code. The Lantean's weren't prepared – couldn't even get their shield fully up in time. They've already lost most of the city to the Replicators."

"Are you and Woolsey okay?" I asked, trying to tamp down the panic I could feel bubbling up inside me.

"For the moment," O'Neill reassured me. "Look I managed to get a data burst through to Earth to let them know what's happening here but ..." he trailed off.

"By the time they get here the Replicators will have full control," I finished numbly.

"That being the case my standing order to destroy the city will take precedence," the General informed me in a tone that didn't match with the seriousness of that statement.

"What about the Ancients – Helia, Ricus ... Caritas?" I asked hopefully.

"It's not looking good," O'Neill admitted. "The attack was ... violent. These Replicators don't strike me as the merciful type."

"So – no time for false hope then?" I quipped nervously, trying not to think about the fate of my friend.

"Ah ... no," O'Neill agreed. "I don't have a plan at the moment other than avoiding capture by the Replicators. We're too far from your position to have any hope of getting to you while the fighting's still going on so for the time being I want you to just stay put."

"Stay in the isolated creepy room by myself while Replicators stalk the city?" I reacted in disbelief. "What sort of plan is that?!"

"I said I didn't _have_ a plan, remember," O'Neill said easily. "When I get one I'll let you know – for now maintain radio silence."

"Okay," I said reluctantly. "Please be careful because I really don't want to end up here completely by myself."

"We'll do our best. O'Neill out."

I sat back against the wall in numb disbelief ... I'd tried to put on my best voice for General O'Neill but now that I was alone in that room knowing that no one was coming for me I could feel the panic starting to overwhelm me. I'd been in situations before where things were bad and there was nothing I personally could do to fix them but this was different. In the end I put my head on my knees, tried to remember what Teyla had taught me about calming myself, and kept the chant in my head. "_It'll be all right, it'll be all right ... please, please, please let it be all right._"

x

If I'd had to maintain that level of anxiety and panic indefinitely I would have exhausted myself within a day. Luckily the human brain is obviously not designed to work like that – even given the seriousness of my situation I found myself acquiring a level of ... acceptance within a couple of hours and with that came enough calm for me to start thinking logically.

O'Neill had said the SGC knew about the Replicators which meant that John would know the situation too. He'd be worried about me and angry when he found out the General's standing orders meant no rescue mission would be mounted. Could I hold out hope that somehow John would string together a rescue mission of his own? Even though that seemed unlikely, would it really hurt for me to think so if it helped me get through the hours or days it would take for the Daedalus to get there and drop a nuke on the city? I wracked my brain trying to recall where the Daedalus might be on its rolling journey to and from the Milky Way ... some snippet of remembered information told me it was more on the side of days than weeks before she could make it back here.

Hope of any kind, even hope of something practically inconceivable, was just what I needed so I decided to go with that. If John was coming for me then I needed to make sure I was free to act. So I had to avoid detection which meant resorting to my old trick of blocking myself from the sensors. Hopefully the Replicators were still engaged in battle with the Lantean's and hadn't already employed the life signs detectors for a city wide sweep.

Next on my list was supplies ... if I was going to survive a few days I'd need food and water. Crossing my fingers that anything I did on the system wouldn't be detectable up in the Control Room I used the console to access city schematics looking for a likely place close by. Crew quarters, with the aid of transporters, weren't that far - surely someone would have left _something_ behind. Only problem with that was that transporter activity _would_ be detected in the Control Room. There was a path that didn't travel through any major areas that might be guarded by replicators but it would take more time than I liked to get there and back. I briefly considered finding somewhere else to hide or even whether I could get off the city entirely but quickly discarded that idea - General O'Neill knew where I was and it seemed important for that to remain the case.

Luck was with me as I made my way silently through remote corridors until I'd arrived in the section that housed most of the crew. I already had one particular room in mind – standing outside Rodney's door I swiped a hand over the access pad, almost pleading with Atlantis itself to let me in. The doors opened and I rushed inside, looking around trying to decide where Rodney would keep the stash of power bars I knew he had. I was hoping in the haste of packing that'd he'd have forgotten to unearth them ... when I found a hardback copy of Quantum Electrodynamics by Walter Greiner under the bottom drawer of his bedside unit my hopes were rewarded. Rodney had hollowed out the inside and filled it with his favourite power bars – I guess he thought he'd be the only one on Atlantis interested in that topic! Stuffing them in my pockets I looked around for anything else useful, but Rodney had cleaned up pretty well and there was nothing of any value. Making my way just a silently back down to my old hiding spot I only relaxed when I was once again propped up against the wall. Getting as comfortable as I could I closed my eyes and drifted into an exhausted sleep.

The next day turned into more of the same - pacing the room as I fought the overwhelming desire to contact O'Neill and find out what the hell they were doing and why I hadn't heard from them yet. I almost jumped out of my skin when the radio activated.

"Authentication code Alpha Six Delta Charlie Niner. General O'Neill - do you copy?" John's voice echoed loudly in the room. Yes! _Now_ I'd get some action on getting out of here!

"Sheppard? Is that you?" General O'Neill responded.

"Yes, sir," John confirmed. "Are all members of your ... team accounted for?"

"Yes they are," O'Neill replied, deliberately leaving out the bit about us being separated.

"I need to know if you're anywhere near Stargate Operations." John continued.

"No, we're not," the General reported, which still didn't give me any indicator of where they actually were ... not that I'd intended to go find them or anything.

"That's good," John said purposefully. "Can't talk right now, sir. I'll get back to you in a couple of hours. Sheppard out."

_That was it?_ No Hi Sabina? No glad you're still alive? I didn't know whether to be hurt by that or angry ... anger was winning before I determinedly pulled myself up short. John obviously had _some_ kind of plan and talking on the radio any longer than necessary might have put that at jeaopardy. It was just another example where personal concerns had to be put to the background, something I should have been used to by now!

The faint sounds of explosives trembling through the city interrupted my thoughts. After a short pause my radio beeped.

'Sabina, did you catch that?" General O'Neill finally radioed me.

"Yeah - nice to hear from you by the way," I said sarcastically, "oh and yes I'm fine, thanks for asking!"

"From what I hear you can take care of yourself," O'Neill replied without any remorse.

"That's beside the point," I sighed, knowing he was doing the best he could and that Woolsey was probably driving him nuts complaining or asking stupid questions. "I'm sorry ... it's just a little frustrating not knowing what's going on."

"For me too," he pointed out something I should have worked out for myself. "Colonel Sheppard clearly has a plan ... Woolsey and I are holed up in the damaged section in the northern arm of the city ... can you make your way over here?"

"It'll take me a while but I think I can get there," I said confidently.

"Head out now," General O'Neill ordered, "and keep your radio silent – don't want to alert any Replicators to your position."

"Acknowledged," I replied, closing the channel and turning my radio off.

I'd almost made it to O'Neill's position when the city shook again, this time it sounded like multiple shots had impacted. Hoping that was part of John's plan I continued cautiously through deserted corridors. Footsteps echoed in the corridor ahead of me and I quickly ducked into a disused lab praying they hadn't seen me and would just walk past. It had been almost two hours since John had first made contact so I decided to pause where I was and await further contact before continuing. Taking out my radio I turned it back on and sat back in the far corner to wait for more news.

"They went in here," a voice issued from the doorway. Glancing up I bit back a groan as two Asurans, dressed in a manner and with a demeanour I'd become accustomed to seeing on the Ancients over the past two weeks, came into the room. It took them only a few seconds to locate me in the darkened room.

"Come with us," one of them ordered, reaching down and pulling me roughly up off the floor. Dragging me down the corridor a bit more harshly than was really necessary it only took a few minutes before I was ensconced in the Atlantis brig.

"There were others," one of my captors said. "Where are they?"

"Don't blame me if you're under attack from someone," I replied casually. "I had nothing to do with it."

"We don't need your cooperation to find the information we need," the other reminded me, raising his hand menacingly towards my forehead.

"Well I hope you're wrong about that," I winced at the horrible tingling sensation in my forehead, not sure exactly how to resist but hoping that concentrating really hard on one thing would do it.

My reality shifted and I found myself sitting in a passenger gondola of an old fashioned Ferris wheel. Sitting next to me was the Replicator trying to probe my mind. Our gondola was suspended right at the top, and it swayed somewhat vigorously in the stiff breeze that was blowing around us. I was a little freaked out myself because the Ferris wheel was all I'd been able to conjure up so we were floating in a blue sky with nothing above or below us.

"What is this?" the Replicator looked around with as close to a disturbed expression as I supposed they ever got.

"Ferris wheel," I replied, like everyone would know. "Isn't this what you wanted to know?"

"Why are you in the city?" the Replicator persisted determinedly.

"Strangely I feel no compulsion to answer that," I said, looking at him intently. "Are you sure you're doing this right?"

"Who are your companions?" I could hear a hint of desperation now, which made me smile grimly.

"Do you guys really have a plan to defeat the Wraith or was that all just hot air?" I asked, ignoring his question entirely.

"We ... do," the Replicator looked almost surprised to have answered that.

"Is it something to do with nanite viruses?" I persisted, not really expecting an answer this time.

"Partly ... we can ... tailor nanites to achieve many ... aims," the Replicator said in a broken, forced voice.

"Okay – so not something we could duplicate – but still good to know," I said lightly. "Are we about done here?"

"You are doing ... something ... to my hand," the replicator frowned in confusion and what I'd describe as almost pain.

"No I'm not," I denied, sure he was just disconcerted by the fact that I had been able to take control of the mind probe even in a small way.

"Something is not right," the replicator looked at me angrily before everything pulsed and I opened my eyes to find myself kneeling on the floor in the brig.

The other replicator shared a glance with the one who'd probed me that I couldn't decipher, before they both turned without another word and left me there.

Putting a hand to my head I rubbed at the skin that still tingled strangely. Even stranger was the fact that, unlike the other time I'd been probed, this time I didn't even have a headache. I thought about trying the message straight into the head trick to contact the General, but really - did he need to know right then that I'd been captured? It's not like he could do anything about it. Sitting in the corner of the cell I leaned back and waited to see what would happen next, hoping I'd see John and the others coming to rescue me.

Instead the force field around my cell flashed as it disengaged and the doors slid open. "Great," I muttered as two Replicators I hadn't seen before hustled General O'Neill and Richard Woolsey into the cell. Another two Replicators stood ready to assist. Both men were shoved down onto the bench as the replicators released them. They made a curious sight – O'Neill sopping wet, minus his BDU jacket, and Woolsey still in his suit, minus his tie.

"Ow!" O'Neill protested the Replicators rough treatment. He looked at me carefully and asked "you okay?" I nodded wordlessly.

"Where are the others?" Replicator One asked.

"What others?" O'Neill asked , exchanging a confused glance with Woolsey.

"What were you doing in the flooded sections of the city?" Replicator Two persisted.

"The backstroke ... I think," O'Neill quipped.

"What are you planning?" Replicator One demanded.

"Well, I was planning to retire," O'Neill said with a laugh. "... but, man, is that over-rated. I mean, it's not like I'm a workaholic or anything, but, you know, I like to stay active ... with the community. It's ... it's a health maintenance sort of thing ... you know?" I smiled in admiration that he could joke, knowing what was probably coming next. When the Replicators glanced at each other in silent communication before turning back to the two men, O'Neill added "I don't like where this is going."

The Replicators who hadn't spoken yet had been standing behind the General and Woolsey the whole time. Now they stepped up and put their hands down firmly on each mans shoulders. Replicator One and Two advanced towards them and I knew what was about to happen.

"What are they doing?" Woolsey looked worried and just a bit sick.

I'd never actually seen the mind probe thing from this side – it was one of the more disturbing sights I'd seen to watch as a Replicator hand sank partially inside each man's forehead. The grimaces of pain on each face were testament to how difficult a mind probe was to endure. It only seemed to take seconds before the Replicators had what they wanted and withdrew their hands.

"That was the worst thing I've ever experienced," Woolsey put his head in his hands, shuddering weakly.

"It gets worse," O'Neill warned, laying a hand on Woolsey's shoulder. Woolsey looked up at him in dread, not reassured when O'Neill just smiled sympathetically and patted his shoulder.

The Replicators left the cell without a word, leaving us to our own devices. I don't know about the others but my thoughts were fully engaged with praying that John's plan would still work now we'd be captured.

**Authors Note:**

I loved that whole scene with O'Neill - the diving bit as well as that speech with the Replicators - had to keep some of it! Hope I did O'Neill justice ...


	25. Did any of the Ancients survive?

****

Chapter 25: Did ah ... did any of the Ancients survive?

We remained alone in the cell for some time with a Replicator guard stationed outside. General O'Neill and I conducted a whispered conversation where I updated him on how I'd ended up in the brig and he filled me in on John's actions so far as well as the reason why he'd turned up in the cell soaking wet. He then urged us to try and get some rest – Woolsey and I took positions in opposite corners while the General stretched out on the one bench in the middle of the room.

Of course there was no way I could relax while John and the others were somewhere in the city and still in danger of being caught. The General's explanation made me think the plan had something to do with Niam which filled me with nervous dread. I'd long gotten over my anger at the lack of personal contact by the time a noise at the door alerted me to a change in our circumstances. My spirits lifted when John ran in and fired a weapon at the Replicator guard, disintegrating him into a pile of silver slivers. Another guard ran in and met a similar fate before John and Rodney approached our cell.

"Well, it's about time!" O'Neill said sarcastically.

"Oh, thank God!" Woolsey said in relief.

"Hey guys – nice of you to drop by," was my smart arse contribution.

"You all right?" John looked in turn at the General and Woolsey before resting his gaze on me.

"Apart from the fact that we're stuck in here you mean?" I smiled to let him know things were as good as they could be.

"Alright," John turned to Rodney, "get 'em out of here. I'll stand guard."

John headed back to the doorway and Rodney came over to the access panel for the cell, taking out a small data pad and tapping away with a frown.

I watched in disbelief as Rodney fumbled his way through the hacking job that should have only taken seconds. My confusion grew as I listened to him talking about the failure of the Niam plan and how they now intended to destroy the shield capabilities of the city by planting C4 at all the emitters. When the shield was raised the C4 would detonate and the Daedalus would be able to complete it's mission to drop a nuke on the city. O'Neill and Woolsey reacted less than favourably to that plan, prompting Rodney to get all defensive as he continued to struggle with the door controls.

"The Daedalus is gonna blow up the city and you're happy about it?" I looked at Rodney pointedly.

"Not happy, no," Rodney stuttered. "But we can't let the Replicators keep the city can we?" He looked up suddenly, something in his eyes urging me to drop it right there.

Before I could say anything else John rushed back into the room with the hurried announcement that the Replicators were coming and they'd have to come back for us. Rodney spluttered in protest that we all knew too much about their plan ... John glared at him in annoyance before delivering an exasperated smack to the back on his head. I almost smiled at that one, so typical of their interactions no matter what dire circumstance they found themselves in.

"You're just leaving?" I looked from Rodney to John somewhat nervously.

"We'll be back," John promised intently. He paused for a few seconds, the expression in his eyes begging me to trust him.

I nodded wordlessly ... convinced now that they were setting _something _up - even though I didn't know what it was. Hopefully my part in it, if I had one, would come naturally to me!

We didn't have to wait long for something to happen ... the same two Replicators I'd watched probe the General and Woolsey hurried into the room minutes after John and Rodney had exited. This time they didn't even bother asking any questions – pushing the two men to their knees and doing the hand in the forehead thing without warning. Only moments later the Replicators pulled their hands free and left O'Neill and Woolsey groaning and clutching their heads in pain.

"We need to get to the shield emitter stations. Remove the C4 explosive you find there," Replicator Two said emotionlessly.

"Way to resist" O'Neill told Woolsey sarcastically.

"I said I wasn't good at this," Woolsey replied angrily.

"How come they didn't probe me?" I asked once they'd left us alone again.

"What – you volunteering?" the General looked at me in disbelief.

"No," I replied firmly. "I just find it ... strange that they didn't even try."

x

Replicator One came back for us an hour or so later. This time he and his two companions urged us from the cell and herded us towards a different section within the Brig. When we'd walked through the main door I had another 'Oh Great!' moment when we discovered our entire rescue party was already there.

The Replicators lowered the force field and opened the door, marching General O'Neill, Woolsey and me through to join everyone else. John stood in a kind of lead position within the group, eyes trained intently on the Replictors. I chose a spot off to the side next to where Ronon was sitting - out of the way but still within view of the five Replicators now confronting us. Replicator One, backed up by his two buddies stood framed in front of John, looking as triumphant as a Replicator could look.

"Did you really think you'd be able to stop us?" he asked calmly.

"Well, of course we did. Why else would we be here?" John replied sarcastically.

"Colonel? Am I gonna have to fire you?" General O'Neill quipped.

"No, sir. I think you'll have that to look forward to when we get back," John kept his eyes firmly on Replicator One.

"I'm afraid your plan has been discovered, Colonel Sheppard. It is over," Replicator One informed us.

"He put his hand in my forehead," Woolsey protested as everyone turned to look accusingly at him. "How can you resist that?"

"Well, I like to close my eyes and think of England," O'Neill continued with the smart arse comments.

"Mr Woolsey informed us of everything we need to know," Replicator One confirmed. "All of your C4 has been removed from the emitters." He opened the bag he carried and pulled out a block of C4 so that John could see his claim was not a bluff. "I'm afraid they won't be destroyed when the Daedalus arrives - which should be in any moment. Your plan has failed."

"Talus," the voice of Replicator Two came from the Control Room. "The Daedalus is approaching the planet."

"As expected," Replicator One replied, glancing at John to see how he was taking that news. "Activate the shield."

There was a pause of a few seconds before a visible energy wave came from the ceiling and swept to the floor. As it passed through the Replicators they disintegrated into piles of tiny silver pieces.

"Ha! It worked! I can't believe it worked!" Rodney said with satisfaction.

"Rodney – amazing," Doctor Weir complimented.

"Well, it was a group effort," Rodney excused the brilliance of his plan, not his usual practice so he really must have thought the plan had little chance of success.

"Good old Plan D - works every time," John agreed with Elizabeth's assessment, tossing the C4 to Rodney. He looked at me with a raised eyebrow, smiling when I grinned in relief. "Ronan and I'll make sure we got them all - you guys stay here a sec."

"Excuse me, but what just happened?" Woolsey asked in confusion, looking from Rodney to Teyla and Carson for some kind of explanation.

"We turned the shield into a giant Replicator weapon," Rodney told Woolsey proudly.

"I knew that!" O'Neill exclaimed.

"You knew?" Woolsey asked in surprise.

"Well, I've seen Carter crack enough codes to know that McKay was faking the door thing," O'Neill explained the reason for his suspicion.

"He was?" Woolsey frowned. He turned to me and asked "what about you – did you know too?"

"Rodney's much better at overriding the Ancient systems than he was making out," I revealed simply. "I was pretty sure something was going on, although I didn't work out exactly what it was."

"I bought it completely," Woolsey looked put out at the thought.

"I believe that was the point," Teyla said graciously.

"Wait a minute - you ... you used me?" Woolsey's tone was insulted now that he knew he'd been deliberately chosen to feed misinformation to the Replicators.

"You're alive," Carson said firmly, "and you're welcome."

"Hey, we're clear," Ronon came back in to report.

"OK, we've gotta get to the Control Room and contact the Daedalus," Doctor Weir urged everyone to get moving.

I walked at a slower pace that the others, quickly being overtaken by the General and Woolsey as they made their way up to the Control Room. Now that the danger had passed (and I was confident it _had_ because Colonel Caldwell was independent enough to check before blindly following a standing order of that magnitude) I felt a bit numb. To John and the others the Ancient survivors from the Tria were mostly faceless people who'd kicked us out of the city. I'd believed that too until I'd come back and worked with them. I'd never warmed to Captain Helia but I _had_ liked Caritas, and even Ricus. And suddenly I felt sad – for those I'd formed some attachment to _and_ for the very idea that the Ancients really had now passed from our plain of existence. There were probably hundreds of things I _could_ have asked them while I'd been there but I'd thought we'd have plenty of time ... and now there was none.

There only seemed one place to go – the East Pier. I was still standing there waiting for the sunset when John found me an hour or so later.

"Hey," John's voice startled me from introspection. "You disappeared before I could even say hello."

"Sorry," I replied, keeping my gaze fixed on the ocean as John silently approached.

"You okay?" John asked hesitantly, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"Did ah ... did any of the Ancients survive?" I asked softly.

"No," John said simply, squeezing my shoulder in comfort. I put my hand over his and nodded wordlessly, feeling the tears brimming over and doing nothing to stop them from falling. John stood silently behind me, waiting as tears tracked down my face, both of us looking out at the sun slowly setting. When the light finally faded, I turned and pressed myself into John's arms, hugging him tightly.

"Do you remember that one Ancient I mentioned?" I mumbled into his chest. "Caritas - she liked to watch the sunset. She was a ... friend."

"I'm sorry," John murmured, rubbing a comforting hand down my back.

"Me too," I whispered, resting my head against him and taking strength from him being there. "Thanks for the rescue."

"Never in doubt." John hugged me reassuringly.

"So what happens now?" I pulled away slightly to look up at him. "General O'Neill wasn't serious about firing you was he?"

"To be honest I'm not really sure," John admitted. "We're hoping the fact that we saved his life, not to mention Woolsey's, will carry some weight with him and the IOA."

"So we just stay until we hear something?" I persisted.

"Doctor Weir's talking to General O'Neill now so we won't have to wait long," John turned me away from the balcony. "You ready to say hello to everyone else?"

Putting my arms around his neck I pulled him down and kissed him fervently up to the point where it started to get out of hand. Pulling away I grabbed his hand and started walking.

"I am now," I said, smiling at the dazed look on his face. There were other things to tell him - other things to ask him – but now wasn't the time.

x

"You wanted to see me General?" I poked my head in the doorway of what was soon to be again Doctor Weir's office.

"Sabina," O'Neill greeted me almost fondly. "Woolsey and I are heading out in a few minutes – you all set here?"

"Does it bother you?" I asked softly, stepping fully into the room. "The Ancients being gone I mean?"

"Sure it does," the General agreed in an easy tone, "but you have to put it away so you can do your job."

"I'm trying," I looked at him curiously. "Got any tips for that?"

"Ah ..." he paused, looking at me thoughtfully, "somehow I don't think the 'bury and forget' strategy will work as well for you as it does for me."

"Probably not," I agreed. "Well General, it's been a pleasure working with you," I smiled impishly. "Can I escort you to the gate?"

"Sure," O'Neill grabbed a bag and gestured for me to precede him from the room. We walked down the steps to the Gateroom in silence. Doctor Weir was already there, talking with John and a fully suited and polished Richard Woolsey.

"Dial it up," Doctor Weir called up to Rodney in the Control Room. Turning back to Woolsey she added "Richard - thank you for agreeing to put in a good word for us with the IOA."

"It's the least I can do since you all risked your careers to come and save us," Woolsey said in an actually friendly tone. I raised an eyebrow at General O'Neill, and smiled when he shrugged in reply.

"General O'Neill," Doctor Weir greeted our arrival. "Are you ready for that hot toddy?"

"Indeed," O'Neill said with a smirk. The wormhole kawhooshed behind us, settling into the familiar sparkling puddle.

"Thanks for not firing me Sir," John said irreverently.

"You came back to rescue me so ...," General O'Neill trailed off without finishing that sentence.

"I hope your next visit to Atlantis is more restful than this one Jack," I said companionably, catching the startled choking look on Woolsey's face at my apparent 'first name basis' relationship with General O'Neill.

"You and me both Sabina," O'Neill said with a smile that told me he knew exactly what I was up to. He _had_ previously invited me to call him Jack so I didn't think he'd mind if I took him up on the offer, however belatedly.

Gesturing for Woolsey to go first, General O'Neill flipped us a half wave before stepping youthfully through the Stargate.

"_Jack_?" John looked at me questioningly.

"He invited me to call him that," I said innocently. "And watching Woolsey almost swallow his tongue at the lack of respect implied had nothing to do with my taking him up on it."

"No wonder Woolsey doesn't like you," John muttered under his breath.

"_He doesn't like me?_" I manufactured a surprised expression. John laughed, swinging a casual arm around my shoulder and steering me away from the gate.

****

Authors Note for all chapters pertaining to "The Return":

Caritas in written Latin is Charity in spoken English – it took my fancy to call one of the Ancients that, given they were less than charitable in their dealings with the team. I liked the idea that at least one of the Ancients would have become friends with someone, if given the chance. I also wanted to include some aspect of grief because it seemed a shame _all_ the Ancients perished with barely any acknowledgement. Ricus is Rhys which means 'enthusiasm' – another tongue in cheek name because the Ancients are portrayed in this episode as completely lacking in anything remotely like excitement etc. The source for the latin names was freereg dot rootsweb dot com fslash howto fslash latinnames.htm; the source for the meaning of Rhys was behindthename dot com.

Perficio vinculum means 'perfect bonding' – I did my usual 'let's pretend these Latin words have been altered to be Ancient' trick from transxp dot com so as usual no promises on the ultimate accuracy of the translation.

Quantum Electrodynamics (Greiner, Walter) is a real book – I picked it because if does come in hardcover and it's pretty big, almost 500 pages (according to Amazon dot com). Should be big enough to hide at least a few power bars which I think Rodney would totally do!

I ignored the "jumper ride back to the SGC" reference made by Jack at the end of the episode because we find out in the next episode that they have three ZPMs – definitely no need for Jack to take a Jumper!

Sorry this chapter got posted later than usual ... I did a bit of a re-write and I'm still not completely happy with it - there's one more chapter tidying up some things before the story moves on to Echoes ... hope you're still enjoying this!


	26. Do you think this is funny?

****

Chapter 26: Do you think this is _funny_?

Atlantis was like a ghost town for the three weeks it took for the Daedalus to travel back to Earth with two of three ZPM's we'd scored from the Replicators – the SGC would 'borrow' one of the ZPMs to power the Stargate so that everyone who wanted to could return.

After the excitement of defeating the Replicators and finding out we could stay in Atlantis had passed I found myself conflicted on a number of levels. Since John was at the source of some of that conflict and because there was no one else available for me to take my frustrations out on I bottled it all up inside rather than talking about it, getting more and more silent as each day passed. I'd fall asleep early each night, hardly registering when John joined me. I'd wake in the early hours of the morning, thoughts swirling through my mind too fast to get a handle on, and steal from the room to a secluded spot until it was time for the day to begin.

At first I think John just thought I was grieving for Caritas and the other Ancients I'd gotten to know – I'd shake my head when he asked if I wanted to talk and he let me get away with it. After a couple of days he stopped asking, watching me silently with a thoughtful look on his face.

John let me wander around like a ghost for a week before he finally called me up on it. Most of the time I was either out on the East Pier thinking or down in the Wraith weapons room trying to work out if Ricus had done anything to make the weapon useable so it wasn't that hard for him to find me.

"It's time we had that talk," John's voice came from behind me as I sat on the edge of the Pier looking out over the ocean.

"About what?" I replied without looking back at him.

"You've hardly said two words since Woolsey and General O'Neill left," John said, walking over and sitting down next to me, "so talking about anything would be an improvement."

"My head is too full," I said wearily. 'I've got so much stuff swirling around I just can't make sense of."

"Well sitting around thinking about it obviously isn't helping," John pointed out a little impatiently.

"I don't want to do this right now," I jumped up and turned towards the city. Before I'd gone two paces John was there in front of me.

"You might not want to," he said grimly, "but I'm not letting you get away with it this time!"

"You're not _letting_ me?" I said angrily. "Who the hell are you to tell me what to do?!"

"The man who loves you," John replied simply. Rather than be touched by that it just infuriated me more. He _knew_ that part of my anger was directed at him and I couldn't help but think he was using those emotions to push me over the edge so I'd admit it. Not that he never said how he felt, just not like that.

"Don't play the 'love' card to get what you want _Colonel_," I practically yelled, trying to sidestep around him. John grabbed my shoulders and dragged me back in front of him.

"I'm not _playing_ anything," John bit back angrily. "You have to let out some of whatever it is you've got bottled up before you explode."

"_I don't know how_," I yelled back, hitting his chest in frustration. "Why couldn't you just let me deal with this my own way?"

"Because you're _not_ dealing with it," John said grimly, capturing my hands and holding them tight against his chest. I struggled silently to free myself for a few seconds before realising the futility of that. All the fight just drained out of me and I sagged under John's hold, dropping my head down to rest on my clenched fists. Both of us were breathing deeply, struggling to get emotions back under wraps before one of us said something we'd regret. After a minute or so John sighed, letting go of my hands and putting an arm around me to steer me back to my seat on the edge of the pier. He took a seat next to me again, sitting close but not touching me. "Just start somewhere ... tell me one thing that's bothering you."

"I already did," I said somewhat sullenly. "It bothers me – Caritas, Ricus, and the others being killed – not just because I knew them but because I realised after that they were the _last_ of the Ancients. I witnessed the final end of an entire race of people ... sorry if I find that hard to get over in a week!"

"The last of the Ancients who didn't Ascend," John pointed out, "and even that's not a certainty."

"I suppose," I said reluctantly, knowing he was right. "Towards the end, before the Replicators came, I was starting to feel suspicious about their motives."

"How so?" John asked in surprise.

"They got me here to work on that weapon and yet we hardly made any progress," I pointed out. "Plus Caritas asked me _a lot_ of questions about everything I've done here - she was particularly interested in anything to do with the Ancient and Wraith genes. I meant to ask her about it but ... I never got the chance."

"Maybe it was just as simple as her wanting to get to know you," John suggested. "Not everything has to be about ulterior motives."

"When did I get so jaded that my first instinct is to suspect deception?" I said sadly, not expecting John to actually answer that. "I feel bad about that now, worse because of what happened to Caritas. I really liked her and yet I didn't trust her, even though I said she was a friend," my voice shook a little as I felt again the loss of something I'd never gotten the chance to appreciate. "I feel ... sad about that," I reiterated.

"I'm not telling you how long to grieve for the friends you made here," John said simply. "You know if that was all it was I'd let you wander the city for as long as you needed but we both know it's more than that. How about you tell me what else is bothering you."

"What's gonna happen to our house?" I looked down at my hands with a frown.

"Our house?" I could hear the confusion in John's voice.

"I guess someone will just go there and pack up all our stuff," I continued lightly, "and you know – that really bothers me too. How come I wasn't good enough for an SGC team but now we're back in the Pegasus galaxy it's all 'yes of course you can stay – just pretend we never discounted your skills'?"

"You want to go back to Earth and live in that house?" John's voice made it clear that he really had no idea what the right response was for that.

"No," I said irritably. "I never said my concerns were logical you know!"

"I liked the house," John said after a pause of silence.

"Me too," I agreed softly. "I can't believe I'm gonna say this but I _liked_ picking out things and making it look like a home."

"I won't tell anyone," John joked, wincing a little when I glared rather than smiled at that.

"You knew that was gonna happen - that I wouldn't get to be on an offworld team - didn't you?" I looked at him accusingly, starting to feel my anger at him resurface. "Why didn't you warn me?!"

"I didn't know for sure," John defended himself, "and you were so upset about leaving Atlantis I didn't want to overload you with anything else to worry about."

"So you thought it would be better for me to come over as unreasonable asking for something I wasn't qualified for?" I asked incredulously.

"Of course not!" John denied. "And it wasn't unreasonable to expect the chance to train for a position similar to the one you held here."

"I don't know why I feel so angry still," I admitted, calming down as suddenly as I'd gotten angry. "I truly do understand the issues the SGC had with me. It's stupid because it's not like I'm gonna snub my nose at them now we're back here."

"You've angry with yourself just as much as anyone else," John cut straight to the heart of me with that remark.

"It's entirely my fault I don't have the kind of background I needed for an SG team position - too many years stuffing around instead of taking responsibilty for something," I agreed reluctantly, directing my gaze out over the ocean. "I guess it was easier to be angry at you than admit it ... I'm sorry about that."

"You would have found your way," John said confidently, putting a comforting arm around my shoulders. "If we'd stayed back on Earth I mean."

"What if something like this happens again?" I turned to look at him. "Would I get relegated into the background again?"

"I can't tell you for sure," John admitted, "but if nothing else changes then it's entirely likely."

"Then I need to come up with something they can't discount," I said softly.

"_We'll_ come up with something," John corrected, reminding me again that he'd tried to help me find my place back on Earth. "Anything else you want to get off your chest?"

"Actually, I've got a bone to pick with you," I looked at him accusingly.

"What?" John held up his hands with a 'whatever it is I'm innocent' expression.

"Do you know what the Ancients called this," I pulled my pendant from under my t-shirt and held it out so he could see it.

"Ah ... not really, no," John looked at me curiously. "Does it matter?"

"It's called a vinculum," I said bitingly, "after the ritual that created it which is called the perficio vincula – would you like to guess what that means?"

"When I was trying to work out what the puzzle pieces were supposed to do I might have read something about a ... bonding ceremony," John shifted uncomfortably.

"So you _did_ know!" I got up and stood glaring down at him. "How could you get me to participate in a ritual I knew nothing about!"

"I _did_ tell you about it," John denied my accusation. He got up, standing right up within my personal space. "I just didn't call it a bonding ceremony because I _knew_ you'd put too serious a connotation on it – just like you're doing now!"

"So you told me everything about this ritual then, did you?" I raised an eyebrow at him, waiting to see what he'd say. John rolled his eyes in frustration before pinning me with a serious gaze.

"The only thing I didn't tell you was that there was some chance the bonding wouldn't work," John admitted, "that the pieces wouldn't merge. I didn't want to put any doubts in your head because if it _didn't_ work then my brilliant birthday gift would have turned into a disaster."

"And that's all?" I persisted, ignoring the look he was giving me that clearly said he'd expected me to already have started yelling at him for the deception.

"_Yes_," he almost growled. "Why aren't you angrier that I left that part out?"

"Because," I almost took delight in enlightening him, "the bonding part of the ritual name _isn't_ referring to the pieces merging together – it's referring to the merging of two people in a relationship. If it doesn't merge then it means the people aren't suited or not ready for a deeper connection."

"Oh," John looked down at the ground for a second before looking at me with a smug grin. "So according to the Ancients we're a good match!"

"See, that was my initial reaction too," I smiled evilly, almost looking forward to his reaction when I got to the punch line, "before Caritas told me that as far as the Ancients were concerned, us joining this vinculum together means we're married."

"Huh?" John looked at me dumbfounded.

"We're married," I repeated clearly, "at least according to 10,000 year old Ancient custom."

"Oh," John's mouth twitched and he kept his gaze away from mine.

"Do you think this is _funny_?" I poked a finger hard into his chest.

"Come on," John looked at me with laughter dancing in his eyes, "it _is_ kinda funny. Man I wish I could have seen the look on your face when Caritas told you!"

"Ha ha," I tried not to smile but when John started laughing outright I couldn't maintain my stern demeanour. "I'm glad you're entertained," I said lightly. "But if you _ever_ tell anyone else about this I _will_ find some way to make you pay."

"It'll be our secret Mrs Sheppard," John quipped, still laughing even after I'd whacked his shoulder in annoyance that he wasn't taking this seriously. Avoiding another attempted hit, he pulled me into him and hugged me tightly, pressing a hot breathed kiss to the side of my neck. I shivered at the contact, leaning in closer. I hadn't exactly been ... welcoming since John had returned to Atlantis and right then I wanted nothing more than to get as close to him as possible. "Have you got any other ... issues ... that need airing?" his voice rumbled in my ear.

"Remind me to tell you what Caritas said about the anti-nanite protein," I murmured, pressing kisses along his jaw line, "later ... much later."

"Okay," John agreed, probably not even registering exactly what I'd said. "You know ... the city is practically deserted," he raised an eyebrow suggestively, backing us towards one of the benches running the length of the pier. Sitting he pulled me down to straddle him. The sun sparkled across the water and reflected in his eyes making them look more green that hazel against the blue surrounding us.

"Our room _is_ a long way," I agreed, leaning down to kiss him with serious intent. John smiled into the kiss before taking us quickly into passionate territory. We met up with the others only a short time later ... and if our clothes were a little rumpled no one said anything about it.

It was kind of touchy feely but I couldn't help admitting, even if just to myself, that after the talk and the more intimate reunion with John I did actually feel much better ... and like I'd finally found home again.

x

The remaining two weeks waiting for Atlantis to be returned to full staff passed easily. We'd split into teams and cleaned up the mess of disintegrated Replicators and damage to the main areas not already repaired. I also took the time to fill everyone in on what Caritas had told me about the anti-nanite protein in my blood. I'd been thinking about the Replicator who'd tried to probe my mind ... and how he'd thought I was doing something to his hand. When I mentioned it to Rodney and the others, Carson speculated that perhaps the proteins had detected the presence of nanites and immediately acted to neutralise them. My immune response would be much faster than last time because I'd already been exposed to the nanites.

I think we all knew how relieved I was that having that protein _wasn't_ another weird coincidence – that it came as a package deal with the Wraith DNA. It still made me feel like a bit of a freak even in the Pegasus galaxy where others also had the Wraith gene _but_ not as much of one as I'd been fearing. I also mentioned briefly that there was a complimentary ATA gene responsible for my detection abilities, leaving out the bit about the merging gene. It wasn't a certainty and I didn't want to add further fuel to the mutant DNA tag I'd given myself.

Soon after teams started arriving back in the city - pretty much everyone who had left made the decision to return. Resupply was a combination of essentials coming through the gate and the rest coming back on the Daedalus return journey. It only took days to start feeling like we'd never been away – which would have been bad if we'd just returned from a wonderful vacation, but which instead was fantastic given the circumstances that had gotten us to where we were.

**Authors Note:**

That's it for 'The Return' loose ends ... back to a standard episode based chapter next ... I can hear the whales calling me :D


	27. A quick trip 2 look at a really big fish

**Chapter 27: It's just a quick trip to look at a really big fish**

They say that every strength is a two edged sword ... the strike that shows our talent offset by the return stroke that's what we pay for having that talent. That was never more the case for me than when Rodney's 'whales' came for a visit to Atlantis. He'd told me about his Puddle Jumper adventure under the water and how a whale like creature had circled his position which in turn led John and Radek to find him. Rodney called the whale Sam and seemed very excited to have spotted him swimming close to Atlantis, followed soon after by a much larger version Rodney had decided was Sam's mother.

"Sabina," John's radio call came through while I was sitting on the balcony in our quarters, reading some of the information Ricus had left about the Wraith dispersal weapon. I was pretty sure Ricus had not done as much as he'd led me to believe to get the weapon operational ... Rodney would need to look at the files too but it seemed unlikely to me that we could complete the work sufficiently to have the weapon available as an option in the future.

"Hi," I tapped my ear piece in response. "What's happening?"

"I'm taking Rodney down to get a closer look at his whale friend," John told me with just a hint of excitement in his voice. "Wanna come along?"

I knew that John was still worried about me, even after our little talk. I had been feeling ... I guess 'sad' is the best word to describe it since we'd cleared the air which was a step up from angry and confused. It had been some time since I'd known anyone who'd died – I wouldn't say I was struggling to overcome my feelings about it but it hardly seemed a tribute to Caritas if I could go happily about my business only a few short weeks after her death. I considered it a not inappropriate level of grief to be feeling over the loss of a friend – I just needed to convince everyone else of that so they'd stop asking me if I was all right.

"Really?" I asked in surprise. The offer of an underwater Jumper ride was probably just another one of his attempts to cheer me up but since I'd never been under the ocean in a Jumper I was willing to go along with it. I'd been feeling off all day with a nagging ache at the back of my eyes, another reason to get out and clear my head a bit.

"Sure," John replied easily. "It's just a quick trip to look at a really big fish ... should only take half an hour, tops."

"Okay – I'll meet you in the Jumper Bay," I agreed, grabbing my jacket and hurrying from the room.

Ten minutes later I was sitting in the chair behind Rodney eagerly looking through the forward view screen as John dropped the Jumper down gently on the surface of the water. We sank slowly for a few metres before John fully activated the engines and guided us through the water.

"Wow," I murmured, mesmerised by the very idea of 'flying' through the ocean.

Rodney seemed to be less relaxed about the whole thing, glancing nervously up at the Jumpers roof. John looked at him, frowning when he noticed Rodney's anxiety.

"You alright?" he asked Rodney.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Rodney grimaced. "I just never feel safe in these things underwater."

"In space you're OK?" John tried to point out the illogical nature of those two facts but Rodney wasn't seeing it.

"Yeah, of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?" He looked at John quizzically.

"Sabina, how're you doing?" John turned to look at me, smiling when he saw the delighted grin I knew I was wearing.

"You were right," I said softly. "This really is cool."

John nodded in agreement, before turning back to his console to report in with Doctor Zelenka.

"Zelenka, you there?"

"I'm here. Hello!" Radek responded from the Control Room. I could imagine him huddled over his screens, glasses falling down his nose. "Uh, the whales are deeper now, less than a kilometre from you in your two o'clock position."

"There they are," Rodney pointed to the HUD image of two whales swimming nearby. "Should have a visual on them any moment now."

I leant forward eagerly awaiting sight of Rodney's friend. There was nothing for a few seconds and then a grey shape became visible in the distance.

"There's Sam," Rodney pointed happily. When a much larger shape became visible only seconds later, he added "and there's Mum."

"We need to get a closer look," John spoke into the silence that followed that first sighting. Taking the Jumper even deeper we chased the whales down into the ocean. With still no sight of them after a few moments, Rodney started to get nervous again.

"Alright, not too close now, OK? We still have no idea what these things eat," he said in his classic Rodney 'I'm pretending not to be concerned right now but I really am' voice.

As soon as we'd begun to go deeper that ache had begun to feel more like a strange pressure behind my eyes. As the moments ticked by the pressure got more and more intense, going beyond a mere headache. Not wanting to complain and spoil John's enjoyment of the rare chance for an underwater trip I bit back my groan of pain. I hardly noticed John putting a hand over his eyes until Rodney called him up on it.

"What? What is it?" he demanded, looking at John in concern.

"Nothing," John denied any kind of problem existed. "Just got a headache all of a sudden."

"Ah ...," I hesitated before admitting, "me too, except I kinda had one before we started out, only now it's worse."

"Oh," Rodney looked from John to me and then back again. "Bad?"

"It's just a headache Rodney," John discounted the need for concern. When he looked to me for confirmation I just went with a confident nod, even though the pressure in my head was already greater than any headache I could remember having. And with all my meddling in Ancient and Wraith mind controlled devices that all seemed to generate a headache of some kind, that was saying something.

The Jumper slowed and we all looked through the front view screen, searching for our whale visitors.

"Where'd they go?" Rodney asked in confusion.

"I don't know," John looked through the screen again while Rodney reached out to reactivate the HUD. Before he could complete the command the water shifted in front of us and a huge fish eye appeared right in front of us. I jumped back at the suddenness of their close proximity, wincing at the corresponding increase in pain behind my eyes.

"Oh!" Zelenka's voice came over the radio. "They're right in front of you."

"Yeah!" John replied impatiently. "We were aware of that!"

"John ..." I said faintly. He glanced at me quickly, distracted by Rodney grimacing in pain as he put a hand over his eyes.

"What's wrong?" John's voice was tinged with real concern now.

"Now my head's hurting too," Rodney admitted sickly.

"That's _not_ a coincidence," John said, looking back to check on me. "Sabina?"

"I don't know about you guys," I said weakly, "but my headache's at the excruciating stage." I raised a hand to my eyes and noticed with detached curiosity that my hand was shaking.

"I'm pulling back," John said firmly. "Just hang on okay."

"Perhaps it's the whales' echo location mechanism," Zelenka commented from the Control Room with scientific curiosity. "It's creating uncomfortable vibrations which are ..."

"Yes, Radek," Rodney interrupted impatiently. "We're moving away. Try to keep up, OK?!"

"Oh my," Radek's worried awed voice came through clearly.

"Oh my, what?" John demanded.

"Uh, uh, uh, I'm detecting several more whales," Zelenka reported hurriedly.

"How many more?" Rodney questioned sickly.

"Uh, dozens more," Zelenka said reluctantly. "They're still several kilometres away from you, but they're heading towards you."

There was a buzzing in my ears and when I looked at John instead of one outline there were four. Squeezing my eyes shut and then opening them wide didn't correct the problem. Rubbing them with my knuckles didn't help either but that was when I realised my nose was bleeding.

"John?" my voice held an edge of 'I'm scared' that got John's attention right away. I heard him cursing "Crap!" as I lost my balance and fell sideways from my chair.

x

I must have been unconscious before I hit the floor of the Jumper because my next conscious moment was when I woke up in an infirmary bed some time later.

"Hey, you're awake," John's louder than normal voice drew my attention to my left. Expecting to see him sitting beside my bed I was surprised to see instead that he was occupying the bed next to mine.

"What happened to you?" I asked in concern, scanning him but not finding any visible reason for him to be in the infirmary.

"Huh?" John said loudly. "My hearing's still coming back so you'll have to talk louder."

"What happened?" I almost yelled this time.

"The whales have some kind of vibration thing," John said easily. "Caused all our headaches, nosebleeds, and perforated mine and Rodney's ear drums."

"That doesn't sound good," I glanced around and realised that Rodney was in the bed on the other side of John.

"Nothing to worry about – apparently ear drums heal pretty quickly," John reassured me. "My hearing has already improved.

"So this was all caused by Rodney's whale friends?" I frowned at him in confusion as he nodded the affirmative. "Then how come my head's still throbbing?" I asked, looking around the room, surprised to see the infirmary was unusually busy. "And why are there so many people here?"

"There are hundreds of whales now – they're surrounding the city," John told me in his loud voice. "Ask Carson for some more pain killers."

"Okay, I'll do –" I broke off as my eyes were drawn across the infirmary. A bed was surrounded by medical staff in white uniforms with weird looking hoods over their heads. They were restraining a patient who was writhing and moaning in pain. I gasped, horrified at the blackened and blistered appearance of the man's body.

"Sabina?" John called out loudly, drawing my attention back to him.

"What happened to him?" I gestured back to the bed, frowning in confusion when I realised it was now empty. There was no sign of the burn victim nor any of the staff who'd been attending him. "Where is he? Did you see ...?" I looked back to John to see a worried look in his eyes.

"All I saw was you staring at an empty bed," John admitted.

"This headache must really be messing with my head," I muttered weakly, slumping back in the bed. 'I could have sworn there was a patient over there ... never mind." I closed my eyes, pressing my fingers against my temples at the pressure I could still feel inside my head.

"Doc," I heard John calling out loudly.

"There's no need to yell Colonel," Doctor Beckett appeared at the foot of John's bed.

"Sorry," John said loudly, gesturing for Carson to look at me. "Sabina needs more pain medication."

"Headache still there lass?" Carson asked in his concerned doctor voice.

"Yeah," I admitted weakly. "Especially behind the eyes."

"I'll get you some pain killers,' Carson patted my arm reassuringly before going off to get them. I took them gratefully when he returned which was a big clue to John that I was feeling very ordinary since usually I'd argue before giving in and taking medications. "Just try to get some rest Sabina," Carson ordered, turning and looking across at John. "Let her sleep Colonel – no more yelling."

I closed my eyes tiredly, hoping those tablets would kick in soon.

x

When I awoke the infirmary was still a hive of activity not lessened by the fact that John and Rodney's beds had both been vacated. Wondering how I could have slept through John's departure I looked around, hoping to catch sight of Doctor Beckett. Instead I saw that same scene as before – white clad medical staff attending a burned man clearly in agony, this time accompanied by weird muffled talking that I couldn't understand. I rubbed at my eyes, blinking a few times to clear my vision. When I looked back just like before the scene was gone. I was less than thrilled to realise too that rather than curing my headache the time I'd spent sleeping only seemed to have exacerbated the pressure.

"Doctor Beckett," I called out, catching a glimpse of him standing with another patient.

"How's the head?" Carson asked as soon as he'd arrived at my bedside.

"No different," I admitted. "Is that Teyla I just saw being brought in? Is she okay?"

"Aye," Carson admitted reluctantly. "More and more people are falling ill with the same symptoms – headaches, nosebleeds. At this stage the only thing I can do is hand out painkillers."

"Where did John and Rodney disappear to?" I looked at him questioningly.

"Rodney found the bio-lab where the Ancients were researching his whale friend," Carson informed me, "so he and the Colonel went to check it out – hopefully to work out how to tell the whales to leave."

"Can I –" I broke off at Carson's stern expression. "I guess I'll just stay here for a while," I said instead.

"You will," Carson ordered. "Let me know if the pain gets any worse."

Realising I was stuck there I decided a small trip across the infirmary to visit with Teyla would not be something Carson could object to. My head spun a little when I first sat up and the pressure I hadn't gotten used to stabbed at my eyes. Pausing to allow my head to get used to the new elevation I finally felt able to walk over to Teyla.

"Teyla," I said softly, watching as she slowly opened her eyes.

"Sabina," she smiled a greeting. "How are you feeling?"

"Like my eyes are gonna explode out of my head," I said simply. "You?"

"My headache is also quite troubling," Teyla understated her condition, lines of pain evident on her face.

"Well John and Rodney have gone off to a bio-lab where the Ancients were researching the whales," I told her hopefully. "Shouldn't be too long now before we hear something."

"Have you seen ..." Teyla broke off, looking behind her grimly at something I knew wasn't there.

"The burned man being treated?" I looked at her curiously, waiting until she nodded in confirmation. "Yeah – he comes and goes."

"Should you be out of bed?" Teyla did that whole motherly but at the same time stern look she was so good at.

"Carson didn't tell me I _had_ to stay in bed," I avoided directly answering her question. "I just wanted to see how you were."

"I appreciate your concern but perhaps you should return to your bed now," Teyla looked at me in concern, watching as I struggled to maintain the balance I'd suddenly lost. "Sabina?"

"I'm ... ah ..." I put a hand to my head, wanting to scream at the sudden increase in pain that seemed to be radiating over my entire head now. "You were right," I mumbled, dropping down to sit on the floor, "I should have stayed in bed." Struggling to hold my head up I listed to the side until gravity pulled me down to lie fully on the floor.

"Doctor Beckett," I heard Teyla calling out urgently.

"Sabina?" I snapped back to reality probably only seconds later to see Carson kneeling down beside me.

"Sorry," I mumbled thickly. "Carson – you gotta do something about this headache ... _before_ it drives me insane."

"I'll give you something stronger for the pain," Carson replied, gesturing for two nurses to assist him in lifting me off the floor and back over to my bed. The infirmary was swimming in and out of focus and I hardly felt the injection in my arm before the oblivion of really good pain meds kicked in.

x

"Sabina," I heard John's voice calling me back to reality.

"Hey," I squinted my eyes open, wincing at the pain of light slamming into my already pressure filled head. "Whales still camped out I see."

"Yeah," John admitted, putting a comforting hand across my forehead.

"I can tell from your face that I'm not looking my best," I joked weakly.

"Just a bit pale," John replied. "The Daedalus is here and Elizabeth is keen for the worse hit patients to be transferred up there." When I frowned at that news John shook his head firmly. "Don't bother arguing – you're already on the list for the first beam up and you _will_ be going up there."

"Fine," I muttered, feeling guilty that I got to get away from the whales effects while everyone else still had to put up with it.

"If it makes you feel better," John offered quietly, "Carson says you're feeling the effects much more severely that everyone else because your mind is much more open to ... alternative forms of communication."

"Oh," I looked at him in surprise. "Because of the Wraith gene thing?"

"That and all the work you did with TED," John confirmed. "So don't feel bad you get to escape."

"How about you?" I asked curiously. "Any effects?"

"Not really," John replied. "Just the headache which I can live with. My hearing is pretty much back to normal too."

"Is there a plan for what to do about the whales?" I looked at him hopefully.

"Rodney and I found something in the bio-lab," John explained. "We've been searching for something called Adaris – I just came down to see you quickly before you go to the Daedalus."

"Go," I urged him to get back to work. "Help Rodney fix this. I'll be fine."

"Okay," John leant down to kiss my forehead, ruffling my hair affectionately. "See you later."

x

After an hour away from close proximity to the whales my head finally began to feel a little better. I still had a massive headache but I no longer felt like my head would actually explode. I knew John and Rodney finally had a plan when John arrived on the Daedalus, stopping in very briefly to tell me what was going on.

"The whales were trying to warn us about the sun – there was a coronal mass ejection big enough to take out the entire planet about 15,000 years ago and it's about to happen again," John reported grimly.

"But you have a plan," I looked at him expectantly.

"A good plan," John continued. "We've supplemented the Daedalus shields with the ZPM so we can use the ship to deflect the radiation before it fans out – like an umbrella."

"Clever," I complemented him. "And the shields can take that kind of heat?"

"Rodney wasn't exactly ... brimming with confidence about that," John admitted, "but it's the only plan we've got."

"It'll work," I told him. "I'm glad I'm here."

"I'm not," John countered, "but there's no time to beam anyone back to Atlantis." John frowned in concern before adding "look – it's probably gonna get hot inside the ship ... just stay here until it's over."

"You'll be on the Bridge?" I asked, knowing he'd want to be right at the forefront of whatever was going to happen.

"Yeah," John replied. "This could happen any time so ... I guess I better get up there." He squeezed my hand before turning and walking quickly away.

An hour later, after a very tense and extremely hot few minutes the coronal mass ejection had spent itself and the danger had passed. Another John Sheppard out of the box solution had saved the day. The Daedalus did sustain minor damage and we'd lost one of John's men, Sergeant Bell, to a fatal aneurysm. Given the scale of what could have happened though we were lucky to have gotten off that lightly.

Doctor Beckett had released me straight from the Daedalus infirmary to my room, assuring me the latest dose of headache medication I'd taken would actually help my head get back to normal. I was dosing lightly when John turned up after handling all the loose ends.

"The whales are all gone," John said, sitting on the bed to kick off his boots. "Except for Rodney's little friend Sam ... he hung around for a bit to 'say goodbye' as Rodney put it."

"Yeah – my headache is finally starting to disappear," I watched as he ran a tired hand through his hair. "Nice plan by the way."

"I was starting to worry when Rodney said the emission could last hours," John admitted, lying back on top of the covers next to me. "I'm glad that's over and apparently we won't have to worry about another coronal mass ejection for another 15,000 years."

"Good to know," I murmured sleepily. "You tired?"

"Yeah, I'll just clean up ... you sleep." John leaned over to kiss me quickly before dragging himself up again. I tried to wait for him to return but my almost headache free head was just too keen to switch off.

**Authors Note:**

"We are double-edged blades, and every time we whet our virtue the return stroke straps our vice" Henry David Thoreau. My source as usual was thinkexist dot com.


	28. I’m pretty sure I’m not worth anything

**Chapter 28: I'm pretty sure I'm not worth anything**

It was about a week after the whole whale thing and my first off world mission back with team Lorne was scheduled for the following day. Realising that I had some bridges to mend beforehand I reluctantly checked in with Lieutenant Parker to get the whereabouts of Major Lorne. Finding out he was on one of the balconies near by I decided there was no time like the present to get an unpleasant task over with.

"Major Lorne?" I stepped hesitantly out onto the balcony, watching in surprise as Lorne dabbed a brush onto a paint palette before transferring some of his chosen colour onto an incomplete picture of the city. When he didn't respond I took a few more steps and tried again. "Major ... have you got a few minutes?"

"Sabina – sorry I didn't hear you," Lorne wiped his brush, turning to look at me curiously. "What can I do for you?"

"Listen to my long overdue apology," I said bluntly, not wasting time beating around the bush.

"You don't have anything to apologise for," Lorne countered.

"Yes I do," I looked at him pointedly, watching as he turned back to his painting. "I ah ... took some of my anger at General Landry out on you when you didn't deserve it. It was disrespectful and ungrateful ... and I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted," Lorne said easily, looking at me curiously.

"Just like that?" I asked in surprise. "Aren't you gonna make me work at it a bit?"

"No," Lorne shifted away from the easel to face me, leaning back against the balcony railing. "I'm not so sure your anger was undeserved. I did put your name forward with General Landry, told him you'd qualified for the team based on every test I could think of to put you through. But I didn't argue when it became clear the General wasn't going to put you on my team."

"Are you allowed to argue with your commanding officer these days?" I raised my eyebrow in disbelief, smiling slightly when Lorne gave a small chuckle.

"Not the last time I checked, no," Lorne admitted, looking at me questioningly. "We're friends right?"

"I hope so," I replied, moving to stand next to him, resting my arms on the railing so I could look out over the ocean.

"It was hard for you back on Earth and I kind of abandoned you," Lorne glanced at me before looking away again. "Friends don't do that."

"We weren't there long enough for you to work out what you might have done in the long run," I excused any guilt he might have been feeling. "You're only thinking that way because I was so ... blatant in trying to throw blame anywhere but at myself."

"How are you to blame?" Lorne frowned in confusion.

"I don't have any qualifications because I spent too many years flittering from one thing to another," I admitted. "You wouldn't know it now but before I came here I really sucked at committing to anything. Hard to cast blame on General Landry for having doubts about me given my history."

"If that's true then you should be even prouder for what you've accomplished here," Lorne smiled when I flushed at the compliment.

"Thanks," I grinned at him, happy to see him smiling back easily. "So we're good? Because I'd hate to go on the mission tomorrow with any awkwardness lingering."

"We were always good," Lorne replied, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"I'll let you get back to your painting then," I turned away from the railing, glancing at the picture he'd started. "This is what you do in your free time?"

"My Mum taught art," Lorne offered that explanation. "It's been a while but ... I kinda missed this place and now seemed like a good time to get back to it."

"Well keep it up because you've got talent," I smiled when Lorne looked almost embarrased by that. "And about my apology ... thanks for listening."

"No problem," Lorne replied, picking up his brush and palette again. "See you tomorrow – 0800 sharp."

Nodding I walked away feeling much happier than I had in a while, glad I hadn't done any permanent damage to one of the few true friendships I'd managed to make on Atlantis.

x

"You sleeping in today?" I looked at John curiously the next morning, surprised to see him lounging around in bed when he was usually urging us both to get up long before I was ready.

"Nah," John sat up, watching me getting ready for the mission. "I thought I'd hang around until you had to head out – since it's your first mission back and all."

"That's ... sweet," I smiled at his usual reaction to being attributed with that particular motive. "When's your team heading out?"

"Ten," John replied. "I'm looking forward to checking out this rumoured superhero."

"Sounds more fun than checking out another supposed Ancient ruin that will probably end up being a pile of carved stone slabs," I told him. "Not that I'm complaining because we both know how much I _like_ carved anything."

"True," John laughed, grabbing my hand when I reached for my watch and pulling me down to sit on the bed. "Are you cool about being back on the team?" he asked seriously.

"Now that I've spoken to Major Lorne yeah," I replied. "I'd just be cutting off my own nose to spite my face if I did anything other than go back to business as usual."

"Good," John smiled, stretching his arms up high and giving me the overwhelming urge to tickle. Seeing the look in my eyes he quickly lowered his arms. "Don't even think about it," he warned.

"What?" I asked innocently. When he shook his head at my poor attempt at innocence I laughed. "Well can you blame me? Showing off all that skin gives me ideas!"

"I'm all in favour of your ideas ... just not the tickling ones," John looked at me suggestively.

"Much as I'd like to dally with you," I told him, "I've gotta go or I'm gonna be late. I do have time for one kiss though – but make it quick."

"Yes Ma'am," John drawled, grabbing my hand and pulling me down on top of him. I was still laughing when he kissed me, taking advantage and driving us straight into a heated embrace. He had me tangled in the sheets beneath him before he broke things off. "Is that quick enough?"

"Mmm?" I blinked distractedly. "Oh ... yeah. That'll do for now ... just remember where we were up to okay?"

"I'll look forward to it," John promised, letting me escape and smiling with a satisfied expression at having distracted me so completely. "Be careful out there."

"I will," I said with complete seriousness. "You be careful too."

"I'm always careful," John completed our goodbye routine with a fond smile.

Realising I was now going to be late I still took the time to press one more kiss on him before running out the door.

x

"Nice of you to join us," Major Lorne greeted me sternly as I ran into the Gateroom five minutes after I should have been there.

"Sorry Major," I said. "I got ... distracted."

"I don't want to hear any more," Lorne held up a hand to stop me from saying anything too personal. Even though he knew I did that deliberately to put him off he still let me get away with it.

"Ready for the first mission back," Lieutenant Brown asked, standing at a safe distance as the wormhole kawhooshed in front of us.

"More than," I said excitedly. "I don't even care if these ruins turn out to be the usual bust for Ancient significance."

"Let's head out," Major Lorne ordered, taking point and gesturing for Lieutenant Parker to bring up the rear.

The planet we gated to looked much like all the others we'd been to – Stargate located in a small clearing surrounded by trees, long path leading to a settlement some distance away. It was a little on the cool side and the clouds overhead advertised the high potential for us to get drenched sometime before the mission was over.

We took our usual formation for the hike into the village – Brown taking point, Lorne and I in the middle and then Parker watching our six. After the mission where we'd been surprised by the Wraith conversation on our walks from the gate was usually kept to a minimum. It felt so great to be off world; I could feel the last of the weight I didn't realise I'd been carrying around inside drain away at the freedom and purpose I felt to be back where I felt I belonged. It took an hour or so of walking before something became visible through the trees in front of us.

"Sir, village is about 100 metres ahead," Brown reported.

"Let's proceed," Major Lorne ordered, "keep your eyes open."

We'd walked a few metres down a street of simple stone buildings that put me in mind of county England before someone from the village approached us in greeting. A number of people were engaged in their usual daily activities and spared us a brief glance before continuing their work.

"I am Hortas," the villager addressed us in a friendly tone, "welcome." She was of average height with dark colouring and exotic, attractive features dressed in clothing similar to what the Athosians usually wore.

"Major Lorne," Lorne introduced himself before gesturing to each of us in turn, "Sabina Scott, Lieutenant's Alex Brown and Colin Parker." Hortas smiled a welcome as the Major said each of our names. "A mutual friend, Teyla Emmagen, told us of some Ancient ruins near here," Lorne continued. "Would you mind if we took a look?"

"Of course not," Hortas agreed, "as long as you agree to respect the sacred nature of the ruins and leave everything as it is currently placed."

"No problem," Lorne promised. "Would you be able to point us in the right direction?"

"I will do better than that," Hortas motioned for another villager to approach. Given her attire and general appearance she could only be related in some way to Hortas. "My sister Ambria will take you there. Ambria – take these friends of Teyla's to the stones of the Ancestors."

"This way," Ambria said in a gentle voice, leading us onwards through the main street. I looked to either side as we walked, noticing the villagers noticing us as we passed by. Catching sight of what looked like a uniform of some sort that stood out against the villagers casual and varied attire I dropped back beside Major Lorne.

"Is that a uniform – three o'clock, red stone building?" I whispered.

Major Lorne glanced discretely at where I'd indicated, nodding silently in confirmation.

"Do you get many visitors?" Lorne asked Ambria casually.

"Sometimes," Ambria replied with no hint of having something to hide. "At the moment we have yourselves and a company of soldiers from a neighbouring settlement visiting."

"Soldiers?" Major Lorne persisted, trying not to raise undue suspicion because of his interest.

"So they said," Ambria said agreeably. "They were interested in trading for supplies. Hortas was the one who spoke with them – she'll be able to tell you more."

We walked on in silence for some time before coming to the end of the path we'd been following. My attention was completely captured by the series of stone pillars arranged in an apparently random pattern that made up their Ancient ruins. Taking out my camera I looked at Ambria questioningly. "Is it okay if I take pictures?" When she looked confused by my request I held up my camera and explained. "This device lets me record what I see without having to touch the stones – it won't damage them in any way."

"Proceed," Ambria agreed, watching in interest as I took pictures of the pillars at various angles.

"This is gonna take a while," I told Lorne. "I'd like to get a diagram of the placement of each pillar so I can match the pictures once we're back on Atlantis."

"You've got two hours," Lorne replied in a tone that told me I'd get not a minute more than that. He and my two team mates patrolled the area while Ambria stayed close by me. I tried to explain what I was doing as I made my sketch and then systematically took additional pictures to make sure I could reconstruct the placement and location of each side of each pillar. I could translate enough right there to know that the ruins were some kind of story of the planet, detailing when the Ancients first arrived, as well as recording each Wraith culling and what was done to recover during the hibernation periods. Nothing I could translate suggested there was anything more to it than that but there was enough text that I couldn't be confident something more useful wasn't mentioned somewhere.

Still with a few minutes to spare I finished everything I could think of to record the ruins.

"All done," I said, walking over to Major Lorne's position.

"Let's head back to the gate," Major Lorne decided. We still had a few hours before we were even due to check in but I could see Lorne was worried about something so I didn't argue for more time to question the villagers.

Ambria led us back to the village - Hortas was most gracious and indicated she would welcome any subsequent visits we might make in the future. She seemed particularly interested in my translation of the ruins and I promised to come back to tell the story of the stones once I'd finished translating. Ambria and Hortas escorted us as far as the edge of the village before we continued on alone.

"Nice people," Lieutenant Parker commented.

"Yeah," Major Lorne agreed. "Those soldiers were a bit of a worry though – no need to invite trouble, especially not for our first mission back in Pegasus."

We walked on in silence for the remainder of the journey back to the gate. Brown dialled the coordinates as usual and Parker sent through our IDC. We approached the wormhole in our usual formation, Brown and Parker up front and Lorne and I bringing up the rear. My foot was one step away from passing through the event horizon when I felt the impact of the harpoon and then the wrench as I was yanked backwards off my feet. Lying flat on my back I watched helplessly as the rest of my team passed through the wormhole – a few seconds later the gate shut down, leaving me cut off on the other side.

Dragging myself to my feet I looked on warily as a group of four men approached me from amongst the trees. They wore the uniforms I'd spotted in the village - a dull greenish colour with yellow trim and buttons down the cross over front which looked much more familiar now I was seeing it up close. I guessed I was about to find out who they worked for – their method of capture had sent tingles of déjà vu through my entire body and I wasn't looking forward to the answer.

"Ms Scott," the leader approached with a satisfied look on his face. They were all tall and lean, with a hardened soldiers lack of real expression. With the stubble and general air of dishabille I was guessing they were displaced and working for themselves. The leaders next comment pretty much confirmed that. "You're worth a considerable sum ... it'd be best if you accompanied us quietly because I wouldn't want to put any marks on our valuable merchandise."

"Are you sure you've got the right person?" I looked at them in confusion. "I'm pretty sure I'm not worth anything."

"In your own right – no," the leader agreed pleasantly, "but as bait?"

Saying nothing else he gestured for one of his men to dial the gate. Rather than stepping through he simply reported that he had something of great value to bring in. The person at the other end of the wormhole gave him a different gate address and suggested he might want to take me there. It was all pretty cryptic but I had a fair idea, after the bait comment, where this was all going to end.

The gate was redialled and this time I was ushered through, stepping out into a clearing surrounded by trees. More worrying was the fact that the gate was being guarded by another group of soldiers – same uniforms but much neater begging the interpretation that these men were in active service to someone.

One of the men gestured to a path leading through the trees and my captor steered me wordlessly in that direction. I was dragged down the path and through the deserted village until we reached the main square.

"Commander?" the leader called as we approached a man standing with his back to the path, talking with two other soldiers.

"Ah, Jorgess," the man turned, revealing a face that was all too familiar.

"Commander Kolya," Jorgess greeted him somewhat nervously. "We were on Ganis looking for recruits when a team from Atlantis arrived to look at the ruins. I recognised this one from the description you sent around," he pulled me roughly around so that Kolya could see me clearly. "We captured her as her team were stepping through the wormhole – just as you instructed."

"You are Sabina Scott," Kolya asked in his 'I'm really a nice guy so long as you don't piss me off' voice.

"That depends," I prevaricated, trying to pull my arm from Jorgess' grip, "on who it is you're trying to bait."

"I recognise the voice," Kolya looked at Jorgess with a sneering smile. "Well done – perhaps there _is_ a permanent place within my forces for a man with your ... skills."

"Thank you Sir," Jorgess almost preened at the compliment.

"Unfortunately for you the value of Ms Scott just went down," Kolya added. "I already have a trap set – within minutes I'll have Colonel Sheppard within my grasp."

"All this is about capturing _Colonel Sheppard?_" I asked incredulously. "You ought to learn from your mistakes Kolya."

Without warning Kolya turned and backhanded me across the face. "And you should learn some respect for your betters Ms Scott," he glared at me threateningly. Putting a hand to my aching cheek I looked at him defiantly but decided it was probably wise not to aggravate him further until I'd seen what he intended.

"Take her in there," Kolya ordered, gesturing to a doorway across the square. Jorgess herded me in that direction, pushing me through the door and across to a table and chairs. Pushing me down forcefully he pulled out some rope and tied me firmly to the chair.

I hadn't even completed one mission back in the Pegasus galaxy and I was already in trouble ... John was _not_ gonna be happy with me.

**Authors Note:**

I was gonna post this one all as one but it was too long for me to edit all of it in one day ... apologies for the predictable ending you can probably all see coming ;D


	29. It’s you he wants!

**Chapter 29: ****It's you he wants!**

From my restrained position tied to the chair I could see out the window which meant I got to see the drama unfolding right in front of me.

Within moments a small explosion erupted from a nearby building. I could hardly believe it when none other than Lucius Luvin came stumbling out of the rubble, trailing a cloud of dust and coughing painfully. Even more worrying was the sight of Doctor Beckett, Ronon, Rodney and Teyla all being led to the centre of the square where Kolya was seemingly enjoying his work.

"What, are you crazy?! You could have killed me!" Lucius complained, brushing dust from his clothes.

"That shield of yours impresses me more and more," Kolya said with amusement. "You did your part, Lucius. You get to live another day."

I watched as Lucius turned a glare on Kolya that was met with sneering distain – grumbling under his breath, Lucius turned and walked away.

"Sheppard?" Kolya questioned one of his men. I held my breath, praying that John hadn't been captured.

"He got away," the man admitted reluctantly. 'Yes!' I thought gleefully - 'take that Kolya!'

"That's unfortunate," Kolya said with no emotion. Without pause he raised his pistol and aimed straight at the other man's heart. The gun clicked but didn't fire – the man looked at Kolya with wide-eyed disbelief before slumping in relief.

"Thanks for sparing me, sir," he said gratefully.

"Don't disappoint me again," Kolya warned. As the man turned away Kolya turned to another solider, handing off his weapon and saying "get this fixed" - so, unintentional sparing then!

"Secure the prisoners," he called to his men. "I was going to use them as bait but it turns out I've acquired something more ... suited to Sheppard's tastes."

Teyla and the others were led away, each glancing around as though trying to work out what Kolya could have meant by that remark. Kolya didn't give them a second glance as he walked purposefully towards the building where I was waiting.

"I don't know why you think Colonel Sheppard would pay any more attention to me as a captive than the rest of his team," I spoke grimly as soon as he'd closed the door behind him.

"There's no point in trying to dissuade me Ms Scott," Kolya said in a reasonable tone. "My spies have informed me of how ... taken Colonel Sheppard is with you but even without that I would know your value as bait to lure the Colonel here. I was there to hear your heartfelt cries of love as the Wraith fed upon him," his tone mocked me now, "and I saw the look on Sheppard's face as he listened to your words."

I tugged angrily as my restraints when he reminded me of just one of the reasons why I hated him so much. Kolya laughed as he watched me struggling. "I see the reminder of what I did to Sheppard in an effort to take my rightful place as leader of the Genii angers you."

"Did Colonel Sheppard ever tell you that you're a real sicko?" I asked in a biting tone, "because if not he's really been remiss in his duties." I turned my head with the blow as Kolya hit me for the second time that day. "Is that always your response to anyone who tells you truths you don't want to hear?"

"I'm beginning to see why Sheppard finds you so attractive," Kolya looked at me in amusement. "Or perhaps some of his ... charm has worn off on you."

"You'll underestimate Colonel Sheppard again if you allow yourself to believe emotion will motivate him to do something that logic tells him is senseless," I warned in a calm voice. "And you know I more than anyone would like to believe otherwise."

"We shall see Ms Scott," Kolya promised. "I think you will find that it is you who underestimates your value to the Colonel."

"He'll be heading to the gate already," I told Kolya smugly. "There'll be Marines swarming this place before you can get away – and we all know how good you are at retreating." I wasn't worried about him retaliating for my smart arsed attitude because I knew until he'd got what he wanted he couldn't afford to harm me.

"I warn you Ms Scott," Kolya leant down menacingly, "you would be wise not to push me too far – while you live you can still be bait for Sheppard even if we ... damage you somewhat."

"You hurt me and I can guarantee there won't be a hole deep enough for you to hide in," I promised with grim confidence, "and it won't just be Colonel Sheppard hunting you."

"So you do admit the Colonel will come back for you?" Kolya looked at me smugly.

"Eventually, just like he would for anyone," I said simply. "We don't leave anyone behind – no matter who they are."

"That's what I'm counting on," Kolya smiled smugly. "Your noble predictability. And as for Sheppard getting reinforcements through the gate – I can guarantee that's not going to happen." Turning away he took out one of the radios he'd obviously stolen from John's team and activated it.

"Colonel Sheppard?" he said seriously. "I'm going to assume you can hear me. I'm also going to assume that if you haven't reached the Gate by now, you soon will, so I wanna save you some trouble. My men have secured the Gate. There's no way you're getting through. Come back and face me, Colonel ... or I'll kill your girlfriend," Kolya paused to smile smugly at me. "And if you're thinking I couldn't possibly follow through on that threat let me prove that you're mistaken."

Raising his pistol he aimed it at me threateningly. "Say something," he growled, holding the radio out towards me. I raised an eyebrow at him mockingly, keeping my lips pressed firmly together. The anger I'd felt for him for months was driving me now, fueling my defiance to the point I didn't even feel that nervous about my situation. Without hesitation he pointed his pistol to my right and fired into the wall behind me at head height, raising a small hail of shrapnel that hit my shoulders and the back of my neck. "Say something!" he commanded, pointing the gun back at me.

I looked at him mutely, determined not to give him anything he wanted, sure that he couldn't afford to follow through on the implied threat. He looked at me assessingly before getting right up in my personal space and pressing the gun to my forehead.

"If you don't speak then you're useless to me," Kolya threatened grimly. "Now say hello to the Colonel ... or I will kill you."

"Don't come back here," I yelled to John, suddenly convinced Kolya meant to do exactly what he said. "It's you he wants!"

"She's right," Kolya laughed evilly. "It _is_ you I want Colonel ... give yourself up and I'll let her go."

There was a short pause during which I imagined John was cursing Kolya for all his past wrongs as well as for the current situation.

"Kolya, this is Sheppard. I'm comin' back."

"I thought you might - don't keep me waiting," Kolya advised, killing the radio before I could shout anything else.

"So you're just gonna let me go are you?" I looked at him in disbelief. "You're not gonna try and scam Doctor Weir for something first?"

"That's what I have the rest of Sheppard's team for," Kolya replied, turning without another word and leaving me in the building alone. Groaning I tugged at the restraint, trying to loosen them but it was no use. Resigning myself to let this play out according to Kolya's plan I prayed that John came up with a really good plan this time. It seemed only a few minutes later that one of Kolya's men arrived to untie me and drag me out of the room back into the town square. My spirits lifted when I saw armed men surrounding the rest of team Sheppard, even though the heavy guard meant there was little chance for an escape.

"_Sabina_?" Rodney looked at me in disbelief as I was dragged over to stand next to him. "_Now_ it makes sense – you're the bait to lure Sheppard in!"

"One of Kolya's spies pulled the same trick they used when they kidnapped John," I told him softly. "I think it was just a coincidence Kolya was already running this little operation with you guys."

"Are you okay lass?" Doctor Beckett asked, gesturing to my face where I'm sure I had some lovely bruises developing nicely.

"Yeah," I dismissed the injuries as minor. "Kolya took offense to some ... home truths," I admitted.

"You get more and more like Sheppard every day," Rodney muttered snidely, adding when I smiled delightedly, "that wasn't a compliment!"

"Colonel Sheppard?" Kolya activated his radio impatient for John to appear.

"Maybe he changed his mind," one of his men offered.

"You're out of time, Colonel," Kolya said grimly, tossing the radio away. Drawing his pistol he walked straight at me, grabbing my arm and dragging me in front of the others.

"I wouldn't do that," Ronon growled threateningly, trying to pull his arm away from the guards restraining him.

"Would you like me to shoot you first?" Kolya moved the gun away from me and pointed it straight at Ronon.

"If that's what it takes," Ronon agreed with a ferrel grin.

"As moved as I am by that," Kolya said sarcastically, "I'll get to you later. For now I promised Sheppard a certain outcome for failing to turn up and I mean to deliver." Resting the gun against my forehead again Kolya primed the trigger. I felt a sick wave of panic and adrenalin sweep over my entire body - holy crap, he was actually going to shoot me and there was nothing I could do to stop it ...

"_Kolya!_" John's voice shouting from the trees froze everything.

Kolya turned – looking in the same direction I saw John standing on the other side of the square. Rather than reassure me that only made me feel more nervous. John was just standing out there in the open – he didn't appear aware of the fact that even though Kolya had holstered his pistol the rest of Kolya's men were still heavily armed.

"I should have killed you when we first met, Colonel," Kolya said almost conversationally. "It would have saved me a lot of trouble."

"The feeling's mutual," John replied, glaring at Kolya menacingly.

"Goodbye, Sheppard," Kolya motioned to his men. Before I could even blink Kolya's soldiers opened fire on him. My heart lurched before I realised the bullets were bouncing off John harmlessly, pinging a green glow over him as he smiled smugly. The soldiers continued to fire uselessly until they were all clicking empty weapons.

"Well, now that you've got that out of your system ...," John said casually, unzipping his vest to reveal some kind of device I could only assume was the shield Kolya had mentioned. John laughed at Kolya's pained expression – that is until the shield started flashing green before flickering in and out. "Oh, crap!" John muttered, looking down at the now useless shield.

"Reload!" Kolya yelled at his men.

"Don't bother," Lucius advised, walking into view followed by many of the townspeople.

"You should have left town when you had the chance," Kolya told him threateningly.

"I'm sure you're thinking the same thing right about now," Lucius said with a smile as all around the square the townspeople burst out, carrying whatever implements they could find to use as weapons. They quickly surrounded all the soldiers, forcing them to lower their weapons.

"If I gave you the opportunity to surrender," John spoke only to Kolya, "I don't suppose you'd take it?"

Kolya smiled, then chuckled at the very thought.

"I didn't think so," John replied almost conversationally.

Ronon put a hand on my shoulder as I realised what John intended. Knowing it was too late for me to influence his decision I nodded to Ronon so he'd know I understood. Not sure I really wanted to watch what was about to unfold I found that I couldn't look away.

It was like a scene from an old western, minus the cowboy hats and cheap saloon. John and Kolya locked gazes, each trying to second guess when the other would make his move. Hands were hovering over guns – I didn't detect the move that signalled Kolya was about to shoot but John obviously did. Kolya went for his gun but John beat him in the draw, shooting a single shot straight through Kolya's heart. Kolya fell backwards with a groan and was still.

"Put down your weapons," John looked at the now leaderless soldiers. They all did without hesitation, leaving Lucius clapping his hands in delight.

Pulling away from Ronon and the others I walked over to John who was standing staring down at Kolya's body.

"You okay?" I asked softly. John started – he'd been so involved in his thoughts that he hadn't even realised I was beside him.

"What?" John frowned in confusion. Recovering quickly he pulled me towards him and hugged me in relief. "How the hell did you get involved in this?" he pulled away to glare at me.

"Hey it wasn't my fault," I replied heatedly. "One of Kolya's spies pulled the harpoon trick on me – there was nothing I could do! What were _you_ doing coming back here instead of taking out those men at the gate and bringing in reinforcements?"

"Saving your life," John said simply. "He would have killed you if I hadn't turned up ... and then Rodney, Teyla, everyone."

"What ever happened to not giving in to terrorist demands?" I reminded him angrily that he hadn't allowed us to do anything when Kolya had _him _captive.

"This was different," John protested. "He wasn't demanding anything other than my presence – would you have preferred I let him shoot you?"

"Of course not," I replied vehemently. "I just didn't appreciate the heart stop you gave me when you stood there apparently waiting for someone to gun you down!"

"Kolya was a millisecond away from pulling the trigger," John said heatedly. "You want to talk about heart stops – put yourself on the other side of that equation! I had the shield and the plan with Lucius to involve the townspeople – I knew what I was doing."

"I suppose you did," I relented, "depleted shield notwithstanding."

"How did Kolya even know to grab you?" John looked at me intently.

"Ah," I looked away uneasily. "I guess you could say that _was_ my fault – apparently I gave away the connection when I spoke to you that last time with the Wraith."

"That bastard," John looked down at Kolya's dead body grimly like he wished he could shoot him again.

"Is it bad that I'm really glad you shot him?" I asked uncertainly. John laughed, pulling me back into his side and guiding me away from the scene.

"No," John reassured me. "I'm really glad I shot him too."

"We should get back to Atlantis," I suggested, keen to put the whole thing behind me. "Major Lorne will be beyond aggravated by now and Doctor Weir's probably pacing the Gateroom because your team is late."

"Rodney, Ronon," John called to the others, "let's pack it up and head back to the gate."

"You're leaving?" Lucius rushed over to us. "Stay for a bit – there's gonna be a party ... it'll be great."

"Sorry Lucius," John said without a hint of apology in his voice. "We have to get back."

"You sure you guys can't stay for some schnitzel?" Lucius pleaded again. "I mean, this is a party for you guys as much as anybody, right?"

"You guys have a good time," John said, all of us continuing our walk through the village. "We're overdue."

"Well, thanks for everything," Lucius said agreeably.

"Just remember: stay out of trouble or we'll be back," John warned him with a friendly look.

"Oh, Colonel Sheppard?" Lucius called out, waiting until John turned back to face him. "Aren't you forgetting something?"

"Oh, yeah! I did say I'd give that back to you, didn't I?" John reached into his vest pocket and took out the shield device.

"Yes, you did," Lucius agreed, smiling happily when John stuck the device onto his shirt. "You're a good man. You're an honest man, and you made me a better man myself, you know that, don't you?"

"Good. Bye, Lucius," John said pointedly. With a smug grin he turned away, resuming the walk out of the village with the rest of us following close behind.

"I thought you said that personal shield was depleted," Rodney asked in confusion.

"Oh, yeah," John agreed.

"Then it is worthless?" Teyla asked.

"Pretty much," John's voice said he was very comfortable with the interpretation of that.

"You're not gonna tell Lucius?" Doctor Beckett asked in disbelief.

"No ...," John replied. Behind us we could still hear what was going on in the village square. Lucius was urging someone to kick him as hard as they could. A few seconds later we heard Lucius screech in pain. John grinned, adding "He'll figure it out."

"That was ... great," I congratulated, smiling when John laughed at my deliberate choice of words.

x

Back on Atlantis it took some time to explain to Doctor Weir and Major Lorne how I'd ended up on the same planet as John's team. John was up front about his taking out Kolya – the rest of us equally clear that he'd had no choice. Given that none of the villagers were harmed it seemed that overall the day had turned out to be a win. I was relieved when finally I could relax on our balcony with John after a very long day.

"How's the face?" John put a hand under my chin and turned my face up to the light.

"Hurts a little," I admitted, "but I'd take worse than that for the outcome of Kolya being gone for good."

"I wanted to shoot him when we first realised he was in the village," John admitted. "If I'd known then that he had you I would have."

"We couldn't have predicted that something like that would happen," I looked at him in concern. "You're not gonna go all protective on me because Kolya tried to use me as bait are you?"

"I'll try not to," John replied with a pained expression. "I considered the possibility of someone using you to get to me before you were assigned to Lorne's team but discounted it as unlikely."

"I don't think the personal affairs of people on Atlantis are general knowledge all over the Pegasus galaxy," I said. "I _ga__ve_ Kolya that weapon against you when I couldn't resist shooting my mouth off during the whole Wraith thing."

"It's not your fault," John put a comforting arm around my shoulders. "And if that had ended the way it looked like it was going to you'd have been kicking yourself if you _hadn't_ said anything."

"True," I agreed, resting my head against his shoulder companionably. We sat in silence for a time - I hesitated somewhat nervously before admitting something I hadn't told him previously. "I've been carrying a lot of anger around towards Kolya," I said softly. "I can't tell you how many hours I've spent beating the crap out of a punching bag imagining it was Kolya's face."

"You never said," John looked at me with a frown.

"No," I agreed. "You had enough to deal with coming to terms with what he did. You didn't need the added burden of my stupid emotions."

"Not stupid," John shook me gently. "Next time talk to me ... maybe it would have helped both of us."

"Okay," I agreed. "I know you're gonna disagree but I'm _glad_ I was there to see you take him down. I think I'll start sleeping much better from now on."

"I never realised you were so blood thirsty," John smiled when I looked faintly insulted at that. "Let's agree to put the Kolya topic to rest for now. We've got unfinished business."

"We do?" I looked at him curiously. Rather than explain John hauled me up and into his arms, carrying me inside and dumping me on the bed. A second later he was stretched out on top of me, lips millimetres away from mine.

"Is this reminding you?" he whispered, feathering light kisses over my bruised cheek.

"Kind of," I pretended confusion. "You might have to do more to fully remind me."

Laughing, John pressed heated kisses to my lips, rocking us both in a parody of greater intimacy. "How about now?"

"What was the question again?" I asked distractedly.

"Never mind," John whispered, taking us swiftly down the path to oblivion.

**Authors Note:**

I went completely off canon on this one solely because I liked the idea of Sabina getting to see Kolya taken down – this was the only idea I came up with to make that happen with any degree of plausibility. I really liked the scene where everyone offers to be first when Kolya threatens to kill Rodney – I didn't keep that because I didn't think it worked as nicely with Sabina as the target (not that they wouldn't want to save her but the team dynamic isn't there like it is for team Sheppard).

I've got my own little episode coming up in the next few chapters ... I can't believe we're already so far into the season - but there's still lots more to go. Thanks for sticking with the story!


	30. Purest water I’ve ever had

**Chapter 30: Purest water I've ever had**

"Why are we here again?" I asked Major Lorne, looking around the town square with interest. It was actually pretty high up on my personal 'civilised' scale with a smattering of larger buildings amongst solid stone cottages, paved roads, and signs of profitable commerce. Having said that though, there was no sign of the hive of business activity that we'd been expecting.

"This was supposed to be a thriving market place," Lorne replied, looking around with an expression that was as puzzled as my own. "Let's find someone who looks friendly," he suggested, motioning for Parker and Brown to follow along behind us.

"What about him?" I pointed to a tall man dressed in an ornate tunic that fell to just below his knees. The amulet around his neck, funny square hat perched on his head, and general air of self importance had me thinking he was probably some kind of official.

"Excuse me," Lorne approached the man slowly. "My name is Major Evan Lorne," he introduced, turning to gesture to the rest of us. "Sabina Scott. Lieutenant Colin Parker, and Lieutenant Alex Brown."

"I am Philan, chief scholar of Aprost," the man replied in a lofty tone. "How may I be of assistance?"

"We're visitors," Lorne said in his casual easygoing way, "interested in trading for supplies. We were told there was a large market here."

"Ah yes," Philan replied with a knowledgeable nod. "The market which you speak of is only conducted twice in each planetary cycle. It will be many moons before travellers begin returning to the town for the next gathering."

"Well, we're sorry to have missed it," Lorne said disappointedly. "We'll have to come back in a few months."

"You said you are visitors," Philan spoke before we could turn away to end the conversation. "Where have you travelled from?"

"We're not local," Lorne prevaricated. "Had to travel a long way to get here."

"Your clothes are not familiar to me," Philan persisted, his expression now a mixture of curiosity and suspicion. "Is it possible that you have travelled through the ring of the Ancestors?"

"That's correct," Lorne agreed casually. "Do you get many visitors through the Stargate?"

"Some, but very rarely," Philan suddenly seemed much more impressed with us than he'd been at first. "As new visitors it would be my honour if you would stay for the midday meal ... so that we might share knowledge about our different cultures."

"Sure," Lorne agreed after glancing at each of us to see if anyone had 'bad feelings' or other negative vibes about the place.

"Come, I will show you to a place where you can refresh yourselves before lunch is served," Philan turned and led the way through the village towards a large structure that seemed to be at the termination of the main street.

It was reminiscent of a library but also had the feel of a church or temple. Philan walked up the steps and we followed behind, looking carefully around for anything that shouted 'problem'. Inside the building was just as impressive with white stone walls carved with intricate designs and columns flanking down the centre of the room. Narrow windows let just enough sunlight in to illuminate the floor. As we walked to the centre of the large main room I noticed that the beams of light from all the windows seemed to converge in that one spot, as if designed that way. The centre of the room was dominated by a large circular fountain, formed by a knee high stone wall. In the middle of the fountain was a circular dais about head height that seemed very plain in comparison with the decoration evident in the rest of the chamber. Philan led us straight to the fountain, indicating a pedestal only a few inches off the floor with a padded cushion on top.

"Please, kneel and refresh yourself," he invited as though bestowing a great privilege on us. "The legends say that the water's source was blessed by the Ancestors to always be pure."

"Thank you," Lorne replied, motioning for Lieutenant Parker to go first. He knelt on the pedestal, using one hand to brace himself against the edge before leaning in and cautiously putting the other hand in the water. The expression on his face went from wary to amazed in a second and he raised a cupped hand to his mouth without hesitation.

"This is fantastic," Parker smiled in pleasure. "You should try this Sir."

"Does it taste like it should?" Lorne asked impatiently.

"Purest water I've ever had," Parker replied, taking another small drink before standing up again and brushing his hands over his chest.

Major Lorne indicated for Brown to go next. He repeated the same process, with a similar reaction. Philan looked on benevolently, seeming to take delight in our enjoyment of their fountain.

"Sabina, your turn," Lorne said, indicating for me to get on with it. It probably wasn't essential for all of us to undertake this little ritual Philan had going but there didn't seem any reason not to, and I was curious to taste the water Parker and Brown had raved over.

Kneeling carefully I leant forward so I could look into the fountain. The water was crystal clear and rippled gently for no apparent reason – I could see that the bottom had symbols carved on it also, symbols that looked vaguely familiar even given the distortion of looking at them through half a metre of water. Frowning slightly I leant forward some more, putting my hands on the enclosing wall to brace myself. Immediately the central column lit up with an intense blue light that engulfed me. I was so stunned that I froze in place, hands still on the wall. The blue light shifted and swirled before flashing darkly, turning the previously white column an ominous black. As soon as that happened, the lights disappeared completely, returning the column to its previously plain appearance.

Jumping up quickly I spun around in time to see Philan running from the room, calling out in a loud angry voice.

"I don't know what that was," I looked at Lorne worriedly, "but something is telling me we should get out of here right now."

"I agree," Lorne said urgently. We all ran back across the chamber towards the doors. Bursting out into bright sunlight our eyes took a moment to adjust. When they did the sight they revealed was not reassuring. Philan was standing in front of us, flanked by eight very big and imposing uniformed men.

"You and your men are free to go, but she," Philan pointed at me accusingly, "must stay and face the Judicium."

"If we offended any of your customs then we apologise," Lorne said reasonably, "but we're not gonna leave here without Sabina."

"She descends from the Ancestors but has been tainted," Philan said angrily with a disgusted expression that made me feel lower than something you'd scrape off your shoe. "The Fontis revealed the mark of the Wraith upon her. She must endure the Judicium to determine her fate."

"That's not gonna happen," Lorne said with a bit more heat in his voice. He took a step forward – the guards responded immediately by raising their weapons and moving to surround our group. Holding up a placating hand Lorne tried to smile non threateningly. "We weren't aware of your customs or this ... Fontis? Can you tell us what it means ... maybe we can explain why it reacted as it did."

"The Fontis was left by the Ancestors along with the sacred mission to protect their line from the taint of the Wraith," Philan said in a tone of wonder and extreme belief. "It shows us visitors who descend from the Ancestors."

"The flashing blue light?" I asked quietly.

"You will not speak, tainted one!" Philan speared me with an angry look. Swallowing hard at the emotions his distain evoked in me I glanced at Lorne, nodding an acknowledgement of his unspoken order to do what Philan said.

"So the Fontis shows you people who carry the Ancestors gene," Lorne continued. "What does that have to do with the Wraith?"

"When the blue light turned black," Philan looked at me almost accusingly, like I'd somehow made that happen deliberately, "it was a signal that the person has been tainted by the Wraith deep inside where it cannot be seen otherwise. The Ancestors charged us with the mission of finding those individuals and eliminating them."

"Eliminating?" Lorne asked grimly.

"Yes," Philan agreed easily, like he was talking about slapping me on the wrist. "This ... woman," he sneered, "will endure the Judicium to determine how that will take place."

"What's the Judicium?" Lorne was clearly just keeping the conversation going now while he tried to think up a way to get us out of this. It had become clear to me that the device in the centre of the fountain was some kind of gene detector that had determined I had both Ancient and Wraith genes. What puzzled me was that the device was clearly Ancient – why would they have left something like that on this planet when it was their own doing to incorporate Wraith DNA into their own?

"The Judicium takes place during the nightly darkness," Philan explained. "The person tested has that time to prove themselves worthy of the Ancestors line. If they do so, the proof itself will set them free. If not the Fontis will pass the final judgement with the rising of the sun."

"Sabina _isn't_ tainted by the Wraith," Lorne tried to argue.

"The Fontis is a gift of the Ancestors – it is never wrong," Philan intoned. "You will leave now," he gestured for the guards to make that happen.

"Wait a minute," Lorne yelled, as two guards situated themselves beside each of my team mates. The remaining two moved to stand behind me, each grabbing one of my arms in a strong grasp. "Surely she deserves the right to have companions present during this Judicium."

"The rules on this matter are clear," Philan said thoughtfully. "You may stay – for the moment," he pointed at Lorne, "but your companions will return from whence you came. When instructed you will also leave immediately."

"Thank you," Lorne replied, shrugging away from the guards flanking him. "Parker, Brown – head back through the gate and report the situation to Colonel Sheppard."

"Yes Sir," they said reluctantly, looking at me with concern before turning and heading briskly back to the Stargate.

"Your trial begins at sundown," Philan looked at me sternly. "Until then you will sit in the Fontis antechamber and contemplate your existence. Your companion may assist you in this endeavour." Philan motioned for the guards to escort us back into the building.

I walked on automatic pilot, hardly paying attention this time as my thoughts zoomed at a rapid rate. We were led to a small room I hadn't noticed before, situated to the right of the fountain. Inside were benches along each wall – walls that were also carved with symbols. My heart leapt with a faint hope when I realised these ones were fully recognisable as Ancient. The guards relieved us of our packs and weapons and then left us, presumably stationing themselves outside to deter any escape plans we might have. Wordlessly I sank down on one of the benches, leaning my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands.

"You okay?" Lorne asked hesitantly, sitting on the bench across from me.

"I'm being executed in the morning," I pointed out sarcastically, "so I'm gonna have to go with No! I _knew_ having that Wraith DNA was gonna come back and bite me one day, although I wasn't expecting it to be like this."

"We'll figure something out," Lorne tried to reassure me. "The guy said you had to prove yourself worthy of the Ancestors line – let's focus on that."

"He was being needlessly cryptic," I pointed out, "which suggests to me that he doesn't know how one goes about doing that. Either it's been a long time since anyone did this Judicuim, or no one proves themselves 'worthy'."

"Nice positive attitude," Lorne said, giving me a slightly frustrated look. "Was there anything on the fountain itself that could clue us in on what you have to do?"

"There's Ancient text carved into the bottom," I offered. "I was trying to make it out through all that water which is why I put my hands down." Gesturing to the walls of our little 'cell' I continued. "These walls are covered in Ancient too."

"Can you translate them?" Lorne asked impatiently, obviously wondering why I hadn't pointed that out as soon as we stepped foot in there.

"If you'll shut up for a few minutes then yeah," I grumbled cheekily, happy for the moment to focus on that one task instead of the overwhelming fear I could feel bubbling away on the edge of my mind. Lorne looked at me pointedly before lying down and making himself comfortable enough for a long wait.

"Have you got any paper, pencil, anything like that?" I asked. Without sitting up, Lorne ripped open a pocket in his vest and pulled out a small notebook and pencil, holding them up for me to take. "Thanks."

Starting at the top of one wall I spent the next hour methodically translating each symbol, jotting down the jist of the meaning. I'd gotten three quarters of the way around when one particular word jumped out at me.

"Oh crap!" I muttered sickly.

"What?" Lorne sat up abruptly and looked over at me.

"I think I just worked out how to prove myself worthy of the Ancestors line," I revealed faintly.

"That's good isn't it?" Lorne looked at me in confusion.

"You'd think so but ... no, not really," I replied, eyes scanning the wall on the off chance that I'd been wrong. When I realised I hadn't made any errors I turned back to Lorne's expectant expression. "Ascension." I revealed starkly. "The only way out of this is to Ascend."


	31. I don’t think we can blast our way in

**Chapter 31: I don't think we can just blast our way in there**

"What?" Lorne got that 'I'm trying not to look worried but really I am' look on his face that I usually found somewhat amusing. Sadly, not today.

"The only way to prove yourself worthy of having the Ancient gene is to Ascend," I reiterated. "Unless we can come up with another plan I only have two ways out of this. Ascension or execution."

"Execution how?" Lorne asked grimly.

"That's another puzzler," I tried to distance myself from the fact that we were actually talking about something that was possibly going to happen to me unless I could find a way out of it. "From what I can tell, the device itself is the executioner – somehow."

"This is stupid!" Lorne got up, pacing agitatedly like he'd really love to hit something. "Why would the Ancients create a device for this kind of scenario? It makes no sense!"

"I don't think this part of the temple was created by the Ancients," I told him, sitting down in the spot he'd vacated. "The Ancient text is imperfect – not as precise as I'd expect. The residents carved it, perhaps as a historical record of their contact with the Ancients. It's possible this wasn't the reason for the device but over time the real reason has shifted. Like the Prophecy of the Great Awakening resulting in people worshipping the Wraith instead of fighting them."

"So what _was_ the real reason then?" Lorne asked, letting me distract him for the moment.

"I'll have to finish translating this room but I don't think that'll reveal anything new," I replied. "I need to see the fountain, and especially the text carved into the bottom of it. From what I could tell that _was_ left by the Ancients."

"I'll call one of the guards," Lorne moved towards the open doorway. "Hey, we need to talk to Philan."

"The Chief Scholar is busy," one of the guards turned from his position near the door.

"Then we want to see the Fontis," Lorne told the guard. "You can stand watch over us just as well from there as from in here."

"The tainted must stay inside the antechamber until the designated hour," the guard calmly denied Lornes request. "There will be plenty of time to contemplate the Fontis when the Judicium begins." Not waiting for Lorne to protest further the guard looked away again.

"This is _frustrating_," Lorne kicked the doorway before turning back to me.

"I'll get to look at the fountain later," I said. "I need to finish translating in here anyway – why don't you try to get some more rest - it could be a long night."

Not saying anything, Lorne threw himself back on the bench and stretched out again. After a few minutes pause he spoke quietly "Colonel Sheppard is gonna have my head for this."

"You're not to blame," I denied him any responsibility for the weird situation I found myself in. "Parker and Brown both drank the water with no problems so how could we have known the fountain wasn't just a fountain?"

"I should have gone first," Lorne persisted in trying to lay some blame on himself. "My ATA gene would have been detected and then we would have known there was an Ancient device in there."

"I didn't realise you were psychic," I said sarcastically. "You could have saved me lots of trouble in the past if you'd revealed that a bit sooner. Now instead of wasting energy playing the blame game, how about you start thinking about what Atlantis will do in response."

"Parker and Brown will have filled them in on the whole Wraith tainted thing but they don't know about the Ascend or die outcome," Lorne replied. "There's no way Colonel Sheppard is gonna leave you here to face a trial we know nothing about. At the very least he'll come through with his team."

"I don't think these people want us here," I said worriedly. "They were very keen to get rid of you guys ... what if they've got some kind of defence set up at the gate?"

"You've got a night to work out how to not get executed and you're _worried_ about Colonel Sheppard getting hurt?" Lorne asked incredulously.

"There's no way I can justify that anyone else on Atlantis isn't at least as valuable as me," I turned back to the wall so I wouldn't have to see Lorne's expression, "and I couldn't live with myself if someone else died to save me."

"What ever happened to 'we don't leave our people behind'?" I could almost feel Lorne's eyes boring a hole in my back.

"A noble sentiment," I agreed, "but it's something that's gotten us into trouble on more than one occasion. Kolya managed to manipulate John not two weeks ago because he knew that's how we do things."

"We all know the risks when we go on a rescue mission," Lorne pointed out, "and we do it willingly. In that context it's not trading one person's life for another, it's fighting to uphold our basic ideals."

"I guess," I agreed reluctantly, not willing to push my opinion any further. "So you think Doctor Weir will let John bring a team through the gate, even knowing what they know of the situation here?"

"I think Colonel Sheppard is coming through that gate in the very near future," Lorne countered, "regardless of anything Doctor Weir might have to say about it."

"He is gonna be majorly pissed," I muttered, "and somehow this will end up being my fault."

"Well you did touch the fountain," Lorne teased. "You know what McKay says about carelessly going around touching things."

"It's a _fountain _Major," I spelled it out slowly. "Even Rodney wouldn't have suspected anything else!" Turning back to the last wall I quickly translated it, proving my first thought correct. There was nothing else there to further illuminate the problem I was now facing. With nothing else to occupy my mind with, I sank down on a bench, stretching out in an effort to get comfortable. Wondering how long it was until sunset I tried to relax enough to sleep but it was impossible.

We'd been in the room two hours when Lorne's radio activated – the guards had taken anything obviously a weapon but hadn't even paused at our radios. Unfortunately mine had been in my pack but at least we had Lornes.

"Major Lorne," John's voice made me jump up in relief. "What's your position?"

"Sabina and I have been confined to a room in the temple Sir," Lorne reported.

"How many guards?" John asked grimly.

"There are four inside the temple with us," Lorne looked across at me, "and at least another four outside the building. To be honest Sir I have no way of knowing what level of force they could bring down on us if we attempt to break out of here."

"I'm doing a fly by in the Jumper," John informed us. "We'll try and get some idea on numbers ... hang tight, I'll get back to you in a few minutes."

x

"There are a lot of people within the town, surrounding your position," John reported shortly afterwards. "I don't think we can just blast our way in there. Tell me more about this thing they want to do."

"It's a trial," I spoke for the first time since team Sheppard had arrived, "and you're not gonna like this so I'll just say it really fast – they give you a night to work out how to ascend or be executed."

"WHAT?!" John yelled into the radio.

"The device detects people with the Ancient and Wraith genes," I tried to speak unemotionally as I reported the full situation. "I don't know what the original purpose was but over the millennia these people have interpreted the early stories to mean that Ancients with the Wraith gene were tainted – unclean. The only way to prove differently is to Ascend – the ultimate act of Ancientness."

"Can you disable it?" John asked, still with anger in his voice, luckily directed at the situation and not me.

"I need to get another look at it to answer that," I replied, hesitating before continuing. "It may not matter in this case because they already know I have the Wraith gene. If I disable the device and I can't convince them they've misinterpreted its purpose they could just execute me some other way."

"Was there anything obvious on the device regarding what it's supposed to do?" It was Rodney asking that question.

"Yes Rodney," I borrowed a page from his book on sarcasm, "there was a big neon sign saying Wraith gene killing machine – do not touch!" Before he could splutter a response I added "there was nothing obvious to indicate the thing was dangerous. The device itself is in the centre of the fountain and it just looked like a decorative column – no markings or console access that I could see. There was Ancient writing under the water around the pedestal but I only confirmed that as I was putting my hands on the fountain – by then it was too late."

"Did you get a chance to read any of the text on the fountain?" Rodney persisted in asking me stupid questions – now I was beginning to appreciate how he felt when people did that to him.

"The fountain's half a metre deep Rodney," I protested. "The distortion from the water made it impossible to get anything in the three seconds I got to look at it!"

"Did they tell you what's gonna happen next?" John was back on the line.

"Not really but I can guess," I offered in reply. "They said the trial begins at sundown. How long 'till that happens?"

"An hour," Rodney muttered quietly.

"Okay, so in about an hour I'm going to be kneeling on a really uncomfortable pedestal in front of that device. Then we have until sunrise tomorrow to figure something out or ..." I trailed off into silence.

"I'm coming down now to speak to this Philan personally," John's tone promised that Philan would regret putting us all on this course. "Just play along until we get there."

x

The last hour of our confinement in the antechamber passed quickly – before I was ready Philan returned to the temple with two guards in tow.

"The time for the Judicium has arrived," he announced, somewhat over dramatically in my opinion. "We will allow you a few minutes to take care of necessary personal requirements - this way." I looked at Lorne, waiting until he nodded his agreement that we should cooperate before moving to follow Philan from the room.

Motioning for me to follow him, he turned and pointed towards another small room leading off the main chamber, letting me go in by myself but stationing the guards facing away from me at the door. Thanking whatever deity might be looking down on me I quickly took care of business before indicating that I was ready.

Philan led the way again, heading back towards the fountain. I followed apprehensively, feeling a nervous weakness in my knees not knowing what to expect.

"How many times have you done this Judicium?" I asked once we were all standing in front of the kneeling pedestal.

"Again you speak without invitation!" Philan protested heatedly.

"Just answer her question," Lorne urged, locking glances with the man until he capitulated.

"There was a time millennia ago when the trial was performed many times," Philan replied reluctantly, directing his answer to Lorne rather than to me. "Over the years it became rare – it has never been performed in my lifetime."

"I guess that explains why there are so few people with both genes still around," I muttered to Lorne under my breath.

"And there's no right of appeal?" Lorne continued to look for some kind of out. "Can we talk to the leader of your people?"

"I have conferred at length with our Mayor," Philan responded somewhat smugly. "He is in agreement with my actions – in any case, in matters relating to the temple and the device my word is law."

"So no appeal then," Lorne looked at me in frustration.

"Take your place at the Fontis," Philan instructed, motioning for me to kneel on the pedestal. Reluctantly I dropped down with my knees on the pillow. "Place your hands here," he gestured the appropriate spot, waiting until I complied. Pulling something from his pocket he pushed a button and intoned "Let the Judicium begin."

I felt the flow of power from the central column immediately, surging up my arms and through my entire body. There was a faint buzzing in my head, like an ATA radio channel that wouldn't tune in. It wasn't painful but it was uncomfortable, even more so when I realised that I couldn't move my hands away. I strained, unable to lift them even a millimetre – the power itself seemed to be binding me to the machine, like a forcefield where my hands were on the inside and the rest of me on the outside.

"Evan," my voice held more than just a hint of panic now. "I ah ... I can't move my hands."

"It is part of the Judicium," Philan answered my unspoken question. "You will be joined with the Fontis for the entire trial ... it is the only way for the device to pass judgement against you."

"So part of the trial involves aching knees and a sore back then," I muttered sarcastically under my breath, shifting slightly on the pillow but realising no position was going to be that comfortable. The flow of power was a constant niggle that I could only imagine was going to get more annoying as the night wore on.

"No more questions," Philan ordered. "We will leave you in solitude to contemplate your worthiness."

"Wait," Lorne protested as two guards grabbed an arm each and began dragging him from the room. "How come I can't stay with her?"

"The Judicium must be experienced alone so that the tainted can truly contemplate their existence," Philan explained simply, motioning for the guards to remove Lorne forcibly from the room. I listened to the sounds of Lorne's protests moving slowly away as Philan and all the guards removed themselves from the room.

"Okay, this is bad," I muttered, shifting again even though I had only a limited range of movement available.

"Major Lorne, are you reading me?" John's voice came through the earpiece Lorne had given me before we'd left the antechamber.

"Hey," I responded, trying to sound like I was having a break in a lovely temple rather than stuck to an Ancient device that was going to kill me. "Where are you?"

"We parked the Jumper close to the gate," John reported in a neutral tone, "and are about to arrive in town. What's your situation?"

"The trial began a few minutes ago," I admitted. "Philan has some kind of remote control that activates the device. There are no obvious signs of restraints but my hands are stuck to this thing and I can't move them even a millimetre."

"Let me speak to Major Lorne," John requested, I guess assuming we were still together and that I was the one with the radio.

"No can do," I told him simply. "Apparently this Judicium thing is something you have to do alone. Luckily Lorne set me up with the radio before they came to start the trial."

"Great!" John muttered angrily. "Sit tight, I'll get back to you once I've spoken with Philan."

"What are you going to do?" I asked before he could sign off.

"I don't know," John admitted. "Don't worry – there's no way I'm letting this trial thing run its course."

"Just be careful," I pleaded. "Everything they've done so far suggests they take this very seriously. This isn't the first time it's been carried out either."

"We'll be careful," John promised. "I'll talk to you soon."

Knowing John was nearby gave me mixed feelings. I was comforted that he was close and working on a solution but at the same time it was harder to keep my emotions under wraps because I really wanted John with me right then. Darkness had fallen quickly – torches lit the walls and light from the full moon beamed in from the windows, converging on the fountain much as the sunlight had.

Taking a few deep breaths to calm myself I looked into the fountain at the symbols I'd seen the first time. They shifted and shimmered in the waters distortion making it hard for me to see them clearly. I had no way to makes notes either so anything I did translate I'd have to memorise. Imagining the bottom of the fountain as a grid I focused on the top left hand corner and watched just that small area for a time until the Ancient symbol became clear. It took a few minutes just for that one small area ... this was gonna take a while.


	32. How long are the nights here?

**Chapter 32: How long are the nights here?**

"Sabina," John's voice sounded in my ear a short while later. Before he could say anything else I jumped in.

"Have you got something to write this down on?" I asked quickly, waiting a few seconds for John to give the affirmative. "The Chosen are the Wraith gene holders who gave themselves up to be tainted for the protection of Atlantis," I recited what I'd translated and memorised so far.

"Is that it?" John asked.

"So far," I replied. "There's more though so don't go wandering off before I'm done."

"I'm staying on the line from now on," John promised intently.

"_O ... kay_ ... that doesn't sound good," I looked away from the symbols as the meaning of that became clear. "They wouldn't let you in?"

"Wouldn't even talk to us," John replied in annoyance. "I sent Teyla and Rodney back through the gate to talk to Elizabeth. Maybe she can meet with the Mayor about alliances and all that diplomatic ... stuff. Rodney's searching the database for anything that sounds similar to what you've described. Ronon's doing some ... reconnaissance to give us a better idea of what we're up against in terms of numbers and fire power."

"Oh," I said weakly. "So we don't really have a plan yet?"

"I'm not gonna let them hurt you," John said with an edge to his voice that said if I believed nothing else, believe that. "How are you doing so far?"

"You know, apart from the sore knees, stiff back, and inability to scratch an itch, I'm just peachy thanks," I decided John would appreciate sarcasm more than tears, not that I was there yet. "Did you send Major Lorne back to Atlantis too?"

"Yeah, against his almost insubordinate protests" John replied. "He argued that he should stay because he felt responsible for you being in this situation."

"I already told him that was stupid," I said heatedly. "It's just a fountain – and truthfully it looked completely harmless!"

"In any case the Major is in charge on Atlantis for the duration," John's tone was a promise that he wasn't going anywhere. "Let's keep working on the translation," John suggested. "Talk to me and I'll help you get everything down."

Grateful to have something to focus on, and some verbal company, I turned back to the fountain resolutely. We worked together for another hour or so before I'd completed the translation as best I could.

"Read it back to me," I requested, rolling my shoulders to try and ease the soreness of muscles I'd held in the same position for too long.

"_The chosen are the Wraith gene holders who gave themselves up to be tainted for the protection of Atlantis. Use our Fontis to track them in the generations to come ... their preservation is key to the survival of our kind. Nurture the chosen who offer hope for the ultimate destruction of the Wraith throughout the galaxy. The column will turn the Ancient light to darkness when the chosen come – open the Fontis up for their enlightenment that they may understand the grand plan and their place within it. Give them the companion device so that they may learn that which is required for the dispersal of our Ancient enemy_."

"It makes sense," I said lightly once John had finished the recitation. "The Ancients knew their plan to use the Wraith dispersal weapon wasn't complete and that time was running out. They'd planted the seeds of themselves throughout the entire Galaxy – we know that's true because we saw it for ourselves when we met Ortho on the tower planet. It makes sense they'd do the same with the Wraith gene holders too."

"Why go to all the trouble of setting up this device though?" John asked curiously.

"Because they knew they wouldn't be here to explain it," I replied with certainty. "The things they needed to enact the plan weren't complete but they still had hope that they'd either return or that one of their races here would evolve enough to be able to complete it for them. Only problem was - how would these chosen know what they'd been set up for with no Ancients around to tell them?"

"So there's probably more than one of these things out there?" John made the logical connection.

"I'd guess so," I agreed. "I can only imagine how nurturing turned into eliminating – perhaps using the word 'tainted' wasn't their smartest idea. Somehow the people here found a way to turn a device that was supposed to help into something that can kill. Maybe it malfunctioned in the early days and they took that as a sign that its true purpose was to test rather than just inform. I'm guessing that was when they started carving the stuff in the antechamber too."

"Is there anything else there?" John asked casually.

"You mean anything that tells me how to switch it off?" I cut right to the heart of what he was really asking. "Unfortunately no – what I've translated is all there is. Without that remote control Philan had, I don't think I'll be learning anything else about this device."

"This sucks!" I heard the sound of John slamming a hand against the Jumper wall in frustration.

"We've still got –" I broke off with a frown. "How long are the nights here?"

"Rodney said the darkness should last about ten hours," John admitted grimly.

"Okay, so we've still got about eight hours," I tried to sound positive, glad he couldn't actually see my face at that point. "When are the others due back?"

"Should be any time now," John replied. "I'll keep you in the radio link when they get here so you can hear what's going on."

"How long do these batteries last?" I asked quickly. "I don't want to get cut off just when it gets to crunch time."

"Military issue," John reminded me. 'Should be good for at least twelve hours of continuous use."

"This is gonna drive me nuts," I tried to lighten the mood. "You know how I hate sitting around with nothing to do ... now I'm gonna have to do it for eight hours."

"I'm not sure what I can do to entertain you," John said sarcastically. "I'm fresh out of poetry and we both know my singing voice defies description – and not in a good way."

"True," I laughed at the thought of John singing to me, especially with Rodney and Doctor Weir as an audience. "Let's save that for when I'm really desperate."

"How about –" John broke off as another voice came through the same channel.

"Colonel Sheppard, we've arrived at the gate" Teyla reported in. "Rodney is proceeding back to your position. Elizabeth and I are heading into the town to talk with Philan now."

"Acknowledged," John replied. "Let me know as soon as you've got anything that could help."

"How's Sabina doing?" Doctor Weir asked with that concerned tone she got whenever one of her people was in trouble.

"I'm okay for now Doctor Weir," I replied for myself. "Let me fill you in on what I've learnt about the device since Rodney and Teyla left." I had John read the full translation and told them what we thought it meant.

"That makes sense," Rodney spoke up for the first time since they'd arrived. "I found a reference to something that sounds similar to this device in the Ancient database. From what I read there is no way it should have been able to do what it's apparently doing."

"So it is malfunctioning?" I asked weakly.

"Looks like it," Rodney confirmed. "I'd need to take a closer look at the smaller device you mentioned to be sure."

"I'll make that one of the top priorities in my discussions Rodney," Doctor Weir promised.

"Along with getting me inside the temple," John's tone was just short of an order.

"Of course Colonel," Doctor Weir said mildly, not taking offense to John's demand.

"Ronon's due to check in soon," John told us. "We'll have a better handle on a possible military solution once we've got his intel."

"I'd prefer to reach some kind of agreement with these people," Doctor Weir said firmly. "They believe they're doing what the Ancients wanted and from the sounds of it they're a bit more advanced than most of the races we come across."

"I know you'll try to convince them to end this Elizabeth," John said reasonably. "But you should know that I _will_ be taking action before this gets to the intended conclusion if you're not successful." John's tone went from mild to quiet and deadly by the end of that statement.

"The trial ends at sunrise," Rodney broke in to the silence John's words had created, "but we don't have all of that time to convince these people. We need to allow time for me to look at these devices – just in case they don't know how to turn it off."

"Nice way to encourage Sabina, McKay," John admonished Rodney. From the sounds of it Rodney had arrived at the Jumper and I could imagine John delivering the customary smack to the back of the head.

"It's okay John," I said lightly. "I'd already thought of that myself. If they don't understand the real purpose of the device then it's a pretty sure bet they won't know how to turn it off early either."

Conversation dwindled after that as everyone focussed on their assigned task. John kept to his word, leaving the radio channel connected so that I could hear everything going on in the Jumper. When Ronon returned and reported that the town was heavily guarded with weaponry similar to basic Earth weapons my spirits took a bit of a nose dive.

"I don't want you risking anyone's life on some foolhardy mission to save me," I said after Ronon completed his report.

"You don't get a say in this," John said firmly.

"Ronon – don't let John do anything stupid!" I tried to get at least one of them to see things from my point of view.

"I'm with him," Ronon replied unrepentantly. "I say we storm the temple and make them give McKay that device right now."

"Why did I think you'd be the responsible one?" I muttered under my breath. "Rodney, please tell me you'll protect those two from themselves."

"What do you think I can do?" Rodney complained. "They're bigger than me and they've got guns!"

"You've got a gun too!" I reminded him, knowing I was being silly now but unable to let it go.

"There isn't a single reality in which I'd be willing to just leave you there," John's voice rumbled in my ear sternly, effectively ending any further argument.

"Fine," I grumbled worriedly. "But if you get hurt trying to get in here I'm gonna be majorly pissed at you."

"I'll try to keep that in mind," John said in a more reasonable tone. "What's your status physically?"

"My knees have gone numb which is a relief actually. I only wish my back and shoulders would go numb too because they're killing me," I reported. "Oh and I'm being tortured with apparently divinely pure water than I can't drink."

"You can't reach it?" John asked in confusion.

"I can reach it," I replied calmly. "I just don't want to drink any because I'm pretty sure there aren't any bathroom breaks during the Judicium."

"Up to you," John said, faintly amused. "We'll have you out of there long before dehydration becomes an issue."

"Any word from Doctor Weir?" I asked quietly.

"Not so far," John admitted, "but I wouldn't expect there to be just yet. You know diplomats – love to talk ... and talk."

x

"I'm tired," I said simply a few hours later. I'd asked at regular intervals how much time was left so I knew we were down to about four hours without any progress being made to come up with a plan.

"Try to get some rest," John replied softly. I put my head down on the fountain wall, shifting my lower body as best I could to stretch out my back and shoulders. I tried to relax and close my eyes but as soon as I did the faint buzz of sound I'd been aware of since the trial began ramped up in intensity, making it impossible.

"I can't rest," I grumbled. "I can feel the energy this thing is sending through me to keep me in place – when I close my eyes I can hear it too."

"I've been detecting the energy pattern since I got here," Rodney said, stifling a yawn. "It's similar to other Ancient devices we've come across meaning there's no easy way to disrupt it from this distance."

"You guys should try to get some rest too," I suggested. Doing the sums, given when we'd left Atlantis and how much time had gone by since, I worked out it must be close to 3am our time.

"We're good," John replied. "Rodney brought coffee and –"

"Colonel Sheppard this is Weir," Elizabeth's voice broke into another conversation. I couldn't tell from the tone of her voice whether she'd made progress.

"Go ahead Elizabeth," John replied.

"After much deliberation Philan has conceded that one person be allowed to sit with Sabina," Doctor Weir reported.

"I'm on my way," John's voice sounded muffled as he picked up his gear. "I'll be there soon," I could tell that he'd broken into a run and I was hardly able to contain my emotions at the thought that I'd be seeing him soon.

"His agreement was on the proviso that the person prove they too are descended from the Ancients," Doctor Weir admitted, "so you'll have to prove that to Philan by putting your hands on the fountain."

"Not a problem," John replied. "Anything else?"

"I informed them of the true purpose of the device," Doctor Weir said. "I'm not sure if they believed me but they agreed to consult their earliest records to determine whether there's any validity to our claims."

"Well I hope they don't have a lot of records," Rodney muttered snidely, "or that could take a while."

"They agreed to reconvene with us within the hour Rodney," Teyla admonished his lack of faith in their negotiating abilities.

I waited impatiently for John to cover the distance between the Jumper and the town ... some time later I heard the first sounds of something happening at the door. It creaked on its hinges as it was pushed open to admit John, Philan and his ever presence guards. I felt a rush of 'warm and fuzzy' emotions swirling inside me when I managed to turn my head enough to see John approach ... so much so that I struggled at first not to burst into tears. I mean seriously - how was that gonna help? Plus I really didn't want to give Philan the satisfaction of seeing how much the trial had gotten to me.

"This way," Philan took the lead, stopping to my right. "Please place your hands on the fountain next to the tainted," he instructed.

John scowled at his derogatory term but moved behind me. Leaning in he put his hands one each beside mine. The central column lit up instantly with Ancient blue light, shimmering and pulsing before flashing white and fading away. Rising but maintaining his close proximity to me, John put a hand on each of my shoulders, squeezing reassuringly.

"You _are_ descended from the Ancestors," Philan announced reverently. "I have never seen the Fontis light up in this manner – in truth no one in our town has witnessed such a sight."

"So I can stay then," John confirmed his understanding of what the agreement had been.

"Are you sure you wish to sully yourself with the presence of this ... woman?" Philan looked at me distastefully.

"I'm playing along with this charade because Doctor Weir would like to reach an alliance with your people," John glared at Philan menacingly, "but don't push me. Quit with the sneering and the derogatory language."

"The Ancestors charged us with protecting the purity of their line," Philan tried to defend his opinions. "She has the mark of the Wraith within her – she is impure."

"Sabina is exactly what the Ancestors intended her to be," John took a threatening step towards Philan, who cowered fearfully. "Go read those records properly and work it out for yourself."

"I will leave you to your contemplations," Philan conceded, turning and hurrying from the room.

"Doctor Weir won't be happy if you offended him," I told John, watching him sitting down next to me with his back resting against the fountain.

"He's lucky I didn't hit him," John returned, doing an intent inspection of my expression. "You didn't tell me about the headache," he said accusingly.

"It's the power flow," I discounted his concern. "Anyone would have a headache after putting up with that buzz for over five hours."

"I could feel it a bit when I touched you," John admitted. "Do you want me to help you move into a different position?"

"Already tried them all," I replied easily. "This is the least uncomfortable."

"So how are you really doing?" John held my gaze intently, letting me know any pretence wasn't going to cut it with him.

"This is possibly the cruellest and most unusual form of torture I could imagine," I admitted. "It's claustrophobic because I feel trapped in here. The fact that I'm restrained but there's nothing visible to rail against is freaking me out too. And I'm scared because I have the horrible suspicion that even if we convince them they've been getting it wrong all these years it won't help me because they don't know what the hell they're doing."

"We'll get you out of this," John promised, scooting as close as possible and leaning in so he could wrap his arms around me. I laid my head against his shoulder wearily, wishing I could hug him back.

x

"Do you want to talk about the Ascension side of this?" My voice echoed in the quiet of the large chamber a while later.

"No point – we're gonna be out of here soon," John refused to even think that this would end badly.

"But what if we're not?" I asked worriedly. "I just ... I don't think I can even _try_ to ascend - regardless of the fact that it might be the only way out of this."

"Why not?" John frowned at my certainty.

"Come on ... release your burdens?" I pulled away so I could look at him incredulously. "I've got so many of those ten _days_ wouldn't be enough, let alone ten hours."

"You can do anything you put your mind to," John replied, reaching out to brush my hair away from my face.

"Maybe I have a deep seated objection to Ascension then because I don't think I even want to," I glanced at him curiously. "Would you?"

"Don't ask me that now!" John protested. When I just raised an eyebrow at him expectantly he groaned. "Okay – maybe not – even if I could get there."

"See – you've got issues with the burden's thing too," I said triumphantly. "I don't think either of us are prime candidates for the Ascension club."

"It doesn't matter," John said with certainty, "because it's not gonna come to that."

"I admire your confidence, even if I don't completely share it," I replied. "Just promise me that if this comes down to the wire you'll cut the others off _before_ they start telling me I'm worthy and that I can ascend if I want to."

"I can do that," John promised, pulling me back into position within his arms.

**Authors Note:**

I'm pretty sure that radios don't work the way I've portrayed them BUT for the purposes of this story please assume that it's possible for Sabina's earpiece to permanently be tuned into a specific channel such that she can both hear the others and talk herself - i.e. without having to keep activating it. Also I'm aware the earpieces probably don't work outside of Atlantis either, but again for this story they do. I spoke to my husband (he's an electrical and electronic systems hardware engineer) about this and even the way they portray it in the show is _maybe_ possible but not practical from a realistic standpoint - eg being able to talk to a specific person just by saying their name, and not having anyone else wearing an earpiece listening in, etc. Hence my decision to take all that just a little further for this part of the story - I couldn't have Sabina sitting there all alone with no idea what was going on ... that would have been mean, plus boring for you! Thanks :D


	33. How much time is left?

**Chapter 33: How much time is left?**

"Colonel Sheppard, Sabina," Doctor Weir startled us from the mostly silent conversation we'd been engaged in. "We're making some progress here. Philan and one of his colleagues found some very old text that might support Sabina's translation. They're coming into the temple now to look at the writing in the fountain."

"Acknowledged," John replied, making no attempt to move away from me when Philan and a man wearing similar clothing hurried through the door. This time there was no conversation as each man got as close as they dared to me and looked into the fountain, staring at the distorted symbols for some time before stepping away. They glanced at each other with clearly troubled expressions before hurrying just as silently out of the temple again.

"Did that go well?" I asked John.

"Let's hope so," John rubbed a hand up and down my back, trying to ease the soreness that seemed to have centred in my spine.

"How much time is left?" I asked John quietly.

"Three hours," John admitted, glancing down at his watch.

"Still time for Rodney to figure this out," I said bracingly. John smiled at my attempted enthusiasm but said nothing. We'd talked almost continuously for the first few hours of this ordeal and had long reached the point where silent companionship was the preferred option for both of us. In any case we didn't have to wait long for something to happen.

The doors to the temple flew open, revealing Ronon, Teyla, Doctor Weir and Rodney as well as Philan and his colleague. John patted my shoulder before jumping up and going over to them to see what was happening. Within moments he was heading back with Rodney in tow.

"They've agreed to end this," John said in relief, running a hand down my hair before resting it on my shoulder again. "Philan doesn't know how to switch off the device but he's draining the fountain so Rodney can get in there and have a look." I looked into the fountain curiously, noting with interest that the water was dissipating even though I couldn't hear anything to indicate how or where it was going to.

"I've got the remote control device," Rodney added, holding up the object I'd seen when Philan had begun the trial. "Let's see what this thing is doing." Ripping his laptop off his back he stepped into the fountain without hesitation and started scanning for some kind of access port. Moments later from the other side of the column I heard sounds of satisfaction as connections were made.

"I'm not surprised you can feel the power flow," Rodney commented a few minutes later. "This thing is putting out quite a charge ... Rodney trailed off before muttering "Oh no."

"What?" John and I chorused together.

"I can see why there's a time limit on this trial," Rodney admitted, peering out at us with his 'I wish I hadn't worked this out' face on. "The device is building up power at a steady rate – within a couple of hours it's gonna overload. If there's nowhere for the power to go it will go through you."

"So that's why the people here thought the device was some kind of execution machine?" I tried not to think about the prospect of being hit by a huge charge of Ancient power.

"Why would it do that?" John looked from me to Rodney expectantly.

"Because the device is obviously designed to do something," Rodney said heatedly, "except we don't know what. If we could channel the energy where it's supposed to go the cycle would finish and we could all go home."

"So find out what it's supposed to do," John ordered sternly.

"_I'm trying_," Rodney complained. "Why don't you come over here and see how well you do!"

Still muttering under his breath Rodney continued tapping away, trying to determine how the device was supposed to work. I felt like I could actually hear the minutes ticking away as the time for the trials end drew nearer. Doctor Weir came over to speak with me, trying to rally my positivity. Teyla followed shortly after, offering her calming presence and her certainty that Rodney would figure this out with time to spare. When Ronon approached I took the offensive.

"Not you too," I grumbled. "I'm starting to feel like a condemned prisoner being farewelled by his family."

"I'm not saying goodbye," Ronon replied with an amused look. "You look uncomfortable – can I help?"

"Unless you can find a way to get my hands off this device, no," I replied simply.

"I could always cut them off," Ronon offered, putting a hand to the sword he carried across his back.

"I'm guessing you're just joking," I looked at him uncertainly, "but if it comes down to the last minute I might take you up on that." I don't know what it said about me that I would rather contemplate amputation of my hands over attempting to Ascend – just another disturbing aspect of the whole ordeal I'd have to deal with later.

"No one is cutting anyone's hands off," John glared at Ronon as if asking what the hell he thought he was doing. "Rodney will figure this out."

"Oh sure, put all the pressure on me," Rodney's voice complained from the other side of the column.

x

"Hurry it up McKay," John said angrily, glancing worriedly at his watch.

"How much time?" I asked weakly.

"Enough," John replied.

"_How much_?" I demanded.

"Half an hour," John admitted, glancing at me quickly before moving over to Rodney's side of the fountain. "McKay you better switch this thing off or I'm gonna –"

"Threats won't make this go any faster," Rodney interrupted. He worked for a few more minutes without comment. Popping his head around the column he looked at me with a sick regretful expression. "I can't turn it off," he admitted weakly.

"What do you mean you can't turn it off?" John demanded, pulling Rodney roughly to his feet. "What have you been doing for the last two hours?!"

"If I had a few days to pull out all the components, or a week to decipher the inner workings of the remote then maybe," Rodney explained urgently. "There's not enough time to work out a back door way of switching this off that won't end up overloading it anyway. It was too late long before we got here – the energy had already built up and it has to go somewhere."

"You get in there and work out how to get it to go somewhere then," John glared at Rodney angrily.

"You're not listening Colonel," Rodney protested, grabbing at John's arm to make his point. "This device is complex – I can't even tell you how it works, let alone give it commands to do something."

"This is downright problematic McKay," John pulled away abruptly, turning to glare at the device itself.

"I understand your frustration," Rodney tried to offer support beyond the science stuff.

"Oh you do, do you?" John demanded angrily. "You understand having the most important person in your life attached to a machine that's twenty minutes away from killing them when there's not a damn thing you can do about it?!"

"Well ... no," Rodney admitted, "but I care about Sabina too ... if there was something I could do I'd be doing it!"

"I know," John relented somewhat, turning back to look at the device assessingly. "Okay – we rig up a controlled explosion, try and get the energy build up out that way."

"Why does your solution to everything involve some kind of weapon?" Rodney asked in frustration. "Any attempt to release the energy will result in some of it passing through Sabina – unprotected, even a portion of the build up will deliver a fatal jolt."

"Then what do you suggest we do?" John demanded impatiently. "Because I gotta say – doing nothing isn't working for me."

"I don't know," Rodney admitted, hesitating before adding. "Ronon's suggestion may not have been as stupid as it sounded."

"What – cut her hands off?" John demanded incredulously. "You're not serious!"

"Ascension?" Rodney suggested hesitantly, knowing John wouldn't want to even consider that.

"I'd prefer an option that doesn't result in Sabina going all glowy or walking away with body parts missing," John replied grimly.

"Hey!" I called out. "How about you stop talking about me like I'm not even here?!"

"Tell me you have an idea," John turned back look at me with eyes full of desperate emotion.

"I have an idea," I agreed. "Something Rodney just said made me remember what Caritas told me. We need everyone to vacate the temple."

"What's your plan?" Rodney demanded, hurriedly packing up his equipment.

"It'll take too long to explain," I protested. "Just get everyone out of here." I turned to Ronon, nodding towards the remote control device. "I need you to take that device to a safe distance as quickly as possible, and then make sure you get well clear."

Ronon grabbed the device without a word and sprinted from the room, heading hopefully away from the town _and_ the location of the Puddle Jumper.

"I'm staying," John announced grimly. "Don't try and talk me out of it either."

"I wasn't going to," I replied, taking satisfaction from his surprised look. "I need you to make this work."

I waited silently as everyone else left, each clearly wanting to say something but convinced not to by my obvious impatience. When it was just John and I he turned to me questioningly.

"What's the plan?" he asked hopefully, glancing at his watch again. "We've got about ten minutes so make it quick."

"God, I don't know if this is even gonna work," I had a sudden attack of uncertainty. "Maybe you should leave too – I can do this by myself."

"_Make me_," John challenged grimly.

"Cruel to mock the trapped person," I shook my head at him. "Okay, come over here and put your hands on the fountain like you did when Philan tested you."

John knelt on the floor behind me and put an arm on either side, placing his hands next to mine. I was heartened by his warmth pressing into my back and his calm breaths wafting against my neck.

"Caritas said two things – that if I truly opened myself to Atlantis I could do much more than I realised, and that I probably had the merging gene skill meaning I could tap into another person and borrow their power too." I couldn't see John's expression but his quick nod was confirmation that he understood the implications of what I was proposing.

"Ronon," I called over the radio. "Are you clear?"

"You're good to go," Ronon replied.

"John - I want you to think only about helping me, just like you did that day on Atlantis when we found the Wraith weapons' room," I instructed, taking a few calming breaths before opening myself to the device in much the same manner as Caritas had taught me to open to the communications system back on Atlantis. Pausing to gather my confidence I asked quietly "Are you ready?"

"Do it," John said firmly, leaning into me in support.

"Here goes," I muttered under my breath, dropping myself into the device and attempting to access the system. I could see immediately that Rodney had been right. The power had built up beyond the failsafe point and would now have to be released in some way. The only way I could think of to do that was to transfer the power to another Ancient device, one it would be safe to overload. I didn't think John would have been too impressed if I'd used the Puddle Jumper, which left only the remote control device. I could feel the extra power John was offering me - envisioning a protective barrier around us, I gathered together the full capability of both of us and used us as a kind of conduit between the fountain column and the remote control device. Power flowed along that conduit rapidly draining from the fountain and collecting in the remote control. Nothing happened for a few moments before a loud explosion sounded from some distance away.

I hardly noticed when my hands dropped away from the fountain as I collapsed back into John, who was only just slightly steadier in his balance than I was. He turned us both so we could lean against the fountain. We just sat there speechless for a few moments, waiting for the others to come back.

"Good plan," John's voice was weakened, telling me I'd drained him enough that he couldn't bluff his way into seeming 'fine'.

"Better than Ronon's," I agreed just as weakly. "Remind me never to drink from the local fountain, no matter how pure they say the water is."

"I'll put it in the off world guide book," John quipped, putting his arm around me and holding me close.

x

It took little time to extricate ourselves from the town with the promise from Doctor Weir to return for trade negotiations. Philan hurried along beside us, apologising profusely for almost getting me executed. I couldn't get the sight or sound of his contempt for me out of my head so I hadn't exactly been forthcoming with any acceptance of that. John and I were both so tired that neither of us even protested when Rodney said he was flying the Jumper home.

Doctor Beckett was as dogged as usual about keeping us in the infirmary until he was convinced our systems had returned to normal. There hadn't been too many times when John and I had ended up in the infirmary together so it was kind of strange to be keeping each other company in infirmary beds instead of at each other's bedsides. I was so drained that I couldn't keep myself awake enough to even talk to John about what had happened.

Doctor Beckett released us both the next morning on the promise of more bed rest in our quarters. His stern look warned us not to think we could get up to anything else in bed except resting. John laughed when I blushed in embarrassment at Carson's meaning.

"I wasn't really paying attention," I admitted once we were settled on our balcony. "Did Philan say anything about me destroying his pride and joy?"

"Once he realised they'd been misinterpreting it he seemed happy to have it no longer operational," John replied, watching me leaning over the railing from his position on our bench.

"The remote device was a necessity," I offered, "since I was pretty sure you'd prefer that to me blowing up a Puddle Jumper. But I might have helped burning out the main part of the device along ... just a little bit." I smiled almost wickedly; glad I'd kept a tiny bit of the power back at the end there. I'd redirected it into the column – even without being able to actually kill someone, there was no way I was leaving something behind that could still label someone as 'tainted'. I'd felt a deep satisfaction when I'd gotten up and seen that their lovely white column was now swirling with scorched blackness.

"I'd say you were entitled," John agreed. "You'd know more than any of us that leaving something like that around is dangerous."

"I think the device was supposed to pass knowledge on to the chosen – not judgement," I offered. "Hence the ATA link. Maybe if I'd had the remote control device and everything had been activated properly we could have learned something valuable ... not that we'll ever know for sure."

"Are you all right with what happened?" John looked at me in concern. I knew he was talking just as much about Philan's personal reaction to me as he was about what we'd done to put an end to the ordeal but I chose just to focus on the second part.

"Not really," I admitted reluctantly. "It freaks me out to push the boundaries of what we accept can be done with the Ancient technology ... even knowing I couldn't have done what we did without your help."

"We're not really pushing the boundaries though," John pointed out logically. "From what you've told me, the Ancients could do that and much more with ease."

"I know," I sighed despondently, "because they _were_ Ancients. We're not and to be quite honest I don't want to be. My friendship with Caritas aside, most of them were arrogant and lacking in compassion for the common man – plus they littered this galaxy with their devices that _always_ end up being too dangerous to use."

"Having the Ancient genes saved you today," John reminded me.

"Yeah but having their stupid mutated Wraith gene was what got me into the predicament in the first place," I retorted angrily. "If it were possible I'd have Carson switch them all off."

"You'd give up your connection to Atlantis?" John asked in surprise.

"No I guess not," I replied honestly. "But I'd give up the Wraith parts in a heartbeat – even though I know it means we'd lose an advantage against their technology."

I didn't want to admit it to John but the reaction I'd gotten from Philan and his colleagues troubled me. I felt almost unclean and ashamed that I was walking around with Wraith genes corrupting my Ancient ones. I'd always been faintly troubled by that but having the reactions of those people in my head turned it into full blown worry.

"Let's not talk about this anymore," I suggested briskly, turning from the balcony and grabbing John's hand. He let me pull him up from the bench and lead him back inside.

"You know what Carson said," John reminded me.

"He said nothing about hugging," I countered, "and right about now I could really use some hugs."

"That I _can_ do," John smiled, lying down on the bed and pulling me down next to him. Wrapping his arms around me tightly he held me as I snuggled into his chest. "Okay?" he asked softly.

"Getting there," I replied, determined to put my worries aside. "You're a great hugger."

"Let's just keep that between us too," John urged. "Gotta think about my reputation."

"I don't think you have to worry about that flyboy," I teased. "Your secrets are safe with me."

**Authors Note:**

Hope you liked my episode ... it's Tao of Rodney next - LOVE that one :D


	34. So you’re saying you made it happen?

**Chapter 34: So you're saying you _made_ it happen?**

"Get to the gate," Major Lorne yelled, urging us to run at top speed back towards the clearing where the Stargate was located. "Brown - as soon as you get there dial it up!"

Lieutenant Brown was running in point, opening a gap on the rest of us as he sped full pelt down the path. We got to the clearing just in time to see the kawhoosh retreating back into the vortex. Shots rang out across our path, forcing Brown to retreat into the trees. I followed Major Lorne as he took up a covered position, using the radio to get a message to Atlantis.

"Atlantis base, this is Major Lorne. We are under attack and cut off from the Gate. Request immediate back-up. Atlantis base, repeat: we are under attack and cut off from the Gate. I counted at least twenty, maybe more. Request back-up immediately."

Breaking off the transmission the wormhole closed before any of our would be attackers could attempt to use the gate themselves. We hadn't sent through an IDC so it would have been an abrupt end if any of them _had_ tried to leave the planet that way.

We'd arrived on M72-656 earlier than day to follow up on an established trading agreement with the planets inhabitants. Rather than the usual friendly welcome we'd been greeted with a group of angry ruffians accusing us of depriving their people of much needed resources. Lorne had tried to talk them around but it hadn't been too long before their behaviour had shifted from faintly disturbing to outright aggressive. He'd backed us out of there but we'd been followed. It was a long walk to the gate and before we'd gotten half way we'd realised the ruffians were tailing us. That's when the walking had turned into running, urged on by the few shots that got fired luckily wide of our position.

Within twenty minutes the Stargate activated and a Puddle Jumper zoomed through, cloaking as soon as it was completely clear of the wormhole. Shots were fired as the Jumper passed overhead, none of them reaching their mark.

"Major Lorne, this is Sheppard. What's your situation?"

"A group of disgruntled villagers have us pinned down Sir," Major Lorne reported succinctly. "They have rifles and show no signs of running out of ammo any time soon. They're currently closing in on our position."

"Hold tight Major," John ordered. "I'm bringing the Jumper around for another pass – see if we can map their positions with the life signs detectors."

"Acknowledged," Lorne confirmed, motioning for all of us to keep low. The villagers were still firing at us intermittently, presumably reminding us not to attempt to access the gate again.

"Major," John reported back a few minutes later. "This isn't gonna be as easy as we hoped. I count twenty four targets completely surrounding you. I'm gonna have to land the Jumper back from your position and flank them from behind."

"Copy that," Major Lorne replied. We heard the whoosh of the Jumper as it passed back overhead. The villagers I could see raised their guns, shouting to each other when there was nothing visible for them to fire at. Turning back they fired a few shots in our direction as if to say 'we can still see you!'

Resigning myself to a long wait in the dirt I didn't notice at first that the shots had ceased. I certainly noticed when the villagers jumped up and started running back through the trees though.

"What happened?" Major Lorne looked over at Lieutenant Brown.

"No idea Sir," Brown replied, rising from his position and heading over to us.

"Colonel Sheppard, the villagers are retreating," Major Lorne called over the radio. "They could be heading back in your direction."

"We're still in the Jumper," John reported. "What happened?"

"Ah ... not sure Sir," Lorne replied. "They stopped firing for no apparent reason – then they got up and ran away."

"We're heading back to your position now," John advised. Looking up I watched with a grin as the Jumper decloaked and came to rest in front of the Stargate. The rear hatch opened and John and Rodney walked out.

"Everyone all right?" John asked, glancing around the clearing instinctively checking for anything out of place.

"We're all good Sir," Major Lorne reported. "That could have been a lot worse – I wonder what spooked them?"

"That _was_ weird," Rodney muttered, almost talking to himself. He had a disturbed look on his face that had John watching him in concern.

"You okay McKay?" John asked. Turning to me he added "Rodney tangled with an Ancient machine this morning and came off second best."

"Hey – Carson said I was perfectly fine," Rodney protested. "A few ... strange things have been happening admittedly but ...," he trailed off with a worried frown.

"What was the machine for?" I asked Rodney.

"That's just it," Rodney complained. "We don't know – the Ancients powered up the room and we couldn't shut it off from the control room. I stood on the platform – big flash of light – that's all it did."

"Let's pack it up," John went into Colonel mode. "No point in hanging around waiting for the bad guys to come back."

We were all settled in the Puddle Jumper when Rodney brought up the subject of strange things happening to him again.

"It could be a coincidence," Rodney said, "but that seems unlikely."

"What's a coincidence?" John asked, powering the Jumper up and taking us in a looping flight away from the Stargate. He dialled Atlantis and entered his IDC as soon as the wormhole was established.

"I was thinking how it would be cool if all their weapons jammed at the same time," Rodney admitted uncertainly, "and not two seconds later they'd stopped firing and were running away."

"So you're saying you _made_ it happen?" John said incredulously. "Maybe that machine scrambled your brain because you're obviously suffering from delusions of grandeur."

Before Rodney could respond we passed through the wormhole, coming out in the Gateroom. John and Rodney were so accustomed to the whole gate travel thing that their conversation hardly paused.

"Are you saying you don't think someone could make something happen just by thinking it?" Rodney demanded.

"I'm saying I don't think _you_ could do it – unless you're suggesting that machine did do something to you," John argued, manoeuvring the Jumper back to the Jumper Bay and parking it gently in the usual spot. John lowered the rear hatch, getting up and leading the way out with Rodney following close behind.

"What else could it be?!" Rodney protested, not deflated in any way when Ronon groaned in disbelief.

"You're losing your mind!" John accused.

"I'm telling you, it's a bit of a coincidence!" Rodney pointed out.

"Well, then, prove it!" John challenged, stepping out in to the Jumper Bay. I followed behind with the rest of my team, Ronon and Teyla. Doctor Weir and Radek were both waiting for us, Elizabeth looking on in curiosity at John and Rodney's obvious argument.

"Colonel?" Doctor Weir looked at John questioningly.

"Everyone's present and accounted for," John reported simply.

"How bad is it and who's been hurt?" Doctor Beckett ran in accompanied by three medics wheeling two stretchers.

"No-one, Doc," Major Lorne reassured him. "We're all fine ... thanks to McKay," Lorne looked at Doctor Weir with an expression as disbelieving as John's had been.

"So he says," John added sarcastically.

"Rodney?" Doctor Weir looked at him expectantly.

"Well, to be honest, I'm not entirely sure," Rodney admitted quickly. "I wasn't even sure it was me at first, but the correlation's impossible to ignore. I saw Lorne's team pinned down, the bad guys closing in - I just thought, you know, wouldn't it be great if all their weapons jammed at the same time?" By the time he'd gotten to the end of that sentence Rodney's confident tone had become uncertain. John was clearly struggling not to laugh now – his amusement seemed to refuel Rodney's determination as he finished his story. "Next thing I know, they're all running away, so ..."

"So you think because you wanted it to happen, it just did?" Doctor Weir asked in a cynical tone.

"It was a little more than that," Rodney defended his belief. When Elizabeth just nodded in a way that said she wasn't buying it, Rodney seemed to decide more action was required. "OK. You know what? Watch this. I'll, uh ...," he turned to Carson and pointed at him.

We all looked on in dumbfounded disbelief as Carson was raised off the ground.

"Rodney!" Carson protested. He stared nervously down at a floor that was now several feet away. John and Elizabeth ran over to him, gazing up in amazement.

"Rodney?" Doctor Weir looked back at him uncertainly.

"Believe me, I find this as disturbing as you do," Rodney admitted, still pointing up at Carson.

"Like bloody hell you do!" Carson said heatedly, clearly less than happy to be the subject of Rodney's demonstration.

"Put him down," Doctor Weir told Rodney quietly. Rodney slowly lowered his hand, watching as Carson floated gently down to the floor.

"Oh, God!" Carson sighed in relief. "Rodney – we need to get you back in the infirmary immediately."

x

One of the other Doctors handled our post mission checkups and cleared us for a debriefing with Doctor Weir once she'd finished with Carson and Rodney. Since the mission had pretty much been a bust the minute we'd walked into the village the debriefing was a short one.

"I wonder what else Rodney can do?" I raised an eyebrow at Major Lorne as we headed down to the commissary for a late lunch.

"I'm not wondering," Lorne disagreed, "I'm worrying. The man's a disaster waiting to happen at the best of times!"

"That's a little unfair," I said in defence of Rodney. "He's usually the one thrust into the role of high pressure problem solver _after_ everything's already gone pear shaped. Speaking of Rodney – there he is now," I pointed across the commissary where Rodney was hoeing into a plate of deserts. Ronon sat with him watching with a look of disgust on his face.

"How's it going Rodney?" I called out, grabbing some fruit and heading over to their table.

"He can read minds," Ronon announced

"I think I'll do take away today," Lorne said quickly, grabbing a couple of items and heading rapidly back out the way he'd entered.

"Coward," I muttered under my breath. Looking back at Rodney I shook my head at the single minded determination with which he was eating – even more so than usual. "Reading minds huh? What am I thinking now?" I held a single image in my head and cleared my mind of everything else.

"Ferris Wheel," Rodney muttered through a mouthful of food. He swallowed quickly before adding "you really have been hanging around with Sheppard too long. Nice trick though – if you can do that all the time I might be able to handle having you around for more than five seconds." He glanced from me to Ronon and back again. "Ronon's mainly been thinking about how he gets to stun me if I get carried away with the power at my command," Rodney responded to my unspoken question about how he could handle Ronon being around.

"So – reading minds, telekinesis, anything else?" I asked curiously, trying to cast a mental blanket over myself to see if that would help block random thoughts from making it over to Rodney's head.

"Super hearing," Rodney replied, frowning for a moment. "_Now_ I understand what you do with the sensors," he said excitedly. "That really is cool – I can't hear anything from you at all – maybe I could do the same thing," his face took on a look of extreme concentration before he smiled in delight. "Hey it works! I can't hear anything Ronon's thinking – that could come in handy."

"I'm glad I could help you out Rodney," I said with a somewhat smug smile. "You said super hearing – do you think that's all the machine did to you?"

"I was already pretty smart," Rodney said immodestly, "but I can actually feel myself getting smarter. I've got so many ideas for things I could do – power usage improvements, systems rerouting ... I think I could even repair the dispersal weapon given enough time."

"Perhaps you should talk to Doctor Weir about priorities then," I suggested. "We need to get the most out of these unexpected ... powers just in case they don't last."

"You're right," Rodney jumped up straight away. "Ronon," he gestured impatiently, "let's go see Elizabeth – see if she'll let me use the Control Chair to maximise the ZedPM." Not waiting for Ronon he hurried out the door.

"I swear I'm gonna stun him before the day's out," Ronon growled, rising reluctantly and striding after Rodney.

I sat back and contemplated the implications of Rodney's new capabilities. If he did retain the extra brain power in the long run there were a couple of things I could think of for him to work on. That led me back to my lab to plan out a course of action, just on the off chance I _did_ get to utilise the new and improved McKay genius.

x

"It's an Ascension machine," John strode into my lab a few hours later, looking flustered and worried.

"The machine that zapped Rodney?" I clarified his meaning. When he nodded, impatiently running a hand through his hair, I felt my insides clench. "Don't tell me," I said sickly, "it's transforming Rodney so he can Ascend."

"Yeah," John admitted, turning back to me impatiently. "And it can't be reversed. If McKay doesn't learn how to Ascend the transformation will kill him."

"But if he's super smart," I protested, not wanting to even consider the possibility of losing Rodney, "then surely he can come up with the solution himself."

"Apparently he's not quite smart enough for that," John dropped wearily into the chair next to me. "Have you ever come across anything about Ascension machines in your research?"

"To be honest Ascension hasn't been at the top of my list of topics, even more so after the whole fountain incident," I admitted. "I could start looking for something now if it'd help."

"Doctor Weir's probably got it covered," John excused the need for me to do anything. "She said she'd talk with Rodney later – try to get him to consider the idea."

"Rodney isn't the most ... spiritual person is he?" I smiled fondly at the idea of Rodney leaving his fate up to a higher power.

"Not exactly," John agreed. We each lapsed into silence, each probably thinking similarly unpleasant thoughts about Rodney's current situation. "Are you done for the day?" John asked suddenly.

"I am now," I agreed, letting John pull me to my feet.

"I need to walk," John said, taking my hand and leading me purposefully down the corridor. We walked for some time, covering a lot of ground and greeting many of the staff both on duty and off. Eventually we ended up in the corridor outside Rodney's lab.

"Should we ...?" I looked at John expectantly.

"I don't know what to tell him," John looked away in frustration. "I'm gonna go check with Radek – see if he's made any progress. You go - talk to Rodney." Before I could protest John had pulled away and walked rapidly back up the corridor.


	35. Isn’t that a prerequisite for Ascension?

**Chapter 35: Isn't that a prerequisite for Ascension?**

Steeling myself determinedly I walked into the lab, stopping abruptly in the doorway as I took in the current state of the room. Rodney seemed to be simultaneously operating a number of laptops, rapidly typing into each before waiting impatiently for the words to appear on screen. He was also working on complex mathematical equations stretched over more than one white board.

"Rodney?" I called out softly, not wanting to interrupt him in the middle of something crucial.

"Sabina, come in," Rodney invited in the kind of reasonable and warmly welcoming tone I don't think I'd ever heard from him before.

"What are you doing?" I asked curiously.

"Inventing a new maths, working out a method to increase shield power here and on the Daedalus, writing a new book on quantum dynamics," Rodney listed his projects in rapid succession.

"Got time for one more project?" I looked at him hopefully, deciding right there and then was as good a time as any other to broach my ideas.

"What did you have in mind?" Rodney looked at me expectantly.

"It's just an idea and I'm not sure it's even possible," I began, "but I was thinking about my anti-nanite blood proteins and I wondered if there was a way to change them so that everyone could be protected."

"I'm not a biologist or a geneticist," Rodney pointed out, "but I can revisit the research we took from that lab where we first found the nanite virus, see what I can come up with."

"Thanks," I smiled gratefully. "The other idea I had might be more in your line of expertise. The anti-nanite protein is like a biological weapon against nanite viruses ... what if we could create a machine version of the same thing? We use nanite technology back on Earth right?" I waited until Rodney nodded before continuing. "Could you create your own nanites – not linked to our Pegasus nanites in any way - designed to seek out the Replicator nanites at the microscopic level, surround them individually and render them inert? I know we'd still have to come up with a way to deliver our nanites to the Replicators and that eventually they'd work out how to defend against them but it could be a way to counter the next attack."

"Interesting idea," Rodney looked at me thoughtfully. "Leave it with me and I'll see what I can do."

"You really are a genius," I paid him what was the highest compliment in his eyes. "Don't let my requests get in the way of figuring out how to undo this," I gestured vaguely around the room at the evidence of his transformation.

"I already tried," Rodney admitted. "Once the process has started it can't be stopped. It's either ascend or die ... I'm afraid in my case it's more likely to be die."

"_Don't talk like that!_" I said angrily. "You are _not_ gonna die – if you're evolved enough to ascend then you're evolved enough to work out how not to ascend and still survive."

"Sabina," Rodney tried to get me to consider the possibility that this wasn't going to have a happy ending.

"No," I said firmly. "You work it out!" Not wanting to hear any more protests or logical arguments I turned and almost ran from the room.

John and I spoke little that night, choosing instead to take comfort in a companionable silence that was never awkward. I didn't want to hear that Radek was no closer to finding a solution for Rodney and I didn't want to have to tell John that Rodney appeared to have already given up on fixing the problem himself.

x

"Rodney's on board with the Ascension thing," John announced when he turned up at breakfast the next morning after an early meeting with Doctor Weir. "Elizabeth pointed out that he could always retake human form once he's Ascended and then he was all for it."

"That's great," I said unenthusiastically, "but he still has to work out _how_ to Ascend – Rodney's not exactly renowned for his faith in anything other than science."

"He contacted the SGC last night," John admitted, "had them send over a machine that's supposed to measure how close he is to being able to Ascend."

"You spent all that time in the Sanctuary," I said with a frown. "Does that sound like the kind of approach that's gonna work?"

"Not really," John admitted. "But this is Rodney – and a super enhanced version at that. He'll work it out."

"I hope so," I murmured, looking up to greet the arrival of Teyla and Ronon.

"How's McKay?" Ronon asked, getting down to the business of eating as quickly as possible.

"He's attempting to follow the path to Ascension," John offered that explanation.

"Perhaps I could help him mediate to prepare himself," Teyla arched an eyebrow at John in query.

"McKay's not the mediating type," Ronon shrugged a shoulder when Teyla glared at his lack of support. "What?" he protested. "I'm just saying he never switches that brain of his off – how's he gonna meditate?"

"Ronon has a point," I said seriously. "Rodney never stops thinking – isn't that a prerequisite for Ascension?" I looked at John as being the most qualified of all of us to know the answer to that.

"It's not about stopping your thoughts," John said uncomfortably. "It's about having the _right_ thoughts ... releasing your burden ... contemplating your existence ... all that mumbo jumbo."

"_John_," I glared at him sternly. "I know we agreed that Ascension isn't something either of us aspires to but can't you think of _anything_ you learned during that six months you spent meditating that would help Rodney?"

"I _didn't_ meditate for six months," John corrected me, "I spent six months sitting on my arse getting bored out of my brain. If that's what it takes then I can understand why McKay doesn't want to do it!"

"Didn't Teer at least explain to you what was required?" I looked at him pleadingly.

"She tried - I spent six months wallowing in 'the path to Ascension' – if I didn't understand it after that, I'm not gonna suddenly start understanding it now, and certainly not enough to instruct someone else in how to get there," John looked at me apologetically.

"I know," I smiled at him sadly, "I'm sorry – it's just hard to sit around and do nothing."

"Elizabeth is well versed in the Ancient literature on Ascension," Teyla said calmly. 'Can she not instruct Rodney on what he must do to achieve the right state of mind?"

"She's already spoken with him once," John replied, "that's how she got him to even consider the idea that he _could_ do it."

"Then we must trust that Rodney will be able to do what is required," Teyla reminded us that in most matters we would have the utmost confidence in Rodney to work it out, especially under the pressure of impending death.

"I guess," I agreed reluctantly.

x

It was no small irony when John told me later that Elizabeth was making him teach Rodney how to mediate in the same way the people at the Sanctuary had taught him.

"Do you even remember what they taught you?" I asked John, helping him prepare our quarters for Rodney's first session. That included lighting a ridiculous number of candles that John seemed to think helped create the right 'mood'.

"The general gist of it," John prevaricated. "I can fill in the details from that."

"Well, good luck," I replied, going to the door when the chime sounded. "He's all set," I told Rodney, stepping aside to let him and his EEG monitor in. "I'll see you both later."

Not really having anything pressing to do I decided to head down to the Ancient lab where it had all begun and see whether Radek had made any progress.

"Doctor Zelenka?" I spoke quietly from the doorway, not wanting to startle him in the middle of a delicate operation.

"Sabina,' Radek poked his head out from under the main console to greet me.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing," I told him, walking over and leaning down to look at what he'd been working on, "plus ask if there's anything I can do to help."

"I've been trying various permutations for the control crystals," Radek explained. "If I can produce a complementary pattern to the one that transformed Rodney then perhaps I can reverse the effects."

"I can help you rearrange crystals," I offered hopefully, smiling when Radek nodded, gesturing for me to join him. I helped for a couple of hours until Rodney turned up at the lab. Seeing straight away that he wanted to talk to Radek I made my excuses and a hasty exit from the room.

"How'd it go?" I asked John when I got back to our quarters.

"Badly," John admitted. "Rodney kept coming up with scientific break throughs instead of calming his thoughts – plus he didn't seem to appreciate the John Sheppard visualisation scene."

"Ferris Wheel?" I looked at him with a faint smile.

"So I _like_ Ferris Wheels," John complained.

"I know ... I do too," I said soothingly. "Is Rodney coming back for another attempt?"

"I'm sure Elizabeth won't let this rest just yet," John replied, lying back on the bed and closing his eyes tiredly. I walked over and lay down beside him, curling up into his side.

"Do you think Rodney can do this?" I asked quietly. "Can he work out how to Ascend in time?"

"I'd like to say yes," John admitted, "but it's not looking good – it's a tough ask. I'm not sure any of us could achieve what's required under that kind of pressure."

"I'm scared for him," I admitted sadly, "and for us if he doesn't make it."

"Me too," John replied, hugging me closer.

x

"Sabina?" Rodney stood in my doorway early the next morning.

"Rodney – how are you feeling?" I asked in concern. His face was drawn and his eyes bloodshot, clear testament to the sleepless night he'd probably just endured.

"Synaptic activity is at 80 percent," Rodney reported. "I still haven't managed to get the EEG frequency anywhere near zero point nine – so you know – pretty good."

"You should do another meditation session with John," I advised. "We've still got the candles out and everything."

"Yes well before I get back to that there're a couple of other things I need to take care of first," Rodney announced. "First – your nanite project," he smiled weakly.

"You've done something already?" I asked in surprise.

"Super genius remember?" Rodney pointed to his own head mockingly. "Plus I couldn't sleep last night and I don't know how much time I have left."

"Oh," I didn't know what to say to that one. "Did you come up with anything useful?"

"Making your blood protein work for anyone else is out of the question," Rodney told me simply. "It's completely dependent on the presence of both Wraith and ATA genes and I can't see a way to uncouple that – without those the protein looks like any other foreign body, creating an immune response that destroys it before it can affect any nanites." Rodney watched my visible disappointment regretfully. "Carson's been researching your protein since the nanites attacked Elizabeth. He came to the same conclusion - I've gone over his work and it's solid. I'm sorry I couldn't give you a better outcome."

"What about an Earth-nanite version?" I asked hopefully.

"Ah there I did have better luck," Rodney reached a hand into his pocket and pulled out a flash drive. "This contains an anti-nanite program based on the same principle as your proteins – you can use the same lab the Ancients used to research that nanite virus to test it and then mass produce it. It should be safe for you in there. Have Radek take a look at this too - hopefully he'll be able come up with an effective means of delivering it, should the need arise."

"How does it work?" I asked curiously.

"It's too complex to go into now," Rodney said almost modestly, "but essentially each anti-nanite is like a link in a chain. The Replicators are just a bunch of individual nanites in complex communication – every defence we've come up with is about disrupting that communication. The anti-nanites are self replicating so given enough time they'll multiply and surround each individual nanite, cutting off communication and rendering the Replicator itself inert."

"Will the Replicators be able to crack the anti-nanites?" I looked at Rodney, hopeful he'd say no.

"Ah, that's the beauty of these guys," Rodney said proudly. "They're a physical entity as well as a program so it's not as simple as finding the right frequency ... we can use it as a defence against an individual Replicator or plug them into the Replicator systems and hit them in a mass attack. Of course, given enough time the Replicators _will_ find a defence against them so we have to think strategically before we deploy them."

"And they'll be completely harmless to humans?" I looked at him apprehensively. "Doctor Weir is never gonna go for any plan to use these if there's even a hint that it could come back and bite us."

"I borrowed a trick from the Ancients," Rodney said smugly, "and hard wired within the anti-nanites human recognition protocols - they'll remain dormant in the presence of human DNA and because it's hard wired it _can't_ be reprogrammed."

"That's great Rodney," I tried to smile but the thought that Rodney wouldn't be around to implement the plan himself overwhelmed me with a great sadness. "I hate this," I said heatedly. "You just had to go and show off for Doctor Esposito didn't you – see what happens when you don't keep your mind on the job!"

"I _wasn't_ showing off," Rodney's voice took on that disgruntled edge I hadn't heard since this whole thing began. Realising that he'd regressed into old behaviours he'd been trying to curb he took a moment to calm himself before changing the subject. "Look – as part of my 'path to Ascension' I've been making amends for past wrongs, and trying to give something back to ... you know, the people close to me."

"There aren't any wrongs between us ... and I don't want anything," I said quickly, taking a step back to increase the distance between us. "The nanite thing is more than enough."

"That's not for you," Rodney pointed out. "I thought of something that's only possible right now because I've got all these highly evolved ... powers." Before I could back away further Rodney took both my shoulders in his hands and slammed a piercing blue glance straight into my eyes. My flimsy 'blanket' barrier was no match for his current mental prowess – I was held immobile as images flashed through my head too rapidly for me to register what they even were. It only took seconds – almost as soon as it began it was over and Rodney was stepping away, rummaging around on my desk for a pen and paper. Scrawling hastily for a few seconds he folded the paper and held it out to me.

"What is that?" I looked at the paper like it might attack me if I touched it.

"The names of your biological parents," Rodney said simply, "and the address where they lived when you were born".

"_What?_ No! How is that even possible?" I protested, making no move to take the paper.

"Even though you can't access it, your brain retains every memory from everything that ever happened to you," Rodney replied. "I just sifted back through yours until I found the ones with information about your birth."

"They abandoned me Rodney," I told him painfully, "I've done okay without them and I just ... I really don't want to know."

"Oh," Rodney looked down at the paper in confusion. "I'll just give this to Sheppard then," he decided. "That way if you ever do want to know – the option will be there for you."

"Ah – thanks I guess," I said reluctantly.

"Sheppard really loves you," Rodney said suddenly.

"Um ... I know?" I looked at Rodney, even more confused by his sudden change of subject.

"The forever, get married and have kids kind of love," Rodney persisted. "He was thinking about you ... before I worked out how to shield everything ... that's why he wasn't bothered when you told him what Caritas said about that necklace he gave you."

"You _know_ about that?" I asked in a horrified tone.

"It's not like you snuck off and had a secret wedding back on Earth," Rodney reminded me that we were talking about the customs of a race that for all intents and purposes had died out 10,000 years ago. "Look – you won't let me give you anything else so I just thought you should know that. Sheppard's never gonna abandon you – in fact he's fully determined to hold on to you forever."

"Thanks Rodney," I smiled, standing up and pressing a small kiss to his cheek.

"What was that for?" Rodney looked at me in puzzled surprise.

"Because it's really sweet – what you're trying to do," I replied. "I just wish there was a way I could help you."

"I've still got time," Rodney looked at his watch, frowning when he saw how late it was. "Sorry – I've gotta catch up with Elizabeth before she heads out for her first meeting." Smiling at me awkwardly Rodney gave a half hearted wave before rushing out the door.


	36. You gonna tell me what Rodney said?

**Chapter 36: You gonna tell me what Rodney said to you?**

"Well that was freaky," I muttered under my breath. I sat for a time pondering what Rodney had told me before deciding I had to tell John what had happened, although how I was going to work in the fact that Rodney had taken thoughts right out of John's head I didn't know.

"Has Rodney been to see you yet?" I radioed John to find out where he was.

"He just called me to ask for another meditation session," John replied. "Why?"

"Because he came to see me and he was acting a little ... weird," I said with a hint of worry in my voice. "Said he was trying to make amends – that he wanted to give something back to the people closest to him."

"What did he give you?" John asked curiously.

"Ah ... the names of my biological parents," I admitted softly.

"_What?_" John's voice was full of incredulity. "Is that even possible?"

"I asked him and apparently for someone with his super human mental powers it is," I replied. "Rodney wrote the details down for me but ... I don't want to know so he said he was gonna give the paper to you. Just – get rid of it okay?"

"I'll take care of it for you," John promised. "Anything else?"

"Not really," I hesitated before adding, "just that Rodney knows about the meaning of the vinculum. Apparently you were thinking about it before Rodney learned how to shield himself from picking up our thoughts."

"Oh," John sounded uncomfortable now. "Was that all he said?"

"All that I'm going to tell you over the radio," I replied. "Can you let me know if Rodney gets worse? I want to be there when ..." I trailed off miserably.

"I'll let you know," John agreed. "I gotta go – Rodney's here."

x

It seemed only moments later that John was calling me from the infirmary to tell me Rodney's condition had deteriorated. I ran down there to find John and the others already gathered around Rodney's bed.

"There must be something we can do," John was saying in frustration. I moved to his side, looking at Rodney sadly – I couldn't believe this was happening – didn't _want_ to believe it.

"It's OK," Rodney said weakly. "You know, I'm actually feeling a sense of peace ... interspersed with moments of sheer terror, of course."

"Rodney, as far as this ascension thing goes, I know you didn't have much success but at this point, what've you got to lose?" John was almost pleading with Rodney to try again. Glancing quickly at John's face I instinctively stepped closer – his eyes were just a little shinier than usual, not something that anyone else would notice, but to me that was a red flag for how upset he was over Rodney's condition.

"May as well go out fighting, huh?" Rodney almost smiled at the idea.

"Absolutely," John urged quietly.

"Hook me up," Rodney said resolutely. Doctor Beckett nodded and picked up the headband. "Carson? Thank you. Thank you for everything," Rodney said gratefully.

"I only wish I could have done more, my friend," Carson replied softly. He attached the headband and then activated it – we could all see the numbers showing that Rodney had work to do to get his EEG low enough.

"Clear blue skies," Rodney muttered to himself, closing his eyes. "All my troubles, just drifting away. OK ... stop talking now."

I had to smiled at that - Rodney being so ... _Rodney_ even when he was on the brink of dying.

"Rodney, you're a good person," Doctor Weir said gently. "Know that we love you."

"You love me?" Rodney smiled at the idea, eyes still closed. "Really? All of you?"

"In a way a friend feels about another friend," John qualified awkwardly, flinching when I poked an elbow into his side. He raised an eyebrow as if to say 'what did I do?' I looked back at him, silently asking him to relax on the 'I don't express my feelings' thing, now of all times. John nodded reluctantly, turning back to look at Rodney again.

"You're just saying that because I'm gonna die," Rodney discounted the sentiment. "Oh, God. I can't believe I'm gonna die," Rodney said in quiet dismay.

"Alright - just back to the blue skies," John ordered quickly before Rodney could get caught up in a tide of panic. "Let your thoughts go. Concentrate on your breathing."

Rodney lay still, eyes closed, giving every appearance of concentrating on John's instructions. The monitor beeped, displaying his EEG reading at 3 Hertz ... then 2 ... then 1 – so low and yet still not enough. I'd gone a bit mentally numb at that point – I knew what was happening but I just couldn't process what it meant. Rodney couldn't die – we _needed_ him and he'd always found a solution for everyone else in the past. Why couldn't he find one for himself now?

"Oh, my God," Carson muttered sickly, looking away.

Rodney surged up in the bed suddenly, grabbing Carson's coat and holding on for dear life. He said nothing, just stared frantically into Carson's eyes. Doctor Beckett gazed back in wordless shock. Rodney's EEG reading shot up past 60 Hertz before crashing back down. I watched sickly as Rodney's eyes rolled back in his head and he dropped down on the bed again, EEG monitor displaying the message "No reading."

"John?" I whispered in disbelief. Wordlessly he squeezed my hand, watching intently as Carson checked Rodney's vitals.

"He's not breathing," Carson moved quickly into emergency mode. "Quick, bag him. We need to get him on a ventilator."

"Carson, he gave us strict orders ..." Doctor Weir trailed off miserably.

"You don't understand," Carson interrupted firmly. "He just told me how to save him."

All I could do was get out of the way as Carson's staff got Rodney hooked up to a ventilator. Once that was done Carson contacted Doctor Zelenka and told him what Rodney had come up with to save himself. I went down to the lab with Doctor Weir and Teyla to help Radek prepare the machine.

"We're en route," Carson reported, voice shifting as though he were running. "His pulse is very weak. Are you ready?"

"We will be," Doctor Weir replied confidently. She walked over to where Radek was working rapidly on the console to see if that really was true.

"Almost," Radek reported simply.

Seconds later Ronon rushed in carrying Rodney in his arms.

"Hurry," Carson urged impatiently. "He can't breathe on his own."

Ronon ran over to the platform and put Rodney down in the right spot.

"OK, stand back," Radek warned. He activated something on his laptop and immediately the platform was engulfed in a green glow. The glow turned into a beam that shifted down and swirled around Rodney's body. 

Seconds passed and then it stopped. The effect was immediate – Rodney sat up and looked around as if startled.

"Rodney?" Carson rushed over to him.

"It worked!" Rodney said in amazement.

"Did it?" Carson asked uncertainly.

"Well, I'm alive, aren't I?" Rodney responded sarcastically.

"Sounds like him," John quipped with a half smile, the tension leaving him abruptly.

"Yes, yes," Rodney said impatiently. He glanced at us intently. "I can't hear one of your thoughts." Turning to Carson he gestured with his fingers as if trying to levitate him again. "The telekinesis has gone." Rodney got to his feet, thinking face clearly evident. "I'm still smart, I think ... Yes! Yes, I'm me! I'm my old self!"

"Are you certain?" Carson looked at him questioningly.

"Yeah, I'm alive!" Rodney confirmed excitedly. "I feel great! I feel, uh ... um ... hungry?"

"He's fine," John smiled at Carson in relief.

"And you said it was impossible," Doctor Weir said to Rodney.

"Yeah, it just came to me," Rodney admitted. "I was, I was, I was floating in this, this big black emptiness and then the answer just came out of nowhere. Look, the device was designed to manipulate your DNA. It couldn't reverse the evolutionary advancement process because everyone's DNA was different. It makes certain changes that cause the DNA to evolve in ways specific to your own unique physiology."

"Yeah," Radek nodded in understanding. "In order to manipulate the DNA back to the previous state, the programme required a precise reference point."

"Fortunately I keep blood samples from all the Atlantis team members for baseline comparisons," Doctor Beckett said.

"I don't understand what any of you are talking about," Ronon admitted freely. He walked over to Rodney and grabbed the front of his shirt.

"What - what?" Rodney looked at him with a worried uncertain expression.

"It's good to have you back, buddy," Ronon said simply, pulling Rodney into a hug complete with back slapping and affectionate manly growling.

"Yes, well -- it's good to be back," Ronon said weakly, clearly puzzled by Ronon's unexpected show of affection.

"Yeah!" Ronon agreed, stepping back again.

"I'm glad you're okay Rodney," I held back until the others had expressed their relief. "You had me worried there for a moment."

"I had me worried too," Rodney admitted freely.

x

Now that everything was back to normal – as normal as it seemed to get on Atlantis anyway – my thoughts turned back to the conversation I'd had with Rodney earlier that day. It was still early afternoon and everyone had returned to duty, even Rodney, after Carson had announced he couldn't find a thing wrong with him. I'd been carrying the flash drive Rodney had given me around in my pocket and decided I might as well have a look.

Once in my lab with laptop humming away I quickly discovered that the flash drive contained a huge amount of detail. There was general information on Earth based nanite technology as well as design specifications, construction notes, and programming code. Rodney must have been granted super human typing speed along with all his other talents to have written so much in such a short time frame. It was gonna take me weeks just to wade through everything to determine if I could even implement the plans he'd created.

"Whatcha reading?" John appeared out of nowhere, leaning over my shoulder to peer at my screen.

"Don't sneak up on me!" I protested, swivelling to glare at him as my heart raced in shock. I'd asked him many times to give up on the whole 'looking over my shoulder' thing but it amused him enough that I knew he probably never would.

"You were so absorbed you didn't hear me come in," John defended himself. "That's not the same as sneaking."

"Did you want something ... other than to scare a year off my life?" I asked sarcastically.

"Rodney's back in his lab," John said conversationally, "trying to make sense of half the things he invented while he was a super genius."

"I didn't think of that," I admitted. "For Rodney, knowing he'd broken the boundaries of science but not being able to understand it anymore would be the ultimate in frustration."

"At least he's alive," John pointed out starkly. "You gonna tell me what Rodney said to you?"

"Nothing you haven't said yourself," I discounted, swivelling back around to my laptop. "Do you think Rodney will keep what he 'discovered' about all of us a secret?"

"Elizabeth spoke to him about that," John reassured me. "He agreed to 'forget' everything – said a lot of the detail was kind of vague now anyway." John put his hands on my shoulders and swung me back around to face him again. "Now tell me what Rodney said to you."

"I don't know why this feels so embarrassing," I complained, looking down at my hands instead of at John. "He just told me that you ah ... really love me ... and that you'd never abandon me."

"So how did the necklace come into it?" John persisted, urging me to look up at him.

"God you just never quit do you?!" I said in a grumpy tone. "It was _your thoughts_ Rodney heard – you must already know what you were thinking!" John just looked at me expectantly – rolling my eyes in frustration I gave in. "Okay! Rodney said your love was the forever kind - that's why you weren't bothered about what the necklace represented to the Ancients, because you're fully determined to hold on to me forever. Happy now?"

"Do my feelings embarrass you?" John asked in a neutral tone. I looked up at him intently but he had his military face on so I couldn't tell how important my answer might be to him.

"Of course not," I said sincerely. "I'm perfectly happy for everyone here to know how you feel – just as long as I don't have to be the one telling them about it!"

"Ah," John nodded in understanding. "Fair enough. So what _were_ you so absorbed in when I got here?"

"It's probably nothing," I admitted, "but to be honest I can't tell at the moment. Rodney was looking for things to invent so I asked him to work on a defence against the Replicator nanites based on my anti-nanite proteins. He gave me this," I gestured to the screen. "There's a lot here to read before I can work out if it really is something we can use."

"Clever," John congratulated me. "I can't believe we had Rodney super genius around for days and you were the only one who asked him to do something specific with that. I thought about it when we first realised what the machine had done but I didn't follow it up."

"Maybe that's the upside of living such an unstructured life," I said simply. "Always gotta be practical, no matter the situation. I'll wait a few days – give Rodney the chance to get used to being only an ordinary genius again – before I bring this to him."

"Okay," John agreed. "Wanna go get some dinner?"

"Sure," I let John pull me from my chair. Instead of walking anywhere I stood close to him and put my arms around his waist. "Thanks," I said softly.

"For what?" John looked down at me with a puzzled expression.

"For the whole 'hold on to me forever' thing," I explained. "It means a lot."

"Too easy," John lifted me off my feet in a bone crushing hug. Putting me back on the ground he kept an arm around me as he walked us both out the door.

John knew I had issues with the 'marriage and kids' thing so I didn't feel guilty for leaving that part out of my recitation of what Rodney had borrowed from John's head. And if my issues had gotten more layered and complex over time, well ... the very thought of trying to explain all of that was just more motivation to keep it to myself for now.

**Authors Note:**

It struck me as odd when I watched Tao of Rodney that no one thought to ask Rodney to solve any specific problems – of which they have many! Instead he wasted his genius hours on new maths no one was going to understand. They did get Jumper hyper drives out of it but that was an accident really. Hence my desire to write something deliberate into my story :D


	37. You are such a child sometimes

**Chapter 37: You are such a child sometimes**

"This makes for a nice change," I said happily from my position in the pilot's chair of the Puddle Jumper. "Most of our missions seem to be via Stargates located on the actual planets – this is only the third time I think I've been through a space based gate."

"I think Colonel Sheppard usually likes to do those himself," Major Lorne said with a faint teasing edge. "It's a pilot thing – you're lucky I'm letting you fly today."

"Why _are_ you letting me fly today?" I asked curiously.

"The Colonel was keen for all the Jumper pilots to get experience flying one through the Stargate," Lorne admitted freely. "Most of the pilots have already done a flight so I _had_ to let you take this one today."

"Not that keen to give up the pilot's chair yourself Major?" I raised an eyebrow at him sardonically.

"Hey I'm Air force," Lorne said unrepentantly. "If I don't get to fly _something_ on a regular basis I get antsy."

"Well then thank you even more for the chance to fly this one myself," I said sincerely.

"Let's head out," Major Lorne ordered, punching in the seven symbols for M4D-058 himself. The Jumper did most of the work for the first part of the journey, guiding us out of the Jumper Bay and into position in front of the now open wormhole. Easing the stick forward I took the Jumper through the gate, emerging almost instantly into space on the other side.

"Take us closer to the planet," Lorne requested, turning to Lieutenant Brown and adding "are you picking up anything?"

"This is odd," Brown commented after only a moment's pause to check the scans. "There are a series of satellites, only small, arranged in a grid over the main continent – they're in geosynchronous orbit."

"Was there any mention in the database about an advanced settlement here?" Lorne asked me.

"No," I replied. "I was expecting a level of development similar to the planet we first found Lucius on."

"Are we picking up life signs?" Lorne asked Brown.

"Yes Sir," Brown reported. "I have multiple locations on both sides of the river."

"Okay, let's head for this clearing," he pointed to a section of the map displayed on the HUD, "and we'll hike in, check the closest settlement out."

I landed the Puddle Jumper in a small clearing a short distance from one of the villages we'd detected, cloaking it once we'd grabbed our gear. Following Lieutenant Parker through the trees we eventually came out on a path of sorts leading to the outskirts of the settlement. There was a stone wall surrounding a collection of cottages reminiscent of pre industrial England. Motioning us to keep down, Major Lorne led us slowly until we had all taken up positions behind the wall.

Lorne carefully peered over the top of the wall, watching for a few seconds before dropping back down with a puzzled expression.

"Sabina," he said quietly, "take a quick look, flag on the wall, opposite side of the square."

Popping my head cautiously up over the wall I glanced in the direction Lorne had indicated. "_What the_?" I muttered, squinting to make sure I wasn't seeing things. Dropping down beside Lorne again I asked "is that a flag with Rodney's _picture_ on it?"

"That's what I thought," Lorne agreed. "Question is, what's McKay's face doing on anything all the way out here?"

"I hope he's not a ringer for some kind of village God," I replied jokingly, "or we'll never hear the end of it."

"Atlantis is due to dial in for a progress report in two hours," Lorne said. "Let's skirt the village and see if we can spot anything else out of place before then."

x

We conducted reconnaissance of the village, detecting nothing to suggest these people had the capability to launch satellites into space. Taking up our original position overlooking the village we settled down to await contact from Atlantis. Parker set up the camera so that we could do a video report once the Stargate had been activated.

"Major Lorne, this is Atlantis base," Doctor Weir's voice came through loud and clear, "what is your status?"

"We came through the space Gate and immediately noticed a bunch of small satellites in geosynchronous orbit above the planet," Major Lorne reported.

"An advanced civilisation?" Doctor Weir asked.

"That's what we thought," Lorne agreed, "then we picked up life signs directly below, so we flew down, saw several villages separated by a large river and decided to check one of them out, and as you can see ... Lieutenant?" Major Lorne gestured for Lieutenant Parker to position the camera to give Atlantis a clear view of the village. "These people don't exactly look like they're ready to be launching any satellites - at least not for the next five hundred years or so."

"The Ancients probably put 'em up there," John suggested.

"Mmm," Rodney didn't commit to an opinion either way.

"We'll send a science team to check it out," Doctor Weir recommended.

"Uh, actually," Lorne said with a grin, "I think Doctor McKay may wanna come check this one out for himself."

"Why?" Rodney demanded impatiently.

"Take a look," Lorne invited, grinning now in anticipation of Rodney's reaction.

Lieutenant Parker directed his camera over the wall again, this time zooming in on the flag that had first caught our attention.

"Does that look familiar Rodney?" I asked pointedly, knowing he and John would instantly make the same connection I had after thinking about it for a while. I didn't want to say more than that for fear of giving them away before they could talk to Doctor Weir themselves.

"Uh," Rodney replied uncertainly, "maybe?"

"Major Lorne, return to Atlantis to brief Colonel Sheppard's team," Doctor Weir instructed.

"Acknowledged," Lorne replied. Motioning to the rest of us to pack everything up for the hike back to the Puddle Jumper, he fell into step beside me. "Something tells me you might know what this is about," Lorne said quietly.

"Ah," I glanced at him before looking away, "that flag did seem familiar to me and then I remembered something John told me about a game he and Rodney were playing. I haven't seen it myself but I know enough from John's complaints about Rodney's tactics to know Rodney has a flag just like that in the game. I don't know how it's possible but there must be some kind of connection."

"A game?" Lorne looked intrigued. "Does Doctor Weir know about this?"

"Rodney told her about the room when they first found it," I replied, "but I don't think they've updated her on it since they started going there regularly for their game sessions."

"They are gonna be so busted when Doctor Weir finds out," Lorne was amused at the very thought of Elizabeth chewing Rodney and John out over something so ... juvenile.

x

John and Rodney met us in the Jumper Bay as soon as I'd landed it.

"Major Lorne," John greeted us. "Doctor Weir wants us to meet in her office for a quick briefing before we head out."

"I'll just get rid of our gear," Major Lorne replied, "and meet you up there in five minutes Sir." He and the rest of the team headed out of the Jumper Bay, leaving me lingering behind with John and Rodney.

"Did you tell Elizabeth about the game?" I looked from one to the other curiously.

"Yeah," John admitted, "and she wasn't amused. Did you see anything to suggest there's a connection between that planet and our game?"

"Other than the flag with Rodney's face on it?" I asked sarcastically. When they nodded wordlessly in unison I couldn't help but shake my head in fond amusement. "Well, let's see ... there were depictions of Rodney on the walls too, some indications of early science beyond what would be normal for their obvious level of development ... oh and you'll like this one Rodney – a surprising number of women with short blonde hair."

"We are so screwed," Rodney muttered with a sick look.

"Let's not jump to conclusions until we've checked out the planet," John tried for the optimistic approach. "We better get up to Elizabeth's office," John said. "Sabina, I'll see you when we get back."

"Good luck," I called out after them, watching as they hurried off like two little boys who'd been caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

x

"Sabina this is Sheppard."

"You're back," I tapped my ear piece in reply. "How'd it go?"

"Ah – not good," John admitted reluctantly. "We've brought the leaders of the two settlements Rodney and I have been ... controlling back here to discuss the situation."

"What situation would that be?" I asked pointedly. "What did you and Rodney do?"

"Nothing!" John protested. "Nothing deliberate anyway," he qualified after a moments silence. "Turns out these people were at peace until a couple of years ago when their 'oracles' started communicating with them again. Now they're at each other's throats and potentially on the brink of a real war because of the path Rodney and I have put them on."

"How did they take it when they found out you were just playing a game?" my tone was curious rather than judging.

"They didn't believe it," John replied. "That's partly why we brought them back here – so we could prove it to them."

"What are you going to do to fix things?" I knew, despite the competitiveness between John and Rodney, that neither would want to see innocent people hurt because of events they had set in motion.

"That's why I called," John admitted. "I'm taking Baden to the commissary to talk things through."

"So you won't be able to meet me for dinner later," I completed his sentence. "That's cool – I'll just catch up with Teyla and Ronon instead – they can fill me in on what happened today."

"Thanks," John said gratefully. "I'll see you back at our quarters later."

Signing off I sat back with a sigh. It was hard to believe that a seemingly innocent pastime had resulted in yet another bizarre event to add to an ever growing collection.

x

"If Rodney hadn't _cheated_ these people wouldn't be on the brink of war," John complained later that night.

"I didn't realise there were rules for manipulating a whole planet of people," I looked at him pointedly, sitting crossed legged on the bed as I watched him pacing in agitation.

"We agreed to let our countries evolve at their own pace," John persisted, "and then McKay started giving them scientific knowledge ... they've just invented steam power!"

"You do realise this isn't a game anymore don't you?" I asked sternly. "Did you manage to make any headway with Baden?"

"No," John replied in frustration, "because McKay's people have started digging into the coal reserves on _our_ land to power their air ships!"

"It's not _your_ land John," I pointed out firmly. "You and Rodney need to put aside your personal battles before they cause a real problem on that planet."

"I know, I know," John flopped down next to me grumpily. "Doctor Weir is meeting with Baden and Nola first thing tomorrow – without us because apparently we're too heavily invested in the outcome."

"You _are_ taking this awfully personally John," I told him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You've spent a lot of time on this over the past two years."

"This sucks ... I really loved that game!" John grumbled.

"You and Rodney will have to come up with another way to engage in 'battle'," I advised, smiling when he rolled his eyes over my description of the ongoing niggling between him and Rodney.

x

"How's it going Doctor Weir?" I asked, having bumped into Elizabeth on her way from the meeting with Baden and Nola.

"It's been remarkably like watching an argument between John and Rodney" Doctor Weir admitted. "Both refused to give an inch, the exact behaviour John and Rodney were guilty of the whole time they've been playing this game. It's a wonder they haven't already engaged in open warfare."

"Do you think they will?" I looked at her in concern, knowing how guilty John and Rodney already felt about the situation between their two nations.

"I've requested John and Rodney do whatever's necessary to get Nola and Baden back to the table to talk," Elizabeth replied. "If they can't put their differences aside and call a truce there's little chance these people will. Then it will only be a matter of time before the situation worsens."

"So John and Rodney are trying to convince them right now?" I asked curiously.

"I'm about to check back in with them to get a progress report," Doctor Weir said, sitting behind her desk now we'd arrived at her office.

"I hope it's a good one," I smiled a farewell before leaving her to her work.

x

"Sabina," John's voice came through on my radio channel later that day.

"I'm here," I replied, tapping my earpiece to make the radio connection.

"I'm on my way to the Jumper Bay - we're heading back to M4D-058," John told me. "Baden ordered an attack against the mine where the Geldar's are digging – there were no casualties but Elizabeth's worried things are gonna escalate."

"Have you got a plan?" I asked worriedly, imagining all sorts of things that could go wrong once they'd placed themselves within the war zone.

"I've got some ideas," John admitted. "We have to check out the situation first – work out the best approach."

"And put aside your differences with Rodney," I added. I could hear John grumbling as he walked down the hall. "You know how stubborn Rodney is John – you have to be the bigger man and put the wellbeing of those people first instead of clinging to your ownership of Hallora."

"I will," John agreed. "I already have – but that doesn't mean I can't still get in a few digs at Rodney along the way."

"You are such a child sometimes," I shook my head ruefully.

"It's part of my charm," John teased. "I'm almost at the Jumper Bay so I'll sign off – catch up with you later once this is all resolved."

"Okay," I agreed. "Good luck – and be careful."

x

"Did I hear correctly?" I sat down across from Lorne and Radek in the commissary a short time later. "Did you two just get reamed out by Doctor Weir for playing that game?"

"I discovered a starving village on one of the other planets," Radek tried to explain. "There was a field suitable to plant enough vegetables to feed them all not far away but the people didn't know of its existence."

"So I suggested we could tell them," Lorne admitted reluctantly. 'Before we knew it we were doing a whole bunch of other things to try and improve their circumstances.

"This game is very ... appealing," Radek said with a frown. "I can understand why Colonel Sheppard and Rodney spent so much time down there."

"Yeah well now that Doctor Weir has closed off the room no one will be doing that anymore," Lorne looked disappointed to have only been able to play the game for a short time.

"I can see now why Doctor Weir was so annoyed with you both," I looked at each of them pointedly. "You're still calling it a _game_ even though we have some pretty disturbing proof that it's affecting real people's lives!"

"Yeah okay," Lorne complained. "Are you finished getting your payback because I laughed at the Colonel being in trouble with Doctor Weir?"

"Payback?" I looked at him with an innocent expression. "I wouldn't do something that ... petty." I smiled when both men looked at me uncertainly. "I've gotta get back to work," I stood up and looked down at them teasingly. "Let me know when you have your first Gamers Anonymous meetings – I'm sure you, John and Rodney will have a lot to talk about."

Chuckling softly I turned and left them to it.

x

It took a while for Team Sheppard to return from M4D-058 having managed to avert an all out war with some deception and the creative use of the Daedalus transporters. Things were still tense between Hallora and Geldar but at least both leaders were now willing to enter into truce discussions with Doctor Weir mediating.

John and Rodney had given up their disappointment over losing the game and decided to concentrate on chess instead. I was looking forward to hearing about the result of the first match, especially since I knew Rodney wasn't aware that John was an exceptional chess player.

I only knew myself because John had been trying to teach me for the past few months. It was slow going and for him probably frustrating _and_ boring – playing against me wasn't exactly a challenge for him! John didn't pull his punches either – in one memorable game I'd made a stupid first move, following it up with an even stupider second move that resulted in John checkmating me in two moves. I think it took all of 20 seconds – the 'conversation' we had afterwards lasted longer than the actual game. I argued that if he annihilated me too quickly I'd never get the chance to learn anything – John argued that if he didn't punish my mistakes I'd never learn anything either. I think I sulked for a good week or so before reluctantly letting John lure me back to the lessons. Needless to say I _wasn't_ a natural at chess and it would be some time – probably never – before I could hope to even get close to challenging John's skills.

Hopefully Rodney would be different and John would get to exercise his chess muscles more vigorously than he'd been able to since coming to Atlantis. In any case that was as good as they were going to get for a friendly battle.

**Authors Note:**

Problem: How does Major Lorne dial in to report the discovery of Rodney's flag when the Stargate is in space and they are on the planet? Everything I've seen suggests the range of the Puddle Jumper wouldn't allow them to dial anything from so far away. Answer: Someone takes the Jumper back up in space, assuming someone else on his team has the ATA gene because Lorne stays on the planet. Or the Author takes the problem away by changing how it took place! Hence Atlantis dials them for a check in and that's when they report.


	38. The moon is skimming the atmosphere

**Chapter 38: The moon is already skimming the atmosphere**

"You need to gear up," Major Lorne greeted me from the doorway of my lab. It had only been a couple of hours since team Sheppard had headed out on a mission to check out a man made moon orbiting a planet destroyed by the Wraith.

"Is there a problem with Colonel Sheppard's team?" I asked in concern, following him down the corridor.

"Kinda, although it sounds like they've got it under control for now," Lorne replied. "Doctor Weir will tell us more when she briefs us."

Lorne and I grabbed our offworld gear and then met up with the other two members of team Lorne on the way up to the Control Room for Doctor Weir's instructions.

"Colonel Sheppard's team discovered a facility built into the moon," Doctor Weir began. "There are survivors from the planet stored in some kind of modified Wraith transporter device. One of them was reintegrated when Rodney activated life support – for some reason he blew up a shuttle, damaging the moon base and sending it into a decaying orbit. They've lost the Jumper as well so the sooner we get there the better. Doctor Beckett will be going with you to assist another survivor who was injured during the explosion."

"We're ready to go," Major Lorne acknowledged, motioning for us to fall in behind him.

"Be careful Major," Doctor Weir gave the go ahead for the rescue mission before looking away from Lorne to me. "Sabina – is this a mission you want to be going on?" I held back at that question while the rest of the team headed up the stairs to the Jumper Bay to meet Doctor Beckett.

"You know I've already had this conversation with Colonel Sheppard," I replied in a low voice. "I'm a permanent member of Major Lorne's team which means I'm on every mission unless there's a good reason otherwise."

"I know," Doctor Weir replied. "I just don't want to put you into a position where personal conflicts might result."

"I can do my job objectively," I promised. "Besides, for this one I'll probably be piloting the Puddle Jumper which means I won't get to set foot on the base."

"If you're sure," Doctor Weir looked at me in concern.

"You know I'd much rather be there in any capacity than hanging around here waiting for news," I admitted. "I can handle it."

"Yes you can," Doctor Weir smiled at me. "Good luck."

"Thanks," I replied, turning and running up the stairs to catch up with the rest of my team.

Major Lorne _did_ assign me as pilot for the mission. He, Parker, Brown and Doctor Beckett were already in their spacesuits ready to navigate within the damaged moon station before we'd even taken off. We dialled the address and moments later emerged in space. I powered up the engines and took the Jumper closer to John's position.

"Colonel Sheppard, this is Major Lorne ... we are en route, and on afterburners. We should have you out of there in no time."

"Understood," John replied. "You're gonna have to convert the Jumper's cloak into a shield and extend it to the station to create a seal."

"We're already on it, sir," Lorne acknowledged, turning to cast a querying glance at me. I nodded to let him know the commands had already been entered and accepted by the Jumper control system. Luckily Rodney had set something up so that wasn't the highly technical task it had once been.

"How are my patients doin'?" Doctor Beckett asked in concern.

"Jamus could use your help," John replied. I was relieved by that response because it meant the rest of the team were okay enough not to need Doctor Beckett's help.

"Tell 'em we'll be there in a jiff," Carson said encouragingly.

"Shields are extended," I reported a few moments later. "We're ready to dock."

"Back us into the hangar," Lorne replied. "Nice and slow Sabina."

I was a bit nervous because I'd never docked a Puddle Jumper in space like that ... I retracted the engines and guided the Jumper into position, breathing a sigh of relief when the docking went without a hitch.

"OK, we're in," Major Lorne reported to those on the moon base. The four of them put their helmets on quickly. Lorne gestured for me to close the bulk head doors and seal my section. Until they'd restored the moon base I'd have to remain in that part of the Puddle Jumper.

I sat back with a sigh, expecting a long and impatient wait ... I'd briefly contemplated letting John know I was there but it seemed superfluous. He knew how hard I'd argued to be included in all missions Major Lorne's team were assigned to so he should know that I was there in some capacity. It didn't seem professional for me to contact him just to say hello!

It was only a few minutes later that Rodney arrived at the Jumper. I had to close and seal the rear hatch behind him so that he could divest himself of his spacesuit helmet. Once in the forward section with me I sealed us in again and reopened the rear hatch.

"Sabina," he greeted me almost in surprise.

"Are you okay Rodney?" I asked in concern.

"I narrowly avoided being sucked out into space when the Control Room was breached," Rodney said dramatically, "so you know ... I'm good."

"And the others?" I looked at him expectantly. "Teyla, Ronon ... John?"

"We were separated when Captain Suicide decided to blow up his space shuttle while it was still attached to the base," Rodney said sarcastically. "From the sounds of it they're okay."

"Can I do anything to help you?" I glanced at his laptop, watching as he punched in some calculations.

"Yeah ... be quiet," Rodney gave a half smile to take the edge of that. "I need to work out how long we've got until this whole base burns up on the atmosphere."

"I can do that," I agreed, sitting back and resigning myself to feeling pretty much useless for the rest of the mission. Major Lorne must have been successful at repairing the damaged hatch because he reported in later that the station was repressurising. That allowed me to open up the Jumper instead of being sealed off from the others.

"McKay, how much time do we have?" John's voice came through on Rodney's radio.

"Not much," Rodney admitted. "We're getting dangerously close to the planet's atmosphere. The moon won't survive another orbit."

"So no pressure then," John replied, his voice giving away the fact that he was already running to get somewhere within the base.

x

Rodney was busily monitoring our descent into the atmosphere, muttering to himself about Colonel's taking the scenic route and risking everybody's lives when he saw something he obviously didn't like.

"Oh what now?" Rodney's voice was exasperated. Before I could ask what the problem was he was activating his radio. "Sheppard, what's going on? I'm picking up another power surge."

"That little weasel," John's voice was angry and impatient. "Rodney, we need you in the pattern storage room. Jamus activated the transporter beam on himself and Teyla."

"I'm on my way," Rodney replied, grabbing his laptop and running out the door without a backward glance.

I waited as long as I could without getting any kind of report from anyone. That actually started to piss me off – I mean how long would it have taken one of them just to let me know what was going on? Finally I couldn't stand the silent waiting anymore.

"Major Lorne, what's your status?" I opened a channel to my team.

"Sorry Sabina," Lorne replied. "McKay is trying to work out how to get Teyla out of that device but it's not looking good."

"The moon is already skimming the atmosphere," I reported. "We need to get everyone out of there sooner rather than later."

"I'll go and hurry the Colonel along," Lorne acknowledged.

"Good," I replied before he could end the conversation. "And this time could you let me know what the plan is?"

"Will do ... Lorne out."

Even with the agreement to keep me in the loop it was still more minutes than I liked before Lorne got back to me.

"Sabina, this is Lorne. We're heading back to the Jumper now."

"What about Teyla?" I asked quickly.

"Colonel Sheppard has a plan," Lorne said evasively.

"And what is it?" I asked suspiciously.

"He's flying the shuttle out of the moon with the transporter device on board," Rodney took on the task of letting me know.

"He's _what_?" my voice rose incredulously. Without waiting for any further communications from them I switched to John's channel. "John, are you out of your mind?" I asked angrily.

"Not now Sabina," John's voice was muffled by the helmet he'd had to put back on. "I'm a little busy here."

"You're a smart man – I'm sure you can talk and prepare for something stupid at the same time," I retorted.

"It's too late to talk me out of this," John's voice didn't contain a scrap of apology for that.

"I guess that's why you didn't bother to let me in on your latest brilliantly insane idea then," I said bitterly. "Were you gonna say anything to me at all?"

"Sure," John said easily. "Once I'd piloted the shuttle away from the moon I was gonna tell you how cool this is. You know I've always wanted to pilot a space shuttle."

"That smart arse flyboy humour might work with everyone else John," I said seriously, "but I know you're fully aware of how crazy this scheme of yours is."

"Would you rather I ran to safety and left Teyla to die in that device?" John was angry and frustrated now. "Because it was that or fly this thing out of here."

"I know - you don't have a choice," I acknowledged softly. I could hear Rodney and the others running down the passageway towards the Jumper. Realising that my private conversation with John was almost at an end I sighed. "I really need you to land that shuttle safely John," I pleaded, my voice filled with worry and love.

"It'll be fine," John promised. "As soon as the others get there, take the Jumper to a safe distance."

"Okay," I agreed, adding with a confidence I struggled hard to project, "talk to you on the planet."

Rodney, Ronon, Carson and the rest of team Lorne ran into the Jumper, throwing themselves into the available seats.

"Get us out of here, Sabina," Lorne ordered. Nodding an acknowledgement I powered up the Jumper and backed out of the dock.

"Alright," John kept us informed of his progress. "I've got the device locked in place. Looks like internal power switched on automatically. Closing rear hatch now."

Jumper disengaged, I guided us slowly away from the base.

"See you guys on the ground," John said confidently.

"Will do, sir," Major Lorne replied. "Good luck."

Exiting the hangar I flew the Jumper clear of the moon, swinging us around so that we had a view of the structure from the main view screen. My heart lurched when I got my first good look at the situation from the outside. The leading edge of the moon was already burning up in the atmosphere, shaking the station and causing large sections of rock to spin loose and hurtle out into space.

"We're clear, sir," Lorne reported.

"The moon's decelerating in the upper atmosphere," Rodney said briskly. "You've only got a few minutes to familiarise yourself with those controls."

"Pretty straightforward," John said confidently.

"We're gonna lose radio contact as you pass through the atmosphere," Rodney advised, glancing at me with a worried look.

"I know, Rodney," John replied impatiently.

"I'm saying that if you have anything that you'd like to say, now would be a good time to say -," Rodney trailed off miserably.

"No, not really," John interrupted unapologetically. "We all know how much I suck at this kind of thing."

"You do," I smiled ruefully, shaking my head at John's tendency to joke, especially during the high pressure situations.

"Gettin' some chop," John told us moments later.

"Now would probably be a good time to disengage," Rodney advised, calling the HUD up to check John's position. "Hopefully the explosive bolts will throw him clear of the moon," he told us.

"Initiating separation manoeuvre in three, two, one, mark," John reported. There was a short pause. "Separation is negative. Switching to back-up." Another short pause. "Disengage. Come on! Dammit! The bolts will not work. I repeat - the explosive bolts will not fire. Unable to separate ship. I don't know if you can hear me but it looks like I'm gonna have to ride this one down."

"Oh God," I muttered weakly. "This is crazy."

"What's happening?" Ronon asked.

"He can't separate the ship. He's gonna burn up inside the moon," Rodney looked sick at the prospect.


	39. Hey! What was that for?

**Chapter 39: Hey! What was that for?**

"Can the shuttle make it through that?" I looked at Rodney hopefully.

"If the moon breaks up quickly enough the shuttle will clear the debris before being destroyed," Rodney replied.

We watched in silence as the moon continued to descend through the atmosphere, blazing a fiery trail across the sky. There was a moment when it seemed as if everything were frozen before the moon suddenly disintegrated, spraying out pieces of rock in every direction. I froze too, praying silently as I stared fixedly at the HUD display waiting for some sign that the shuttle had gotten clear. Finally the HUD beeped and flashed up an image of the shuttle still in motion.

"There it is!" Rodney said excitedly, pointing to the display.

I tried to relax as we continued to watch the HUD tracking the shuttle on its journey. It moved rapidly in a downward path towards the planet at a much faster rate and a steeper angle of descent than I was comfortable with. "Pull it up John," I whispered under my breath. My heart felt like it was beating from somewhere in my throat as the seconds ticked by – it was the same as the last time I'd watched John in a life threatening situation. Part of me wanted to be anywhere else but the rest of me couldn't look away, even knowing that this would be another sequence to add to the montage nightmare reel I was storing in my head. Before I was ready the shuttle came to the end of the line, slamming to a halt on the HUD display. In my head my inner voice was alternating between repetitions of "this cannot be happening" and "he'll be alright."

"Get as close to the crash site as possible Sabina," Lorne urged, putting a hand on my shoulder and squeezing reassuringly.

I nodded wordlessly, knowing there was no way I could say anything without giving away my distress, and guided the Jumper down towards the planet.

"Can you tell if he's alive?" Carson asked Rodney the question I'd been trying not to think about.

"Not yet. Wait," Rodney said abruptly, focusing intently on his display.

I took the Jumper through the atmosphere to a low altitude, skimming across the barren landscape towards the crash site. We waited anxiously for some sign of John's condition. A moment later the HUD beeped. Looking at Rodney hopefully I felt my insides relax at the smile on his face.

"I'm detecting one life sign," Rodney announced happily.

"That's one week's pay you owe me, Rodney," John's voice almost brought me to tears, weak and exhausted though it was.

"Well, technically, I didn't take that bet," Rodney pointed out, smiling along with the rest of us.

"Hang tight, sir," Major Lorne advised. "We're on our way."

"Take your time, Major," John replied easily. "Take your time."

"Are ye all right lad?" Carson asked in concern.

"I'm fine Doc," John replied reassuringly. "I'm making my way to the people storage thing now," John paused before adding "from what I can tell it's undamaged."

"We'll get Teyla out of there as soon as we can Son," Doctor Beckett said. "You sit down and rest until we get there."

We spotted the crashed shuttle, forward section scorched and partially melted, buried in the dirt with the evidence of a large skid across the ground trailing out behind it. Landing the Jumper beside the downed shuttle I waited impatiently for Rodney to confirm that the air was all right to breathe. Major Lorne led the way with Carson close on his heels as we trooped over to the shuttle. Lorne had to cut the access hatch off to get us inside, Carson barely waiting for the door to be clear before hurrying inside and running towards the control section. I arrived only seconds behind him, skidding to a halt when I saw him kneeling beside John already beginning his examination.

I made no sound as Carson talked softly with John, checking him over for injuries. Only when I was sure there was nothing wrong did I make my presence known.

"Is he gonna be all right Carson?" I asked, satisfied when John jerked around in surprise to hear me there.

"Aye lass," Carson reported with a relieved smile. "He's a bit worn out but with some rest he'll be good as new."

"That's good," I said mildly, walking up to John as he swivelled around to face me. "You jerk!" I said heatedly, whacking his upper arm in frustration.

"Hey! What was that for?" John demanded, rubbing his arm and looking at me with a wounded expression.

"For letting _Rodney_ tell me what you were planning to do," I looked at him angrily. "For not trusting me to understand that you had no other choice but to do it this way. For getting yourself into trouble ... again. For frightening the crap out of me. You pick!"

"This wasn't my fault," John protested. "We had no way of knowing that guy was gonna blow up the other shuttle like that."

Before I could say more the rest of the team arrived, Rodney already talking about using the Jumper to power up the transporter device. Conscious of keeping my aggravation to myself I stepped back and let the others congratulate John on surviving that wild ride.

Once the excitement had died down and everyone had moved off to do what needed to be done so we could go home, John glanced over at me with a raised eyebrow, silently asking me if I was over my angst. I smiled, letting him know that we were cool, but that we'd still be talking about the whole thing later. John smiled in return, holding out a hand for me to help him up. He used my strength to pull himself up, applying a bit more pressure than was necessary and propelling me into his chest. Giving in to the inevitable, I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly, letting myself finally feel relief that he was in one piece.

"I'm glad you're okay," I whispered into his shirt.

"Me too," John quipped, threading a hand through my hair. We held to that for a few seconds before the subtle shifts of John's body let me know it was time to finish it off. "Let's go see how Rodney's doing."

Rodney had managed to power up the transporter device and with all the time he needed to control the use of the device he'd already begun to reintegrate the survivors of the planet we now found ourselves on. We had to wait through twenty activations before the random nature of the reintegration finally delivered Teyla back to us. Carson took charge of her straight away, getting her to the Jumper for a thorough examination.

It was a logistical exercise to work out the best approach to saving the rest of the survivors. With no viable living space and no supplies it didn't make sense to just reintegrate everyone on the planet. In the end the decision was made to send the Daedalus which was luckily still in close proximity to set up a temporary settlement first. Supplies would be provided along with regular check ins and support to help the people return to some form of normal life. It reminded me a little of our activities with the human Wraith colony ... not a pleasant thought to be having right then.

Satisfied that the necessary actions had been set in motion we were finally able to head back to Atlantis. John was sent off to the infirmary with Carson and Teyla while I was sent out with the rest of team Lorne to deliver supplies to the people who'd already been reintegrated – to tide them over until the Daedalus arrived.

I stopped in at the infirmary on my return, happy to find that Teyla was no worse for wear after her hours inside the transporter device. John had already been released so I headed to our quarters to catch up with him there.

"I'm sorry I got angry with you," I said, standing just on the edge of the balcony.

"Why was that again?" John held out a hand for me to sit next to him.

"It's funny really," I said conversationally, leaning against his shoulder as I looked out over the ocean. "There seems to be only two ways I can react when you've managed to survive _another_ life threatening situation. The tears at being too close to losing you I understand. But the anger, like today ... that doesn't make as much sense."

"I should have told you what I had planned," John admitted softly.

"At the time I certainly thought so," I replied. "But then I realised what a hypocrite I was being." When John turned to look at me in surprise I tried to explain. "There I am saying I'm a member of Lorne's team and don't treat me any different but at the same time I was expecting you to report something to me that another Jumper pilot wouldn't have needed to know."

"That's a bit rigid," John frowned. "I don't think anyone would expect you to behave as though there's no connection between us at all."

"True," I agreed, "but Doctor Weir even said it before I headed out for this mission – she wouldn't want me to be in a position of personal conflict."

"You weren't," John pointed out. "It's not like you even tried to get me to do something different because of our personal relationship."

"Just when I think I've gotten a handle on all the little complications of having this relationship with you something happens to challenge that," I admitted. "It was hard not to take it personally when no one bothered to report what was going on. With you, actions always speak louder than words – the silence was like you saying I wasn't important enough to take the time."

"That's not true," John protested. "I knew at the back of my mind that you must have been in the Jumper – I guess I just assumed Major Lorne would have filled you in. Once I realised what I was gonna have to do I knew you'd be upset so I just ..." John trailed off uncertainly.

"You don't have to justify it," I said simply. "Me wanting that special consideration or even to have a say in your decision completely contradicts my own protests every time you get overprotective when I'm out on a mission. I don't make sense even to myself!"

"It's confusing sometimes," John agreed. "But I think we're muddling through okay, working it out as we go along. And no one's judging us."

"The IOA and Woolsey _are_ judging us," I reminded him. "Any hint of personal interests taking precedence over professional ones will raise the red flag with them."

"Okay," John corrected himself, "no one _here_ is judging us."

"I hope not," I replied, resting my head on his chest. I listened to the sound of his heartbeat as we sat together in silence – it was my favourite sound, especially after a day like the one we'd just lived through.

**Authors Note:**

I decided to send the whole of team Lorne on the rescue mission for obvious reasons and because it made no sense to me that they only sent Lorne and Carson – what if they'd needed muscle power to get the others free? Since I think they cut back on numbers to make sure everyone who needed it had a seat in the Jumper for the last scenes (because it looks good on camera :D) I decided to change it to make more sense from my own point of view. Forgive the slight changes to the ending too – there's no way they could reintegrate 1000 people to a planet that could barely support life, nor transport enough supplies in a puddle jumper to provide for them. It would be a long commitment to support those people back to the point where they could survive on their planet by themselves.

I know what you're thinking ... 'Sunday' is next ... but I have another mini episode of my own coming up first ... just to delay the inevitable ...


	40. Nanite based Anti replicator Proteins

**Chapter 40: Nanite-based Anti-replicator Proteins**

It had been a busy few weeks so I hadn't managed to do as much work on Rodney's anti-nanite program as I would have liked. I'd finally read through all the materials Rodney had created, as well as researching everything I could find about the Ancient nanite lab. Even though Rodney had called them anti-nanites, essentially they were just a different type of microscopic machine, so they _were_ still nanites themselves. I was confident I could ensure the systems created Earth based nanites that wouldn't be able to interact with the Pegasus ones, since most of the differences were in the programming. To do more I'd have to actually start working inside the nanite lab itself. I didn't want to risk testing whether John or Doctor Weir would have an issue with me working down there by asking first so I decided to just do it - the whole 'it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission' philosophy. I didn't see it as disobeying any direct orders because no one had ever told me _not_ to go to that lab.

"You busy today?" John asked me at breakfast the day I'd decided to get started. For once we were actually enjoying a meal by ourselves – the rest of John's team busily preparing for their next mission later that morning.

"I was just gonna follow up some more on that nanite stuff super genius Rodney did for me," I said mildly. "If I can't work out anything in the next few days I'll have to cave and give it all back to Rodney."

"I'm sure he'd enjoy the chance to remind us all of how smart he still is," John quipped.

The rest of breakfast passed without incident and it wasn't long before team Sheppard had left on their mission. Taking enough supplies to last me the day I set out for the remote section of the city where the nanite lab was located. One thing I did that was probably going to get me in trouble later was to block myself off the sensors. The Control Room did regular life sign sweeps of the entire city and mine would stand out like a sore thumb in such a deserted area. I didn't want to be interrupted before I'd done enough to prove that my plan was a good one.

"Okay," I muttered to myself once I'd arrived at the right door. Now for the next action that was also going to be a cause for reprimands later on. Rather than trust that no one would venture back to that room Doctor Weir had ordered it sealed and locked by Atlantis itself. Concentrating hard, I put my hand on the door control and sent a strong thought to the right system to release the lock. After a short pause the door slide open silently – standing at the threshold I glanced into the room curiously. It had been one of the rooms flooded when the shields had begun retracting and the evidence of that was still present. There was a faint stale water smell in the air and the walls were marked with the signs of water damage. All the consoles looked undamaged though – once I'd walked in they lit up providing further evidence that they were fully operational.

Ripping out my laptop I connected it to the main console and then brought up the research files. Most I'd already read in the main database but some were only stored in that room. Running a quick matching program I highlighted the files I didn't already have and copied them over to my machine. Deciding I could read them later I moved on to working out how to actually physically create a nanite version of the anti-replicator protein. Super Rodney had already provided me with programs and instructions so I loaded them in first, waiting to see the result.

"Nice!" I said aloud some time later. Rodney's programs were not only about making anti-nanites – he'd programmed an interface - a new set of commands that I could access like anything else in the lab. That made my job a hell of a lot easier because I'd been fearful I'd have to find a way to integrate Rodney's work into the Ancient systems myself.

It was already late afternoon by that stage so reluctantly I closed everything off and headed back up into the main part of Atlantis. John would be returning within the hour and I was nervous about him radioing me while I was still in the nanite lab. In the end I decided to meet team Sheppard in the Gateroom – not my usual practice these days.

"Hey," John looked at me in surprise once he'd stepped through the wormhole. "Were you waiting for us?"

"Don't feel special," I teased, aligning myself to walk beside him as he followed the rest of his team to the infirmary. "I finished up early and was looking for something to do."

"So I'm one step up from complete boredom then?" John put on an injured expression. I laughed appreciatively but didn't offer a comeback. "So how did you do with the nanite research?"

"Pretty good actually – good enough to keep going rather than handball it to Rodney," I admitted freely, carefully leaving out any real details. "Nothing really concrete to report at this stage though."

"Well don't wait too long to fill Doctor Weir in," John advised. I nodded an agreement, trying not to feel guilty for the very slight deception. Apart from the location, I already had John's support to pursue the project - how angry could he get once he found out if it meant we had a viable defence against the Replicators?

That set the tone for the next couple of weeks. On days when team Lorne wasn't off world I spent a portion of the day in the nanite research lab. I still had projects to complete for Rodney as well as all the background work I had to do to prepare for each off world mission so it was slow going.

After spending probably 20 hours of actual time in the lab I was finally ready to try and create an actual anti-nanite specimen. John was busy training some of the newer recruits and Rodney and Doctor Zelenka were arguing about the best way to implement a new power control protocol – meaning I had at least a couple of hours before anyone would be looking for me.

I spent the first hour checking and double checking my logic and all the steps I had to follow. Although I was confident that anti-nanites were the right approach I was suddenly nervous that this was about to go horribly wrong. Gathering my courage I entered the commands and sat back to wait for the result to be constructed within the containment vessel the Ancients had used to study the nanite virus.

Almost an hour later the consoles beeped, letting me know the process was finished. I powered up the Ancient equivalent of an electron microscope and waited anxiously for something to appear on screen.

"_Well look at that_," I breathed in amazement. Inside the containment field was a single entity that looked just like one link in a chain, appearing to be completely inert. The thrill of success swept through me ... followed quickly by the arrival of pragmatism telling me there was no real way I could test any NAPs I created without the presence of a real Replicator or some Pegasus nanites. Rodney and Carson still had some controlled samples of the nanites from the virus and the ones that had tried to take over Elizabeth but I'd have to argue strongly to get them for testing.

Realising that my independent 'experiment' was probably now at the going public stage the only thing left for me to do that day was to transfer my sole NAP to secure storage. Accessing the routine Rodney had written for that purpose I was caught completely by surprise when the familiar claxon alarm started.

"Ah crap!" I muttered, watching in disbelief as Atlantis began a quarantine lock down on my position. Knowing it was already too late for me to get out of the room before it closed me in I turned instead to the containment chamber to see if something had gone wrong with the experiment.

"That's odd," I frowned in confusion. As far as I could tell my NAP was completely contained and still inert. There should have been no reason for Atlantis to even detect it, let alone rule it as something dangerous. I'd have to own up to setting off the alarm so I released my block on the sensors and activated the radio channel that would clue Doctor Weir, John and Rodney into the situation. "Doctor Weir this is Sabina Scott," I began. "The alarm you're hearing was set off by a process I'm running in one of the labs."

"Are you okay?" Doctor Weir responded immediately.

"Yes," I replied without admitting that I was currently locked in that lab. "Did the lock down spread beyond my position?"

"Where are you Sabina?" John's voice this time, sounding just a little bit peeved.

"Check the sensors," I advised. "I'm in a research lab on the north west pier – one of the labs that flooded after the big storm." I waited, knowing it would only take Rodney a few seconds to work out my specific position.

"You're in the nanite research lab!" Rodney said incredulously. "Are you nuts?"

"Relax Rodney," I replied mildly. "It's perfectly safe."

"Safe huh?" Rodney muttered sarcastically. "Then how come you set off the quarantine protocols?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "I haven't had a chance to work that out yet."

"Work it out later," John ordered. "Get yourself back up here now."

"Slight problem with that," I said reluctantly. "I was on the wrong side of the door when the alarm went off."

"You're stuck inside the lab?" John's tone was deceptively mild.

"It must be my month to get trapped," I tried to joke – it hadn't been that long since I'd had my hands stuck to a fountain after all.

"Is there any evidence of nanites?" Rodney demanded impatiently. "Active ones, not inert?"

"There aren't any active nanites here Rodney," I stated firmly. "I've been using the work you did while you were hyped up on Ascension DNA to work on our defence against the Replicators."

"Tell me you didn't create your own nanites," Rodney begged sickly.

"I didn't create any nanites," I prevaricated. "I created a Nanite-based Anti-replicator Protein – I'm calling them NAP's."

"You _are_ insane," Rodney said heatedly. "That's obviously what set the quarantine alarm off."

"I don't think so Rodney," I denied. "You didn't just create the programs for the NAP – you set up a whole interface to the Atlantis systems in this specific lab. Atlantis should recognise the NAP – plus it's still in the containment cell and it's completely inert."

"You'll have to check the programs I wrote," Rodney advised, moving abruptly out of the complaint stage and into the solution stage. "Look specifically at the ones that instruct Atlantis on the properties of the protein programs. Let me know when you find them."

"Okay," I agreed. "Can you switch off the alarm though because I can't concentrate with that noise?" I sighed in relief when a few seconds later the alarm stopped.

It had been a few minutes since John had said anything – I realised why that was when I heard banging on the door while I was still trying to do what Rodney had asked.

"Sabina!" I could hear John's voice clearly, which either meant the door wasn't as thick as I had supposed or John was so angry at me that he was yelling.

"John?" I switched to a private radio channel so that the rest of Atlantis wouldn't overhear him telling me off.

"Move away from the door," John instructed grimly. "I'm cutting you out of there."

"WAIT!" I yelled. "Let's save that for a last resort – we really need to confirm that there isn't any danger to the rest of Atlantis before we let anything out of this room."

"Fine," John almost growled. "You want to tell me what the hell you were thinking?"

"I was thinking about a strong defence against the Replicators," I replied firmly, preparing to defend my actions.

"Did you even consider the nanite virus?" John demanded heatedly. "What if you became exposed to that – didn't you tell me the Ancient Wraith gene holders literally went nuts after getting the virus?"

"I did – but that special protein in my blood is supposed to protect me from that," I reminded him.

"So you thought you'd just do a live test – see if it was true?" John's voice was sarcastically angry and I cringed, glad I couldn't see the expression on his face.

"Can we talk about this _after_ I've worked out how to get out of here?" I ignored his anger, even knowing that the longer he held on to it the worse it was going to be for me.

"Sabina, what's the hold up on that program?" Rodney broke into the private radio channel to interrupt.

"Sorry Rodney – I was distracted," I apologised, turning back to the console to bring up the details he'd asked for. "Okay I've got the program you wanted up on the console."

"Look at the section describing the general properties of Earth-based nanite technology," Rodney instructed.

"Ah Rodney ..." I said uncertainly a few minutes later. "There doesn't appear to _be_ any code describing those properties."

"Oh," Rodney's voice held a note of unwelcome surprise.

"You left something out didn't you?" I asked weakly.

"I might have forgotten to distinguish the Earth-based nanites from the Pegasus ones," Rodney admitted reluctantly.

"So Atlantis thinks the NAP is just another Pegasus nanite?" I asked incredulously. "And I suppose because the system doesn't recognise the different structure Atlantis thinks its active? Thanks Rodney!"

"Hey - I created the whole thing in one night," Rodney protested defensively. "Look transfer the program over to the Control Room and I'll fix it."

"File is transferring now," I reported a moment later.

"I've got it," Rodney acknowledged. "Ah ... you might want to get comfortable – this could take a while."


	41. I told you what I was working on!

**Chapter 41: I **_**told**_** you what I was working on!**

"I was afraid of that," I muttered, hating to wait but grateful that at least Rodney was working to fix the problem. Realising I couldn't avoid a conversation with John any longer and hoping the separation of the lab door might provide some protection from his anger I reluctantly reinitiated contact with him. "John – you still there?" I asked meekly.

"Where else would I be?" John's voice was mild but his mood was anything but. "Any progress?"

"Yeah - it turns out super Rodney wasn't quite so super after all!" I said sarcastically. "He forgot to add in protocols for the interface to Atlantis so that Atlantis would recognise the Earth based nanites as being separate from our Pegasus ones. The system doesn't recognise the structure so it thinks the NAP is an active Pegasus nanite."

"I assume Rodney's doing something to fix that omission?" John's voice was still a lot more businesslike than I was happy with.

"He is," I agreed. "Said it might take a while though – you don't have to hang around out there."

"Oh but I do," John said silkily. "That way I can ream you out and you've got no way to avoid it."

"I _told_ you what I was working on!" I tried to justify my ending up in a quarantined lab.

"You told me just enough to think you could get away with that argument when you got caught," John countered in aggravation. "Don't think I haven't noticed that you very cleverly told me everything _except_ that you would be doing the work down here."

"Creating a viable nanite defence would have taken much longer to achieve if I hadn't used this lab!" I retorted. "The Ancients designed the lab for a very similar purpose – something super Rodney knew which is why he set up the programs the way he did."

"If that's the case why didn't you just say that?" John was getting frustrated at my continued attempts to admit no error in how I'd approached this.

"I didn't think you'd mind if I did the first bit by myself," I argued. "The programs might not have worked so it could all have just been a big waste of time."

"You wouldn't have blocked yourself off the sensors if you truly thought we wouldn't mind what you were doing!" John countered, his voice full of frustration.

"Okay I shouldn't have done that," I admitted reluctantly. "I knew my life sign would show up straight away - I just wanted the chance to prove that this could work before it got talked down as being insane. And if it didn't work then I wouldn't have looked like a complete idiot."

"So after all this time you still don't trust that your ideas will be seen as having merit?" John's voice was exasperated and irritated all at the same time.

"I know I've had a couple of goes at large scale weapons or defences," I tried to explain my thinking, "but they were all based on almost fully formed projects created by the Ancients. And I still stuffed them both up ... so forgive me if I wasn't exactly confident that something I came up with entirely on my own would have any hope of working! It's only got a chance now because Rodney got himself super geniused enough to write some extremely complex programs I never could have written myself."

"Is this about what happened on Earth?" John asked uncertainly, putting his anger aside for the moment.

"I don't know," I muttered miserably. "Probably ... I guess."

"We said we were gonna do something about that," John reminded me.

"Well short of me getting a degree good enough to impress even General Landry I don't see what we _can_ do," I replied snidely.

"Then I guess that's what we'll have to do," John said matter of factly. "I'll talk to Rodney about it – set something up."

"If I'd wanted to study I would have done it back on Earth," I complained. "It's not the learning things - it's all those exams and memorising stuff, and -"

"Too bad," John interrupted unsympathetically. "We need to fix your thinking on this because you are _never_ using it as an excuse to cut me out of the loop ever again." John's voice was stern and heading up to angry again by the time he'd finished that statement.

"So it'd be like punishment then?" I asked softly.

"If it helps you to think of it like that," John agreed.

We sat in silence for a few minutes; me slumped against the wall next to the door, John probably sitting in a similar position on the other side.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was coming down here," I broke the silence to apologise meekly. "Would you have let me if I'd been completely up front about why?"

"I'd like to think so," John replied thoughtfully, "but since you didn't give me the chance we'll never know."

"Oh now I feel _really_ guilty," I complained miserably, not surprised that John wasn't willing to concede any ground on this.

"I hope you do," John was unrepentant. "Maybe the next time you're faced with a similar choice you'll remember this and make the _right_ one."

"How long are you gonna be mad?" my voice was just a little bit pathetic by then. "Because being stuck in here is starting to freak me out and I don't think I can take it if you keep talking like that."

"Did I get the message across?" John asked sternly.

"Yes," I replied miserably.

"Then I guess I'm done being mad," John finally relented. "Can you –"

"Sorry to break into your private chat," Rodney's voice cut into our private radio channel yet again, "but I thought Sabina might actually want to get out of there now."

"You fixed the program?" I asked hopefully, jumping up from where I'd been sitting against the wall.

"I'm transferring it back to you now," Rodney confirmed. "When you get it just overwrite the old one."

"Okay," I said, punching a few keys to do what he'd suggested. "Program is in place."

"I assume you were trying to transfer your ... NAP – remind me to talk to you later about what a stupid name that is – to safe storage when the alarm went off?" Rodney asked.

"Yeah I was," I agreed. "Should I try again now?"

"That would be my first suggestion yes," Rodney had the 'shouldn't that have been obvious?' tone in his voice now.

"Okay," I called up the transfer command and launched it, fingers crossed hopefully. "Transfer command has been entered ... it's thinking ... okay something's happening now." The welcome sound of the door whooshing open had me reporting happily "it worked Rodney – I _knew_ you could do it."

"Never in doubt," Rodney said smugly. "I'll let you finish your ... conversation with Sheppard. When you're done come up to the Control Room and we'll talk about what might be possible now you've proven we _can_ create an anti-replicator protein for the Replicators."

Rodney's tone made it clear he'd overheard some of our conversation when he'd cut into the channel which didn't sit well with me - not that there was anything I could do about it. Turning away from the console I spotted John standing in the doorway looking at me with his arms folded across his chest. I walked hesitantly towards him, putting a hand on his arm and looking up at him hopefully.

"I thought you said you were done being mad?" I reminded him.

"I am," John agreed, "but I'm still disappointed. I thought we'd got it together enough that you wouldn't keep big secrets like this from me anymore."

"Please don't do the disappointed thing," I begged, unexpectedly feeling tears gathering behind my eyes. Turning away so he wouldn't see I said "I can take the anger but ... it really matters to me not to disappoint you."

"I'm sure every couple has times when they feel disappointed over something the other person did," John attempted to make light of the situation.

"One - I don't _care_ about every couple, only us," I retorted, "and two – it's not _both_ of us, it's just me disappointing you. Sure you've done things that made me angry but since we've been together for real I don't recall you ever doing anything that made me feel disappointed in you as a person."

"_Sabina_," John protested. "Sure I'm disappointed _but_ you know you've made me proud too." John put a hand on my shoulder, squeezing firmly in reassurance. "Anger ... disappointment ... isn't it all about wanting the other person to do better the next time something similar crops up?"

"Well I guess today just shows that I haven't quite learned that lesson yet," I quipped, wiping a hand discretely across the tears I'd been unable to completely hold in.

"Tears?" John turned me towards him in surprise.

"It's been a tough month," I excused, looking down defensively. "Shouldn't we head up to the Control Room now? I know at the very least Rodney's waiting for me, and I'm sure Doctor Weir will have a few choice words to say as well."

"In a minute," John put a hand under my chin to raise my eyes back to his. "I just want to be sure we're both on the same page here," he said, looking at me intently. "I'm not trying to change you ... even with the whole going off and creating a nanite program without telling anyone. I just want things to feel easier for you ... that won't happen until you start trusting yourself and everyone else more."

"I trust _you_," I promised, meeting his eyes intently so he'd know how serious I was about that. "You were the only person I told about the whole nanite thing – that's gotta count for something."

"It does," John agreed, finally pulling me in towards him and hugging me close. I closed my eyes and rested myself against him, breathing in the scent that was uniquely John and letting his heat warm me where I hadn't even realised I was cold. "This one is done now, okay?" he voice rumbled through my ear, giving me a nice little tingle.

"I am all for that," I replied, reluctantly pulling away. "So – Control Room?"

"Control Room," John agreed, urging me through the door and following close behind.

Doctor Weir _did_ have a few words to say but in the end the fact that my actions had resulted in the first hint of something we could use against the Replicators overrode everything else. Rather than remove me from the project she charged me with the task of assisting Rodney in turning my one NAP specimen into an actual implementable plan to defend ourselves against the Replicators.

**Authors Note:**

"It is often easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission." Grace Murray Hopper – from thinkexist dot com (although there were also a few instances of very similar words that weren't sourced to a specific person so I can't be confident the words were first said by Grace Murray Hopper.) I heard them recently in an episode of NCIS I think.

I know that calling the anti-nanites NAPs is kinda silly but I always thought the Replicators freezing like they did in Progeny was as close as they'd get to sleeping so ... naps!

Okay, there's no avoiding it any longer ... next post _will_ be the start of 'Sunday' ... BUT not tomorrow (no this is not another attempt to avoid the inevitable) - I'll be away from my computer tomorrow so I'll post the next chapter on Friday.


	42. Did you plan anything?

**Chapter 42: Did you plan anything?**

"Did you remember that tomorrow is the mandatory day off?" John asked, watching as I slumped tiredly down on the bed beside him. "Because you really look like you could use some rest."

"That's tomorrow?" I asked in confusion. "I forgot ... too busy trying to work out how we'd get the NAP's into the Replicators because Rodney said there's no point in making any more until we figure that out."

"You'll give it a rest for tomorrow," John practically ordered, still looking concerned at my less than stellar appearance.

"Yeah, sure," I mumbled tiredly. "Did you plan anything?"

"Just teaching Ronon and Teyla about golf," John replied. "Did you want to do something later in the day? I could get Elizabeth to clear a Puddle Jumper."

"That'd be nice," I smiled my agreement. "I'll just sleep in and you can wake me when you're ready."

x

Despite my plan to sleep for most of the morning I only managed an extra couple of hours beyond my usual early rising time. Considering and then discarding the idea of just lounging around in bed I got up and headed to the commissary instead. Looking around the room I was happy to see Major Lorne sitting at a table by himself.

"Did you sleep in too?" I asked, holding a tray and nodding towards the seat across from him in silent question.

"Yeah," Lorne said easily. "Grab a seat."

"What else you got planned for your day off?" I looked at him curiously. "More painting?"

"What's wrong with painting?" Lorne frowned at my question.

"Nothing," I said breezily. "Just that ... you're not gonna have much success with the ladies if you hide on the balcony in your spare time."

"And who said I wanted to have some 'success' in that area?" Lorne looked a bit uncomfortable at the turn in the conversation.

"What – you want to spend your life alone?" I had been teasing but I looked at him seriously when I realised there was something there to discover.

"I didn't come to another galaxy to hook up with someone," Lorne tried to put me off.

"But there _is_ someone you're interested in, isn't there?" I almost crowed in delight. "No – don't deny it Major – I have a nose for these things."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Lorne denied, looking carefully anywhere but directly at me.

"Who is it?" I looked around the commissary like the object of his affections might be sitting there with a big sign on her forehead. "I promise I won't tell."

"There _isn't_ anyone," Lorne said stubbornly.

"Oh come on," I pleaded. "You know personal stuff about me that not many other people know – it's only fair that you return the favour. Do it for a friend."

"You're incorrigible," Lorne smiled ruefully at my persistence.

"I'll just start guessing," I threatened, already running some likely candidates through my head. When he continued to maintain his silence I started with the first on my list, assessing him carefully for any kind of reaction.

"Is it Elizabeth?" His expression said 'not even close'.

"Heightmeyer?" 'God no' came back as loudly as if he'd said it.

"Dr Esposito?" 'Not even warm' his face was complacent now.

"Rodney?" This time Lorne's expression almost made me laugh, being a combination of 'what the f--?' and 'I can't think of anything worse'.

"Teyla?" The mask of very careful nothingness gave him away as far as I was concerned.

"Ah ha!" I smiled happily. "It's Teyla isn't it? You _like_ her."

"_Shut up_," Lorne looked around to see if anyone could overhear us. "And no, it's not Teyla."

"Too late Major," I told him cheerfully. "Like I said I've got a nose for this and my nose is telling me that all those hours you've spent learning stick fighting with Teyla have resulted in more than just some bitchin' sparring moves."

"Whatever," Lorne waved his hand as if to say I was free to believe what I wanted but he knew the truth.

"Why haven't you asked her out?" I looked at him curiously.

"Assuming there was someone I was interested in, which I'm not admitting to," Lorne looked at me seriously, "I meant it when I said I didn't come here to hook up with anyone. This is a dangerous place ... my job is dangerous. I don't want anyone left behind if a mission goes horribly wrong."

"All the more reason to make the most of what we have when we can," I said, completely serious now. "Don't you think you deserve a little happiness?"

"What about you then?" Lorne tried to turn the tables.

"Hey, I'm completely hooked up," I pointed out the obvious.

"Yeah, and when are you getting married?" Lorne smiled at the sudden drop in my facial expression. "Or having the requisite two point whatever kids?"

"John and I haven't been together long enough for that," it was my turn to try to put him off now.

"_Really_? You think - what is it, almost _two years_ - isn't long enough?" Lorne looked incredulous now. "I know people who did the deed after only a couple of months!"

"You know that John's been married before right?" I looked at Lorne to see him nodding. "Would _you_ be keen to line up for that a second time?" I felt bad misleading Lorne like that, since I knew from the conversation after Rodney's sister visited that John felt quite comfortable with the idea in general. If I'd admitted it though I'd never hear the end of it and I so didn't want endless repetitions of the 'when are you getting married' question – once was _more_ than enough.

"The fact that he got married once means he's not opposed to the institution," Lorne persisted. "And I bet he knew his ex wife for less than two years before they tied the knot."

"You're just trying to spoil my day off aren't you?" I traced a finger over the pattern on the table rather than look at him.

"If you concede that I'm perfectly fine keeping my emotions to myself then I'll concede you're just as fine without the marriage and kids deal," Lorne offered.

"See that sounds like a good offer," I looked at him with a frown, "but if I agree to that then I'm saying it's fine for you to deny yourself something that could make you really happy – what kind of friend would that make me?"

"In a roundabout way that's possibly the nicest thing anyone's said to me in longer than I care to admit," Lorne smiled at me fondly. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," I said with a disgruntled look. "Now go – paint."

"Yes Ma'am," Lorne stood up, put a hand on my shoulder fondly, and hurried out the door.

I lingered for a time eating a leisurely late breakfast and watching people coming and going through the commissary, some of them hardly recognisable out of uniform. There was certainly a lot of interesting stuff going on too. I witnessed Doctor Weir arriving with a nice looking man I didn't recognise. The way he was looking at her made it clear he was interested in more than just the early lunch they were collecting. I saw Rodney and Carson having a conversation over the packed sandwiches, Rodney waving his arms around as he convinced Carson of something, Carson smiling to hide the fact that whatever Rodney had said had disappointed him in some way. Rodney hurried off in one direction and Carson in the other. Jumping up I hurried after Carson, not sure why but wondering if I could maybe do something to brighten him up again.

"Hey Carson," I called after him, almost running down the hall to catch up.

"Hello Sabina," he greeted me with his usual cheerful smile. "Enjoying your day off?"

"All I've done is sleep and eat so far," I said airily, "so yeah – I'm enjoying it. What about you?"

"I'm going fishing this afternoon," Carson said eagerly.

"Rodney was supposed to go with you wasn't he, but he pulled out?" I smiled when Carson looked at me, incredulous that I could know that. "I saw you talking in the commissary," I explained.

"Aye," he admitted. "Rodney begged off to spend the afternoon with Katie Brown – who I am to stand in the way of young love?"

"That was nice of you Carson," I said fondly. "Do you have anyone else to go fishing with?"

"I'm about to do the rounds now," Carson replied. "Hopefully someone will still be free to tag along."

"John and Ronon are on the driving range balcony," I offered. "Maybe Ronon might want to go."

"I'll try them first," Carson agreed, turning to head in that direction.

"Hey Carson," I called out again before he'd gotten a few steps. "If you don't have any luck John and I are taking a Puddle Jumper out this afternoon – we could keep you company."

"Thank you lass," Carson's smile turned up a notch at the offer, blue eyes twinkling with affection. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Good luck," I called, watching him walk jauntily away. I turned back in the direction of the commissary, wondering what I should do next. Looking at my watch I realised John would be golfing with Teyla and Ronon for a while yet. Stifling a sudden yawn I decided I might as well just go back to bed, even though I'd only been up a couple of hours.

Half way to our quarters I stumbled across Teyla and her friend Dr Emma Hewston on their way to the gym.

"Hi Teyla – golf finished?" I asked curiously.

"I did not play golf," Teyla gave a faint inflection to the unfamiliar word. "I had already made plans to meet with Doctor Weir for lunch."

"I just saw her walking into the commissary with some guy," I shared the news with a smile.

"Yes," Teyla clearly already knew about Elizabeth's lunch date. "Mike Branton. I told her I did not mind if she had lunch with someone else instead."

"Ooh," I raised an eyebrow at that juicy piece of gossip. "Well I hope she enjoys the attention."

"As do I," Teyla agreed with a smile. "Emma and I were about to do some sparring – would you like to join us?"

"Thanks," I glanced from her to Emma and back again, "but I think I'll pass. Sounds too much like work to me ... I was just heading back for some more sleep."

"You do look like you could use the rest," Teyla agreed diplomatically.

"I'll see you later," I called, continuing on my way back to bed. Finally arriving at our door a short time later I put a hand on the sensor to open it.

"When are _you _getting married?" I walked in just as Ronon dropped that bombshell on John. What was with everyone today?! Both men were immediately aware of my entrance, each glancing up at me with varied expressions. Ronon's was comfortable with me overhearing their private conversation, presumably because he'd have asked the question whether I was there or not. John's was shuttered, not giving anything away as he tried to judge what my own expression meant.

"Sorry to barge in," I apologised. "I didn't realise you were here. Golf finished?"

"Ronon was a natural," John replied. "Didn't need me to teach him anything."

"You look like you've settled in for some male bonding," I said teasingly. "I'll just leave you to it." Turning I headed back to the door, cursing in my head over my poor timing while wondering how John would have answered that question if I hadn't walked in. Not waiting for any kind of protest I walked briskly from the room, heading back down the corridor even though I had nowhere to go.

I'd only gone a few steps when a distant explosion reverberated through the city. John and Ronon burst from the room and ran down the corridor, John already talking on his radio to find out where the explosion had occurred.

"Sabina, stay here until we find out what's going on," he ordered, running past before I could offer any kind of protest. Knowing I'd probably be in the way if I followed them, I did what he'd asked and returned to our quarters, hoping that if anyone had been hurt they'd be okay.

About an hour later another explosion shook the city. Thinking about who I could call to find out what was going on without interrupting crucial duties I decided to try Teyla first. Her radio was off so I tried Ronon next.

"Ronon do you copy?" I called.

"Sabina," Ronon's voice was even more gravelly than normal.

"Is everything all right," I asked in concern. "I just heard the second explosion."

"We're right in the middle of something here," Ronon replied after a short pause, not answering my question directly. "Sheppard said to stay put – he'll fill you in when he gets there."

"Okay," I acknowledged, "thanks."

**Authors Note:**

I made up the first name for Dr Hewston because I couldn't find one for her and I thought she deserved one ... also the timing of when people were doing what may be a little off because it was difficult to determine from all the snippets used in the episode.

We all know what's coming up next ...


	43. There was nothing we could have done

**Chapter 43: There was nothing any of us could have done**

Sitting back on the bed I couldn't help the nervous flutters that settled in my stomach. Something was wrong – really wrong. Ronon had carefully not given me any information but I could tell he had been bothered by something. Relaxing proved impossible and in the end I paced back and forth worrying the entire time it took for John to turn up.

"I heard the explosion," I ran to John the instant he walked wearily through the door, feeling my nerves rachet up another level when I took in his hagged appearance. "What happened?"

"Sit down," John put his arm around me and drew me down to the couch with him.

"Is it Teyla?" I asked weakly. "I tried to call her but she didn't answer."

"Teyla was injured in the first explosion but she'd gonna be fine," John replied.

I looked into his eyes, blank and numb and braced myself for bad news. "Who then?" I demanded.

"Two of McKay's scientists turned on a machine last night," John explained. "Beckett checked them out and they seemed fine only they weren't. The machine created explosive tumours in both of them. After the first one went off McKay was able to work out what had happened."

"Who were they?" I asked in confusion, thinking maybe I'd known one of them and that was why John was hesitating.

"The Doc insisted on operating on the other victim," John's voice had gotten low enough that I had to lean in to hear him clearly. "Saved the guy too ... he locked us out – Rodney tried to override it but he couldn't."

"John," my breath started to hitch as I worked out what he was building up to. "Not Carson – please tell me nothing happened to Carson."

"Beckett got the tumour to the containment team," John went on as though I hadn't spoken, like he had to get the whole story out in one go or he wouldn't be able to do it at all. "He was almost clear when it exploded ... he wasn't wearing protective gear. Dr Cole said it was instant – that he wouldn't have known what was happening. There was nothing any of us could have done."

Tears welled up in my eyes and travelled down my face, followed quickly by more and more. I didn't make a sound as I tried to comprehend what John had told me. Carson, the most generous soul I'd ever known, someone who'd always made time for me, no matter how silly some of my concerns had been, was dead? How could that be?

John silently gathered me in his arms, holding me close and rocking me as I continued to cry.

x

The next few hours passed in a blur. John had his emotions reigned in so tight it was only the slight sheen of his eyes when Carson was mentioned that let me see how hard he was finding this. I'd cried myself into numbness after that first rush of emotion and was thankful that for now I could talk to everyone without the threat of more tears. They were all being so stoic and I didn't want to let anyone down by being too emotional or God forbid setting anyone else off. I'd found in the past when confronted with someone else's tears that it was even harder to reign in my own emotions - I didn't want to do that to someone else, especially not now.

John was drawn away to talk about 'arrangements' - a word I didn't even want to think about let alone hear discussed in reference to Carson. I used that time to visit Teyla and reassure myself that she was indeed all right. Eventually night fell and John and I were once again sitting in our quarters trying in our own way to deal with such an unexpected and upsetting loss.

"What's gonna happen now?" I asked John numbly, both of us sitting on the couch even though it was well past the hour when we should have been sleeping.

"Rodney and I talked about it," John replied. "The two of us plus Ronon, Dr Cole, Major Lorne and Radek are gonna act as pallbearers after the memorial service tomorrow." He glanced at me hopefully. "Elizabeth asked if you could represent her at the funeral back on Earth ... she didn't get clearance for both leaders to be absent."

"I was going to insist on going with you anyway," I said softly. "Carson talked about his family often ... he was so proud of them."

"I know," John said gruffly. "This is going to be difficult for all of us."

"How is Rodney taking it?" I frowned, knowing how close the two had been, despite the obvious differences in their respective personalities.

"He's blaming himself," John replied. "Convinced that if he'd only gone fishing like they'd planned then Carson would still be ..." John trailed off without completing that sentence.

"Rodney's not gonna let himself off the hook for that any time soon - regardless of whether we all tell him how stupid that is," I shook my head sadly at that thought. Glancing back up at John I asked the question I'd been thinking for hours. "What about you? How are you doing? And don't tell me you're fine."

"I'm ... blank," John admitted. "Got it all closed off up here," he pointed ruefully at his head. "I'll take it out when all the hard stuff is over; maybe even wallow in it – I owe Carson at least that much after all the trouble I put him to."

"He never thought you were trouble," I smiled fondly at the idea. "Disaster prone? Maybe. Too impatient to get out of the infirmary? Definitely!"

"I'm gonna miss that," John said softly, rubbing a hand over his eyes with a weariness that seemed bone deep.

"You're tired," I motioned for John to stretch out on the couch until he could rest his head in my lap. Everyone had felt close to Carson because we'd all relied on him in some way or other ... I knew that his loss would hit John differently than it would me. There really was no right way I could behave, no perfect thing I could say that would make those feelings go away - just as there was nothing John could say in return that would turn off the loss and hurt I was feeling. In the end the only comfort I could offer was just to be there ... and to accept _his_ way of dealing with the tragedy.

We ended up catching a few hours of sleep on the couch. By unspoken agreement we'd decided we didn't want to do something as normal as going to bed and sleeping like it was any other night. The next morning we dressed for the memorial, John in his dress uniform and me in dark pants and jacket.

John took my hand and walked us solemnly down the corridors of Atlantis. Loss seemed to hang in the air and I wondered for one crazy moment if the city itself was mourning the loss of one of her descendants. We stopped off in the infirmary to see Teyla which was painful in itself. Carson was always there, ready to help – only today he wasn't, and it suddeny hit me that he never would be again.

Holding on tightly to John's arm I tried to breath calmly as we walked towards Teyla's bedside. She was clearly attempting to get up even though her wound was causing her considerable pain. "You talk to her," I whispered softly to John. "I'll go find Ronon and meet you in the Gateroom."

John squeezed my hand gratefully before walking slowly to Teyla's bedside. I watched them talk for a moment before turning to leave. I had already spoken to Teyla the day before – John needed the time to talk to her by himself too.

Before I was ready I found myself standing next to John, facing a coffin draped in the Scottish flag. We'd already listened to memorial services for the others lost in the two explosions - now it was Carson's turn to be farewelled. The custom of getting up to speak at such an event had always somewhat puzzled me. While I understood the desire to honour the life of the lost it troubled me that the people closest to that loss were the ones forced to hold it together long enough to deliver the words that would do so.

It heightened my grief to witness first John and then Rodney get up and tell us all what we already knew – that Carson had been the kind of doctor who never let any patient get away with behaviour that threatened their recovery. That he'd been unwilling to give up on anyone who needed his medical help, the very behaviour that had resulted in his death. I swallowed my imminent tears when Rodney tearfully told of Carson's friendship that had never wavered no matter how cantankerous and rude Rodney had gotten and of how Carson had gotten under his skin and become the best friend he'd ever had. How he wished he'd appreciated that more ... told Carson what that had meant ... when he'd had the chance. When Rodney returned to his place beside me I took his hand and squeezed it in silent approval before letting him go.

And then it was Elizabeth's turn to speak.

"We've said goodbye to a lot of friends today. Our mission is a dangerous one. We lose people -- a fact we're all painfully aware of. But Carson was ..." her voice broke off as she struggled to find the words. "I can't remember anyone coming to me with a complaint against him - ever. He was a kind soul. He was ... he was a healer. And he will be very deeply missed. George Fabricius said 'Death comes to us all, but great achievements, they build a monument which shall endure until the sun grows cold.'" Elizabeth's voice cracked with emotion before she completed what she'd wanted to say. "Every single life Carson saved is a monument to him. And that gives me great comfort."

I didn't so much as glance at John the whole time Elizabeth spoke but still I knew that his eyes would carry the hint of tears suppressed and that he'd be fighting the hardest he'd had to so far not to give in to his emotions. There was a moment of silence before Elizabeth looked up at the Control Room, signalling that the gate be dialled. The bagpipes sounded mournfully from the balcony, reminding us of how proud Carson had been of his homeland. I stood in place as John squeezed my hand before taking his position as one of the pallbearers. Elizabeth returned to her place beside Teyla, offering us both a sad tearful smile. Six people shared a silent communication as we all looked on, before gracefully lifting the coffin and walking slowly forward. The bagpipes reached a crescendo as they entered the event horizon and disappeared from sight. Elizabeth nodded to me and I hurried forward to join the others back on Earth.

That was only the beginning of a very difficult few days. Staff at the SGC expedited the transport of us and Carson's body back to Scotland. We waited in the front room of Carson's mother's house while Rodney broke the news to her that her beloved son had been taken from her, made worse because he couldn't share the full details of what Carson had been doing so brilliantly for the past three years. He did tell her that Carson had died bravely saving a life and said afterwards that she seemed to take comfort from that.

Two days later we found ourselves in a packed church that spoke more eloquently than words could have of Carson's impact on the community and of how well liked and well respected he had been. We listened to people we'd never met tell stories of Carson's bravery and brilliance that didn't surprise but somehow comforted. Rodney braced himself to once again speak for Carson's last three years, telling his family and friends of how truly brave and selfless Carson had been and of how sorely missed he was going to be by everyone who had worked with him. Rodney even managed to convey something of Carson's medical genius without giving anything away about how truly amazing that had been.

"Carson was faced with challenges that would have sent a lesser man running for cover," Rodney said in a voice that shook slightly. "He'd always offer some comment about wishing he could be anywhere else while at the same time stepping into the fray and doing exactly what was needed to save someone. He was a true gentleman ... a true friend." Rodney trailed off, glancing at John and I. John nodded wordlessly, calling Rodney back to us and telling him that he'd made us (and Carson if he could have heard) proud.

x

Back on Atlantis, life went on much as it always had. We all went back to work, each dealing with grief in our own way. I don't think I was the only one who avoided the infirmary, the loss still too fresh to handle such an obvious reminder of Carson's absence. John had yet to take his grief out of the cast iron box he'd welded it into and I'd taken to keeping my little crying bouts to the balcony and the quietest hours of the night. It was there John found me a week after we'd returned - I'd finished the tearful part and moved on to thoughful staring out at the ocean as it moved and shifted in the moonlight.

"You okay?" he asked softly, turning me sideways so he could sit behind me and pull me back to rest against his chest. He rested his chin on my hair, waiting patiently for me to speak.

"I wouldn't have thought I'd have so many tears inside," I said softly. "They're for Carson because I really, really liked him ... but also ..." I broke off, trying to work out what I wanted to say. "At the funeral I found myself thinking about all the other funerals I'd been to. For Caritas and the other Ancients, for all the people we've lost here, even for a girl I knew who died while I was in high school. And then in the end there was only one - the funerals for my parents. Carson's service brought it all back to me like it happened yesterday - details I'd forgotten, the emotions, feeling so lost and alone. It just ... magnifies what I feel about Carson. Is that what it's like for everyone?"

"I can't speak for anyone else," John said, "but I did some of the same kind of thinking. None of them as life altering as yours but so many it makes me sick to even think about it."

"Will you cry?" I asked casually, no pressure implied or intended with that question.

"Do you want me to?" John put the question back on me.

"I don't know if it would help you, or me for that matter," I replied thoughtfully. "If there are no tears inside you then of course no – but if there are tears you're just holding in as some form of misplaced bravery then I'd want you to let them out. I guess what I should have said is if you wanted to cry I'd keep you company without judgement, without record."

John said nothing but I could feel him swallow hard, could feel his breathing quicken as he reacted to what I'd said. He didn't need permission from anyone to express or repress his emotions however he liked ... maybe it was just the nighttime silence or my own tears that finally made him feel comfortable enough to open that box.

Turning to face him I felt the resurgence of my own emotions as I saw the torment on his face. The brown had completely leeched from his eyes, leaving only the green ... quickly brimming with unshed tears. Cradling his head in my hands I pulled him forward, pressing a tearful kiss on his lips. He kissed me back just as tearfully – when that ended I held him in my arms, letting him cry and keeping him company just as I'd promised.

The next morning neither of us spoke of the events of the previous night, nor acknowledged that we felt lighter inside for having done what _needed_ to be done. I still felt the loss of Carson and knew it was a feeling that would be there is some capacity from then on. Sometimes it would be there more sharply than others ... when I had to go to the infirmary after a mission, when I wanted to ask a dumb question about my DNA, when John was injured off world and I desperately wanted Carson there to save him. It wasn't a matter of forgetting it or getting over it but of getting used to the feeling of loss being there in the place of Carson himself.

**Authors Note:**

I have no idea if this is any good – I'm just glad it's done. I'm still undecided about whether Shep _would_ shed any tears about this, even though I put them into this chapter. Joe Flanigan managed to convince me Shep was holding in some pretty strong emotions at the end there even though Shep didn't waver in whatever it was he had to say/do - maybe that is more Shep than what I did - but that's the Shep who doesn't have a Sabina to accompany him through life :D. All I know is that I'll still cry just a little bit every time I watch 'Sunday' ... and yes I know it's just a TV show (in fact my husband walked in on my last viewing of this episode and on seeing some real tears reminded me it wasn't real – cheeky bugger!).

Next up ... 'Submersion' ... another creepy Wraith Queen causing trouble episode - gotta love that!


	44. Still think it was a good idea to come?

**Chapter 44: Still think it was a good idea to come along?**

"No," John remained firm in his decision not to let me go on the mission to find the underwater drilling platform. I'd been chipping away at him for half of our morning run already but he didn't show any signs of caving.

"It's an Ancient facility," I reminded John. "You might need someone else with a strong ATA gene to activate things – unless you want to be at Rodney's beck and call the whole time you're down there."

"Good argument," John congratulated me, picking up the speed a little in the hopes he could stop my persistence by using up my energy on trying to keep up with him.

"So can I go?" I glanced across at him hopefully, managing to keep up and still have air for talking.

"No," John replied without further explanation.

"You've got seven scientists, some of them very inexperienced at being away from the city, plus your own team going," I pointed out in frustration. "If it's safe for them then surely it's safe to add another person!"

"We don't know the condition of the platform," John reminded me, "nor the life support systems. I'm not happy with having so many people going as it is but Elizabeth and McKay believe the benefits will far outweigh the risks."

"Is there anything I could say to convince you?" I wasn't giving up just yet.

"Why do you want to go so much?" John asked curiously.

"It's an unexplored Ancient facility," I said like that should be reason enough. "Besides, you owe me an underwater Jumper ride," I reminded John that my first had ended in blacking out from a massive headache.

"And that's it?" John persisted. "Just simple curiosity?"

"I could really use some extended time away from the city," I admitted weakly. "It's been a tough couple of months - and don't say I could just go over to the mainland. I don't want a break from you and if it all goes well you'll be down there for at least a week."

"So it's personal?" John smiled now. I looked at him suspiciously, stopping abruptly when I finally worked out what he'd been doing. John stopped too, turning to look at me expectantly.

"You wanted me to admit that?" I asked incredulously. "To ask for something from you purely for my own personal reasons?"

"I get approached all the time with requests that have a personal element," John told me, "and wherever possible I try to accommodate them. The only person who never asks, apart from the people who have enough position to not need my intervention, is you."

"You know that I've never wanted to gain an advantage just because I'm hooked up with you," I said freely. "We talked about that ages ago."

"We did but I didn't think it meant you were never gonna ask for anything!" John replied in exasperation.

"I've asked you to go on missions before," I reminded him. "What about the Aurora?"

"You've asked _Elizabeth_ to go on missions," John retorted. "The Aurora doesn't count - you were always going on that mission for obvious reasons. Look - I know it's not something that's gonna come up too often but ... it bothers me that you won't ask me for things ... so if you want to go on this drilling platform mission, you're gonna have to make it a personal request."

"_Fine_," I grated out, rolling my eyes at him but in the end not that reluctant if it meant he'd feel better about it. "John, I'd really appreciate it if you'd let me go on the mission because I don't think I can go a whole week without free access to your body. Happy now?"

"Not quite the reasoning I was expecting," John said, amused rather than affronted by my sarcasm. "But since you asked so _nicely_ – yes you can come on the mission. I could use your ATA gene skills, not to mention your experience searching unexplored Ancient facilities. Besides, I _do_ owe you an underwater Jumper ride."

"See – I _knew_ they were compelling arguments!" I shook my head at him before taking advantage of his momentary inattention to dash back into running pace. For the first time ever I managed to make it back to our room moments before John. I grinned triumphantly, even though I'd had to cheat to make it happen.

x

"You're cleared to proceed Colonel," Doctor Weir spoke to us from the Control Room. "Good luck."

The inside of the Jumper was crowded with the science staff, including Radek and a number of other people I wasn't particularly familiar with, all of whom were huddled together in the rear section. I'd quickly nabbed the co-pilot's seat over Rodney's protests, claiming piloting skills that Rodney couldn't match. John had smiled in amusement over our little power struggle from his customary pilots seat. Ronon sat behind me with Rodney behind John – Teyla took a seat with the science teams, reminding Rodney that she would expect to swap spots with him during the journey down to the drilling platform.

"Acknowledged," John replied, quickly powering the Jumper up and taking us out the roof and down into the water. Conversation flowed freely for the first couple of hours, slowly dwindling to nothing as the journey extended beyond three hours without us locating the platform.

By the time we hit four hours I was ready to pull my hair out in frustration over the snide remarks and complaints that were coming from the back section, especially after Rodney reluctantly traded places with Teyla.

"Still think it was a good idea to come along?" John asked me half seriously.

"Well it would have been better if we could have left the peanut gallery behind," I quipped, "but if the drilling platform turns out to be the power source Rodney thinks it is, it'll be worth it."

"Shouldn't take us much longer," John activated the HUD and pointed to some of the readings. "We just passed the thermal layer and I'm getting some readings a couple of hundred feet ahead."

"Finally," I let out a sigh of relief.

"OK, kids, we're here," John announced.

Rodney and Radek were the first to stand and crowd the front section, eager to get their first view of the platform. The other scientists crowded behind them.

"Hopefully it won't take too much longer to power up the station," John added.

He flew the Jumper closer to the drilling platform ... once we were close enough to be detected the outside lights began switching on automatically.

"It's times like these I'm glad of the ATA gene," I looked a John with a smile.

"Now all I've gotta do is dock this thing and we can find out what this place is all about," John replied.

x

The science teams were quick to action once released into the Control Room. Laptops were connected and systems were called up to allow Rodney to assess the condition and status of the drilling platform.

"Where do you want me?" I asked John, happy to be anywhere in the facility.

"It'll be a while before McKay can work out what he wants activated or translated," John said thoughtfully. "We need to do a walkthrough of the base so you can tag along with me until McKay needs you."

"Cool," I smiled, excited by the chance to explore the facility, even more so since it was the first time I could recall doing anything like that as a part of John's team. "Let's go."

x

"Have we not been down this hallway before?" Teyla asked. We'd been walking for about half an hour, having seen nothing much of interest so far.

"Every corridor looks the same," Ronon complained.

"Don't worry," John replied. "I have an uncanny sense of direction."

"You do?" I pretended surprise. "That's not what I heard after your mission to M4F-423."

"Whatever McKay told you was all lies," John retorted. "You should stop asking him for the mission gossip."

"I think Teyla's right," Ronon broke in. "We've been down this way before."

"That's impossible," John explained. "We took a left, and a left, and then a right."

"Hey, look, all I'm saying is ..." Ronon stopped abruptly when Teyla gasped, standing fixed in the corridor. "What?" he demanded.

"I am sensing a Wraith presence nearby," Teyla said in a serious, disturbed tone.

"Are you sure?" John questioned. "We're pretty deep underwater."

"I cannot be certain," Teyla admitted, "but I believe it is onboard the drilling platform."

"What about you Sabina?" John turned to me. "Are you picking up anything?"

"Ah ...," I paused, looking for that familiar feeling inside, before turning to Teyla apologetically. "No - but Teyla is much more experienced with this sort of thing that I am."

John stood for a moment, thinking about the possibilities and the probable consequences of the options available to him, before activating his radio.

"This is Sheppard. Everyone drop what you're doing; get back to the Control Room immediately."

Once back at the Control Room I watched as Rodney did another check of the life signs registering on the base – all of them were explained by our presence alone. Teyla held fast to her determination that her sense was correct, supported by Ronon, despite what the machines were telling us.

"There is a way for me to be sure," Teyla said slowly. "If I can reach out with my mind and establish a link ..."

"Whoa," John interrupted her suggestion. "That sounds a little reckless, don't you think?"

"If there is no Wraith, then there will be no mind for me to link with, and therefore no risk. But if there is a Wraith nearby ..." Teyla trailed off as we all filled in the blanks for ourselves.

"Do you have to establish an actual link to confirm there's a Wraith on the base?" John asked, unwilling to give his approval without knowing more about the risks.

"The briefest contact will determine whether or not I'm right," Teyla reassured him.

"Okay," John finally agreed. "But Ronon stuns you the second there's a problem."

"I would expect no less," Teyla acknowledged. "I will need silence to concentrate so I suggest we use the crew quarters."

"I should probably stay here," I offered uncertainly. "If there _is_ a Wraith on the base I wouldn't want my close proximity to Teyla to cause her any unexpected problems."

"Could that happen?" John looked at me in concern.

"It's probably pretty unlikely," I replied, "but the risk, however slight, _is_ there."

"Okay," John nodded his agreement. "You stay and help Rodney for now. I'll let you know when Teyla's finished doing her thing."

I only had to wait ten minutes or so before John radioed me that Teyla had been mistaken about the Wraith. I frowned, unable to ever recall that happening before.

"Is Teyla okay?" I asked in concern.

"She seems fine," John replied. "We're continuing the walk through but we've split up to cover the ground faster – Ronon and Teyla have already taken off. Head towards the crew quarters we checked before and I'll meet you on the way."

"I'm on my way," I responded, striding quickly to get there as fast as possible.

"Hey," I spotted John turning the corner in front of me.

"Hey yourself," John replied. Motioning for me to fall in beside him, he led us further away from the Control Room.

"Do you think Teyla could be experiencing pressure effects so soon after getting here?" I asked, remembering what Rodney had said about the much higher pressure so far under the ocean.

"Maybe," John's words didn't match his tone which clearly said he thought it was unlikely. "I can't think of another explanation though so ..."

We walked on in silence for a while, peering into more crew quarters, finding nothing of specific interest. We were turning the corner to complete a walk around the first search grid when the lights went out abruptly.

"Rodney," John radioed in. "What's going on?"

"What do you mean, what's going on?" Rodney tone was puzzled – obviously they still had lights in the Control Room.

"We just lost the lights," John reported.

"What?" Rodney asked, caught by surprise. There was a brief pause before he spoke again. "Huh. You're right."

"We know Rodney," I said sarcastically. "We're the ones standing in the dark!"

"We just lost power to forty percent of the station," Rodney added. "Sensors are currently offline. Zelenka, what are you doing?"

"Uh, what do you mean, what am I doing?" Radek asked in confusion from somewhere else in the base.

"Have you lost power where you are?" Rodney clarified his question.

"No. Have you?" Radek replied.

"No," Rodney retorted.

"We have," John reminded him sarcastically. "I wanna know what's going on."

"You know, this station has been lying idle down here for a few millennia," Rodney pointed out. "We're bound to blow a few fuses. Look, I'll have power back online in a minute. Just hang tight."

"Ronon, Teyla? Report your position." John waited a few moments but there was no response. "Ronon, Teyla? Come in."

"That can't be good," I muttered in response to John's suspicious look. "The lack of power wouldn't affect our radios."

"Ronon. Teyla," John tried for a third time. "Rodney, we've lost contact with Ronon and Teyla. Can you work out their position?"

"No, negative," Rodney said briskly. "Internal sensors are out, but I have determined the location where the power went down. It's an auxiliary control area, search grid six. It's the deck that Ronon and Teyla were exploring."

"We'll meet you there," John replied. We walked briskly back up the corridor, John cautiously shining the light from his P90 around every corner before motioning me to continue. We spotted Rodney before he knew we were there – he jumped before sighing in relief when he realised it was us.

"There you are," he said, still looking a little nervous.

We continued along the corridor heading for Ronon and Teyla's last known position. Before we got there the sound of gunshots echoed from ahead of us.

"Nine mil," John said. "This way," he ordered, turning and running down the corridor towards the source. I hurried to keep up, feeling uncharacteristically tired all of a sudden, and just a touch fuzzy headed as well. Hoping I wasn't about to become affected by the pressure too, I pressed on.

"Ronon, Teyla, come in," John tried again to make contact. We turned another corner, hearing Ronon's groan before we saw him stretched out on the floor.

"Ronon," I called, standing beside John who'd dropped down to help Ronon up, "are you okay?"

"No!" Ronon retorted angrily.

"Who did this?" John demanded, sure that Ronon would have put up some kind of fight before being rendered unconscious.

"It was Teyla," Ronon gave the one answer none of us were expecting.

"What?! Why?" Rodney demanded.

"Until we find out we need to know where everyone is," John replied, activating his radio. "This is Sheppard – everyone fall back to the Control Room immediately."

"This is Zelenka. Someone has just activated emergency force fields throughout the station."

"Can you make it back to the Control Room?" John asked in concern.

"Yes, I think so," Radek replied.

"Do it," John ordered.

"That doesn't make any sense. What's she doing?" Rodney made the obvious assumption that Teyla's odd behaviour and the force fields activating were connected.

"You and Sabina go back to the Control Room," John made that one sound like an order too. "Ronon and I are gonna check up on Teyla."

"You'll be careful?" I asked, knowing that going after a friend, even a potentially dangerous one, wasn't the same as going after an enemy.

"What do you think?!" Ronon had obviously been learning sarcasm from Rodney. Drawing his blaster in preparation he ran down the corridor with John, leaving Rodney and I standing there worriedly watching them disappear.

**Authors Note:**

So I guess you noticed I went completely off canon right from the start with this one. It just struck me as ridiculous that Elizabeth would have gone on this supposedly risky mission for no apparent reason. Would you really send both the leader and the military leader on that type of mission where they were expecting to be on the drilling platform for at least a few days and so cut off from Atlantis? In the episode she came in handy in dealing with the Wraith Queen but it's not like they knew they were gonna find one before they made up the mission teams! The change I made meant of course I had to change the dialogue as well – I've kept as much as I could that still seemed to fit and just let the characters muddle along as I imagined they would have if Doctor Weir wasn't there.


	45. I too am not fond of this inactivity

**Chapter 45: I too am not fond of this inactivity**

I followed Rodney back to the Control Room, watching as he hurried from console to console trying to work out the extent of the damage.

"How bad is it?" I asked when it appeared he'd ground to a halt.

"Teyla shut down some key systems and then scrambled the operating codes so we can't fix them easily," Rodney said irritably. "We can't contact Atlantis because she blew the control crystals. We're down to half power and cut off from the Jumper by the emergency force fields. I don't understand how she even managed to do that much damage so quickly!"

"So, pretty bad then," I summarised. "What are you –"

"This is Sheppard. We've got Teyla." John's radio communication interrupted my next question to Rodney.

"And?" Rodney demanded.

"And nothing," John reported. "She has no memory of anything that happened the last hour. We're on our way to Crew Quarters."

"Do you want me to come down there?" I asked, thinking Teyla might want me to be there.

"Yeah, we'll meet you there," John replied, closing off the channel.

"Should I fill John in on the damage Teyla did?" I looked at Rodney expectantly.

"Yeah, let him know I'm concentrating on getting internal sensors back on line," Rodney decided, "as well as disabling those force fields around the Jumper."

Teyla had already begun to tell John and Ronon what had happened from her point of view by the time I got to Crew Quarters.

"When I tried to seek out a Wraith presence I encountered a most powerful mind," she said. "I tried to shut her out but ...," Teyla trailed off guiltily.

"Her?" John glanced at Teyla sharply.

"Yes. I believe this Wraith is a Queen," Teyla confirmed.

"I hate Queens," John winced at the thought of confronting another vindictive female.

"In the brief moment before I blanked out, I sensed great power; the experiences of many centuries; hunger ... and then nothing," Teyla's face was still sickened and disturbed by the experience she couldn't remember. "My next memory is of Colonel Sheppard and Ronon aiming their weapons towards me."

"There's definitely a Wraith on the base," I said firmly. "I'm sorry Teyla ... I've been feeling a bit fuzzy headed since you went off with Ronon – I thought it might be pressure effects but it wasn't. I just didn't realise what it was until now."

"What I don't understand is why'd she use Teyla to do all that damage, and why didn't the life signs detector pick up a signal?" John glanced at each of us in turn, looking for some suggestions to explain that.

"Doesn't matter," Ronon said calmly. "If she's here, I'll find her."

"_We'll_ find her," John corrected.

"I would like to help," Teyla offered insistently.

"Until we know the Wraith can't take you over again it's too risky," John turned her down apologetically. "Ronon and I will check out the situation first."

"Yes, of course. I understand," Teyla's expression was saddened. John looked at me meaningfully, silently asking me to stay with Teyla. I gave my agreement and urged him to be careful, all without saying a word.

Tossing us a casual wave, John and Ronon turned and headed out on a Wraith hunt.

"Don't feel bad about what happened," I said softly to Teyla after a few minutes of silence. "Wraith Queens are very powerful but I know how controlled your mind is too. If she hadn't caught you unawares ..." I trailed off, hoping my words had eased some of the guilt she was feeling.

"I am troubled that my actions while under her control caused damage that may still threaten everyone on this base," Teyla frowned in concern.

"But if you hadn't sensed her, tried to confirm her presence, then we'd be sitting blind," I pointed out. "I know John would prefer to know what he's up against rather than be ambushed."

"I am sure that if I were to attempt to connect to her again she would not be able to control me," Teyla was clearly thinking about helping in the search, despite what John had told her.

"John has had a lot – _too much_ – experience with Wraith Queens," I reasoned. "And Ronon did more than just survive as a runner for seven years – he took out more Wraith than he can probably count. Between the two of them, John and Ronon are more than capable of dealing with this. We should let them."

"Are you not tempted to link to the Wraith yourself to help the Colonel?" Teyla looked at me quizzically.

"After seeing what happened to you," I offered sincerely, "I'd prefer finding some other way to help than to tap into that Queens mind. Even with the experience I've had I don't know if I could take down a Queen strong enough to control _you_ and leave not even a memory of the events."

"Perhaps you are right," Teyla gave a little ground, "but if the need arises I would still prefer the chance to try again."

"If the need arises," I replied confidently, "I'm sure that John will avail himself of whatever resources he has to fix the problem, including your special skills."

We continued our anxious wait in that room, Teyla up and pacing around in an agitated manner not like her. When she grabbed her head as if in pain, I too felt the stab of something in my head that said "_Wraith!_"

"The Wraith presence is even stronger than before. She is aboard this station. You must warn them," Teyla gasped out urgently.

"John," I tried to contact him on the radio. "Teyla's certain the Wraith is aboard the station. I'm feeling it much worse now too – this Wraith is strong."

"Understood," John acknowledged.

"God I hate waiting," I said, taking over the pacing when Teyla sat wearily on one of the beds.

"I too am not fond of this inactivity," Teyla admitted, putting a hand to her head and grimacing at the continued pain of sensing the Wraith.

Lapsing into silence I tried to relax while Teyla tried to rest, neither of us being overly successful in our endeavours.

x

"We have the Queen," John reported to us a short while later.

"Are you and Ronon okay?" I asked in concern.

"Ronon shot out the front view screen on the Jumper," John admitted. "I got a good soaking before Radek raised the force field."

"Why would Ronon shoot at the Jumper?" my voice was suspicious at John's overly brief explanation.

"Because the Queen was about to make me fly her out of here," John said reluctantly. "That water took us all out – luckily we recovered before she did."

"What are you going to do now?" I asked, quickly realising the implications of having lost the Jumper.

"Dr Cole rigged up a sedative drip," John replied, "and we've got the Queen restrained. We're gonna try and get her to help us get out of here. I'll get back to you when we know more."

"Great," I muttered under my breath. "More waiting."

x

"We know where the Wraith came from," John, true to his word, had turned up with Ronon only moments before. "There's a crashed Wraith Cruiser about a kilometre from our position – from the looks of it it's been there a long time. We tried to question her but she was less than cooperative."

"And there are no other Wraith on board the Cruiser?" Teyla asked.

"No way to know for sure," John replied. "Our prisoner isn't talking, other than her declaration that we're 'all about to die'."

"Which may or may not be an empty threat," Ronon added.

"Then you have no way of knowing?" Teyla said with a disturbed look.

"Well, she said it with a lot of confidence," John quipped, making me smile slightly even given the tense circumstances.

"There is a way to find out," Teyla looked at John expectantly.

"We've already been down that road," John pointed out, reluctant to put Teyla in that position again.

"I think I should give it a shot this time," I suggested. "Not that I'm saying Teyla isn't just as capable but the Queen knows her now, has the mental advantage of having beaten her once before. I'm an unknown quantity."

"And what's to stop her exerting control over you?" John demanded.

"She's sedated so she'll be weaker," I said easily. "And it's not like I haven't faced a Queen or two in my time."

"Sabina," Teyla protested my attempts to take over something that she had started. "This Queen is like no other I have come across before."

"I know," I replied serenely, "but the sedative levels out the playing field a bit and I won't underestimate her."

"Okay," John said abruptly. "But Ronon is going to be standing ready to finish it if there's any sign she's getting on top of you."

"Let's get this over with then," I said confidently. "What do we want to know the most?"

"Whether her threat is a bluff or not," John replied immediately, "and how she got over here."

"Okay," I concentrated on calming my nerves as we walked to the room where the Queen was restrained. The Queen looked on with disinterest when John and Ronon escorted me in. That changed when she began to sense the Wraith DNA in me.

"Another one," she sneered at John. "You must be desperate if you think to challenge me with these defective humans – possessing some of our genetic makeup does not make you strong."

"We'll see," I replied, taking a step closer.

"Your fate is sealed," the Queen said with satisfaction.

"If there's any doubt at all that she's gotten to me," I looked at Ronon calmly, "stun me – don't hesitate okay?"

"I won't," Ronon promised.

Sinking myself into the Wraith mind was a familiar feeling, even though it had been almost a year since I'd last had cause to do so. Putting up my usual mental blocks and projecting out the noise of random miscellaneous thoughts I sank myself deeper, looking for something to indicate what threat the Queen posed to us.

"Are you getting anything?" John asked impatiently, wanting this to be over before it had even begun.

"She's a bit ... loopy because of the sedatives," I said softly, concentrating on making sense of what I was seeing. "She was one of the Queens that led the attack on Atlantis but her ship was damaged. It crashed into the sea and sank too deeply for her to swim back to the surface."

I could feel the Queen trying to push me out, trying to break through my mental barriers as she writhed on the table.

"What else?" John urged me to get as much as I could as quickly as I could.

"She did whatever it took to survive," I continued, sickened at the images of the Queen feeding on her own kind that were filtering through my own head. "Hibernated for long stretches, fed on her crew, until she was alone. We woke her up when we came down here and she saw us as her only chance to escape."

"How did she get over here?" John asked.

"She swam," I said incredulously. "The pressure was almost too much even for her but she made it. She wanted to fly the Puddle Jumper but she couldn't make it work."

"She used Dickenson to call for me," John realised.

"Yes," I agreed. The Queen knew I was getting close to the information she wanted to keep secret and she redoubled her efforts to stop me. Groaning at the sudden pain in the centre of my head I lurched back a step before pushing firmly forward again.

"Sabina?" John's voice was concerned now.

"I'm okay," I replied firmly. "I'm getting to the good bit and she doesn't like it. She activated the self-destruct on the Wraith Cruiser. We have two hours before it detonates."

Letting go of my hold on the Queen I took a step back, grimacing at the sight of those ugly, pointy Wraith teeth grinning towards John.

"So - _not_ an empty threat," John confirmed, looking across at Ronon grimly.

"Unfortunately not," I replied, rubbing at my face tiredly, before following the two men from the room.

"You need to rest," John turned his attentions back to me.

"I'll rest for a few minutes," I offered, "but then I want to help figure out what we're gonna do about this."

"Fifteen minutes," John ordered. "I'll just send you away if you come back to the Control Room before that."

"Fine," I grumbled, heading for the closest Crew Quarters to the Control Room. I set my watch alarm to go off exactly fifteen minutes later and then lay down wearily. I hadn't wanted to admit it to John but I _was_ feeling a little shaky on my feet. That Queen had been strong, even with the sedative ... things were not looking good.

**Authors Note:**

Next chapter will conclude Submersion and then we're on the home stretch ... I know it's a long time to be reading a chapter a day but please stick with the story ... still lots of good stuff coming up! Thanks for reading this far :D


	46. That was too close

**Chapter 46: That was too close**

I wouldn't have thought it possible but I actually did fall asleep, snapping awake fifteen minutes later when my alarm went off. Jumping up too quickly I had to steady myself against the wall before I could walk out of the room. John was talking with Rodney and Radek when I walked into the Control Room.

"We're way behind schedule," John was saying. "They're gonna send a rescue Jumper any minute now."

"Even if they've left already - I mean the moment we were overdue ..." Rodney trailed off.

"No, they won't make it in time," Radek confirmed what Rodney had been trying to say.

"Can we get over to the Cruiser somehow?" I asked, walking up to John and smiling when he looked at his watch before acknowledging me.

"How far is the cruiser?" John asked.

"Um, a little less than a kilometre," Radek reported.

"She swam that far?! What is she?!" John asked incredulously.

"A formidable enemy," Radek replied.

"I have an idea," Rodney announced.

I followed along with Rodney and John as he led us to one of the rooms we hadn't seen in our walk through. It looked similar to all the moon pool rooms I'd seen in countless movies. Rodney led us over to a collection of weird looking space suits.

"I found these in the database when we first got here," Rodney explained. "They were used primarily to make repairs to the exterior of the station."

"Very cool!" John smiled at the idea of walking around under pressures he wouldn't be able to survive normally.

"Yeah. You should be able to traverse the distance between here and the cruiser," Rodney offered.

"You mean _we_," John corrected him pointedly.

"Um, yes, of course ...we," Rodney agreed reluctantly.

"I'm coming too," I said firmly.

"No you're not," John's denial was instantaneous.

"If you have any trouble working out how to turn off the self destruct you'll need a wraith gene holder over there with you," I said reasonably. "We won't have time for you to send for me later."

"McKay will be able to shut off the self destruct," John said insistently, "won't you Rodney?"

"Ah actually ...," Rodney looked at John miserably. "It depends on how the Queen set it up – we _could_ need a Wraith gene to make it work."

"Okay – fine!" John said angrily. "Let's get suited up."

"Right," Rodney looked down into the water with dread.

I suited up with Ronon's help, aware of John's silent annoyance that he'd had to concede I was needed on the Wraith Cruiser. John put aside his frustration to give me some quick pointers on manoeuvring and breathing in the cumbersome suit. Now that I'd gotten myself onto this part of the mission I almost began to regret it ... the suits were heavy and very enclosing ... and I couldn't help but focus on how long it'd take to get out of mine if I really, really wanted to. Trying to put aside my nerves and pretending I wasn't at all scared pretty much took up all of my attention while John and Rodney prepared what we needed, and made sure they knew the fastest route to the Cruiser.

"Okay?" John put his hands on my shoulders, the look in his eyes letting me know he was well aware of my fears. "It's not too late to change your mind."

"I'm fine," I said determinedly. "I can do this."

"I know you can," John replied. "I'm just saying you don't have to."

"Yes I do," I looked up at him seriously. "You don't have to worry about me."

"Can't help it," John smiled ruefully, before turning away to check on Rodney's status. "Okay, let's do this."

Lowering ourselves into the moon pool we sank slowly to the ocean floor and set out across the sand towards the Cruiser. As I walked through the water and adjusted to the environment my nerves began to settle, enough for me to look around ... it really was remarkable to be traversing the bottom of the ocean under my own steam.

"This actually is kind of cool," I offered, puffing only slightly at the exertion required to move as fast as we needed to.

"We're not out on a bush walk," Rodney said sarcastically, his voice echoing inside my helmet. Clearly he wasn't enjoying the unaccustomed activity or the claustrophobic feeling within the suits - especially given his prior experience down at this level.

"You're breathing too hard McKay," John said helpfully.

"Oh, forgive me for being aware of exactly how much pressure is being exerted on this suit right now," Rodney said snidely.

"Just think of it as a walk on the beach - a beach that's about to explode," John offered that incentive, causing some amusement - for me anyway.

"That's supposed to make me feel better?!" Rodney protested.

"No, it's supposed to make you walk faster," John said firmly. "We're on the clock here."

"This is Zelenka. How close are you?"

"Almost there, but we're runnin' out of time," John reported. "We may need Teyla to do her Wraith communication thing again."

"I'm walking as fast as I can," Rodney complained irritably.

x

Finally we were in the ship and out of our high pressure suits. Rodney ripped out his Ancient scanner and started looking for the location of the self destruct device.

"That took too long," John commented, hovering near Rodney as he waited to find out where we were headed.

"Yeah, well, there's no guarantee we can disarm the self-destruct in time, so we're really not in a rush," Rodney said despondently.

"Why don't we find it first, and then you can be negative?" John suggested.

Rodney filled in the moments it took him to work out where the self destruct was talking about the amazing condition of the Cruiser – if he could have found a way to power it up there was every chance it could actually be salvaged. I don't think an Earth based ship left in the same circumstances would have lasted a tenth of that time and it was a chilling testament to the power of Wraith technology.

"This way," Rodney pointed out the course we'd have to take to get to the Bridge. We walked there in silence – the console flashing a red light countdown stood out like a sore thumb as soon as we got there.

Rodney consulted his scanner before uttering a sound I could only translate as a satisfied 'would you look at that?'

"I'm pretty sure this is the device, and I'm pretty sure it says we have less than half an hour," Rodney confirmed.

"Okay Sabina, you're on," John moved aside to let me stand in front of the console. "Turn it off."

Grabbing the controls I accessed the neural interface and attempted to switch the self destruct off. When nothing happened, I tried again, applying more mental pressure than before. Frowning in confusion, I glanced worriedly at John and Rodney. "I can't switch it off," I admitted reluctantly.

"Why not?" John demanded.

"I guess their self destruct is more like ours than we would have guessed," I replied. "The Queen entered a command code to stop anyone else from turning this off. If we don't get the code, I can't turn it off."

"Can you figure it out?" John turned to Rodney expectantly.

"Yes, well, command codes are usually quite simple, like the number one or the letter A, like, in Wraith, which would be, umm ...," Rodney trailed off after that expulsion of sarcasm.

"Can you figure out the code or not?" John demanded impatiently.

"No!" Rodney exclaimed. "Not if I stood here and tried for a million years, and we have," he made a parody of consulting his watch before continuing, "just under a million years less than that!"

Turning away in exasperation, John activated the radio and contacted Doctor Zelenka. "Radek, you there?"

"Have you managed to switch off the self destruct Colonel?" Radek asked hopefully.

"Negative," John replied solemnly. "If we don't get the command code in less than thirty minutes, we're dead."

"I will let Teyla know," Radek replied.

This was the crucial phase in John's back up plan. He'd decided that if we couldn't switch off the self destruct he would use Teyla's connection to the Queen to lure her back to the Cruiser. To that end Teyla, John and I had participated in a scene the Queen could take from Teyla's mind where John reported that Rodney had fixed the power generation problems and that John was going to fly the Cruiser to a safe distance. Teyla's job was to convince the Queen that she was under her control when in fact she wasn't. Teyla would then have to fool the Queen by 'hiding' our faked scene and then letting the Queen think she'd found it. Hopefully that would be enough to make the Queen swim back over here and put in her command code to stop the self destruct herself.

"You ready?" John looked from Rodney to me. Our job was to disable the Queen after she'd turned off the self destruct, before she could injure John in any way. I was nervous having his well being in my hands, even shared with Rodney.

"We're ready," Rodney sounded as nervously confident as I was feeling. We took up our positions hiding in the wings of the Bridge, waiting for the Queen to appear. I briefly considered the fact that if our plan wasn't successful we were all about to die in a massive explosion that would take out Atlantis as well. Firmly putting that out of my mind I concentrated only on listening for the Queens arrival. We still had about five minutes left when I felt the unmistakable presence of the Wraith Queen on board.

Peering out of my hiding spot I saw John standing in front of the console, his back to the room. He must have sensed when the Queen was behind him because he turned as soon as she entered the Bridge.

"Well, you're a hell of a swimmer, I'll give you that," he said conversationally.

"You have restored power?" the Queen spoke in her gravelly Wraith voice.

"It'll fly," John replied, stepping carefully away from the console to give her room to do what we needed her to do.

The Queen did the Wraith equivalent of crowing in delight, stalking across to the console and punching in her code. The red light countdown stopped immediately.

"You shall be rewarded," the Queen turned to John with a hungry look, "with a quick death."

Not waiting for Rodney's signal I jumped out from my hiding spot, aimed at the Queen's chest and then fired a series of short bursts from the P90. The Queen convulsed with each bullets impact – snarling she turned in our direction, intent on getting rid of us first.

"She's not dying according to plan here!" Rodney complained nervously, also firing repeatedly to no real effect.

John drew his pistol and fired eight more bullets into the Queens back, finally taking her down. Still he walked cautiously towards her to make sure she really was dead.

"That was too close," I said weakly, frozen in place as I looked over at the Queen.

"It was," John agreed, walking over and squeezing my hand in reassurance before turning back to Rodney accusingly. "What took you so long?"

"We had to wait for her to disable the device," Rodney admitted. "Hey, just be thankful she didn't feed on you before she entered the command code."

"Oh, that's why you didn't wanna be bait!" John looked at Rodney suspiciously.

"No-no-no-no," Rodney protested. "You had to be bait because she was expecting you to be the one trying to fly the ship."

"Let's get outta here," John deliberately didn't acknowledge Rodney's excuses. We walked through the Cruiser heading for the same access point we'd come in through.

"You looked pretty relaxed facing the Queen," I said by way of congratulating John.

"Practice," John replied. "You looked pretty relaxed yourself when you were shooting at her."

"Well, when you've taken out a whole hive ship," I said loftily, "what's one Queen?"

"True," John smiled at my jest, "although this Queen wasn't like the run of the mill ones we've come across before. That was a lot of bullets you guys put into her and she still kept coming."

"Which makes Teyla's successful trickery all the more impressive," I pointed out.

"I'm not looking forward to the walk back," Rodney complained from behind us, "but at least we can go slower this time."

"You can go slower Rodney," John offered. "Sabina and I will be going at the same pace ... I'm not all that sure how much air those suits have left." John and I shared an amused look when Rodney gulped and then muttered that he was good for another mad dash across the ocean floor.

x

Back in Crew Quarters, I sank wearily down on one of the bunks, barely listening to the conversation going on around me. The trip to and from the Cruiser coupled with my session on the Wraith Queen had tired me out. I stretched out on the bed and zoned out for a bit, only focusing when Rodney arrived with a status report.

"Well, Zelenka's finally got communications back up," Rodney offered. "Turns out Atlantis _had_ sent another Jumper. Should be here within the hour."

"That's good news!" Teyla said in relief.

"Yeah, no kiddin'," Ronon's voice was muffled by the fact that he was lying face down on the bunk across from me. "I can't wait to see the sun."

"_What?_ No-no-no -- we haven't finished what we came here for," Rodney protested. "Doctor Weir approved us to continue the mission as planned. The Wraith's gone - we've got a ton of research to do. In fact, I'm pretty sure we should be able to come up with a way to get auxiliary power online in a couple of days." Not giving any of us the chance to overrule him, Rodney hurried from the room to get started, his complaints about being tired - the ones that John and I had been forced to listen to the whole way back from the Wraith Cruiser - forgotten in the excitement of potential scientific discovery.

"Is he serious?" Ronon looked at John almost pleading.

"Yeah. He is," John confirmed. "Elizabeth approved it so we're stuck here for the next week at least."

"Well, I for one intend to spend the next little while resting," Teyla offered, using her jacket as a pillow and reclining on her bunk.

"Same here," Ronon agreed, closing his eyes to get on with it.

"You okay?" John looked over at me quizzically from his position on the bunk next to mine.

"Just tired," I admitted, turning to look at him. "You?"

"Same," John returned. "You still glad you came along?"

"Wouldn't have missed it for the world," I smiled contentedly.

"I think I still owe you an underwater Puddle Jumper ride after this one," John said sleepily.

"Sheppard," Ronon growled warningly. "I'm trying to sleep here."

"Sorry," John's expression was faintly the naughty boy caught doing something wrong. It was so endearing that I couldn't resist blowing him a kiss – it made him laugh and Ronon grumble a bit more.

**Authors Note:**

The main reason I decided to put this episode in when I could have probably left it out is because of the issue I had with Rodney all of a sudden being able to operate a hive ship – with no laptop interface or anything like that. Before they always needed someone with some connection to the Wraith – so I decided that Sabina would provide that (because Teyla had to stay on the base to trick the Queen). We only saw two deep pressure suits on camera but that doesn't mean there wasn't more somewhere else. In my world anyway!


	47. This won’t be the last we see of him

**Chapter 47: This won't be the last we see of him**

Most of the missions where Team Sheppard got themselves into trouble we'd find out about it pretty much as soon as they failed to check in on time. But every now and then there'd be a mission where everything would seem as it should and we'd only find out when Team Sheppard got back that they'd barely escaped with their lives. Their mission to check up on the new Taranan settlement was one of the latter.

I was trying to progress the NAP project and had been granted permission to use the nanite research lab under lock down protocols, which basically meant that I had to isolate the lab from all the other Atlantis systems. Since I'd already organised to see John back at our quarters before dinner there wasn't any need for me to contact him sooner. So I just went about my business, completing the tasks I'd assigned myself for that session before closing everything down securely.

"John?" I called out when I arrived in our room.

"Out here!" John called back from the balcony.

"How did it go?" I asked, walking up behind him and leaning down to kiss him in greeting.

"About as bad as it could," John's voice was full of regret and something else I couldn't immediately identify.

"What happened?" I dropped down beside him, putting a hand on his leg in concern.

"Michael happened," John admitted grimly. "He created a research base on the planet – used the Taranan's as ... _bug_ food to create his own army of super bug people." John paused to wait for my reaction but I was too stunned that Michael was still alive to do more than just gape at him in shook. "What, no 'I told you so'?"

"That hardly seems appropriate now," I admonished, finding my voice at last.

"Didn't stop Ronon," John muttered. "He reminded me he'd said it was a bad idea from the start but no one listened to him."

"What's done is done," I replied. "Did you at least get rid of Michael this time?"

"No," John said starkly. "Not only did he kill all the Taranan's and a team of Marines, but Rodney's since discovered that Michael created at least a hundred of those creatures, with who knows how many more on three other planets. I diverted the Daedalus to intercept him but he'd already cleared everything out."

"So ... it's as bad as it can get," I restated what he'd said initially.

"Yeah," John lapsed into silence, still grim faced over the result of a seemingly innocent mission.

"He's angry with us," I stated what we both knew was a fact.

"This won't be the last we see of him," John agreed. Rousing himself he stood quickly and reached down a hand for me. "Enough introspection," he announced. "Let's meet up with Teyla and the others ... they can tell you all the details I left out."

"You mean practically everything then," I said, taking his hand and letting him pull me up beside him.

x

Two weeks later Rodney and I were ready to report to Doctor Weir and the others on our progress with the NAP project.

"The Nanite-based Anti-replicator Proteins are like individual links in a chain," Rodney explained. "When detecting even just one Pegasus Replicator nanite they split and then completely surround it. The links join to create an unbreakable fence, rendering the nanite inert. It's the same way the proteins in Sabina's blood operated to destroy the nanites from Niam. In fact we used samples of those nanites, under controlled conditions of course, to test them and they are 100 percent effective."

"Can they infect humans like the Replicator nanites can?" Doctor Weir asked in concern.

"That's the beauty of my design," Rodney said proudly. "They're hard coded to recognise human DNA and designed in such a way that they're identified as a foreign body just like a virus, creating an immune response. And there is literally no way for them to be reprogrammed. It really is a brilliant idea."

"Sabina's idea," John reminded Rodney.

"Yes, yes, of course," Rodney agreed. "And if Sabina hadn't asked me to work on this when I was suffering the effects of the Ascension machine none of this would have even been possible."

"Can we turn this into some kind of defence or attack against the Replicators?" Doctor Weir asked.

"We're able to create as many of them as we need using the Ancients nanite research lab," I said. "The challenge comes in trying to device a method for delivering them to the Replicators."

"The usual," John drawled. "Same problem, different enemy."

"I'm assuming you have an idea about that," Doctor Weir looked from me to Rodney expectantly.

"We have a couple of ideas," I agreed, looking at Rodney for him to explain.

"The best way would be if we can connect directly to the Replicator core," Rodney took over. "We set up a device with the anti-replicator proteins primed to go and use a simple program to deliver them. Because they're a program as well as a physical entity they could spread throughout the entire system and infect every Replicator who uses any system, or touches any other infected Replicator. I can't say for sure but my estimates based on the tests suggest the spread would be rapid enough that the Replicators wouldn't be able to come up with a defence fast enough."

"That's a terrible plan McKay," John complained. "How are we going to get close enough to the Asuras core to make that happen?"

"I know, I know," Rodney grimaced in agreement. "It's unlikely. There is one other way, even more out there than the core idea, but you're not gonna like that one either."

"What is it?" John demanded, looking suspiciously at me like he knew it had been my suggestion. I decided to jump in rather than make Rodney tell it.

"We can inject the NAPs directly into a Replicator," I said simply. "The spread would be much slower that way – we're not sure how long it would take for the NAP's to multiply enough to cause any noticeable effect – but it would be plenty of time for the victim to spread them into the Replicator systems. The end result would then be the same."

"But no-one can get close to a Replicator without the risk of being infected with a nanite virus," Doctor Weir pointed out in confusion.

"That's true," I agreed, "for everyone who _doesn't_ possess the real anti-replicator protein that is, especially given the immune response to a mind probe." It only took a few seconds for John to work out what that meant.

"_No way!_" he half rose from his seat to glare across at me. "_We are not using you as some kind of Replicator BAIT!_"

"John," Doctor Weir said firmly, silently asking him to calm down. "Are there any other options?"

"None that we can think of," Rodney admitted. "We can't use any kind of remote delivery because the NAPs would be destroyed in the impact. It's a very ... _personal_ weapon that requires personal delivery – in the same way the Replicators require direct contact to infect us."

"Then I agree with John," Doctor Weir announced. "The risks are too great to attempt direct contact with the Replicators. I'm sorry Rodney, Sabina – unless you can come to me with a different plan, this project is shelved."

"Could we at least prepare some of the devices Rodney mentioned?" I asked before she could leave. "We could put one in each Jumper as a back up ... just in case the Replicators come looking for us."

"Do it," Doctor Weir agreed after thinking for a few moments.

I smiled a thank you as she and Rodney left the meeting room. John had lingered behind, waiting until we were alone to speak his mind.

"Why is it that all your plans seem to involve personal risk to you?" John asked almost conversationally.

"Because I'm the freak with the 'enhanced' blood?" I suggested sarcastically. Before he could protest that description I added "I didn't say I thought we _should_ use me that way – I just offered it up as an option. Who knows – we might be desperate enough to need it."

"We're never gonna be desperate enough to offer _anyone_ up as bait to the Replicators," John said, showing some of his anger now.

"Aren't you disappointed all the work I've done over the past few months resulted in practically nothing?" I looked at him impatiently.

"Of course," John replied grimly. "But I'd prefer it if we just accepted that instead of trying to make something out of it with another harebrained scheme."

"Okay, I think you've made your point," I said meekly. "At least we'll have the NAP delivery devices Rodney designed in the Jumpers, so that's something." I looked away as silence grew between us, at a loss for what to say next. "I guess I should –."

"What did you mean when you said 'enhanced' blood like that?" John interrupted me to ask.

"You know what I meant," I protested, turning away from him. "I think we've got enough examples now to show that my particular combination of DNA and proteins isn't exactly a positive."

"How is it not a positive?" John pulled me back around to look at him. "We've been able to do things with Ancient and Wraith technology we couldn't have done without you."

"_NONE of them ever worked out!_" I almost snarled that reminder, fuelled by the frustration of yet another failure. "We got a _momentary_ advantage but in the end they were all useless as a long term solution – just like this anti-replicator thing."

"Don't," John got right in my face with that order - I knew he was really saying 'stop dismissing your efforts' but I was too worked up to listen. I looked at him mutely for a few seconds before pulling away and leaving the room. He didn't try to stop me.

x

John gave me a couple of hours to calm down before seeking me out. I knew he'd be able to find me anywhere on Atlantis so I didn't bother trying to hide, choosing to sit on our balcony instead.

"Are you ready to be reasonable? John leant in the doorway, looking at me calmly.

"Truth is in the eye of the beholder," I said reasonably, subtlety telling him that I'd completely believed everything I'd said.

"Maybe," John said, pushing off and taking a step towards me. "Do you want to tell me what the real problem is?"

"I'm just disappointed that another thing I thought would be an advantage turned out to be useless," I told him seriously. "If I get the bad side of all this blood stuff then I deserve to get the good side too!"

"Explain the bad side to me," John was only a step away now.

"Having a whole town of people wanting to kill me because I'm tainted," I offered, "or getting my brain almost scrambled by the whales because of being too open to mental communication. Even being the only one who could wipe out those hive ships isn't exactly a good thing."

"I would list just as many positives if I thought it would do any good," John finally sat down next to me. Putting his arm around me he hugged me bracingly. "I think it's time you stopped distinguishing the Ancient and Wraith parts of you as being separated from the rest and just accepted that Ancient, Wraith or Human it doesn't matter. It's all just you."

John gave me time to consider that, content to just sit beside me as I thought.

"How were you going to answer Ronon's question?" I looked out over the ocean rather than at John when I asked that.

"Huh?" John sounded confused. "What question?"

"That day ... he asked when you were going to get married," I reminded him. "I interrupted before you could answer."

"Ah," John tightened his arm around me as he tried to work out where this was going. "I don't know – probably something along the lines of 'when Sabina's ready'," he admitted freely.

"Oh," my stomach clenched in sudden nervousness. Pulling away from him I got up and stood at the railing.

"What?" John got up too, coming over to stand next to me.

"And ah ... children," I almost whispered, keeping my eyes trained away from him. "Is that part of your 'when Sabina's ready' plan too?"

"Is it a problem if it is?" John carefully didn't answer my question.

"I can't pass on my weird mix of genes John," I told him with certainty ringing in my voice. "It wouldn't be fair."

"There's no guarantee either of us would pass on anything to our children," John pointed out.

"There is actually," I corrected. "Caritas told me any child of ours would almost certainly have the ATA gene as well as a better than average chance of getting all the other genes too."

"You _asked_ her about it?" John's voice was incredulous.

"Not exactly," I replied, "it came up when we were talking about the anti-nanite protein being linked to the Wraith gene."

"You've had all those characteristics for your entire life," John pointed out. "If you'd never come here you would have married, had kids and never known any different."

"Maybe," I said, thinking that the path I'd been on made that unlikely. "But I _did_ come here and I _do_ know."

"There's no reason for us to be talking about any of this right now," John said firmly, trying to shut the conversation down before it took us somewhere neither of us was ready to go. "It's not like we're gonna do anything about it in the short term."

"I know," I agreed. "But given that I feel so strongly about it I thought I should tell you now. You might need to rethink our ... _your_ future and I owe you as much time as possible to do that."

"I'm not _rethinking_ anything," John forced me to look into his frustrated eyes, "and you're being ridiculous about this!" His voice was angry enough that I didn't call him up on labelling me as ridiculous. "We'll shelve this for the time being ... but you might want to take a moment sooner rather than later to look at those pictures Rod gave us ... they might just make you rethink _your_ future." Before I could say anything in response he turned and left the balcony.

x

"Is it my imagination or is the atmosphere between you and Sheppard a bit strained today?" Rodney asked the next day as we walked from the commissary together. We'd decided to begin production of the delivery devices straight away and were heading back to the lab after a quick break.

"John was less than impressed with my suggestion about being a human delivery system for the NAPs," I told part of the truth, hoping that would head Rodney off. "He just hasn't forgiven me yet."

"Yeah but he's been angry at your wacky plans before," Rodney persisted. "He's really taking this one personally."

"_Wacky?_" I mocked. "Is that like the technical term?"

"Ha ha," Rodney said sarcastically. "If you don't want to answer my question just say so."

"I don't want to answer your question Rodney," I parroted back at him.

"Fine," Rodney muttered, hesitating before adding "but could you not let this one escalate like your last big argument when we were on the Wraith Hive ship? Sheppard is a pain in the arse at the best of times but he's ten times worse when he's at odds with you. You're not the one who has to go off world with him."

"I'll try to arrange my personal life just to suit you Rodney," I said sarcastically. "Anything else?"

"No," Rodney replied, "just ah ... don't stuff this up, okay?"

"How come you're not telling John not to stuff it up?" I was insulted that Rodney thought I'd be the one to wreck something between John and me.

"I've seen inside Sheppard's head remember?" Rodney reminded me. "I already know he's not gonna sabotage the two of you."

"Okay – fine," I growled. "I promise I won't stuff anything up – now can we get back to work?"

Rodney picked up the pace in answer to that question, leading us down to the nanite research lab. I thought about what he'd said and about how John had seemed that morning. It wasn't like we were avoiding each other, or not talking to each other. In fact we'd done the same things we did most mornings – jogged, showered, had breakfast, and then headed off to our separate work destinations. Even the previous night when I'd finally come in from the balcony John had been reading in bed and had seemed to welcome me beside him. But I'd be lying if I said I hadn't seen something, a hint of diminished spirit that said John wasn't happy. I felt guilty for causing that and nervous that I wouldn't be able to fix it.

**Authors Note:**

Thanks for reading ... just letting you all know that the next chapter won't be posted until next Tuesday night - I've got a birthday party to organise for my youngest who's turning TWO on Monday ...


	48. I would never take that for granted

**Chapter 48: I would never take that for granted**

John and I did our usual trick and buried the tension between us so that on the surface it seemed we were as united as always. John seemed happy with that so I could only assume he'd decided to give me time to think about what he'd said. I knew it wasn't the end of the discussion but I was happy for the reprieve.

"You're not gonna get away with that," I commented lightly, sitting cross legged on the bed a couple of weeks later watching as John raced through his year-end employee reviews. "You can't just mark everyone with the same rating."

"I'm not - I'm using 'Excellent' _and_ 'Above Average'," John looked at me with a smug expression.

"Don't you think those people deserve to hear what you really think of their progress?" I asked him seriously.

"Do you know how many of these things I have to do?" John complained. "There isn't enough time in the day for me to write something different for each of them."

"Well, you can try it the way you're doing," I offered with a slight smile, "but I don't think Elizabeth will fall for it."

"We'll see," John replied confidently, bending back over his data pad industriously.

x

The Atlantis grapevine was quick to report that the new Earth space vessel, Apollo had arrived ahead of schedule with a plan to conduct a pre-emptive strike on the Replicator home planet.

"Colonel Ellis asked me to join the mission," John told me a couple of hours into the Apollo's visit.

"Doing what?" I looked at him in concern.

"He wants me to stay behind in a cloaked Jumper and assess the damage after they launch the warheads," John replied. "The Replicators won't be able to detect the Jumper so it should be a piece of cake."

"Do you think we should be doing this?" I asked him curiously. "I heard that Elizabeth was against it, that she even tried to get General O'Neill and Woolsey to call it off."

"She did," John agreed, running a hand across his face tiredly. "Look, I'm not happy with heading out on a mission Elizabeth doesn't approve of ... but I saw the pictures. They're building ships - not to come here - they want Earth and because of us they know where it is."

"And we can't let that happen," I acknowledged. "I understand ... I just hope these weapons are destructive enough to not leave anything behind to retaliate. Have you got the NAP delivery device on board the Jumper yet?"

"Yeah, Rodney showed me what to do if the opportunity presents itself," John agreed. "It won't though because we're not gonna be getting anywhere near enough to that planet."

"It never hurts to be prepared," I reminded him. "Are you going now?"

"In a few minutes," John stepped closer and raised a hand to toy with my hair. "We should be back in about twelve hours."

"I'll be here," I quipped, hesitating as I looked at him intently. "You're not still angry with me ... are you?" It was the best I could do without getting into something we didn't have time for and that I wasn't ready for either.

"I'm not ... if angry is even the right word to use," John said resolutely. "You should know by now that your crazy notions won't change how I feel."

"I would never take that for granted," I leant my forehead against his chest, wondering what I'd ever done to deserve him. "Maybe next time you could be the one with the worries and I could be the complacently confident one."

"That _would_ be a change," John smiled at the image that brought to both our heads. He held me close while I absorbed the comfort of his presence ... too soon it was time for him to leave.

"Be careful," I squeezed hard before reluctantly letting him go.

"Always am," he replied with a smile, turning to head for the door. At the threshold he paused, then came back, leaning down to press a hard kiss to my lips. We shared a wordless moment gazing into each other's eyes before he kissed me again and then quickly left.

x

Since John and Rodney were both absent Teyla convinced me to let her and Ronon keep me company ... it was a bit disturbing to realise that everyone knew how much I worried about John when he was on a mission. At the same time their presence _did_ give me something else to focus on for what seemed like much more than the twelve hours the Apollo was gone. We were most of the way through dinner when we heard the Apollo had returned. I couldn't help but rush up to the control room with Ronon and Teyla following closely behind to find out how everything went ... we arrived to find John filling Elizabeth in.

"How was the mission? Was it a success?" I asked quickly.

"We did get all the ships," John confirmed with a small smile of satisfaction.

"I wish I could've been there to see it," Ronon said with a grin.

"Well, space battles are always a lot more exciting on TV than they are in real life," John joked.

"Doctor Weir?" We were interrupted by Chuck calling for Elizabeth's attention. "You're gonna wanna see this. We've got a contact. Just came out of hyperspace."

Walking with the others I stood to the side as everyone looked at Chuck's display.

"Wraith?" Ronon suggested with interest.

"Naah," Chuck's tone was mostly confident that was the case. "It's very small. I doubt it."

"Raise the shield," Doctor Weir ordered quickly.

"It's taking up a geosynchronous orbit above the city," Chuck announced.

"What is it?" Teyla asked in concern.

"Maybe we should have the Apollo check it out,' John suggested grimly.

"Tell the Colonel he needs to get back to his ship," Doctor Weir ordered.

We waited the few minutes it took Colonel Ellis to report from Apollo in silence, no one willing to speculate until we knew more.

"OK, I've got a visual," Colonel Ellis reported. "Looks like a satellite of some sort." There was a short pause before Ellis added "It's a Stargate!"

"A Stargate?" John glanced at Rodney with an expression that asked 'how is that possible?'.

"That's right," Ellis confirmed.

"I thought you said it was a satellite," John reminded him.

"It's both," Ellis replied. "It's a satellite, but in the middle there's a ... Stargate."

"What could be the purpose of that?" Doctor Weir asked Rodney.

"I have no idea," Rodney admitted weakly.

"It just activated," Ellis said in an urgent tone.

"The Gate?!" John looked at Doctor Weir in concern.

We watched intently, waiting to see what would happen next. The display screen showed a beam lancing out of the active gate, heading for the planet.

"It's hitting the planet," Chuck reported a few seconds later

The beam travelled across the ocean heading straight for Atlantis. As it touched the edge of the shield the city began to shake violently.

"It's a sustained beam," Chuck offered that piece of bad news emotionlessly.

"That is bad for a dozen different reasons," Rodney told us sickly.

"It's protected by a shield," Ellis reported after we watched the three missiles he'd sent crash harmlessly against the gate satellite. "Give me some options, McKay."

"The shield's taking its power from the beam," Rodney said impatiently. "Look, I registered a slight drop in output when you fired on it."

"Could I get a nuke past its shield?" Ellis asked.

"No, probably not," Rodney said grimly.

"I'll get in the Chair and give it everything we've got," John suggested. "Maybe that'll collapse the shield." He turned to do exactly that but Rodney's words halted him abruptly.

"I said "slight" - as in point zero zero two," Rodney said sarcastically. "Look, I doubt any amount of firepower is gonna collapse it while that beam is active."

"Then what do we do?" Ellis demanded.

"We stand down and let me think, is what we do," Rodney said firmly. "Just give me five minutes to get my bearings. I'll brief you." He turned towards a different console, turning back to us when Ronon called his name.

"McKay, it's shooting at us," he pointed out the obvious problem with not having a plan.

"Yes, and the shields are holding," Rodney had that wild eyed look that said he didn't have any ideas and was about to panic ... _because_ he didn't have any ideas. "Look, we've got plenty of time - just give me five minutes."

Ignoring the rest of us, Rodney turned back to his console and started tapping away furiously.

"The shields appear to be holding," Chuck told Doctor Weir.

"At least we've got that then,' Doctor Weir replied, watching Rodney with concern before turning to head for her office. She glanced at John, clearly wanting him to follow her so they could talk about the situation. John threw me a confident smile before heading off after her.

"We're not gonna find out anything else now," I murmured to Ronon. "When John gets out of there, tell him I went to the gym."

I spent the 38 minutes a Stargate could theroetically stay open working out, trying to clear my mind of all the worrying scenarios I couldn't help but come up with. When I didn't hear anything after those 38 minutes were up I knew that the first hope for resolution of the crisis had failed to deliver. Slumping down on one of the benches I stretched my legs out in front of me, thinking about how we were gonna get out of this one. I was still thinking when John caught up with me twenty minutes later.

"Hey," he greeted, coming in and sitting down beside me.

"Hey yourself," I replied, shooting a sidelong glance at him. "Stargate still open?"

"Yeah," John admitted grimly. "Rodney's got a plan though ... it's only a delaying one but it'll give us time to come up with something more permanent."

"Submerging the city?" I guessed, smiling when John shot me a surprised look. "I've been sitting here the last twenty minutes trying to come up with something – that was the only idea I had because the higher density of the water should dissipate the beam somewhat. Wasn't that why the Ancients sank the city in the first place?"

"Very good," John congratulated me. "Yes that is the current plan. Rodney said he needed about an hour to get ready. You'll need to secure everything in your lab and then head to one of the safe areas – it could be a bumpy ride down."

"Okay," I got up slowly, holding out a hand to pull him up beside me. "What did you think of Colonel Ellis?"

"Strange situation," John stayed where he was to maintain the private location of our conversation. "He said he knows there are some back on Earth who don't like my methods but that _he_ thought I'd done a good job here."

"That's not strange," I frowned at him, "you _have_ done a good job."

"Ah but that's not all," John held up a hand to stop me from saying more. "He then went on to say that _I_ should be running Atlantis – not Elizabeth."

"Really?" I asked in confusion. "Why would he say that? How'd you respond?"

"I have no idea what kind of political power plays are going on back on Earth," John assumed the comment was motivated by that rather than a complement to his skills. "I don't want to end up in the middle of them though so I made a joke about wanting to rage against 'The Man' rather than _be_ the man."

"Do you think they're trying to remove Elizabeth?" I asked worriedly.

"I don't know," John gnawed at his bottom lip, a sure sign he was particularly worried about something. "I should probably warn her anyway."

"Given the way Colonel Ellis stormed in here with a plan none of us knew anything about I think Doctor Weir will already be on her guard," I said, knowing that Elizabeth was a master at negotiating and understanding the subtext.

"Probably," John agreed, finally moving to leave the room. "Go get started on your lab – radio me when you get done and I'll let you know which safe area I'm at."

"Will do," I replied, heading in one direction while John went in the other.

I packed up my lab as best I could, not really sure what I should actually do to 'secure' it. The most important things were my laptop and a portable storage device I'd been using as a data backup. I decided to take them with me and just put everything else into transport containers which I then packed in the nearest storage closet. Looking at my watch I decided I had just enough time to run over to the nanite research lab and do the same thing. My primary objective was the NAP delivery devices we'd completed – two for the Jumpers and another minature version I'd just completed a few days ago. Putting the small one in my jacket pocket I packed the others into the special transport containment case Rodney had come up with. I draped the case strap over my shoulder with my other gear, deciding I was ready to head out.

"John," I radioed him as promised. "I'm done here – where shall I meet you?"

"Sabina," John replied immediately. "I'm stationed in that big meeting room just off the Gateroom."

"I'm on my way," I replied, hurrying down the corridor to get there as fast as possible. Walking in the door I deposited my gear in the corner before going to let John know I was there.

"Everything secured?" John asked, marking me off on his data pad as part of the whole 'keep track of everyone' deal.

"I guess," I said uncertainly. "I'm not sure I really know what securing a lab actually involves."

"I'm sure you did fine," John smiled, glancing down at his watch. "Rodney and Radek should be almost ready to get this show on the road."

"Attention all personnel," Doctor Weir spoke over the citywide intercom. "We are about to attempt to submerge the city. From what I understand, it could get a little bumpy, so this is your last chance to secure equipment and get to the designated safe areas."

Keeping close to John I braced myself when the city shook and vibrated with the power required to sink something the size of Atlantis. I could actually feel the downward force as the city sank slowly beneath the ocean, coming to a bumpy rest on the bottom only moments later.

"Let's go find out how it went," John suggested, calling out to the others in the room to remain there until they heard from the Control Room.

Following John up to the Control Room we saw from Rodney's expression of dejection that hope number two for resolving the current problem had also become a bust.

"It didn't work?" John looked at Radek first, and then at Rodney, waiting for some kind of explanation.

"It bought us a little time," Rodney defended, "but no, it didn't work. At this rate the shields will fail within 24 hours."

"Come up with some more ideas," John's voice was closer to ordering than suggesting. Rodney rolled his eyes but I could see he appreciated the push to let the failure of the last idea go. Gesturing for Radek to follow him the two retired to their lab to brain storm.

"What now?" I looked at John expectantly.

"I'm gonna search out Teyla and Ronon," John replied. "Wanna come?"

"Nah," I said simply. "I need to retrieve the gear I brought down to the safe room and there are a couple of things I want to check in our quarters. Will you radio me when you know what the next idea is?"

"Sure," John agreed, ruffling my hair before turning away, tapping his headset as he contacted one of his team.

I went to our quarters first, thinking about what the likely outcomes might be. We wouldn't be getting out of here through the gate because the other gate was too close, but evacuation on the Apollo was probably an option if things got really bad.

Once inside our room I headed straight for the wall safe, waving my hand over it to open it. There was only one item inside – the envelope with the alternate reality photos. I held it in my hand for a while, tempted for the first time to actually look at them. Realising it was probably not the best time to be thinking about personal issues, I stuffed the envelope roughly in my jacket pocket for later.

Looking around to see if there was anything else I'd regret losing if I didn't get a chance to come back here my eyes settled on the only photo I had of John and I – Doctor Weir had presented it to me after the last Christmas party. It was one of those candid shots – I was sitting beside John, who had one arm around me and the other extended like he'd been telling a joke or story when the shot was taken. I loved that photo because we were both smiling and the scene seemed imbued with the contentment and happiness we found in each other. Tracing a finger over John's photo smile I felt something indefinable relax within me – John knew me better than anyone ever had. It wasn't like I'd deliberately hidden the less appealing aspects of myself from him – in fact most of the time I'd practically hit him over the head with them. I knew John in the same way and I trusted him as I'd never trusted anyone else. He saw a future for us beyond what we were now and I realised as I'd admired that photo that I _could_ put my trust in that. Wrapping the frame carefully in a spare t-shirt I tucked it under my arm to be packed in my bag later. My stomach grumbling loudly broke me out of my reverie – realising it had been ages since I'd eaten I hurriedly left the room, stopping off to grab the bags I'd left in the safe area on the way.

**Authors Note:**

I'm BACK! I hope someone missed me LOL! My baby's birthday party was awesome and she had an excellent day. Thanks to those who wished her a happy day ... I will be responding to your reviews as usual BUT thought you'd appreciate a chapter first! Anyways, it's back to daily posts until this is finished ... which will be in about 8 days ... happy reading!


	49. You want to try for that ATA boost?

**Chapter 49: You want to try for that ATA boost?**

"Okay we've got a plan," John dropped into the chair across from me only moments after I'd sat down to eat. "And it's big!"

"You're flying the city out of here," I smiled when John's face fell. "Sorry – did you want to make that more dramatic?"

"Ha ha," John leant forward to steal something from my plate, moving swiftly out of range when I tried to smack his hand away. "And the plan is bigger than just flying the ship. First we have to get enough power which we're gonna do by tapping into the drilling platform."

"Nice!" I exclaimed, feeling an extra thrill over that because I'd actively helped to make the platform viable. "Lucky we got that up and running then."

"It is," John agreed, "but they can't give us everything we need, so Lorne and a team of F302 pilots are heading out to grapple a large asteroid and tow it towards the beam. When it intercepts it'll reduce the load on the shields and buy us enough power to make it out of the atmosphere."

"You came up with that one didn't you?" I grinned proudly at his continuing ingenuity.

"Saw it in a movie once," John quipped modestly. "This is gonna take a while – you should probably take the chance to get some rest now before everything gets frantic again."

"What about you?" I looked at him in concern.

"I've got a couple of things to take care of and then I'll join you," John promised, standing up and looking down at me curiously. "You seem pretty relaxed all of a sudden – are you feeling all right?"

"Epiphany and all that," I waved a hand cryptically in the space between us. "Ask me about it when we're out of this."

"Sure," John seemed torn between wanting to stay and make me tell him now and his duties. "Later," he agreed, running a hand down my hair before turning and strolling casually out the door.

I finished dinner by myself quickly ... I had a couple of things I still wanted to do too before settling for the night. One of them was to stow my gear somewhere portable and convenient – the only place I could think of that made sense was Jumper One. Having done that I radioed my next target, hoping he hadn't headed out yet.

"Major Lorne," I called, "what's your position?"

"Hey Sabina," Lorne replied. "I'm up in the Control Room with Rodney."

"I'll be there in a sec," I said, ducking out the back of the Jumper and down the stairs to the Control Room to see him. "When are you heading out?"

"You heard about the plan _already_?" Lorne asked in surprise.

"In with the boss, remember?" I smiled smugly. "You'd be happy – getting to take a 302 out for a spin."

"It'll be more like flying a really big brick," Lorne pointed out. "I'm just waiting for McKay to identify an asteroid of sufficient mass and then I'll be beaming up to the Apollo."

"I'm glad I caught you before you left then," I said.

"You're not coming up on the Apollo?" Lorne looked at me questioningly.

"Didn't know it was an option," I admitted, wondering why John hadn't mentioned it. "Makes sense to minimise the number of people left in the city though."

"But you won't be leaving," Lorne stated it like it was a given.

"Course not," I replied with a smile. "I'm surprised John didn't try to get me to leave this time."

"Major?" Rodney called Lorne's attention away from me.

"Good luck with the brick," Lorne smiled at my flippant remark. Raising a hand as a good bye and good luck in return, he turned and gave his attention to Rodney.

Stifling a yawn I turned tiredly in the direction of bed, slumping down on the mattress face first as soon as I got there.

x

The next thing I knew it was early morning and John had already left. Hurrying through my morning rituals I ran up to the Control Room, stopping in a corridor on the way to listen as Doctor Weir made another city wide announcement.

"May I have your attention? As you all know, we have found ourselves in a spot of trouble. The reality is that no matter where we try to hide on this planet, the Replicator satellite will be able to track us. Therefore, Doctor McKay and Colonel Sheppard have come up with a rather ingenious way for us to escape the satellite's range altogether. In the next few hours, we will fire the city's star drive and head into space," Elizabeth's voice was tinged with the excitement of making that happen. "Atlantis is leaving this planet."

Continuing on I arrived at the Control Room only moments later. John and Rodney were hunched over one of the display screens, Rodney pointing something out that was hopefully not another problem.

"I had an idea about how I could help," I stood behind them, clearing my throat first in case they hadn't noticed I was there.

"Morning," John greeted me. "What idea?"

"It's gonna take a lot out of you to control the star drive," I pointed out. "If I'm down there with you I could try and lend you a bit of extra ATA juice – like the reverse of what you've done for me in the past."

"Is that possible?" John narrowed his eyes in thought. "I thought it only worked the one way."

"Maybe, maybe not," I countered. "It's worth having me down there just in case."

"Okay," John agreed. "It's still gonna be a couple of hours before Lorne has the asteroid in place. Go grab something to eat and then head down to the Chair Room - I'll see you there."

"Sure," I nodded, standing where I was just looking at him. Sensing the stare John turned back to me in confusion.

"What?" he looked at me curiously.

"I'm just kind of surprised that you didn't insist I go to the Apollo with all the other non essential personnel," I admitted.

"I guess you've graduated from non essential to essential then," John replied simply, keenly watching as a huge grin spread over my face.

Not caring that he was on duty and Rodney was right there I threw my arms around him and hugged him tight. "That's the nicest thing you've said to me in like ... a week!" I said. Seeing Rodney rolling his eyes dramatically I added "All right Rodney – I'm going. I just need to do this," I added as I pulled John down and kissed him exuberantly. "See you in the Chair Room," I called, turning and heading rapidly back down the stairs.

x

"Well, I guess it's show time," John said, walking into the Chair Room a couple of hours later with Rodney in tow. I'd taken up a position at one of the side consoles and waved a greeting when he arrived.

"You sure you can do this?" Rodney asked.

"Fly the city?" John asked in confusion, probably wondering why Rodney would be asking that now.

"What else could I possibly be talking about?" Rodney said impatiently.

"I flew a V22 Osprey once," John offered like we should all know how that was related to operating the star drive on Atlantis.

"Was it as big as a city?" Rodney's voice dripped sarcasm.

"Well, you had to use your hands and feet with that one," John explained the complexity. "This one, you just have to sit down and think ... 'Fly'."

"OK, why don't you just get in the Chair and start your pre-flight?" Rodney suggested, realising he wasn't going to get anything else from John.

John sat down in the chair which lit up immediately as usual. Rodney walked around the chair towards the door, pausing when he got there to look at John uncertainly.

"Oh, I'm gonna head up to the Control Room, and Zelenka will monitor output from the ZedPM Room," he told John stuff he already knew instead of what he really wanted to say. Hesitating awkwardly Rodney added "And, uh, good luck."

"You too," John returned. Rodney left, leaving John sitting a little uncertainly in the chair.

"You're always telling me how you can fly anything," I reminded him. "You can do this."

Rather than respond with words John purposefully pushed back in the chair, reclining it into action position. Closing his eyes he ran mentally through all the pre-flight checks, preparing himself for the mammoth task ahead. Watching him silently I tried to calm myself so I'd be ready to help him if he needed it.

"Are you ready, Sheppard?" Rodney spoke over the radio from his position in the Control Room.

"Ready as I'll ever be," John responded.

The city shook as the engines fired, pushing Atlantis up from the ocean floor. Moments later the feeling of motion ended, leaving Atlantis floating once more.

"We're on the surface," Rodney confirmed. "Fire the star drive."

John's face took on a look of intense concentration as he activated the star drive. The shaking of the city returned – John's face became strained as the city broke clear of the ocean, struggling to reach the required height.

"We're not flying high enough," Rodney said urgently. "It's stalling out!"

"Something's not right Rodney," I spoke from my position monitoring the chair output.

"What are you doing wrong?" Rodney demanded.

John snapped open his eyes and raised his head. "Sure, blame me," he complained. "We don't have enough power."

"Oh, sure, blame me!" Rodney returned the complaint.

"It's not working," John reminded him. "What other reasons could there be?"

"I have no more power to give you!" Rodney's voice was tinged with a hint of panic now.

"Shut it off," Elizabeth offered, obviously keeping an eye on things from Rodney's position.

"What?" Rodney demanded.

"Lower the shield," Doctor Weir reiterated.

"We're about to go into space!" Rodney protested. "If you plan on breathing, we're gonna need the shield."

"Turn it back on at eighteen thousand feet," John suggested. "We just need the boost to get started, no?"

"That might work," Rodney said in a more reasonable tone. After a short pause he came back. "OK, I did it. Give it all you've got."

"Sabina," John turned to me with a raised eyebrow.

"You want to try for that ATA boost?" I jumped up and stood beside him, putting my hand on his shoulder when he nodded wordlessly. I kept my eyes on his face as he closed his eyes and lay back again, concentrating all my focus on thinking '_help John_'. I felt the energy rush out of me as John pushed the star drive to the limit, finally breaking the city clear of the hold the planet had on her.

"That's it!" Rodney said excitedly. "We're flying!"

John concentrated on controlling the star drive and all its related functions – I continued to offer him help in the form of extra ATA energy. Time seemed to have slowed to a crawl and I was painfully aware of every minor detail ... the creaking and groaning sounds of the city in flight, the look of almost pain on John's face as he struggled to control everything, and the increasing weakness I was feeling as both our energy was consumed in operating the Ancient systems.

"That's it," Rodney spoke after seemingly endless seconds of shieldless flight. "Time's up. Raising the shield."

"Taking us into hyperspace," John reported seconds later. I felt the unmistakeable motion of hyperspace travel as John deactivated the Chair and sat up.

"We did it!" he said, covering the hand I still had on his shoulder and squeezing it in relief. "McKay! Elizabeth!" John called over the radio, keen for a progress report from their end.

"I need a medical team to the Control Room, stat! Multiple injuries!" Rodney's panicked voice echoed ominously over the radio channel.

Without a word John jumped up and ran from the Chair Room, with me hot on his heels.

The scene we arrived into looked like the aftermath of an explosion. The huge glass windows across from the control room stairs had been blasted through the Gate and Control rooms in a million lethal pieces. Injured people were sitting or lying where they'd dropped, each sporting a number of small cuts on exposed skin in addition to more serious injuries. Even more worrying was the sight of Elizabeth being lifted onto a stretcher – she was unconscious, head wrapped in a large bandage and neck braced, with an oxygen mask over her face.

"Keller, what happened?" John demanded, looking worriedly at Elizabeth.

"Apparently the beam grazed the tower and blew out the ... " Doctor Keller broke off and turned to one of the medics wrapping a bandage around a man's arm. "Adams, that guy just has a cut. Tell him to put pressure on it and move on. There're a lot of people worse off upstairs."

"Elizabeth?" John asked hesitantly, walking closer to the gurney. "Is she gonna be OK?"

"I don't know yet," Doctor Keller admitted. "She took quite a fall and her pupils are sluggish. I'm gonna have to get her under a scanner. I'll know more in a bit."

Doctor Keller followed the medic wheeling Doctor Weir from the room. I stood looking after them for a moment before heading up the stairs after John. Stifling a curse I took in the mess. Glass covered every flat surface, consoles sparked, and damaged equipment littered the floor. There were injured people up there too, with medics attending to the worst hit.

"_Ronon_," I exclaimed, rushing over to drop down on a knee beside him, looking in sick concern at the large piece of jagged glass sticking out of one shoulder.

John was already bent down next to Ronon, with a hand on one of his shoulders.

"Oh, God," John muttered, looking at Ronon's wound nervously.

"It's okay ... I've had worse," Ronon said bravely although I didn't believe that for a second.

"How come no-one's helping you?" John asked.

"I told them I didn't need any help. Other people need more," Ronon replied hoarsely.

"I doubt that," John disagreed with Ronon's self diagnosis. "Get this man to the Infirmary," he called out to Adams.

I waited next to Ronon until he'd been made ready for transport, promising to come and see him as soon as we'd assessed the situation. John was talking with Rodney and Teyla, both of whom were sporting thankfully only minor cuts on their faces.

"What happened?" John demanded.

"The beam grazed the side of the tower before the shield was completely closed," Rodney admitted.

"Damage?" John looked at Rodney expectantly.

"Minimal - I think," Rodney replied. "Look, I was able to get the shield up fairly quickly. It took the brunt of the blow." An alarm sounded, causing a sick look to cross over Rodney's face. "Oh, what now?" he muttered plaintively, as the room began to shake.

"What is happening?" Teyla asked worriedly.

"We just dropped out of hyperspace," Rodney's face was stunned.

"Have we already reached M12-578?" Teyla demanded.

"No. There's no way," Rodney denied. "It should have taken at least another few hours. The hyperdrive just shut down."

"Why?" John asked heatedly.

"I don't know," Rodney complained.

"Get it back up," John ordered sternly.

"I just said I don't know what's wrong," Rodney said angrily. "I can't get it back up if I don't know what happened!"

"Can you tell where we are?" I tried to make my tone reasonable, knowing how much pressure Rodney would be feeling right then.

"In the middle of nowhere," Rodney got that pained look on his face that said things had just gotten really bad. "There are no planets, no moons, no Stargates."

"How much power do we have?" John asked the question I'd been thinking myself.

"This can't be right," Rodney muttered under his breath as he checked the readings on his console.

"How much?" John demanded an answer.

"At current consumption, we've got twenty-four hours of power left," Rodney said in horror. "After that, there's no shield. No shield, no atmosphere. No atmosphere, we're ..."

"Can we use the Stargate?" Teyla interrupted his doom filled recital.

"In order to dial a Gate, it needs to be calibrated to a specific location," Rodney lectured. "We're lost. Look, we dropped out of hyperspace way too soon. I have no idea where we are."

**Authors Note:**

And here ends Season 3 ...

... but don't worry - I watched a _tiny_ Chinese subtitled screening of the first episodes of Season 4 on my laptop just so you don't have to live with the horrible cliff hanger I had to put up with for _months_ ... coming up next is 'Adrift'. If you haven't actually seen the beginning of S4 yet there are MAJOR spoilers coming up in the next chapter.


	50. The shield's collapsing

**Chapter 50: The shield's collapsing!**

"This is bad," I muttered. "This is really, really bad."

"Thank you Ms Obvious!" Rodney retorted. "Look, I need to start getting some of these systems back on line."

Rodney continued to move from one console to another as he worked out what the status of the various systems was. He seemed oblivious to the numerous cuts scattered across his face, a sure sign that our circumstances were indeed dire. I stood beside John and Teyla trying not to get in his way ... trying not to think about Elizabeth and how badly injured she might be.

"Here we go," Rodney announced. "Here we go."

"Got city-wide sensors back online?" John asked hopefully.

"Not fully," Rodney admitted. "Slowly re-booting up right now."

"Can we contact the Apollo?" Teyla got in first with the most important question.

"Not yet, no," Rodney replied, still paying more attention to his console than to us.

"Why not?" Teyla persisted.

"Because sub-space communications are down," Rodney said, in that tone he used to signal we should have already known the answer. "Don't worry - I've got Chuck working on it."

With perfect timing Chuck chose that moment to activate part of the wall panel where he was working. Something short circuited, sending sparks flying all around him.

"Well, maybe _you_ should be working on it," John suggested pointedly.

"I've got bigger fish to fry," Rodney countered that suggestion.

"What could be more important than contacting the Apollo?" Teyla asked in confusion.

Ignoring that question Rodney continued to focus on his computer tablet. His eyes widened in alarm. "This can't be right."

"What's wrong?" John demanded.

"Power," Rodney said in dismay. "We're losing massive amounts of power."

"Why?" John looked at Rodney expectantly.

"I don't know," Rodney admitted. "Look, if you stop asking me questions I might be able to work it out." Turning away again he tapped his earpiece to contact Doctor Zelenka down in the power room. "Radek, are you reading the same massive power usage we've got up here?"

"Yes Rodney," Radek replied quickly. "I don't think the problem is on this end."

"I don't care _where_ the problem is," Rodney said irritably. "I wanna know _what_ the problem is."

There was a pause before Radek came back on the line, this time his voice was as dismayed as Rodney's had been. "It's in the conduits." Rodney groaned as Radek continued. "It looks like several of the main conduits were affected by the brush with the beam."

"Alright, that means we'll need to, uh ..." Rodney began.

"Yes, yes, yes. You-you should get the ...," Radek interrupted, already knowing what Rodney was going to say.

"I will, as soon as I've shut down all of the ...," Rodney continued their verbal half conversation, confusing the hell out of the rest of us.

"Yes, yes, yes. I will do the same thing," Radek agreed.

"Wait, wait, wait," John held up a hand to get Rodney's attention. "What's going on here?"

"Every second I waste, we're draining more power," Rodney replied, rushing from one console to another. "Just trust me, we're doing the right thing here."

"Tell me what's going on, Rodney!" John demanded. Looking at his frustrated and worried face made me suddenly realise an important detail. With Elizabeth injured, John was effectively in charge of the whole city and everyone in it. His entire demeanour since we'd come up from the Chair Room and discovered how bad things had gotten was grimly determined - he wasn't happy to have been forced into that position but he'd do what had to be done to keep everyone safe.

"Long story short, there are a bunch of systems on right now that don't need to be, and given our current situation, they are draining the life out of the city," Rodney finally explained.

"Can you not just shut them off?" Teyla asked the obvious question.

"Just ... wait ... uh ...," Rodney said, thinking hard. "Maybe, yeah." Moving to yet another console, he started typing in commands at a rapid rate. "Oh, come on," his voice took on a whining tone as he discovered something he felt was there just to annoy him.

"What?" John demanded again.

"Nothing!" Rodney exclaimed. "Well, the control grid's all out of whack. I can't shut the systems down from here. We're bleeding out!"

"We can shut down the systems manually, right?" John asked.

"I don't think we have the time," Rodney said negatively.

"Anything we can do would help, wouldn't it?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at Rodney expectantly.

"OK, you're right," Rodney agreed. Activating his headset, he contacted the Power Room again. "Zelenka, we're gonna need to deploy some teams."

I listened as they worked out what systems had to be shut down and where they were. Radek released all the people he had down with him, sending them off to positions in the northern part of the city. John moved to the side of the room to speak to some of his men, assigning them to escort Rodney's teams in case they needed help.

"Rodney," I put a hand on his arm to draw his attention to me. "I can help with that too." Pointing to a spot on the city schematic near the East Pier I added, "I know this area really well - I could get there just as quickly as anyone else and shut off the labs down in that area."

"Okay, yes," Rodney agreed.

Turning to leave I literally walked straight into John who'd obviously heard the tail end of my offer. The look on his face said he wasn't thrilled with me. "Wait until Barnes gets here," John ordered. "He'll escort you down there."

"That's a waste of manpower John," I denied the need. "It's one of the closest locations for the teams - I'll be there and back inside of twenty minutes."

Frowning in frustration John thought for a moment before reluctantly nodding an agreement. With a fair number of personal located on the Apollo we were short staffed and needed to be efficient in how we utilised the people we did have.

Not waiting for further protests I shot John a confident smile before running down the stairs and across the Gateroom towards the nearest transporter. Coming out in the corridor leading to the right section I sprinted to the access panel, quickly pulling it off and looking inside. Pulling the right crystals I was rewarded with the faint hum of power systems shutting down.

"Rodney," I contacted him on the radio. "I've cut off the power here - are there any other locations close by?"

"Ah hang on," Rodney muttered. I waited impatiently for a few seconds before he replied. "Okay, there's a research lab two levels down that's still drawing power." He gave me the exact location and I took off, making it there quickly and again removing the right crystals. We repeated that same process several more times, with Rodney giving me locations that drew me further and further away from the central tower.

"Any more?" I asked Rodney.

"That's it," Rodney replied. Turning to head back to the tower I heard the alarm sounding in the Control Room through the still open radio channel.

"What's going on?" I demanded, picking up my pace as I wondered what could possibly have gone wrong now. "Rodney?" I called again when he didn't get back to me straight away.

"Sabina," John's voice came on the line - the urgency in it had me sprinting before he'd even said anything else. "Fall back to the tower - run!"

"Already on it," I panted, racing down the corridor as fast as I could. "What's happening?"

"The shield's collapsing," John said grimly.

"Crap," I muttered, putting on a burst of speed as I glanced over my shoulder.

"_You need to move faster_," John urged in a tone that had a edge of panic to it.

I could hear the doors behind me slamming shut as I ran - the main door to the tower section was only a few metres away now. "Almost there," I reported, launching myself at the opening when I was still a few paces away. In mid air the gravity suddenly shut down, causing my leap to turn into a longer flight than I could have managed by myself. My momentum carried me through the doorway just before the door slammed shut behind me. I crashed to the floor with the sudden return of gravity, winding myself with the drop. Struggling to take a breath I heard nothing on the radio for a few moments before John's voice calling to me came through loud and clear.

"Sabina?" he said quietly. "Are you okay?" I tried to say something but my vocal chords were strangled by the lack of air in my lungs. "Sabina!" John demanded. "Please respond!"

"I'm fine," I finally choked out, still struggling to take a proper breath. "Just ... winded myself ... when I hit ... the floor."

"Don't do that to me again," John admonished in a shaky voice. "That was too close."

"Wasn't by choice," I replied, finally getting a full breath in. "What about the other teams - were any of them affected?"

"We lost Matthews plus two of Rodney's scientists," John admitted grimly.

"Damn!" I muttered angrily, dragging myself off the floor and towards the transporter. "Did we get enough systems shut down?"

"It definitely bought us more time," John replied, carefully not stating the obvious fact that we were still in dire trouble.

"Okay ... ah ... ," I asked uncertainly, "have you heard anything about Elizabeth yet?"

"She's still in the OR," John replied.

"Do you need me for anything up there?" I asked, not waiting for his reply before I continued. "I want to check in with Ronon - see how he's doing."

"There's nothing we can do for the moment," John said. "Go see Ronon - I'll come down a bit later."

"Okay," I agreed, wishing I could do something or say something that would help him feel better about the situation. "I'll see you later."

Taking the stairs down to the infirmary I looked around, spotting Ronon immediately. He was lying on one of the infirmary beds, as usual making the bed look ridiculously small. His shoulder was heavily bandaged and he had a drip attached to one arm but overall he looked pretty good.

"Hey Ronon," I greeted him softly as I approached his bed.

"Sabina," Ronon greeted me in return.

"How's the shoulder?" I gestured vaguely towards his injury.

"Glass is all gone," Ronon replied. "I should be out of here soon."

"Any word on Doctor Weir?" I asked hesitantly.

"The medic said her brain was swelling," Ronon frowned in concern. "Said something about cutting a piece of her skull out to make room?"

"Oh God," I muttered, realising that Elizabeth's condition was much more critical than any of us had realised.

Lapsing into silence I sat with Ronon, trying not to think about the likely outcomes for Elizabeth. I hated the thought but I knew a brain injury meant possible brain damage - maybe even permanent damage. I'd been sitting there a while when John arrived. Putting a hand on my shoulder in greeting he looked at Ronon carefully before speaking.

"You OK?" he asked Ronon.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Ronon said casually, like he hadn't had a big chunk of glass sticking out of his shoulder only hours before.

"Good," John said simply.

"You need me somewhere?" Ronon asked almost hopefully.

"Right here, getting better," John dashed Ronon's hopes of a quick exit from the infirmary.

"Alright. Well, I'm good to go," Ronon replied.

Before John could say any more about that, Doctor Keller appeared from the doorway of the OR, frowning when she saw John standing beside Ronon.

"Colonel?" she called him over to her.

John's expression was reluctance and dread ... hesitantly he walked over to her. Doctor Keller put her hand on his shoulder and steered him further away from us. I couldn't hear what they were saying but I had a bird's eye view of John's expression and that was enough to tell me that Doctor Keller was giving him bad news about Doctor Weir.

John asked a couple of questions but most of the conversation was Doctor Keller telling him things. At the end John was mutely nodding, his eyes conveying how tightly he was holding on to his emotions. Doctor Keller left him silently. He stood there for a few seconds before turning and walking quickly from the infirmary without a word to either Ronon or me.

Glancing hesitantly as Ronon my eyes asked him for some guidance on what to do.

"Go," he said firmly. Nodding quickly, I squeezed his hand before jumping up and following John from the room.

John was just disappearing around the corner and I ran to catch up with him. "John?" my voice drew him to a sudden halt. Keeping his back to me he waited silently. Putting my hand on his back I frowned when I registered how tense he was. "Is Elizabeth ...?" I began, not sure what to ask.

"She's not doing well," John grated out.

Walking around him I grabbed his hand and waited for him to look at me. When he did and I saw his eyes, glazed with shock, worry and grief I felt my own eyes begin to water. "How bad is it?" I asked weakly.

"As bad as it can get," John admitted. "Doctor Keller said her chances of survival aren't good - even if she does she won't be the same Elizabeth," his voice cracked faintly on the last bit.

"Um ...," I kept my eyes on his, trying to pull in the emotions and be as strong as I knew he needed me to be. Our situation was still grim - much as I wanted to break down and cry, John's expression was telling me that now wasn't the time. "Okay ... what can I do to help you?"

John pulled me wordlessly into his arms, dropping his head down to my shoulder as he hugged me close. We stood like that for a few moments - drawing strength from each other.

"Colonel Sheppard, Doctor McKay," Chuck's voice came through the general intercom. "Please report to the Control Room immediately."

Squeezing me tightly for another moment John reluctantly let me go. "I better go see what he wants," John said briskly.

"Can I tag along?" I asked, falling into step beside him when he nodded.


	51. What about the ones that got past us?

**Chapter 51: What about the ones that got past us? **

"You're gonna want to look at this," Chen, one of the Control Room technicians, said when we walked in just behind Rodney. Pointing to his screen, he drew our attention to a diagram showing a series of objects in a circular formation.

"What is that?" John asked.

"An asteroid belt?" Rodney offered.

"This just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?" I commented grimly, hardly able to believe we were facing yet _another_ problem.

"Are the sub-lights still offline?" John looked at Chen expectantly. When he confirmed they were, meaning we wouldn't be able to alter our course, John turned to Rodney. "We're gonna need to expand the shield."

"We don't have enough power!" Rodney said irritably.

"How long 'til we get there," John asked Chen, "and how long 'til we get through it?"

"About ten minutes 'til we get there. After that, maybe two minutes to get through," Chen replied.

"Two minutes to get through an asteroid field?" John asked in surprise. I was more concerned with the ten minutes to get there thing myself ... that hardly seemed enough time to implement a plan, let alone come up with one in the first place.

"Well, we're not passing all the way through; we're just gonna skim the edge," Chen adjusted the view on his screen to show us how our path was going to cross the top layer of the asteroid belt.

"You can't even give me two minutes of full shield?" John asked Rodney incredulously.

"Don't take it personally," Rodney said sarcastically. "I'd like them up as much as you would, but we just can't afford the power."

"Rodney!" John gestured to the screen, reminding him of the situation.

"Look, Zelenka needs forty-five minutes to complete the repairs to the power conduits," Rodney explained. "If we raise the shield even for one minute, it'll eat up all his time. We can't do it."

"OK," John relented, staring intently at the screen, thinking hard. "How big are they?"

"Well, we're in the middle of a pretty big solar system right now, and the asteroid belt's probably made up of remnants of early failed planets, so ... you know ... building size and larger?" Rodney offered hesitantly.

"I can get in the Chair, fire drones and clear a path to travel through,' John suggested.

"In principle, a good idea," Rodney agreed, "but the Chair Room is outside the shield right now and we'd never get to it. Look, we could, um ... ah, that's not gonna work. Uh, we could ..." Rodney trailed off, unable to think of anything else to suggest.

"How many people on the base have the Ancient gene?" John asked when Rodney stopped talking.

"Twenty or so," he replied. I knew immediately what John was thinking - using the Jumpers to fire drones at the asteroids was a brilliant plan. Rodney had also worked out what John had in mind and was less than thrilled with the idea. "Look, no, no, no-no-no-no. That is a _bad_ idea," he complained.

"It would work Rodney," I urged him to think beyond his own nervousness at having to be one of the people flying a Jumper.

"Okay - do you have a better idea?" John demanded, looking at Rodney expectantly.

"Not yet," Rodney admitted, pointing a finger at John as he thought. "I just, I just need some time. If you, er ..."

Taking that as answer enough, John walked away, giving instructions to Chen as he went. "Contact everyone on the base who has the Ancient gene; tell them to meet me up in the Jumper Bay asap."

I headed up the stairs with John, followed soon after by a reluctant Rodney. It only took a few minutes to get everyone gathered in the Jumper Bay. I stood off to one side of the group, watching as John looked around at his collection of mostly inexperienced and non military Jumper pilots.

"Atlantis is about to skim the edge of an asteroid belt," John began his explanation. "Doctor Zelenka and his team are repairing the damaged conduits so that we can get the hyperdrive back on line. They need another 45 minutes to complete their work which will use up most of the buffer we have to still make a hyperspace jump possible ... which means we can't raise the shield because we don't have enough power. And we can't change our course because the sublight engines are offline too. If we don't clear a path for the city, it'll get ripped apart. So we're gonna take every last Jumper we have and we're gonna clear a path through the belt by firing our drones."

John's words caused nervous shuffling and the exchange of worried glances. One of the medics, Adams, raised his hand hesitantly.

"Excuse me," he said nervously. "I've really only flown a Jumper twice and I've never actually fired a live drone, so ..."

"You've done it in simulations, right?" John said lightly.

"Well, yeah, but ...," Adams replied, still not confident.

"Basically the same thing," John tried to offer a reason to be confident. "If McKay can do it, you can do it."

"Yes, look, about that, actually, I ..." Rodney began.

"Look, I know it's dangerous," John talked over the top of Rodney, not needing the most senior of the non military present giving anyone reason to be doubtful. "I know a lot of you haven't logged a lot of hours in these things, but right now it's the only viable option we have, or, um ...," he trailed off, not sure how to put it.

"Or die," Rodney finished the statement of how bad things were going to be if we weren't successful.

"Let's get moving," John ordered. "You ready?" he turned to look at me questioningly.

"Piece of cake," I smiled confidently, waving before I moved to my designated Jumper.

"Alright, I've loaded a flight formation for all of you," John instructed once everyone was installed in a Jumper. "Stay in your designated positions; take out anything that's in your path. You've got a full load of drones, so ammo shouldn't be a problem." John gave everyone a moment to make sure we understood what to do. "Alright, everyone, let's go. Open the Jumper Bay doors."

Powering up my systems I flew the Jumper out of the city, through the shield and then out into space. The asteroid belt was clearly visible in the distance ... looking at the HUD I saw my position in the line flashing - manoeuvring carefully I eased the Jumper into the correct position. John had arranged the line so that the more experienced Jumper pilots were spaced out between the less experienced ones. He had me towards the middle of the line with four of Rodney's less experienced staff on either side of me - I smiled because without saying anything he'd sent a clear message of his confidence in my abilities.

"Come on, guys, stay in formation," John ordered. "We can't afford any gaps."

I watched the HUD as the stragglers brought their Jumpers into position so that the line looked almost straight.

"Yeah, there you go," John congratulated everyone. "See? Not so hard."

"Jumpers, you should be in range in three ... two ... one," Teyla reported from the Control Room.

"Fire at will," John ordered.

Concentrating firmly on the task I sent two drones towards the closest rocks, waiting as they blew apart and cleared before acquiring two more targets. Around me the others were doing the same and space was a confusion of flying drones and blasted rock.

"Nice shooting, people," John encouraged.

"There's too many of them," Rodney said over the open channel. "They're coming in too fast. We're not gonna get them all."

"Alright, double up. Fire four apiece," John ordered.

"I can't control four drones at the same time!" Rodney said what I'm sure a lot of the pilots were thinking.

"Just concentrate," John advised bracingly.

Sinking myself mentally even further into the Jumpers systems I acquired four targets and sent drones to take them out. Now it was a matter of firing _and_ dodging as the rocks came too fast for me to get them all.

"What about the ones that got past us?" I asked John worriedly as I continued to fire drones.

"On my mark, you, Bolton and Levine are gonna break formation and head back to the city - take out anything that we missed," John said confidently.

"Are you sure I should be -" I began, worried that one of the military pilots would be better placed to take on that important role.

"Break!" John ordered, ignoring my momentary protest.

I swung the Jumper up and around, heading back towards the city. The path we'd cleared through the asteroid belt was clearly visible, along with the few remaining asteroids we hadn't been able to get. Firing off two drones I increased speed to get to the furthermost rocks before they got too close to the city.

"Sabina - there's a big one on your left," Levine pointed out.

"I'm on it,' I reported, altering my path to intercept it.

I powered towards a large asteroid that was on a path to hit the lower part of the central tower. Firing a set of two drones I waited impatiently to be sure they'd reduced the rock to small enough parts before pulling the Jumper upwards in a steep climb skimming the side of the tower.

Clearing the city I scanned space, looking for any other rocks close to the city. Levine and Bolton had done a good job of clearing the others - we formed our own small line heading back out into space, intercepting the main line as they doubled back to pick up any remaining asteroids.

"Okay people, looks like we got them all," John congratulated everyone on the success of the plan. "Atlantis is clear of the asteroid belt ... head back to the Jumper Bay."

Each pilot brought their Jumper in to land in the Bay and soon the room was filled with light hearted voices still excited over the success. I walked towards John, joining him as he walked out the back of his Jumper.

"Nice shooting," I said with a smile.

"Back at you," John replied. Spotting Rodney we headed over to him - he too was almost bouncing with excitement over his success.

"I can't believe that actually worked!" he exclaimed. "That was amazing!"

"You did good, Rodney," John offered that praise with an easy expression.

"Yeah!" Rodney agreed smugly. "So Zelenka and his team should have the conduits repaired by now, so I think we're finally out of the woods!"

The happy smile on his face dropped as the intercom activated.

"Colonel Sheppard, Doctor McKay. Please report to the Control Room immediately."

"Oh, come on!" Rodney said indignantly.

John and Rodney hurried towards the Control Room - having nothing else to do I followed after them.

"What the hell happened?" John asked Teyla. Doctor Zelenka had come up from the Power Room and was sitting at one of the consoles checking something.

"The hyperdrive is offline," Teyla reported simply.

"I thought it was good to go," John frowned in confusion.

"It was," Radek agreed, "but a few large pieces of rock impacted the city and one of the control arrays was damaged. We can't jump until we fix it."

"Damn," I muttered, feeling responsible for the missed asteroids because I'd been part of the group who were supposed to have taken them out.

"Probably came off the bigger rocks," John excused. "We were never gonna break up every asteroid enough to avoid some damage to the city." Turning to Radek he asked "how do we fix it?"

"I will explain as we walk," Radek offered, motioning for John and Rodney to follow him down the stairs.

Knowing I'd be little help I stayed behind, realising that I'd hardly said anything to Teyla since the whole ordeal had begun.

"How are you holding up?" I asked softly, knowing she'd taken on the role of maintaining a command presence in the Control Room.

"I am fine," Teyla said graciously. "Do you have any new information on Ronon or Elizabeth's condition?"

"Ronon's good - already eager to get out of the infirmary," I started with the easy one, happy to see Teyla smile in relief. "Doctor Weir was still in the OR when I went down there," I hesitated wondering how much to tell her. "Elizabeth's head took the brunt of the fall - her condition is critical but Doctor Keller hasn't given up hope," I offered. Teyla's face fell at the less than positive news.

"Is Colonel Sheppard aware of her condition?" Teyla asked, her voice subdued.

"Doctor Keller spoke to him personally," I replied, looking at Teyla and seeing her nod as she correctly interpreted the expression in my eyes.

"I will keep my thoughts positive," Teyla said firmly.

"Me too," I agreed, taking a seat at one of the consoles and wondering what I should do next.

Radek had left the map showing the location of the asteroid damage up on screen and I realised for the first time that he and John would have to do a space walk in order to get there and fix the problem. "I'm just gonna run down and see how John's doing," I told Teyla, jumping up and hurrying from the Control Room before she could respond. John was already suited up when I got there and just about to head into the transporter.

"John," I used the radio to call out urgently, relieved when he turned back towards me. "I just came down to wish you luck," I put a confident smile on my face, despite the fact that my insides were a mess of nervous butterflies. John had done space manoeuvres before and I knew he was more than capable but ... things hadn't exactly been going our way lately and I felt like nothing could be taken for granted.

"Piece of cake," John returned my words from earlier with a teasing smile. "I'll see you back in the Control Room when we're done."

"Okay ... be careful," I watched as they stepped into the transporter, waiting until the flash of light signalled their departure before heading back up to Teyla.

x

I'd expected Rodney to be up in the Control Room when I got back - since he wasn't with John and Radek when I'd seen them - but he appeared to be missing in action.

"Where's Rodney?" I asked Teyla with a puzzled frown.

"He did not return after assisting Colonel Sheppard and Doctor Zelenka," Teyla replied.

"That's odd," I said in concern. "Rodney, this is Sabina. Teyla and I were wondering where you are."

"Sorry," Rodney returned. "Doctor Keller wanted to see me ... actually I could do with a second set of eyes. Come down to the main lab," he broke off the connection before I could ask him anything about what he was up to.

I sat back even more confused, looking at Teyla with a raised eyebrow.

"Go," she urged. "I will remain here to monitor Colonel Sheppard and Doctor Zelenka's progress."

x

"Rodney?" I stopped in the doorway, watching as Rodney worked simultaneously on two laptops he had set up side by side. When I realised what I was seeing on those screens I walked quickly across to his position. "What are you doing?"

"Doctor Keller suggested using the dormant nanites in Elizabeth's system to help repair the damage,' Rodney said quickly. "I can get the nanites to replace the damaged cells but the instant they're deactivated Elizabeth will be in the same predicament."

"Does John know about this?" I asked with a frown.

"Yes!" Rodney protested. When I looked at him pointedly he relented. "Okay, he knows we wanted to use the nanites like this but he ah ... he said we can't do it unless we can guarantee the nanites won't bring the Replicators down on us."

"And can you guarantee that?" I quizzed him.

"I've reprogrammed the nanites so they'll never harm Elizabeth and shut down their ability to contact the Replicators via sub-space," Rodney replied.

"If you can reprogram them like that, couldn't the Replicators do their own reprogramming?" I asked the obvious question.

"Technically yes," Rodney admitted. "But to do that they'd have to have more than just passing contact with Elizabeth. As long as we keep her away from them we should be fine."

"John's not gonna go for that Rodney," I told him sadly. "And you know how much he wants to save Elizabeth."

"I know," Rodney said reluctantly. "That's why I'm still working - to try and come up with a way to get the nanites to repair her own cells so they can be switched off like before."

"Okay, how can I help?" I offered.

"If you could check this program," he pointed to one of the laptops, "see if there's anything I missed ..."

"I can do that," I agreed, glad of all the time I'd spent looking at the NAP programs.

We worked in silence for a time - I _was_ focussed on the task but part of my mind was occupied worrying about John and Radek out in the outer section of the city. Rodney had mentioned micro asteroids - bullet sized pieces of rock still bombarding the city - which only served to heighten my nervousness. We hadn't heard anything which I decided could only be a good thing.

"Doctor McKay?" Doctor Keller contacted Rodney over his headset.

"What is it, Keller?" Rodney questioned with some annoyance.

"Elizabeth's crashing," Doctor Keller said simply. "If we're gonna do this thing, we need to do it now."

"I need more time," Rodney's face paled as he protested.

"We don't have more time," Doctor Keller denied him. "I can't keep her blood pressure up and if her I.C.P. continues to climb, there's no bringing her back."

"OK, I'm transferring the programme to you now," he sighed, turning to his machine and tapping out a few commands. Standing up with computer tablet in hand he added "I'm on my way."

"Rodney," the stern tone in my voice halted his progress.

"What?" he turned back to look at me defensively.

"You haven't managed to get the nanites to repair the damage," I stated what we both knew. "You can't do this without John's approval."

"Well he's not available right now," Rodney excused. "In his absence the decision is mine."

"You could radio him and you know it," I discounted the whole John's not available excuse.

"There's no time to explain everything," Rodney disagreed. "You heard Keller - we need to do this right now ... or not at all."

"I want to save Doctor Weir too but ... this could cause a whole host of problems we won't be able to fix easily," I pointed out.

"I'll deal with them when they crop up," Rodney said confidently.

"_Rodney_!" I protested again but he ignored me, walking away quickly before I could say anything more. I briefly considered contacting John myself but in the end decided against it - he was involved in a delicate and dangerous endeavour and the last thing he needed was me telling him about something he wouldn't be able to address. By the time John made it back to the main part of the city it would be too late for him to stop Rodney.

I sat there staring into space for a while contemplating the dilemma the whole situation presented. None of us wanted to lose Elizabeth, but did we want to keep her around by making her part replicator? Would she want that? Would she thank Rodney for doing that to her? As it stood now, if she didn't survive hopefully she wouldn't have been aware of her impending demise before it happened. This way, if things went bad she _would _know, she might even have to be the one to tell us to terminate her. Sighing heavily I dragged myself up and off to the infirmary.

**Authors Note:**

I know there's a heap of dialogue from the show in this chapter but ... I couldn't work out how to not have to use it and I couldn't see the point in changing it just for the sake of it - I did make some minor changes and additions but they'd be pretty hard to spot I think. I also made up the name for the Control Room technician who does the asteroid scene, since he didn't have one and it read poorly to keep refering to him as "the technician"!

Also apologies if anyone hated that I took the big fly up the side of a tower thing from Rodney but ... seriously when did Rodney get the time to go from 'I can't fly in a straight line' to 'I can skim tall buildings with ease'? And finally I didn't buy the whole Shep wasn't available deal - if he could radio for a Jumper then Rodney could have radioed him in return!


	52. What's the last thing you remember?

**Chapter 52: What's the last thing you remember?**

Ronon was still in the infirmary when I got there, sitting on the side of his bed as he observed what was going on.

"Did Rodney come down here?" I asked hesitantly.

"He went in to the OR with Doctor Keller a few minutes ago," Ronon replied. "What's going on?"

"Ah - " I broke off when a couple of medics wheeled Radek into the infirmary, followed closely by John. "What happened to Radek?" I asked in concern, discretely doing the once over to make sure John himself didn't have any visible injuries.

"He got hit with one of those asteroid bullets - managed to finish the job though," John replied.

"Is he gonna be OK?" Ronon asked.

"I think so," John reassured us. "It didn't hit any major arteries."

"Lucky," Ronon pointed out.

"I wouldn't say that," John countered. "He's still stuck here just like the rest of us."

"So it's true?" Ronon asked. I frowned at each of them, wondering what they were talking about. I'd been out of the communications loop the whole time I'd been in Rodney's lab and had clearly missed out on some important news.

"We finally fixed the hyperdrive, now we don't have enough juice to go anywhere," John said grimly. "We've only got twenty-eight hours before the shields fail."

"Well, so what's the plan?" Ronon asked, confident there actually was a plan.

"I don't know," John admitted. "I've gotta find McKay."

"He's in there," Ronon offered, pointing towards the OR.

"What?!" John exclaimed. I could see the wheels turning in his head, putting two and two together and coming up with an answer he was less than happy with. When Rodney and Doctor Keller came out of the OR John took a step towards them.

"Hey!" John drew Rodney's attention. If he hadn't already suspected something the look of guilt on Rodney's face would have clued him in, even given the poor job Rodney did to try and act innocent.

"I heard we didn't get the array fixed in time, but-but ..." Rodney trailed off, looking away nervously.

"What were you doing in there?" John demanded.

"Look, she was dying, OK?" Rodney said nervously.

"_Rodney_?" John leaned in, stern expression telling Rodney to just admit what he'd done.

"Look, her heart was weak, her nervous system was fried ..." Rodney looked at John miserably.

"_What did you do?_" John was losing patience with Rodney's stalling. Rodney turned to Doctor Keller as if seeking support from that quarter before resolutely turning back to John.

"I reactivated the nanites," he admitted firmly.

"_DAMMIT, McKay!_" John reacted furiously.

"Look, you were busy!" Rodney tried to excuse his decision. "It was life or death! If I didn't act ..." he trailed off, knowing we'd all hear the unspoken words at the end of that sentence.

"Yes, she would have died, _I know_!" John said in exasperation.

"OK, I know what you're thinking, but helping Elizabeth is not putting us at risk," Rodney said defensively.

"You just reactivated the Replicator nanites," John said in a tone that suggested even a child could have figured out the problem with that.

"They're harmless!" Rodney protested. "Look, I am a hundred percent certain they're not gonna try to take her over or contact the others."

"No, no, you can't know that for sure," John denied.

"Yes. Yes I can," Rodney countered. Unfortunately his nervous glance away from John spoke of his uncertainty more loudly than his actual words .

"Shut it down," John ordered sternly.

"But ... that would kill her," Rodney said unhappily.

"What do you think Elizabeth would want?" John asked a bit more gently. "D'you think she'd want ..."

"Yes, she would!" Rodney interrupted before John could finish that sentence. "She'd sure as hell do the same for you!"

"Well, you obviously didn't know her very well," John grated out.

"Oh, maybe not, but d'you know what? Give it some time, you can ask her yourself," Rodney suggested.

"NO! It's too dangerous," John glared at Rodney. "Shut it down. _Right now_."

"No," Rodney folded his arms defiantly across his chest. "No, I'm not going to."

John took a step closer, glaring into Rodney's eyes. Rodney nervously maintained his gaze, obviously thinking that without his agreement John wouldn't be able to do anything to alter the course Rodney had put us on. After a few moments of grim staring standoff John activated his headset.

"Myers, bring an E.M.P. generator to the OR," he ordered resolutely.

"Will you please just listen to me?" Rodney protested, still not willing to give up.

"Doctor Keller!" a nurse from the OR interrupted the tense situation. The doors of the OR were open and we all walked across to stand in front of them.

I gasped in disbelief - Elizabeth was sitting up in the bed with no sign of being critically injured. She put a shaky hand up and pulled the bandage from her head to reveal a full head of hair - that just hours before had been shaved for the operation she'd undergone.

"John?" Elizabeth said in confusion. "Rodney? What's going on?"

John reacted instantly, calling for a quarantine to be raised around the OR. He put in a call to Teyla too, as Elizabeth's closest friend in the city, to come and talk to Elizabeth. Action was immediate - the infirmary bustled as John's orders were followed to the letter.

"John?" I put a hand on his arm hesitantly, feeling muscles bunched under his sleeve as he held in his anger at the situation. "I can speak to her now ... the nanites can't hurt me remember?"

John hesitated before nodding wordlessly.

Taking a moment to calm my nerves I walked back into the OR. Elizabeth was sitting on the bed, legs drawn up and face shuttered.

"Sabina, what's going on?" Elizabeth's voice was shaky and uncertain.

"What's the last thing you remember?" I asked gently.

"Ah ... telling Rodney to lower the shield, looking at the city flying," Elizabeth said uncertainly. "An explosion?" she asked with a frown.

"The beam grazed the side of the tower before the shield was fully up," I said simply. "It caused some damage to the Control Room and the Gateroom - you were caught in the shock wave when the force of the explosion blew out the windows," Elizabeth listening almost emotionlessly to my recital. "Ah ... you ah ... you got thrown a long way, got banged up pretty bad. Especially your head ... there was damage ... a lot of damage. Doctor Keller was losing you - she was desperate to save you. That's when she remembered the nanites that were still dormant in your system. Rodney reprogrammed them to replace your damaged cells."

"Oh my God," Elizabeth uttered sickly.

"Don't worry," I tried to reassure her. "Rodney said the nanites are harmless - they can't hurt you and they can't communicate with the Replicators over subspace either."

"This is crazy," Elizabeth raised a shaking hand to her forehead in confusion. "What was John thinking to let Rodney do this?"

"Um ... John was busy," I said diplomatically. "Rodney had to make the decision on his own ... he only did what he thought was best for everyone."

"Have they raised a quarantine?" Elizabeth sounded a bit more like the old Doctor Weir for a moment.

"In progress," I reassured her. "John let me come talk to you because I wouldn't be at risk ... not that I think _anyone_ would be at risk. If Rodney says the nanites are harmless then I believe him."

"You've been infected with nanites," Elizabeth said softly. "You _know_ how disturbing ... how cruel things can seem if they try to take over. I'm not sure I could win if I had to go through that again and we can't afford for the Replicators to have access to my knowledge."

"Rodney was sure he'd reprogrammed the nanites so they wouldn't try to hurt you," I reassured her. "The risk right now really is minimal."

"Right now," Elizabeth agreed sadly. "But what about down the track? What about when the Replicators come looking for us again?"

"Ah ... I don't know ... I'm sorry," I looked at her with a pained expression, unable to lie to her given that I'd asked Rodney something similar before he'd even done this.

Doctor Keller and Teyla arrived at that moment suited up in Hazmat suits, Teyla to talk to Elizabeth and Doctor Keller to assess whether the nanites were actually 'infectious' or not.

I glanced questioningly at Teyla and she nodded reassuringly, letting me know that she'd look after Elizabeth from then on. I smiled gratefully, putting a consoling hand on Elizabeth's shoulder before turning to leave the room. Looking around I saw John standing in front of the view screen watching mutely. Rodney was off to the side, still tapping at his computer ... I wondered for a moment if he was still looking for something to convince John that he'd been right.

"John," I stood next to him, watching the screen as Teyla approached Elizabeth slowly.

"Did you help Rodney with this?" John shot a stern glance my way before turning back to the screen.

"No!" I denied heatedly, thought for a minute and then groaned. "Okay, technically I did help but only in trying to get the nanites to _repair_ the damaged cells rather than just replace them so we could switch them off again. When we ran out of time to do that I _tried_ to convince Rodney not to go down this path."

"You should have tried harder!" John said angrily.

"You _know_ Rodney," I tried not to take offence that he seemed angry at me personally as well as at the situation. "Short of knocking him over the head I wasn't gonna stop him once he'd made up his mind - with the full support of Doctor Keller I might add."

"Yeah well now we're faced with potentially having to turn off an awake and apparently unchanged Elizabeth!" John said grimly. "Maybe you _should_ have knocked Rodney over the head."

"You've been in plenty of situations with Rodney in the past," I said lightly. "And yet you've never taken things that far."

"I just ...," John looked at me with a hint of torment in his eyes now. "Rodney's not in charge - he doesn't have to make the tough decisions ..."

"And he doesn't have to live with them afterwards," I finished his thought. "I understand what you're saying. But what if Rodney turns out to be completely right? Wouldn't you have said yes to this if you could have known that up front?"

"Maybe," John admitted. "I'm just not sure we'll ever be able to say with 100 percent certainty that those nanites will always be harmless."

"The IOA will have a field day with this," I said worriedly, suddenly thinking about the broader ramifications. "They'll turn Elizabeth into a scientific curiosity."

"They won't trust her," John agreed, "no matter what Rodney tells them about the safety of those nanites."

"Crap," I muttered under my breath, realising that regardless of what happened next, Elizabeth's role as leader of Atlantis was over.

"Yeah," John agreed with the sentiment.

Rodney finished whatever he'd been doing and hesitantly walked over to our position.

"The quarantine is unnecessary," he offered.

"Well, you'll excuse me if I wait for a second opinion," John kept his eyes away from Rodney and his tone still angry.

"OK, this is stupid," Rodney protested.

"What is?" John demanded.

"Us fighting," Rodney said. "I know you're not happy with me - and you may have some cause - but it's not gonna matter much if we don't figure a way out of this, right?" When John still refused to look at him Rodney sighed, trying to come up with some way to get through to John. "Look, we have to work together, so ... so, I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted," John finally relented, glancing at Rodney with a more easy expression.

"Right," Rodney visibly relaxed. Both of them looked at the screen, watching as Doctor Keller continued to scan Elizabeth.

"Someone should talk to her," Rodney suggested.

"Sabina already did," John replied. "Plus Teyla's in there now."

"Alright," Rodney agreed. Without another word he turned and walked away.

"I need to check in with the Control Room," John said after a few minutes of silence. "Will you hang around down here ... keep an eye on things?"

"Of course," I agreed, smiling when he looked at me gratefully. "Just keep me in the loop - let me know when you've got a plan."

"That I can do," John ruffled my hair lightly before turning and walking away.

Watching him go I sighed ... he'd tried for the usual carefree flyboy approach but I could see the burden of being in charge weighing him down enough that he couldn't pull it off successfully. Glancing around the infirmary I saw Ronon had returned to his bed.

"What do you think of all this?" I asked him.

"Doctor Weir is important to Atlantis," Ronon replied simply, giving his implicit approval to any plan that kept her alive. "If the Replicators come, we'll deal with them."

"I wish I had your confidence," I said sadly. "It's a lot for Elizabeth to adjust to as well. How would you feel if you woke up and someone told you that you were no longer yourself - that you were part ... Wraith say?"

"Angry," Ronon admitted.

"Yeah - angry," I nodded. "Not to mention freaked out."

"Doctor Weir is strong," Ronon pointed out. "She'll deal with it."

"I hope so," I replied, deciding not to try explaining Earth politics to him and the impact that would have on Elizabeth's role, no matter how good a job she did adjusting.

"Sabina?" John contacted me a short time later. "Come up to the Control Room - we've got a plan."


	53. We can kill two birds with one stone

**Chapter 53:** **We can kill two birds with one stone**

"We're gonna steal a ZPM from the Replicators?" I asked incredulously. _Finally_ a plan I couldn't have guessed beforehand!

"In a Puddle Jumper with hyperdrive," John added smugly, "yeah."

"How?" I looked at John expectantly.

"Still working on the details," John replied. "McKay and Zelenka are finishing up Rodney's work on the experimental Jumper right now. Assuming they get it working Ronon, Rodney and I'll take the jumper to M7R-227 - the rest we'll just have to make up as we go along. I'm sure Rodney will have some thoughts about that."

"And where will I be during this little joy ride of yours?" I asked sarcastically.

"I need you to stay here," John began. I knew it! Rather than jump in though I let him continue with his arguements. "Zelenka's people are searching for a liveable planet we could get to with the time we have left. If this mission goes badly they'll need all the Ancient gene holders they can get to fly people off the city in the Jumpers."

"There are other people here with the ATA gene who could do that," I countered, "but no one else who could go to the Replicator planet and not be at risk of infection from their nanites - not to mention the ability to resist the mind probes. I should be on this mission with you."

"I _knew_ you were gonna say that," John grumbled, running a frustrated hand through his hair.

"Have you thought about what else we could do if we're going to Asuras?" I asked curiously. "We could take the opportunity to implement the NAPs - it might be the only time we could justify the risk."

"And I knew you were gonna say that _too_!" John looked at me irritably. "Look, there's no guarantee the hyperdrive will even work ... we could end up stranded in space."

"I hate to harp on about the same theme since you already know how I feel but ...," I hesitated before continuing, "... the chances of Atlantis surviving this without a ZPM are just as small as your chances on this mission. If it's just about keeping me safe I'd rather be where you are."

"You sure you'd rather be stranded on a Puddle Jumper with McKay in attendance?" John tried to jest. I smiled at the effort, knowing I'd convinced him. The fact that he'd anticipated every argument I'd used before I'd said a word told me that he'd already considered having me on the mission. John sighed in resignation. "You're right - it might be handy having someone immune to the Replicator nanites on the mission. Get together what you need and go help Rodney in the Jumper Bay. Ronon and I will be along shortly."

"What about Teyla?" I asked curiously.

"The city will need leadership," John replied firmly. "Teyla will understand ... she's the best placed to provide that if things go wrong for us."

"Do you want me to go speak to Ronon instead?" I offered, knowing John would need to speak to his men about what they should do if we didn't return.

"Yeah - that'd help," John said gratefully. "Do that first and then head to the Jumper - I'll see you there."

Nodding I watched him walk away before turning towards the infirmary to fill Ronon in on the newest plan. Ronon wanted to rip out his own drip and get started right away - it was only Doctor Keller's firm hand on his chest that stopped him, along with her threat to sedate him if he didn't allow her to check his wound first before agreeing to release him from the infirmary. I smiled at the sight of Ronon literally grinding his teeth as he waited impatiently for Doctor Keller to proceed. Leaving them to it I headed to the Jumper Bay, walking in on the tail end of a conversation between Rodney and John.

"Even if I _do_ get it working, there are still a thousand things that could go terribly, terribly wrong," Rodney said in his usual doom and gloom voice.

"I get it: it's difficult; million to one odds, blah, blah, blah," John retorted a bit childishly, nodding to me in greeting before turning back to Rodney.

"Was there something else you needed, or were you here merely to prod and belittle?" Rodney asked sarcastically.

"No, no. Not merely," John quipped. "There's another problem we need to be thinking about, such as: what do we do when we get there? Getting this thing to jump into hyperspace may be the easy part; infiltrating the city, stealing the ZPM and getting out - well, I think that's a little dicey."

"I've been thinking about that," Rodney admitted.

"And?" John asked expectantly.

"And I think that if we stand any chance of succeeding, we're gonna need some help," Rodney offered hesitantly.

"From who?" John frowned in confusion.

"From Elizabeth," Rodney said quickly. "If we get close enough I'll be able to use her nanites to remotely hack into their system - she'll be able to find us a ZPM, tell us if there are Replicators nearby."

"At that close proximity won't the Replicators be able to take control of her nanites?" I asked worriedly. "Maybe even reprogram them?"

"It's a possibility," Rodney admitted. "I'd have to monitor Elizabeth closely and block off any attempts by them to do that."

"You need to write a kill-switch into the nanites' code," John said grimly, not protesting the idea because we could all see it was our best and probably only chance to succeed. "That way if they do try to take control we can deactivate them."

"And kill Elizabeth?" I asked hesitantly.

"We won't be doing this without her agreement," John replied. "If Elizabeth's worried about that we'll come up with a different plan."

"She'll do it," I said quietly.

"Okay - Sabina, load us up with whatever supplies you think we'll need," John ordered, "and whatever else you need to implement the NAP plan. Rodney and I'll pick up Teyla and Ronon and go talk to Elizabeth."

"Okay," I agreed, relieved I wouldn't have to be a part of that difficult conversation!

"We're taking the NAP?' Rodney asked curiously.

"Might as well," John replied lightly. "It's the closest we're likely to get to the Replicator mainframe - we can kill two birds with one stone."

"Sure, sure," Rodney agreed quickly.

"Let's go," John urged Rodney along, throwing me a quick wave before almost dragging Rodney up the steps. Doctor Zelenka had been silent in the forward section during the whole exchange. Turning to him I asked "is this experimental Jumper thing going to work?"

"You'll get at least one successful jump," Radek said simply. "Beyond that it is hard to tell."

"So ... be positive then?" I offered. He nodded before turning back to his work.

It didn't take long to gather together some MRE's, water and other basic supplies ... all that remained was for me to transfer over from Jumper One all the stuff I'd already packed, including the NAP equipment. I was finished before Radek had completed his final adjustments – there was nothing I could do to help him so I took the opportunity to run up to the Control Room.

"Teyla?" I spoke hesitantly, watching her stiff posture as she stood with Chuck in front of one of the consoles – that alone confirmed that John had already spoken to her.

"Sabina," she smiled graciously. "You are ready to head out?"

"Yeah," I agreed, taking a few steps towards her. "I ah ... I just wanted to say ... just in case this doesn't go well ... ah thanks for your friendship over the past three years."

"There is no need for thanks between friends," Teyla closed the distance and put a hand against my shoulder. "I wish you well on this mission."

"You too," I smiled hopefully. "Look after Atlantis."

"I will do my best," Teyla replied in her usual calm and confident manner.

"Sheppard, Sabina, we're ready," Ronon said over the radio.

Raising a hand in farewell I turned and headed back up the stairs to the Jumper Bay.

Rodney was still tinkering with the hyperdrive systems in the back of the jumper when John and Elizabeth arrived. They were escorted by a large group of armed marines which seemed a bit like overkill to me – after all we would be in the back of the Jumper alone with Elizabeth. What did John think was gonna happen in the corridors of Atlantis that couldn't happen in the back of a Puddle Jumper? I shook my head in amusement ... gotta love the military!

Elizabeth nodded wordlessly to each of us before taking the seat behind the co-pilot's position. John ran through the usual pre-flight checks before contacting the Control Room.

"Alright, Teyla, we're ready to launch," he confirmed.

"Understood," Teyla replied. The Jumper Bay doors began to open above us a moment later.

"Remember - no wild parties while we're gone," John quipped, earning a laugh from Teyla.

"We will try to restrain ourselves," she replied in amusement. "Good luck."

"Alright, here we go," John said bracingly, taking the Jumper up smoothly and flying through the shield and into space. "Rodney? You ready?"

"Did I mention that this might not work," Rodney said nervously, "and that we could either drop out of hyperspace prematurely and end up stranded in the middle of deep space, or quite possibly be vaporised the moment I touch that ..."

"Just answer the damned question!" Ronon interrupted to demand.

"Yeah, I'm ready," Rodney replied.

"Good," John replied confidently. "Sit down." Rodney moved forward and took the co-pilots chair, calling up the hyperdrive systems ready to engage.

"Here goes," John announced, giving the command for the Jumper to proceed.

"OK," Rodney confirmed the command had gone through. "Opening hyperspace window in three ... two ... one."

Space distorted in front of us as the hyperspace window appeared. Giving no sign of hesitation, John sent the Jumper through.

"So what's the plan?" I asked, watching the front view screen and the familiar purple swirly pattern that signified travel through hyperspace.

"Rodney will link Elizabeth into the Replicators network," John replied. "Assuming that works Elizabeth can guide us to the nearest ZPM. Ronon and I'll go get it and bring it back to the Jumper."

"What about the NAP?" I asked, frowning at the plan which so far seemed to involve me just staying in the Jumper. "Instead of hanging around in the Jumper I could use that time to do something with that."

"The ZPM has to be the first priority," John glanced at me over his shoulder. "_If_ that goes well and _if_ we haven't been detected then we'll think about deploying the NAP."

"I guess," I nodded reluctantly, knowing he was right. It would take more time to do each part of the mission in sequence _but_ I couldn't live with myself if my actions resulted in us failing to get a ZPM back to Atlantis.

The hyperspace trip was over all too soon ... I was still thinking about how I could increase the chances of the NAP delivery being successful when the Jumper burst out of hyperspace close to Asuras and cloaked immediately. I listened with half an ear as Rodney discovered that the jump had used up more power than he'd expected. Now we needed the ZPM not only for Atlantis but for the Jumper itself. Rather than worry about that too much Rodney moved quickly into the plan to initiate a link between Elizabeth and the Replicator network. We waited a few seconds before Elizabeth confirmed that she now had access to the entire city. John flew the Jumper in low, weaving around towers as Elizabeth searched for an easily accessible ZPM.

"The ZPM," Elizabeth said. "Fourth quadrant, top level - easy access. There's hardly anyone around."

"Works for me," John agreed, taking the Jumper to the correct position and landing it on the roof. "Alright, we're down. Sabina, Rodney, stay here with Elizabeth, keep sifting through the intel. You guys can guide us through by radio."

"Twenty metres to the left behind the Jumper, there's an access door," Elizabeth instructed. "Down one flight of stairs, you'll enter Auxiliary Corridor Seven," she turned to look at them. "Go now - it's clear."

"Good luck," I said softly, watching them hurry quickly from the Jumper. Moving slowly to the front section I sat in John's vacant chair.

"Are there any access points to the core nearby?" I asked Elizabeth curiously.

"No," Elizabeth said after a moments pause. "The central data core contains everything needed to regenerate any of the Replicators. They only have the one access point in the centre of the city."

"Makes sense," I replied, disappointed there wasn't a way to do something from our present location. Elizabeth continued to give John and Ronon instructions, guiding them to the ZPM. Everything went very smoothly and a few minutes later they returned triumphantly, ZPM in its special case in hand.

"Hook up the ZPM," John instructed Rodney. "Make sure we can get out of here. Sabina, work out with Elizabeth the best place to deploy the NAP."

"We already have," I replied. "The central data core – it's like the backup file for every Replicator – is the only place we can do it. Only problem is it's right in the centre of the city."

"Wait, wait, wait," Rodney muttered, still tapping away at his console. "Since Elizabeth's been connected I've had access to the Replicators' base code. I found it!"

"Found what?" John demanded impatiently.

"The Holy Grail," Rodney said almost reverently. "I mean, it's their whole reason for being. It's a command code that directs them to attack the Wraith."

"Yeah, but they don't attack the Wraith," John reminded him. "They've been sitting on their nanite asses for ten thousand years."

"Well, that's because it's been deactivated," Rodney said like it should have been obvious.

"And how did that happen?" Elizabeth asked curiously.

"Well, I have no idea," Rodney admitted. "Maybe the Ancients did it when they realised they couldn't control them."

"You're just noticing this now, huh?" John said somewhat sarcastically.

"This is just one in millions of commands in the base code," Rodney protested. "Look, I always had a hunch that something like this might be in there, but-but believe me, it was _not_ easy to find."

"Can you reactivate it?" Elizabeth asked.

"If we can get to the core I can upload the reactivated attack command directly into that ... it wouldn't take effect until the next merge – hopefully we'll be halfway back to Atlantis by then."

"That sounds promising," John said thoughtfully.

"It's a bad idea," I offered my own opinion starkly. "In the same way that turning the Wraith into humans to feed other Wraith was a bad idea."

"How so?" John looked at me expectantly, the others silently watching our exchange.

"Because these Replicators remained secular for _thousands_ of years – they didn't go out and conquer Pegasus even though they could have so it must have been our arrival here that brought out their attack instincts," I pointed out. "And look how good they already are – do we really want to teach them any more about making war on another race?"

"They're more capable of defeating the Wraith than we are," John argued.

"Yeah, and completely invulnerable to feeding," I agreed. "Sounds pretty attractive ... until you get to the end with a race that's more deadly and more indestructible than the Wraith could ever be. Then what? Why was that directive switched off in the first place? It doesn't make any sense to me and I'd really want to know the why of it _before_ we turn it back on. We have a tested plan we could put in place right now ... before things get out of hand. I say we continue with what we came here to do instead of changing course mid stream without the time to really consider the impact."

"What do you think?" John looked around at the others. I suspected he'd already made up his mind but still wanted to hear what everyone else thought.

"If it results in more dead Wraith I say do it," Ronon said with a ferrel smile. I nodded, not surprised. Ronon's first priority was to kill every Wraith in the galaxy – he'd worry about new enemies when they emerged.

"Rodney?" John raised an eyebrow enquiringly.

"The Replicators will be completely focused on the Wraith," Rodney glanced at me apologetically. "We're talking millions ... billions even of Wraith they'd have to take down before they could consider that directive completed. By then we should have developed a whole host of defences against them."

"Elizabeth?" John saved the most important opinion for last.

"At this point in time the Replicators coming after Atlantis is the biggest threat," Elizabeth said. "Anything we can do to shift that focus elsewhere can only be a good thing."

"You never said what your opinion was?" I looked at John expectantly.

"I won't deny that your arguments have merit," John replied, looking at me intently. "There are instances in Earth history where one race has empowered another to make war on a common enemy ... and ended up being a worse enemy as a result. But we have an opportunity to impact on the balance in this galaxy right now and save a lot of people from being culled in the process. I can't ignore that." Turning to Rodney he added "set up what you need to make this happen."


	54. You’re the flyboy here

**Chapter 54: You're the flyboy here**

I said nothing as Rodney started the usual tapping away at his computer tablet. I could have argued some more but I knew there'd be no point – it was uncomfortable being on the wrong side of a four to one argument but I still stood by my opinion.

"There is one problem," Rodney said weakly. "The core being in the middle of the city means it's unlikely we're gonna get to it without being detected.

"I'm sure you have a solution for that," John said confidently.

"Why do you always assume I have an idea for every situation?" Rodney complained.

"Don't you?" John raised an eyebrow expectantly.

"Well ... yes but one day I might not," Rodney said irritably.

"What's your idea?" John ignored Rodney's complaints.

"We turn the cloak into an anti-Replicator field using the control crystal from one of the ARG's," Rodney said triumphantly.

"That's brilliant Rodney," I congratulated him. "Kind of like what you did with the shield when Atlantis was overrun."

"Exactly," Rodney nodded excitedly. "The only question is how far I can widen the field." Without waiting for the final okay Rodney headed to the back of the Jumper, quickly making the adjustments needed to enact his plan. A few minutes later he turned back to the John. "Go ahead and fly us as close to the centre of the city as possible."

"There," Elizabeth pointed John in the right direction.

"If you're using the cloak won't that mean we're visible?" Ronon asked, watching Rodney at work in the back of the Jumper.

"Yes, it does," Rodney agreed. "Look, the anti-Replicator field will protect us - that is assuming that I can extend the field wide enough to encompass not only the Jumper but also the core room; and also assuming that we can run fast enough to get there, input the command and get back before the Replicators figure out how to override the field and-and ... you know, slaughter us."

"Don't worry about it," John said simply. "You're not coming with us. It'll be just Ronon and me."

"I'm sorry, what?" Rodney said in confusion.

"You guys can guide us through by radio like you did last time," John looked at Rodney pointedly. I could see the necessity for _someone_ to stay in the Jumper with Elizabeth but ...

"Wait a minute," Rodney protested. "If I'm not there, how are we supposed to input the command?"

"Put it on a tablet," John suggested. "I'll plug it into the core and upload it myself."

"Oh, Plug and Play, huh?" Rodney said sarcastically. "What, you think it's that simple?!"

"Well, it _will_ be because you're gonna make it that simple," John said lightly.

"But ...," Rodney continued to protest.

"I need you to stay here, Rodney," John said insistently.

"Why?!" Rodney demanded.

"Rodney!" John's voice was frustrated that Rodney wasn't getting the bigger picture.

"To keep an eye on me," Elizabeth turned to Rodney and said emotionlessly. "You may need to activate the kill-switch on the nanites. You'll be able to keep a closer eye on me if we both stay here in the Jumper."

"Alright," Rodney agreed meekly, after a few seconds pause where John glared at Rodney for making Elizabeth have to spell out the obvious.

Silence descended in the Jumper as Rodney finished the adjustments to the ARG field and programmed a computer tablet. I'd moved out of Rodney's way and now sat in the seat behind Elizabeth.

"You okay with this?" John glanced across at me curiously.

"Doesn't matter if I'm not, does it?" I replied in an easy tone.

"Just look at it this way," John offered. "If you turn out to be right you get exclusive 'I told you so' rights."

"That won't be much comfort if we're overrun by Replicators at the time!" I replied with a bit of bite in my voice. "It's fine – I understand the need to do it this way – but I'm coming with you."

"There's no reason you should now we're not going with the NAP plan," John denied my request.

"But I'm still the least vulnerable to a nanite attack and the most able to resist a mind probe," I pointed out seriously. "If something happens to you before you get this done ...," my insides clenched at the thought of that but I resolutely pushed on, "maybe I'd still be able to complete the mission."

"She should go," Ronon surprised me by offering his opinion without being asked. I smiled across at him grateful that he could see the merit in me going with them.

"Besides," I added, "if something goes wrong with Rodney's program who's gonna fix it if I'm not there? You two are hopeless at that stuff!"

"Hey I'm not completely hopeless!" John protested. He took a few moments, frowning in thought before he spoke again. "Okay, it makes sense for you to come along but you stay close to Ronon and you do exactly what we tell you."

"I can do that," I agreed readily.

John continued to fly the Jumper towards the centre of the city in silence, no one willing to comment on what we were about to do now the tough decisions had been made.

"The core is beneath that platform," Elizabeth spoke, pointing to a spot just in front of us.

"How far beneath?" John questioned.

"Nine levels," Elizabeth admitted.

"Piece of cake," John smiled confidently.

John landed the Jumper on the platform and decloaked. Rodney moved quickly to raise the anti-Replicator field around the Jumper and then further, pushing the shield downwards towards the Core Room.

"It's working," Elizabeth reported, her expression showing that she was looking internally, tapping into the Replicator network.

"Damn right it's working!" Rodney said smugly. "It's encompassed the Core Room. You're good to go." When John glanced at Elizabeth, waiting for her nod, Rodney practically huffed at the insult. "What? You don't believe me, but you believe her?"

"No offence," John replied easily.

"Offence taken!" Rodney retorted.

"Straight down, nine levels, then a short run down a corridor to the core," Elizabeth instructed.

Rodney gave us a whole host of information about the computer tablet he's set up, none of which was essential to us being able to operate it. Handing off the computer tablet to me, John turned back to Elizabeth.

"Just do what you did last time," he said. "We'll be back before you know it." Looking at Ronon and me he added "Let's go."

Following along with John and Ronon, Elizabeth guided us through the tower. At one point three Replicators headed straight for us – stepping through an invisible barrier they disintegrated into the now familiar pile of shiny metal slivers. Continuing on we came to a set of doors. Behind them was a room with a very high ceiling, much larger than seemed necessary for the circular device and control panel it contained.

"Alright, we're here," John reported. "Assuming the big glowy thing is the core ..."

"Indeed it is," Rodney confirmed. "OK, there should be an open slot in the control panel that you can plug the cable into."

Motioning for me to get started John and Ronon paced around the room, maintaining contact with the Jumper and just generally looming around menacingly. Quickly pulling out the adaptor Rodney had rigged up I plugged it into the socket.

"Rodney, I've plugged the tablet in," I reported.

"I'm not reading anything," Rodney replied. "Can you check the connection?"

I took out the adaptor, checked that it looked good, glanced into the socket which also looked as it should, before plugging it back in. "It all checks out Rodney – have you got anything now?"

"Hurry, John," Elizabeth said urgently. "They're coming -- and there's hundreds of them."

"Won't the field protect us?" Ronon asked in confusion.

"As long as you hurry," Rodney replied. "Sabina - I've still got nothing here - try plugging it in again."

"I already did that Rodney," I said impatiently. "I don't think doing it again is gonna have any effect. What do I have to do to check the interface?"

"They keep attacking the field," Elizabeth continued to monitor the Replicators. "They're deliberately sacrificing themselves."

"Why would they do that?" Ronon asked.

"The more they attack the field, the quicker they can figure out how to override it," Elizabeth said in a worried tone.

"Then we need to get the hell out of here" Ronon replied.

"Rodney, why isn't this working?" John demanded, coming over to stand beside me. My brain was going a mile a minute and a sudden idea occurred to me.

"Rodney, is it possible to reactivate the Wraith directive by directly accessing the core?" I spoke rapidly, impatiently waiting for his reply.

"If you were a Replicator," Rodney said sarcastically, "which none of you are."

"I know," I said irritably. "Look, the city and everything in it is made from real materials. The Replicators were so keen to show up their creators they made their systems identical ... including making them responsive to the Ancient gene."

"It would take too long for you to sift through all the lines of code," Rodney tried to veto the idea.

"You've got it up there," I pointed out. "Just tell me what's around it and I can search for it in the system."

"That might actually work," Rodney said. "It's gonna take intense mental effort on your part though, especially if you're gonna do this as fast as you need to."

"If I need it John can help me," I said confidently, looking at him expectantly and smiling when he nodded wordlessly.

"You have to get them out of there now," Elizabeth said urgently.

"We're not done," Rodney protested.

"There's no more time!" Elizabeth exclaimed. "The Replicators have breached the field! They've figured out how to override it."

Ronon picked up his ARG and walked to stand shielded behind a partition facing the door, ready to take on the Replicators when they appeared.

In an urgent voice Rodney quickly explained what to look for in the Replicator base code. Putting my hands on the console I felt relief that it responded just like any console on Atlantis. Sinking myself deeply into the system I quickly accessed the Replicator base code and started searching. I was only vaguely aware of what was going on around me, even less so the further into the code I went. I made myself connect through the Ancient gene and actively use it more than I ever had before.

"Sabina," John put a hand on my arm to draw my attention back to him. "We're running out of time here – Elizabeth left the Jumper and the kill switch didn't work."

"Crap," I muttered. "And the Replicators?"

"Closing in," John admitted, looking at me intently.

"We can still do this," I said confidently. "I'm almost there ... just give me a few more minutes."

"We might not _have_ a few more minutes," John said urgently.

"Okay, then you're gonna have to help," I replied, grabbing his hand and pulling him next to me. "Put your hands on top of mine."

John stood behind me and placed his hand over mine. "What now?"

"I'm not sure how to do this one," I admitted uncertainly. "You're the flyboy here ... try thinking about the fastest you've ever gone and then ... send it to me somehow."

"You're not exactly inspiring me with confidence here," John muttered, leaning his head down over my shoulder.

"You're the one with the most experience with the whole ATA gene lending thing," I complained. "I usually just receive what you send out and redirect it!"

"Guys," Ronon turned away from the door to growl at us. "More action, less arguing!"

"Right," John took a deep breath and let it out slowly, breathing hot air down my neck. "Here goes."

Putting myself back into the base code I waited for John to do his thing ... a second later I felt a rush of that Ancient power tingling through me stronger than I'd ever felt it before. I struggled to redirect the rush in the right direction at first but within seconds I was zooming through the base code many times faster than I had been before. It took longer than I was comfortable with and I could feel myself tiring, even with the extra push John was giving me. Drawing deeply on that well of 'Ancientness' inside me I held on, grimly determined to do what I'd promised I could. I saw the flash of code in the distance before it hit me – screaming my search to a halt I accessed the commands and reactivated them.

"Okay," I whispered, withdrawing myself from the system slowly, releasing John's connection as well. John took a step back and I was caught by surprise at how weak my legs were. "I guess that took more out of me than I thought," I admitted before I sat down abruptly on the floor. "Whoa ..."

"Sabina?" John knelt down beside me, propping me up before I fell flat on the floor.

Before he could say anything else the doors to the Core Room opened and a large group of Replicators walked in. Ronon ducked behind a column and John jumped up to grab his ARG from the top of the console before dropping back down beside me. Looking at me intently John's eyes conveyed the message that I should keep quiet and stay still. Surging up from behind the console with grim purpose he aimed his weapon towards the door ... but didn't fire.

"What the hell just happened?" John demanded.

"The Replicators have all frozen," Rodney reported in disbelief.

"I can see that, but who did it?" John retorted.

"Well, it wasn't me," Rodney denied. "It might have been Elizabeth."

"Can she do that?" Ronon asked.

"I don't know," Rodney said uncertainly. "I mean, she'd have to link directly with the Replicator collective, which means the chances they'll be able to take over her nanites have just increased exponentially."

"How long before they come back to life?" John asked.

"Your guess is as good as mine, but I would err on the side of less time rather than more," Rodney said cautiously.

"Can we go?" Ronon demanded impatiently.

"Rodney, can you confirm the Wraith directive has been reactivated?" John held up a hand to hold Ronon off before he stormed out the door.

"Hang on," Rodney replied.

John came back to me, looking at me closely. "Are you okay to get out of here?" he asked softly.

"Yeah ... but I might need a lift to get me up off the floor," I admitted, holding out a hand for assistance.

"Sheppard," Rodney's voice came back over the radio. "The directive has been reactivated – you're good to go."

"Acknowledged," John replied, reaching down and pulling me to my feet. I wobbled for a moment before steadying myself and nodding confidently at John even though I felt very shaky inside. "Ronon, cover us," he ordered, striding from the room as briskly as he could manage while supporting me.

John kept one arm around my shoulders and took some of my weight as we ran down the corridor. We dodged past a scary number of frozen Replicators, John trying to find out from Rodney where Elizabeth was. Rounding the next corner we were confronted with the unexpected and frankly disturbing sight of Elizabeth standing in the corridor with her hand in Oberoth's forehead.

"Elizabeth," John drew her attention to the fact that we were standing behind her.

"Get to the Jumper," Elizabeth said firmly, not looking at us. Oberoth glanced our way but otherwise seemed completely under her control.

"You're coming with us," John said insistently. Ronon fired at Oberoth but the blast appeared to have no effect on him.

"I can't keep them frozen much longer!" Elizabeth said urgently, tension and stress evident in her voice.

"We're not leaving you behind!" John countered angrily. I could feel the tension and frustration fairly pulsing off him ... Elizabeth's expression was determined and resolute and I knew with sudden clarity that he wasn't going to be changing her mind about this.

"John," Elizabeth pleaded. "Sabina, Rodney and all the others ... they need for you to make it out of here. If you don't leave right now it will be too late, so go." Turning her head slightly she barked "THAT'S AN ORDER!".

Her moment of distraction must have weakened her hold on the Replicators. One of them fired at Ronon, just missing him.

"Come on!" Ronon demanded, getting ready to fire again.

"Elizabeth!" John called her attention back to him, loosening his hold on me. I felt a huge burst of nervous adrenalin rush through me as I made the decision to act. Breaking away from John I ran straight for Oberoth, activating the NAP mini-delivery device I'd been carrying in my pocket for days into his upper arm. He glanced down at me with an expression of mild interest as I backed slowly away. The reaction wouldn't be immediate and Oberoth must have thought I was the lesser of two threats because he turned his attention back to Elizabeth immediately.

"Go!" Elizabeth yelled again, as more Replicators arrived behind them. John grabbed my arm and dragged me away.

"_No_," I tried to protest, pulling at my arm in agitation. "Just give the NAPs time – they don't have to fully infect him, just slow him down a bit – we can still save her!"

"We don't _have_ any more time!" John yelled, propelling me down the corridor.

I tried to catch another glimpse of Elizabeth before we ran around the corner but she was surrounded by Replicators ... and then she was gone.

The energy I'd felt while confronted with Oberoth was suddenly gone, leaving me feeling numb and shaky. I stumbled weakly on unsteady legs, leaning heavily into John's support ... his expression of concern notched up another level when he glanced down at me worriedly. Rather than say anything he paused to scoop me up into his arms before continuing to run down the corridor. I didn't even protest - my mind stuck on that last scene with Elizabeth as I held on to his shoulders tightly.

We managed to get back to the Jumper without being confronted with any more Replicator resistance, much to Rodney's evident relief. John lowered me gently to one of seats in the back section of the Jumper before quickly powering up the systems and taking us up into the sky.

"I can't believe we just left her," I said sickly, pulling myself up weakly to standing ... I don't know what I was thinking I could do - just that I had to do _something_. "We should have waited ... given the NAPs a chance to take effect."

"Our position was being overrun," John said in frustration. "There was nothing we _could_ do."

"We have to ... to go back ...," my vision blurred as a wave of weird feeling swept over me - my heart felt like it was beating too fast and too slow all at the same time. I stumbled, trying to remember what I was going to say, trying to pull myself back from the brink. "John?" my voice was almost puzzled as I looked over at him – I felt myself falling as the second stronger wave of dizzy weakness made everything black.


	55. Well actually five

**Chapter 55: Well actually five but only two you can see with the naked eye**

When I woke up I was in the infirmary on Atlantis. Breathing a sigh of relief I realised that somehow the guys had gotten the ZPM back in time. The rest of what happened came rushing back, overtaking my relief and leaving only guilt over what had happened to Elizabeth behind. Turning my face to the pillow I tried to shut off my thoughts, flinching in surprise when a hand came down on my shoulder and squeezed bracingly.

"God – don't scare me like that!" I complained, swinging around to look up at John. Frowning in confusion I demanded "touch me again."

John put a hand to the side of my face, brushing away the tears I hadn't realised I'd shed.

"I must have seriously depleted myself," I murmured in surprise. "I'm not picking up your ATA gene like I usually do." Even though I'd experienced that once before it was still disconcerting - sensing John's ATA presence was so second nature now that I hardly ever consciously noticed it.

"Doctor Cole said you'd pushed yourself close to the point of no return," John replied seriously. "Your blood pressure had practically bottomed out before we got you to the infirmary on the Apollo – that's why you lost it. I thought we agreed you weren't gonna scare me like that again?"

"I didn't do it deliberately!" I said defensively. "I had no idea it was possible to go too far with the ATA gene."

"Well - no permanent damage done - all you need is rest and some good meals," John offered with relief clearly evident in his eyes. "Doctor Keller said you'll be back to normal in a couple of days."

"Where are we?" I asked curiously, noticing for the first time that natural sunlight was coming through the windows.

"M35-177," John replied. "Nice little planet, two moons - well actually five but only two you can see with the naked eye - and a really large ocean."

"You landed the city?" I asked curiously.

"Yeah," John agreed almost proudly. "It was a rough ride but I didn't bang the old girl up too badly."

"And Elizabeth?" I almost whispered.

"We tried as soon as the Apollo located us," John said simply. "No signal ... but we haven't given up hope. If there's a chance she's still alive, we'll find her."

"She sacrificed herself for us," I said weakly. "I'm not sure how to deal with that."

"Elizabeth gave us the time we needed to get the ZPM back to Atlantis and save _everyone_," John corrected me. "We had no choice but to follow her orders."

"I know," I almost whined. "And I'm glad everyone survived ... but at such a high cost?"

"We'll find a way to go back and search for her," John promised.

"So we behave as though she's still alive ... somewhere on that planet?" I asked in confusion.

"For now," John dismissed, the easy going expression dropping off his face abruptly. "Wanna tell me what the hell that last bit was with Oberoth? You said 'give the NAPs time' - what NAPs?"

"Um ...," I looked away reluctantly before meeting his eyes again, "I ah ... I hit Oberoth with a mini NAP delivery device."

"A what?" John asked incredulously.

"A minature version of the NAP delivery devices we created for the Jumpers," I explained. "I finished it only a day or so before the Replicator attack."

"I assume the intended effect is the same as for the main NAP device?" John's expression was strangely subdued ... I couldn't tell what he thought about the whole thing.

"Kind of," I agreed. "The effect would have been a lot slower so it's unlikely Oberoth didn't notice the effects before there were enough NAPs to take him out completely."

"Doesn't that mean the Replicators will have plenty of time to come up with a defence?" John frowned in confusion, I'm sure wondering why I'd deploy the NAP plan on such a small scale.

"It would have," I replied, "if I hadn't made one important change. The NAPs have a priority list of command directives - for the main device the priority was to expand rapidly and infiltrate as many Replicators and systems as quickly as possible, using their communication methods against them to spread even faster. Once done, they'd then surround and neutralise all the nanite capablities at once. For the mini device I made the prime directive to cut off the Replicator ability to communicate first - it shouldn't take surrounding all the nanites to seriously affect their abilities in that area but I can't tell you how quickly Oberoth would have been rendered silent. There's another trade off with that method too - the spread is much slower."

"So Oberoth may have been able to understand what the NAPs were doing to him but not be able to tell the others?" John looked at me in surprise.

"Essentially, yes," I smiled as he nodded in understanding. "The idea was just to create a way to take out a single Replicator - like a single bullet from a gun - purely for self defence. Hopefully it's something we can use again and again without them being able to defend against it."

"That's a really good idea," John frowned again. "How come you didn't tell us about it?"

"It was a spur of the moment idea and I never got the chance to test it," I explained. "I only had the device in the first place because I put it in my pocket the day the whole thing started – I forgot I had it until the end there."

"How did you think it was gonna help Elizabeth?" John asked.

"If it took effect within a few minutes it would have given her a chance to break free of Oberoth - especially because he wouldn't be able to control her nanites anymore," I explained. "But there were a lot of Replicators surrounding her – maybe too many for her to handle. Besides ..." I broke off reluctantly as another thought hit me.

"What?" John kept his eyes on mine and I looked at him with a pained expression.

"Ah ...," I hesitated before jumping in. "I just realised that there's a slight chance the NAPs could infect Elizabeth as well - because she was physically connected to Oberoth when I injected him. If that happens ..."

"The nanites keeping her alive will eventually shut down," John finished my sentence. When I nodded miserably, John put a hand to my face again, holding my gaze when I wanted to look away guiltily. "Don't start assigning blame when we have no idea of the true situation. You gave Elizabeth options she wouldn't have had otherwise. I for one would have been glad for that in the same situation."

"Okay," I tried to smile, hiding my face in John's shoulder when he pulled me up for a hug. Clinging to him for a few moments I drew in as much comfort as I could from his warmth and closeness before letting go. "So it's business as usual?" I asked curiously.

"Pretty much," John said with a look that said there was still something he hadn't told me. "The only exception being that the Wraith are probably gonna be a little busy for the next while."

"The 'attack the Wraith' directive worked?" I asked incredulously.

'Sure did," John agreed. "Rodney tracked a whole fleet of Replicator vessels heading for a Wraith planet."

"Well that's something then," I said lightly, trying to stifle the huge yawn that overtook me.

"You need to get more rest," John got up and stood beside my bed. "I'll check in on you later."

"Hey," I called to him before he'd gotten more than a couple of paces. "Who's in charge then?"

"I am," John admitted reluctantly, "but just until the SGC come up with someone else." Without waiting for an acknowledgement he continued out the door.

x

The next time I woke up the infirmary was quiet and dark. Rather than announce myself to the few staff that were on duty I lay back and took the time to think.

Something was bothering me but it was a while before it hit me. John had been _too_ optimistic, too positive and too deliberate in revealing nothing about his own feelings over leaving Elizabeth behind. He'd said all the right things but ... the feeling just hadn't been there like it should have been. He'd set out deliberately to reassure me so I wouldn't blame myself! He had to be feeling just as guilty as the rest of us and the fact he'd said nothing made me realise he'd gone further than that. John had decided to lay the blame squarely on himself. There was nothing I could do until I got out of the infirmary ... I'd have to do exactly what the Doctors told me so I could make that as fast as possible.

x

"It wasn't your fault," I spoke firmly when I was a few metres away, having tracked John down to one of his thinking spots up in the rafters less than an hour after Dr Keller had cleared me for release.

"I don't want to talk about this right now," John's less than welcoming tone was designed to put me off.

"Bad luck," I insisted firmly. "I'm sorry I insisted on going with you to the Core Room – maybe if I hadn't been there weighing you down you'd have been able to rescue Elizabeth before the rest of the Replicators showed up."

"If you hadn't been in the Core Room we wouldn't have reactivated the Wraith directive," John said emotionlessly. "Risking Elizabeth would have been for nothing then."

"What do you think you could have done differently?" I tried to tread lightly, not really sure what arguments John was using in his own head to make this all his responsibility.

"I should have ordered us to leave once we had the ZPM," John replied firmly. "My gut was telling me it was a bad idea ... but I let my desire to stop the cullings blind me because I was responsible for waking the Wraith in the first place."

"Elizabeth herself was fully behind the plan," I reminded him. "Are you saying she didn't know what she was doing?"

"I don't know!" John turned away angrily. "But I agreed to take her on that mission ... to use her ... and as a result we lost her."

"You're always the one forcing the home truths on me," I took a few steps closer and grabbed his arm, pulling him around to face me. "This time it's my turn. We'd already lost Elizabeth long before she set foot on that Jumper."

"No," John denied. "She was herself again ... Doctor Keller and Rodney fixed her."

"No they didn't," I said insistently, hardly able to believe how much he'd turned this around in his head. "_And you knew it_ – you were all set to shut down those nanites yourself because you believed they were a danger."

"That was before Elizabeth woke up and showed us that she was okay," John defended his point of view.

"She _wasn't_ – even she knew that!" I denied heatedly. "If Elizabeth hadn't been infected by Niam there would have been nothing Doctor Keller could have done. Elizabeth would have died in the OR - and the rest of us would probably be dead now too. If it were possible, would you have held yourself responsible for that?"

"It was my idea to fly the city off that planet," John persisted.

"And Elizabeth's idea to lower the shield," I countered grimly. "Based on that logic she killed herself!"

"Don't!" John turned to me with an angry look. "None of this was Elizabeth's fault!"

"You can't credit Elizabeth with being herself and then not give her the free will to make her own decisions," I protested. "Did you two even talk about who was in charge before the mission? Because it seemed to me at the end there that Elizabeth was the one very much in control."

"That mission was a _military_ operation," John stated firmly. "It was _my_ responsibility to look after everyone. It's on me that things went so wrong – I didn't just lose Elizabeth, I gave the Replicators a potentially deadly source of intel."

"That might be – but if you want to get down to it, lay the blame where it belongs," I said simply, "then the Replicators are responsible for all of this. But they also gave Elizabeth the nanites that made it possible for us to be with her again _and_ for her to make her death something meaningful rather than just the result of a stupid accident."

"_She's not dead_," John protested angrily.

"Maybe not," I agreed hopefully, "but you and I both know that even if we find her, she isn't the Elizabeth we knew and she never will be. That Elizabeth is gone, and nothing you can do, nothing you could have done the whole time we were on Asuras, was gonna change that."

John kicked angrily at the railings, refusing to say anything to acknowledge the logic of what I'd said. I waited for him to offer something but when the silence had continued for more than a few minutes I realised he wasn't going to.

"I guess I'll ... leave you to it," I said sadly, turning and walking away, hoping he'd call me back but knowing he wouldn't.

x

John was quiet when he finally returned to our quarters that night ... in fact his silence continued on into the days that followed and I couldn't help but feel that he was punishing me for telling him things he didn't want to hear. I tried to give him space, tried not to take it personally but the strain was starting to take its toll on my mood as well. Things came to a head one morning from an unexpected source. We were both getting ready for the day and I was pulling on my jacket when I noticed something in the pocket. I realised immediately what it was – the envelope I'd taken from the safe, the one with the alternate reality photos in it.

Slumping down on the bed I stared at the envelope mutely, wondering what I should do with it.

"Did you look in that?" John asked quietly, knowing immediately what I held.

"Ah ... no," I admitted. "I was going to – that day before we ...," I trailed off miserably.

"Probably good that you didn't," John's words caused a sick feeling to well up inside me.

"Why is that?" I looked over at him reluctantly.

"Things are different now," John replied simply, carefully not meeting my eyes. "The last couple of weeks have shown how dangerous the Pegasus galaxy is. No place for ...," it was his turn to leave a sentence unfinished.

"Oh," I tried to ignore the clenching of my insides as I frowned in confusion. "So you've rethought your future after all?"

"Don't try to pretend you wanted any of that anyway," John said almost bitterly. "You've had that envelope for months and you never even opened it!"

"I wasn't ready," I excused weakly, quickly stuffing the envelope back in my pocket. "I thought you understood that."

"Well now you don't have to be ready," John's tone made it seem like he was giving me something rather than taking something away.

"What, so because we lost Elizabeth, suddenly our future is completely different?" I demanded angrily. "Is giving me the silent treatment for a week not enough punishment?"

"This isn't about you," John glared at me in frustration. "I can't justify putting my personal desires ahead of the mission."

"Yeah, good one, gotta put the job ahead of everything else," I said sarcastically. "So let me get this clear – you're saying we no longer have a future here?"

"Weren't you the one who said you liked things the way they were?" John tried to put it back on me.

"The way you're talking it wouldn't _be_ the same as before," I said accusingly, "because it's not the arrangement, it's the attitude – and yours is telling me you're not looking at this the same way anymore."

"I never said that!" John growled. "I just ... I don't know what I'm saying," he turned away, running a hand through his hair in frustration.

"I'm trying to be supportive," I spoke softly, "trying to understand why you think this is only your fault but ... it's starting to feel like me being here is making things worse for you." I waited, hoping John would tell me not to be silly but he didn't. Taking a shaky breath I smiled ruefully. "The fact that you're not denying that is answer enough. I'm gonna clear out of here for a while ... I'm sure you'll be able to find me when ... _if_ you want to."

He said nothing ... forcing me to follow through ... I walked slowly from the room. Outside the closed door I put a shaking hand to my forehead, eyes watering and breathe hitching. Not wanting to be caught crying outside our quarters I took off for the first destination that occurred to me.

Five minutes later I was safely ensconced in the same room I'd hidden in almost three years before when I first arrived in Atlantis. I wasn't sure what to think ... had John and I just broken up? Everything he'd said to me that morning was so completely out of character for John and I was confused and frustrated and angry too. Was there even anything I could do to fix it or was I just going to have to trust John to work through this by himself? And why did that feel so much like abandoning him?

The strain of the last couple of days on top of the fact that I wasn't fully recovered yet settled a weariness on me there was no point in fighting. I'd been assigned to one of the clean up and repair crews – getting Atlantis fully back in action was the primary goal for everyone – but they would have to do without me for one morning. Throwing myself face down on the bed I was happier than usual to let sleep take me away from the real world for a while.

**Authors Note:**

Just the one chapter to go after this ... I can't believe we're there already!


	56. I’d fix things if I could

**Chapter 56: I'd fix things if I could**

"Where have you been?" Rodney demanded impatiently when I turned up in his section late that afternoon.

"Sleeping," I replied emotionlessly, so unlike my usual self that even Rodney noticed the difference.

"Okay, what happened?" Rodney asked irritably. "And don't say nothing because Sheppard's been storming around all morning like a thundercloud and now you turn up looking like death. What did you do?"

"Nothing!" I barked harshly. "One thing I can tell you though – those Ancient powers of yours weren't infallible."

"Huh?" Rodney looked taken aback at my anger and confused about how he came into it.

"You said you saw into John's head – that he would never abandon me," I whispered harshly. "Either you were wrong or John's been lying to everyone including himself because it feels like he just _did_."

"I wasn't wrong!" Rodney protested. "And Sheppard doesn't lie." Rodney frowned in confusion, clearly thinking back to when he'd been super-gened. "They weren't his conscious deliberate thoughts ... I don't think it's even possible to fake those!"

"I don't know what to tell you Rodney," I sighed wearily. "Look just give me something to do okay."

Muttering under his breath Rodney accessed his list of tasks and sent me off to help Radek repair some control panels in the labs. I worked hard the rest of the day, determinedly keeping my mind away from everything else. Skipping dinner with its prerequisite visit to the commissary I headed back to my old room, falling tiredly on the bed for the second time that day and dropping into a restless sleep.

I woke up suddenly in the middle of the night, knowing straight away that I'd had all the sleep I was going to get ... John and I had been at odds for less than a day and yet if already felt as though a huge chasm had opened up between us. Dragging myself off the bed I pulled my jacket back on and went to sit out on the balcony. The two moons hanging low in the sky said more than anything else that we were no longer on our familiar planet. I gazed up at the stars, noticing all the new arrangements – trying to avoid unwanted thoughts was practically impossible in that environment. Feeling full of restless energy I jumped up impatiently and went to the gym instead.

Beating the crap out of a punching bag never solved any problems but it sure was satisfying. I was fully into my rhythm before I realised I wasn't alone.

"Whose face are you imagining that is tonight?" Major Lorne's voice interrupted me.

"Does it matter?" I puffed impatiently, continuing to punch rapidly. "What are you doing up so late?"

"Pulled a double shift up on the Apollo and then back here," Lorne admitted. "Couldn't sleep until I wound down a little."

"Well don't let me keep you," I said dismissively.

"You should be talking to Colonel Sheppard instead of spending your time in here," Lorne ignored my unspoken request for solitude.

"Who made you the relationships expert?" I asked sarcastically. "And why is my personal business suddenly of so much interest to everyone?"

"You think anything can happen on Atlantis and not be common knowledge," Lorne asked incredulously, "even without Colonel Sheppard biting the heads off anyone who gets too close?"

"I'd fix things if I could," I said wearily, "but I don't know how."

"You _know_ Colonel Sheppard," Lorne corrected. "Think about it."

"Do _you _think we were wrong to take Doctor Weir with us to Asuras?" I asked hesitantly, giving the bag one last decisive punch before turning to face him.

"The way I heard it, Doctor Weir being there was the difference between getting a ZPM and everyone dying," Lorne said simply. "I also heard she went voluntarily and that she ordered you to leave."

"All true," I agreed. "This whole thing really sucks!"

"We ended up on a new planet with the city intact and with very few casualties," Lorne offered quietly. "Things could easily have gone a lot worse than that."

"Tell that to the people who didn't make it," I said bitterly.

"You're not gonna fix things with the Colonel until you let go of your own guilty feelings," Lorne said wisely.

Knowing he was right I nodded wordlessly, grabbing a towel and draping it over my shoulders before sitting down on one of the benches. "Thanks Evan," I said simply. Lorne put a hand on my shoulder before leaving me to my thoughts.

I knew Major Lorne was right – John and I were bouncing off each other negatively, him because he felt responsible for the outcome and me because I felt my presence had been the one thing that had stopped him from saving Elizabeth. It was time to start listening to my own words. I'd believed it when I told John that the Elizabeth we'd known was gone the instant the beam had touched the tower. Maybe the guilt was even a way to avoid the grief that knowledge caused. Once I let that go I felt the loss rising up inside me in its place ... I hadn't been as close to Elizabeth as John and the others, hadn't known her as well, but I had admired her as a leader, as a strong woman. And it really sucked to have lost her, especially so soon after losing Carson. It hurt a whole lot more to have been there to witness it too. I sat in the darkened gym, thinking morose and depressing thoughts as I shed a few tears for the Elizabeth I'd known.

The sun was just beginning to cast a little light on Atlantis when I roused myself, grabbing my jacket and shrugging it on. When I put my hands in my pockets I heard a crinkling sound and felt paper. Dropping back down on the bench I took out that troublesome envelope again, holding it in my hands and gazing at it sightlessly. Maybe whatever was in there would help me regain the positive view I'd always had of the future - before I'd started putting up boundaries based on my insecurities.

Opening the envelope slowly I took out the photos inside. The top one made me smile immediately ... the alternate John and Sabina were dressed up and the photographer had caught them mid dance, John swooping her low to the ground as they both laughed. Turning the photo over I noticed Rod had written "_John and Sabina engagement March 2006_" on the back.

Putting that one to the back I looked down at the second photo expectantly. What I saw there made me sit up in shock. "What the f--?" I whispered to myself, hardly able to reconcile what I saw with what I knew of myself. But there it was in vivid colour ... the alternate me sitting in an infirmary bed holding a cloth wrapped bundle that could only be a baby. The alternate John was sitting with his arm around her and they were both smiling delightedly. I knew they were alternate versions of us but these people looked _exactly_ like us so it was like I was seeing a vision of the future. No wonder John had started thinking about the marriage and kids stuff when he'd seen these. On the back of this one were the words "_I'm a godfather again! – Ryan John Sheppard – January 6, 2005_"

Looking at the photo intently for a few more moments I reluctantly put it to the back of the set and looked at the final photo. This one was obviously a year or so after the baby one – in it my alternate self was tickling a little boy who was laughing delightedly. He was the spitting image of John too – down to the messy hair and hazel eyes. And he was seriously cute ... still more baby than toddler. "Wow," I murmured with a silly smile on my face. I could have guessed the words Rod had written on the back – "_Ryan's first birthday January 2006_". I stared at that little boy for ages, running a finger over his face, detailing everything about him. It was only the sound of footsteps in the corridor that woke me from my trance. Stuffing the photos quickly back in the envelope I jumped up and walked from the room.

Accessing the city's sensor system I used an old trick to find out where John was, relieved to locate him still in our quarters. It had occurred to me that every time in the past when I'd cast doubts on our future it had been John who'd argued for us, who'd never stopped until he'd convinced me we _should_ be together. The tables had turned and now that was my job – I'd made a poor start giving up so easily the day before but I was determined now to stick with it no matter what John said.

"Hey," I said softly, standing in the doorway between our sleeping area and the balcony. John had his back to me, sitting on the bench gazing out over the sea.

"Hey," he replied in a low voice, keeping his face away from mine, not welcoming but not telling me to go away either.

Walking across to him I didn't stop until I'd placed myself between him and the view he found so fascinating. I winced when I got a good look at his face. He obviously hadn't shaved and his eyes were red rimmed and blood shot – his expression had been sad but he blanked that out almost immediately.

"Did you get any sleep?" I asked in concern, squatting down in front of him.

"Not really," John admitted reluctantly.

"I was this close," I held up a hand, two fingers barely apart, "to believing that you were abandoning this relationship – abandoning me. Subconsciously you must have known if you pushed me hard enough that's what I'd think." When John went to say something I put a hand across his mouth, holding it there until he nodded that he understood it was my turn to speak. "Don't interrupt me," I practically ordered. "We both know I'm crap at this kind of thing so you better let me get it all out while I've got it organised in my head." Waiting for some response, I was relieved when he nodded again.

"I was feeling guilty about my part in us losing Elizabeth," I admitted, "and I didn't hear what you were saying under the surface. You weren't punishing me ... you were punishing yourself. Did you think that cheating yourself of a future would make up for all the other lives that were cut off before they could have theirs?" I paused for a moment before continuing. "That's a rhetorical question because we both know that nothing ever makes up for the people we lose. The only thing we can do is ensure that if they sacrificed, it wasn't in vain – that we made the very best of what they'd accomplished as we could. I'm not saying we just forget about Elizabeth and move on ... but feeling guilty about how it happened doesn't leave any room for grief. She _could_ still be out there but ... regardless I think she was important enough for us to be feeling a lot of grief – for her and for ourselves because things aren't going to be the same around here without her."

I knelt down in front of John so I could reach into my pocket. "It's _easy_ to lay the blame and second guess every decision we made ... it's a lot harder to accept and then make something of what's left."

Pulling out the photos I held out the first one for John to see. "This one made me smile ... I'd look forward to a dance like that being in our future." Not sure if I was getting through to John I pressed on, holding out the second photo. "This one frankly scared the crap out of me," I admitted with a nervous laugh. "But she looks happy even though she's obviously just pushed out a baby ... I don't understand how that's possible but again ... happiness like that would be something to look forward to." Almost reverently turning to the last photo I smiled fondly, holding it out for John to see. "Now this photo ... this is the one that puts everything into perspective. Seeing this little guy makes it clear why you started thinking down the happily ever after track in the first place. I would give everything ... fight anyone ... and never ever give up if I could have someone like him in my future." I glanced up from my fond inspection of the photo to see John gazing at it intently. "Look at him John," I urged. "He's a little you. I can't tell you what to feel – be it regret, guilt, anger, whatever. But do you really want to give the future him up ... for any reason?"

Running out of words I sat back on my heels and waited for his reaction. John took the photos from me, running a finger over the little boy's familiar face much as I'd done earlier. I was relieved when I saw the fond smile appear on his face. John looked at me, for once not trying to hide the emotions in his eyes – pain and guilt over the loss of Elizabeth, remorse that his behaviour had hurt me, but also hope for the future. And at the back of all that I saw what I'd feared had been lost - the deep seated love and commitment he had for me.

"I'm a fool," he muttered, pulling me up into his arms and burying his head in my shoulder. He held on to me really tight - I hugged him just as tight in return, hardly realising that I was crying.

"You are," I agreed tearfully, smiling when he laughed ruefully. "I forgot to say one thing," I pulled away to look at him urgently. "I love you – the 'forever, get married, and have kids' kind of love." John smiled at my returning the words he'd thought back to him. "I'm sorry if it felt like I was abandoning you when I left yesterday."

"I love you too," John urged me back to him and kissed me fervently. "You didn't abandon me - I cut you out. I didn't give you the chance to do anything else."

"Why?" I hesitated to bring up the difficult stuff but at the same time didn't want to give him the chance to bury something if it really needed to be said.

"I don't know," John set me down beside him again, looking away. He returned his eyes to mine when I put a hand on his arm insistently. "Okay, okay ... at the end there something Elizabeth said made me think about choices. It almost seemed at the end there that I could either save her or save you but not both. That's really been weighing on my mind ... not just for what happened on Asuras but for the future as well."

"Do you regret choosing me over her?" I asked softly.

"_No_," John put a hand to my face, looking at me intently. "That's just it - it wasn't a choice! You and Ronon and I were free - Elizabeth wasn't. I have to accept that in the end there was no way I could have saved her. Elizabeth used that argument deliberately to give me incentive to leave. She knew that if I ever _was_ in a situation where I had to choose I'd do anything to save you ... over everything ... _everyone_ else."

"Oh," I wasn't quite sure what to say about that.

"Yeah - Oh," John agreed. He paused for a time before speaking again. "I wasn't pushing you away deliberately ... I just needed some space to think objectively, to decide whether that kind of thinking and being in charge can exist ... _should_ exist together."

"You are a wonderful leader John," I said resolutely. "You belong in charge here and at the end of the day everyone knows you'd risk yourself to save any one of us - it's that kind of thinking that makes who you are and I wouldn't change that for anything."

"Well I'm gonna have to make it all work somehow because you made me realise there's no way I can give any of this up," he held up the photos and smiled a genuine, relaxed smile.

"_We'll_ make it work," I corrected.

Returning to the hugging part I didn't resist when John pulled me into his lap and held me close to him. We sat together for a time like that ... not moving, not talking, just ... wallowing in being together. I'd been up so early and John was so warm and comforting that I eventually felt myself beginning to drop off. John must have been feeling the same way because he stood up abruptly, me still in his arms, and walked us into the sleeping area. Dropping me down on the bed he took the time to arrange the photos on his bedside table before dropping down beside me and pulling me in close.

I _knew_ it wouldn't be as simple as that – John would still have to work through his feelings over the final mission with Elizabeth, resolve in his own mind that he couldn't have acted any differently so he could get to the accepting stage. I knew he would never give up on rescuing her either, unless irrefutable evidence was presented that proved Elizabeth was lost to us for good. There were enough unknown's out there for anything to be possible. For now it was enough to have reconnected and reaffirmed our commitment to each other. Without another word, we drifted off into a healing sleep.

x

"Did you call in sick?" I joked when John woke me up with kisses when the sun was high in the sky.

"I turned the radio off," John admitted. "Teyla's smart enough to work it out ... since no-one's come banging down the door I think they got the message."

"Okay," I smiled, leaning over him with the invitation clearly stamped on my face. "What should we do then?"

"I've got a couple of ideas," John smiled in return, rolling us over and kissing me with single minded purpose. I threw myself into it completely, determined to show John in every way possible how committed I was to him, how much I truly loved him. I guess he had the same motives in mind because things got heated and intense very quickly, even for us. Neither of us seemed inclined to slow it down either ... that quick reconnection exactly what we both needed to reassure ourselves we really were okay together. There'd be time later for finesse and tenderness and all the other warm and fuzzy stuff we'd glossed over.

x

"Did Rod tell you how it came to be that our alternate selves ended up as parents?" I asked curiously, lying with my head on John's chest and letting the sound of his steady heart beat comfort me.

"I asked," John admitted. "He said his Sabina mentioned something about a storage room that first year on Atlantis."

"Wow," I sat up in surprise, remembering the incident with sudden clarity. "I guess in that reality Teyla didn't need to go to the mainland."

"Guess not," John agreed uncomfortably.

"Are you disappointed?" I asked curiously. "I mean – they got the whole deal by accident, didn't have to think too hard or agonise over it."

"They didn't get to choose either," John pointed out. "This way is better."

"It is," I agreed. "And just so you know, I'd already decided to say damn the defective genes _before_ I looked at those photos."

"Really?" John asked in surprise. When I nodded sincerely, John smiled. "That's funny because I'd already decided I wanted everything with you before Rod showed me those photos too."

"You did not!" I looked at him in confusion. "What would have given you an idea like that?"

"You're kidding right?" John looked at me in exasperation. "Don't you think it's the natural progression for a relationship, if it's one that's going to last?"

"Yeah, back on Earth where life sucking aliens aren't lurking behind every bush!" I said sarcastically. "Even though I've agreed to the whole deal in the future I still can't see how to make it happen in practise."

"I'm pretty sure people in the Pegasus galaxy get joined or married or whatever the hell they call it on a regular basis," John was doing the sarcastic thing now, "and the fact that there are humans on almost every planet we gate to means they've been doing the whole kid thing for a few years too."

"Fine, be sarcastic," I grumbled. "You can be the one to tell General Landry and the IOA our plans – since you've already worked out so many _compelling_ arguments."

"I'm not saying it'll be easy," John turned serious. "Just that it's doable ... when we're ready."

"I'm glad you added that last bit," I admitted, glad to give a subtle reminder that I wasn't looking to run out and get knocked up tomorrow, "since we're being all open and up front."

Having exhausted the topic for the moment we both lapsed into silence. I rearranged myself back against John's side, thinking about all the other times when we'd had a 'should we be doing this' crisis.

"I guess it's finally my turn to ask," I said suddenly, leaning over him.

"Ask what?" John frowned in confusion.

"Are we all right?" I smiled in delight. "Whenever we've done the whole 'should we be together thing' in the past that was always your line ... this time I get to say it. So are we? Alright that is?"

"Yeah," John laughed at my obvious pleasure in finally not being the instigator or perpetrator of angst between us.

"You really scared me," I admitted. "It took me too long to remember my trust in you ... in us ... and even then it was something Rodney said that reminded me."

"Then we'll make sure he gets to be in the wedding," John quipped.

"So we're really gonna get married?" I asked with more than a hint of nervous wonder in my voice. We'd agreed to be on that track but John using the 'w' word made it seem much too immediate.

"You asking?" John raised an eyebrow expectantly.

"No!" I denied quickly. "You're not cheating me out of that buddy ... I expect the whole box and dice ... you know – in the _future_."

"I'll see what I can do," John laughed, pulling me back to him and kissing me in such a way as to remove all coherent thought. Clearly that was a conversation for another day.

**The End!**

**Authors final babble:**

First off I went through exhaustive and complex mathematical calculations to come up with a date for the alternate Ryan Sheppard's birthday ... well not really ... I just assumed each season is a year to place that scene from FJS1 and then with the whole nine months thing that gave me January as a likely month. I chose the 6th because that was the date my twins were actually due (different year though) even though they ended up being born in December. I know Joe's birthday is the 5th but that's just a coincidence.

Thanks to everyone for reading but especially to all those who reviewed as well. In particular thank you to my loyal reviewers who gave me feedback on _every_ chapter, making this story look a lot more popular than it actually is - big grin from me for that! Hope you all enjoyed the ending.

I try to update my author page regularly so check in there if you want to see the status of my current writing efforts. I'm also on twitter so I might put an update there - admittedly pretty rarely at the moment but who knows - I could get more enthusiastic about that.

That's it kids ... until next time :D


	57. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

"I'm being stonewalled," John strode into our quarters with his anger hanging like a cloud around him.

"General Landry won't go back on his orders about a mission to Asuras?" my spirits dropped when John nodded confirmation. "What about the IOA?"

"They're stalling too, only in a different way," John explained. "They said decisions about missions to look for Elizabeth will be the responsibility of the new leader ... only thing is they _still_ haven't chosen one."

"I can't believe, after everything Elizabeth did for this expedition, that they won't let us take a cloaked jumper back to Asuras," I complained. "We could do a sweep of the city looking for human life signs without the Replicators being any the wiser. Where's the risk in that?"

"But if we find a human life sign down there the IOA know we wouldn't just walk away without trying to rescue Elizabeth. They don't want to do anything that might draw Replicator attention back to Atlantis," John explained. "The IOA think its more guilt than anything else driving us to pursue this mission. To a certain extent I understand their reasoning ... even though I think it's wrong. Elizabeth has information we really don't want the Replicators getting. The longer we wait the more chance there is they'll start using her for that – if they haven't already."

"This sucks!" my usual eloquence failed me in the face of my frustration.

"It does," John agreed, coming over and sitting beside me on the bed. "That's why I was thinking maybe we should put in for some leave ... go back to Earth for a bit."

"Would they agree to that?" I frowned in confusion. "I mean, who'd be in charge then?"

"The Daedalus is due back in a few days," John reminded me. "Colonel Caldwell can take over for a week or so. If I'm back on Earth I can talk to the IOA and General Landry directly ... and it might even speed up their decision regarding the new leader."

"It's worth a try I suppose," I agreed. "And I wouldn't say no to a little R&R."

"All right, I'll put in the request first thing," John promised, making a move to get up again.

"John," I put a hand on his arm and drew his attention back to me. "There was something else I wanted to talk to you about." I hesitated, unsure how to phrase it.

"Just spit it out already," John urged after he'd watched me agonise in my head for a few moments.

"All right," I steeled myself to just blurt out the rest. "I think we should hold some kind of ... ceremony for Doctor Weir. And before you protest I'm not saying a memorial service like we did for the others who didn't make it here – just something to honour Elizabeth's contribution as leader for the three years she was here. People need that ... it would help us all start accepting that even if we find Elizabeth alive and well she won't be returning to her old job."

John sat silently, thinking it over ... I couldn't tell from his expression whether he liked the suggestion or not.

"That's actually a good idea," he finally agreed. "We do need something everyone can attend. I know there are rumours going around the city right now ... we could set the record straight _and_ let everyone know all at once what's going to happen next."

"Should I talk to Teyla about it tomorrow?" I knew that, even though he probably should have more than just a passing role in whatever was done, John would be uncomfortable with the whole thing.

"If you could," John agreed with a rueful smile. "We both know Teyla will have a better idea on what Elizabeth would approve of than I will."

"You being a male and therefore pretty much useless when it comes to stuff like this?" I raised an eyebrow at him teasingly.

"Exactly," John smiled at my efforts to lighten the mood. "So I can leave this up to you and Teyla?"

"You can," I agreed confidently. "Don't worry – we won't do anything you wouldn't like."

x

"Doctor Weir was a strong leader," Teyla concluded her speech about that final mission and Elizabeth's role in it ... the attention of everyone on the base held in thrall to her words. "She sacrificed her freedom to ensure the safety of each and every one of us. Without that Colonel Sheppard and his team would have been unable to return to Atlantis with a new ZPM in time to save the city. For this act, as well as for three years of dedicated service to this galaxy, we gather to honour her today." Teyla looked across at John, nodding for him to pick up where she'd left off.

"Doctor Weir is missing in action," John spoke firmly. "Understandably we're operating in an environment of change right now but as soon as vital decisions about the continuing leadership of the city are made we _will_ be going out there to find Elizabeth. I know I speak for many of you when I say we won't rest until we know with complete certainty what happened to her."

There were nods and murmurs of approval as well as genuine smiles from all around the Gateroom as it registered with everyone that the basic tenant of their military leaders command had not been broken. We might have been _forced_ to escape with the ZPM before we could rescue Elizabeth but we would not be leaving her behind.

"And now," Teyla smiled graciously, "we invite you to help us celebrate Doctor Weir's accomplishments by joining us for refreshments in the commissary."

People broke away in small groups, walking down the corridor slowly as they reacted to what had been said. It was early days but I could see already that the atmosphere had relaxed just a little bit. The future was still uncertain but the present was feeling just a little bit calmer than it had for some time.

x

"I got a reply back from General Landry," John came over to where I was standing watching people enjoying Elizabeth's party.

"And?" I asked expectantly.

"Pack your bags," John said with a smile. "We're heading back to Earth in the morning."

**The End (again!)**

**Authors Note:**

I wasn't going to add anything to FJS3 when I marked it complete but then I was thinking about season 4 and I realised I didn't want to start it with something like this but at the same time I noticed the absence of scenes like this in the show. Carson got the big tear jerker scene but Elizabeth got nothing. Being MIA shouldn't mean people can't acknowledge someone!

Oh and in case you were wondering I am pretty much set on writing FJS4 ... even in the absence of an actual plot at the moment. I'm sure something will come to me :D It'll be a while before anything happens though – got The Ninth Chevron to post plus the third in my Sheplantis trilogy to finish writing first.


End file.
